


Degrees Below Zero

by OeufTrick



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:29:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 95,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28157595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OeufTrick/pseuds/OeufTrick
Summary: Ia is fine being by herself. After all, it's harder to get hurt if she is. The flip side of that is that it's hard for her to be loved as well. Ia/Yukari, high school AU
Relationships: IA/Yuzuki Yukari
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Reupload from fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original story: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9212053/1/Degrees-Below-Zero

Ia hated being touched.

She wasn't sure why. While she could come up with lots of reasons - perhaps it was due to her parents' frequent absences due to their work, or the fact that she never really had a mother until her father remarried when she was eight - none sounded right to her ears. In especially dark moods, often when lying in bed late at night, staring up at the empty ceiling, Ia would wonder if there was something fundamentally wrong with her - if her quietness and social anxiety were attributes that she had been born with, and thus could never be changed.

After all, no one else seemed to have the same issue. From Ia's observations growing up, other people dealt with contact fine. They hugged, cuddled, and did all sorts of touchy, social things. Ia would watch them sometimes and envy them - envy that easy sense of social interaction that came so normally to people.

It should come as no surprise that Ia removed herself utterly from her school's social ecosystem. People, as though sensing something off about her, generally tended to keep away. And that was just fine with Ia. She had observed enough of her peers to know that with attachment came pain and drama. Ia didn't need any of that to distract her from important things in life, like studies or music. Other people had their soap opera squabbles and immature little arguments - Ia had her compositions, her instruments, her mixes, her music, and she was fine with that.

Other people were irrelevant. This was something Ia firmly believed. She was her own island. She didn't need anyone else, and that, Ia thought, was that.

-o-o-o-

The streets were brimming full for a small town like Yamaha, and on her way to school, Ia had to squeeze past several groups of students complaining about the start of yet another school year. Ia couldn't really blame them - the weather was warm and balmy, a lazy late summer morning. Part of Ia just wanted to go home, crawl under her blankets, and go back to sleep.

Not that she could do that, of course, so instead Ia put on her headphones, drowned out the noise, and walked quickly to school. Her classroom was mostly empty when she got there, and Ia walked to her seat and sat down. No one acknowledged her as she did, and Ia didn't care. She had grown too used to being excluded to feel the sting. She read a book until class started, and her teacher, a nervous-looking brown-haired man, wrote his name on the board - Hiyama Kiyoteru - and cleared his throat.

"Along with a new school year," he began, "we have a new transfer student as well."

At that, the classroom immediately hushed, and heads turned towards the closed classroom door with interest. Transfer students were extremely rare in this small town. Even Ia looked over at the door, a little curious despite herself to see whoever this newcomer would be.

Through the door walked a self-assured girl with cheery purple eyes and dark hair, her skin pale. She wasn't wearing the prescribed school uniform, instead wearing some black and purple bunny hoodie. She looked pretty and cheerful...the kind of girl who would blend in easily with the classroom and make a lot of friends.

"Um...hi everyone," said the girl, her voice perky and energetic. Too perky and energetic for the morning. "My name is Yuzuki Yukari. I hope I have fun here!"

"You can have the seat next to, hm..." Kiyoteru cast his eyes across the room, "Piko."

Yukari nodded and smiled before walking over and taking the seat next to Piko. The teacher waited for them to finish exchanging greetings and then the class begun. Ia listened for a few moments, but the material was all review, boring stuff she already learned before, so sighing Ia returned her attention to her book.

Eventually, lunch, as it always did, came.

A transfer student's choice of who to spend their lunch with on the first day is one that is crucially important. It usually determined who the transfer student would hang out with, which clique she or he would associate with. To Ia's utter unsurprise, the transfer chose to hang out with Piko, who hung out with Oliver, who in turn was friends with Sonika, who was friends with Gumi, who was, if not friends, acquaintances with almost everyone else in the room. It was an intelligent choice, Ia supposed.

So for Ia, nothing changed and nothing would change. She ate her lunch, alone, as everyone else laughed around her.

-o-o-o-

"You didn't come to school today," Ia remarked as she dropped her backpack on the floor and kicked off her shoes.

Her stepsister, Mayu, shrugged as she sat in front of the television, watching something about steampunk vampires. "I was sick."

"No you weren't," said Ia automatically. That was Mayu's default response for everything.

Mayu sighed melodramatically. "Fine. I was working on some new plushies." She held them up for display. One of them was of a cute rabbit with an axe inexplicably in its head. The other was a white, furry cat with some kind of weird expression stuck halfway between a scream and a smirk.

Ia decided not to comment and turned towards the kitchen. "Do you want some tea?"

"Sure!" Mayu perked up. "What kind?"

"Um," Ia studied the labels on the containers of tea, "what kind do you want?"

"I want some royal milk tea."

"...royal milk tea? What is that?"

"Oh, Ia, Ia, Ia," sighed Mayu, shaking her head with a melancholy expression, "you have so much to learn."

"I'm a year older than you," Ia pointed out.

"Age is nothing next to experience. Royal milk tea is when the milk is boiled along with the water and tea leaves. Haven't you ever been to a tea shop? Oh, wait," Mayu paused and frowned, "I forget that all you do is stay in your room and listen to music. You should come with me sometime."

"No thanks," Ia said automatically as she took out the requisite ingredients.

Mayu scowled at her, hugging her bunny plush closer to herself. "You need to get out more, Ia!" She pointed an accusing finger at her. "You're older than me, so you have to set an example."

Ia shook her head. "I set enough of an example by going to school. Anyways, there's a new transfer student in my class today-"

"I know!" Mayu bounced up to her feet, eyes suddenly bright. "I heard. Yuzuki Yukari, right? Hmm," Mayu placed a finger to her lips, eyes thoughtful. "Her name sounds nice. Yu and Yu. And they both end with 'i' sounds. I wonder why she moved here to the middle of nowhere, though."

Ia blinked. "How did you know about her already?"

"Ah, my friends told me," Mayu said, falling back on the couch. "Yamaha is so small, everyone knows about her."

Ia raised her eyebrows. One of the benefits of having friends, she supposed. Shrugging, she turned back towards the stove and began to make the tea.

-o-o-o-

The days passed, ordinary and slow. The transfer student seemed nicely settled into her life at school, sitting with Piko and his friends at lunch, laughing frequently. Despite herself, Ia was a little amazed - the transfer made friends so easily, unlike Ia, who never had any friends. But that was fine. Ia was too busy. She wasn't lonely; she just had no time for things like 'friends', and she was too used to her solitary lifestyle. It was a little comforting, the monotony of it all.

But all of that changed the day Yukari marched over to Ia's desk at lunch, sat down next to her, and started taking out her lunch.

Ia looked up from her book and stared at Yukari in complete confusion. What? Why was Yukari sitting next to her? Ia never even talked to her before, and in her experience people don't randomly eat lunch with total strangers. Ia looked around, surreptitiously - Piko, Oliver, Sonika, and all the rest were staring at her, looks of pure confusion painted on their faces. Unused to the attention, Ia sank back into her book. Maybe if she ignored it, the stares would go away.

"Hi Ia," said Yukari as she bit into her sandwich.

Ia slightly raised her eyes, warily looking at Yukari, sizing her up like she would an enemy. Unsure of Yukari's aim or objectives, Ia wasn't quite sure of what to do or say.

"...hello," Ia said, guardedly. "Why are you sitting with me?"

"I felt like it," said Yukari, smiling. "You looked pretty cool, which is why I decided to talk to you!"

Cool? Ia began to look at Yukari as if she was some kind of space alien. The word 'cool' had never been used with Ia. Ever. "...right..."

"So...what're you reading?"

"Um... _House of Leaves_ ," said Ia.

There was a slight pause.

"By Mark Danielewski," added Ia, feeling a very small burst of hope in her heart. Maybe, just maybe, Yukari read that book too.

"Oh. I've never heard of it," Yukari said, extinguishing Ia's hopes as easily as a bucket of water thrown on a candle. "Um...have you ever read _Dusk_?"

Ia frowned deeply at the mention of that vampire romance novel and disdainfully shook her head.

"...guess not, then," said Yukari, sounding a little disappointed. She began listing the names of various romance novels that Ia had never read and would never read.

" _Previous Off_?"

"No."

" _Headphones_?"

"No...look," Ia put her book down, "I don't read books like those."

Yukari gave Ia a very dour look. "You have no idea what you're missing." That said, she took Ia's book and flipped through it, her eyes quickly widening. "What the...what's happening in this book?" She flipped it around and pointed at a page of messed up boxes of text. "How do you even _read_ this?"

Ia felt the urge to smile at Yukari's obvious confusion, her face remaining perfectly impassive. "It's a strange book."

Yukari shook her head as she paged through it. "No kidding. I can't read this," she said with a laugh, handing Ia back her book. "So now that we're acquainted, wanna hang out after school?"

What? No one ever invited Ia to hang out after school with them. That was something that happened to Mayu, not Ia. For a moment, Ia thought she misheard. "What?"

"Let's hang out after school!" said Yukari, cheerfully.

Ia stared at the girl in disbelief, hardly believing her ears. "Wh...what? Are you serious? Me?" She pointed at herself. "Why not with your friends?"

"Well, I want to get to know you better," said Yukari. "So just say yes or no."

"Did your friends put you up to this?" Ia asked, unwilling to believe it. Nothing like this ever happened to before, and she felt shaky, strange. "Is this some sort of dare?"

"It's not a dare," said Yukari with a smile that communicated nothing but absolute friendliness and trustworthiness. "They're not putting me up to anything. So? How about it?" She held out her hand.

Ia eyed it. Never before had a hand seemed so threatening. She hesitantly raised her hand and extended it so that she was grasping Yukari's hand in a sort of handshake. Though she hated to be touched, Ia could manage this much at least. Ia realized that she was trembling a little. Was she really so excited about something so...minor to other people? Ia swallowed, hard, and Yukari tightened her grip around Ia's hand, reassuringly, as if to tell her that she's in capable company.

"So...right after school?" Ia asked. "Today?"

Yukari grinned and nodded. "Yup. Today."

-o-o-o-

When school ended, Ia made her way outside to the gates where Yukari told her where she would be waiting, but along the way she bumped into Mayu, who was hanging about rooting around in her backpack for something.

"Hey, watch where you're going," Mayu began, irritated, but upon seeing it was Ia her anger quickly died. "Oh, sorry! Didn't know it was you."

"It's fine. What're you looking for?" Ia asked, a little curious despite herself. Her sister rarely rooted around her backpack quite so vigorously. Mayu looked as though she was throttling the thing.

Mayu bit her lip. "Um, just my math homework. My friends gave me the sheet but now I can't find it. How about you? You look like you're in a hurry."

Ia paused. She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Mayu about Yukari's invitation. After all, Ia was still a little afraid that Yukari didn't mean it, that it was all some big prank, and Ia didn't want to lose even more points of respect in her younger stepsister's eyes. "I have to work on some new mixes back home."

Mayu frowned, disappointment clearly evident in her eyes. "You're walking so fast to lock yourself in your room _again?_ "

"Yeah, bye," Ia said, and before Mayu could protest, Ia practically ran over to the gates, her heart thudding loudly in her ears. She was beginning to feel that sinking fearfulness, one that hit her at full force when she reached the gates and saw that Yukari wasn't there, not even after Ia stopped and talked with Mayu. All at once, despair crashed down on Ia's mind. Her feelings about friendship were so new, so fragile...but Ia stayed there and waited, hoping against hope that it wasn't a big joke. She could already see it in her mind's eye, Piko and Yukari sniggering to themselves about Ia wasting her time waiting.

"Sorry for the wait, Ia," called Yukari, and all at once Ia's fears were replaced by a wave of relief. Turning, Ia saw Yukari running over, looking rather hurried.

"What took you so long?" Ia asked, trying to disguise her feelings with a scowl. "I'm not used to waiting for other people, you know."

"Ah, sorry, sorry," Yukari grinned apologetically, "Piko wanted me to see a new magic trick of his."

"I see..." Ia sighed. "Well, what now?"

That took Yukari up short. She paused and thought. "Oh, um...what do you usually do after school?"

"I study," said Ia. "Or...do music things." She didn't quite trust Yukari enough to elaborate, and hoped that Yukari wouldn't press.

Unfortunately, press she did. "Music things?" Yukari perked up. "I like music. What do you do? Do you play an instrument?"

"Um, something like that..." Ia said, beginning to regret this entire proposition. Yukari picked up on Ia's reticence and confusion passed over her expression. She looked as though she wanted to ask more, and Ia hoped she wouldn't.

"Well...okay," said Yukari, slowly, and then her expression returned to one of a cheerful smile. "So what do you want to do?"

"Um..."

There was an awkward silence for a few moments as Ia stared off into space and Yukari shifted her weight from one food to another, before the silence was abruptly broken.

"Well, when there's nothing else to do...we can always go shopping!" Yukari said, her voice suddenly energetic again. "Shopping, topped off with some food at the food court...I'm fixing to watch a new movie too, so it works out! How does that sound to you?" Yukari turned, looked at Ia. "Dinner, shopping, movie...is that okay with you?"

Ia didn't know what to say, taken off guard by Yukari's colloquial use of the word 'fixing' and by the prospect that she'd be spending dinner with this strange new girl too. To someone so unused to social interaction, this much seemed like a lot...yet, it was strangely appealing as well. Ia nodded, hesitantly.

"Great!" Yukari grabbed Ia by the wrist. "Let's go then! Off to the mall!"

That said, Yukari started running, practically dragging Ia behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Ia stood inside the air-conditioned expanse of the mall and stared. All around her were white walls, florescent lights, large store windows proclaiming sales or displaying clothes. There was a strong smell of perfume from perfume stalls. A loud buzzing noise of people talking filled the mall. Ia trembled a little, intimidated. She had never gone inside a mall before, since she did her shopping online. There were so many stores to go to that Ia didn't even know where to start.

Next to her, Yukari was cheerfully humming as she looked through the mall's directory, looking comfortable and at home. "What kind of clothes do you like, Ia?"

"Uh..." Ia looked down at her clothes before realizing that she was still in her school uniform. "I like..." she shrugged, "normal clothes."

"Normal clothes?" Yukari furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Ia. "Like what?"

Ia couldn't quite describe it. Her own sense of fashion was somewhat undeveloped. "Um, like...shirts? I haven't been to a mall before."

"Whoah, what?" Yukari's eyes widened and she stared at Ia. "You've never gone to the mall?"

Ia mutely shook her head. Yukari's blatantly shocked tone made Ia a little self-conscious, and she looked away from Yukari's nakedly curious gaze, feeling a small heat in her cheeks.

"Well," said Yukari, a small, mischievous grin spreading on her face, "at least now we know what we're going to do."

Ia felt a small rooting feeling of nervous dread at Yukari's tone, one that was confirmed the moment Yukari grabbed her by the wrist again and dragged her into the nearest clothing store. All Ia could do was helplessly stand next to her, lost and confused, as Yukari examined and rejected countless items of clothing. Eventually, Yukari grabbed a rather large pile of clothing before carting Ia over to the changing rooms, practically pushing her into the room after throwing the clothing items in after her.

Ia stared at herself in the mirror for a few moments before turning towards the door. "Hey...what goes with what?"

"Use your best judgment," Yukari answered, cheerily. "Oh! And show me what you're wearing too, just come out the door when you finish changing into whatever."

Sighing, knowing that there's no escape, Ia started unbuttoning her uniform jacket and undoing her tie. Shucking off the rest of her clothes she selected a pink skirt, a black short-sleeved shirt, and a longer sleeved shirt to wear underneath. After staring at herself in the mirror for a few moments, acutely aware of the fact that her clothing choices would most likely be judged, Ia smoothed out her hair, though it was so long and mussed that there wasn't much point.

"Are you done yet?" Yukari called from outside, her voice sounding a little bored, and Ia nodded before realizing that Yukari couldn't see her. Taking a breath, she opened the changing room door and stepped outside, where Yukari was sitting on a brown chair. At the sight of Ia, Yukari's eyes lit up and she leaned forward, carefully examining Ia's clothes while Ia fidgeted nervously.

Yukari's face cracked into a smile. "Wow, Ia...you look great! This outfit looks so cute on you!"

At the praise, Ia felt her cheeks heat up unexpectedly in a blush. "Th-thanks..."

Yukari leapt to her feet. "Well, while you were in the changing room, I got some more clothes for you...so try these on too!" That said, she shoved more clothes into Ia's arms and pushed her back into the changing room.

Ia sighed. It looked like it was going to be a long day.

-o-o-o-

By the end of it all, Ia found to her surprise that she had wound up purchasing a sizable amount of clothing. She woke up from it all sitting on the hard plastic seat of a food court, eating burgers from McDonald's with Yukari, who paid for the burgers. Ia had never before eaten such food, but after a few bites of the burger she had to admit that there's a certain trashy appeal to fast food. Except...

"It's so...greasy," Ia said as she stared at her fingertips.

"Of course! It's food court food," said Yukari. "It's bad for you, but it's good for a quick fix when you're hungry." As if to emphasize this, she took a huge bite of her burger.

Ia stared at Yukari, not quite understanding the benefits of greasy food. "I...see." She continued eating the food, taking a few bites of her burger and then eating some of the fries, which were...were...Ia's eyes widened, her tongue overwhelmed by the taste. They were salty, but...delicious. Eagerly she ate more of them, until she had tucked away a significant portion of the food and could eat no more.

"So what kind of music do you like?" Yukari asked. "You mentioned that you liked music before."

Ia blinked and looked up at the ceiling of the mall. What kind of music _did_ she like? She listened to so many it was hard to choose. No matter what kind of music it was, Ia could usually find something she liked about each genre. She consumed rap, pop, rock, folk, country, metal, electronic, and more. "I like a lot of kinds of music."

Yukari laughed. "That's specific. Okay, I'll tell you what I like then." She leaned forward, smiling. "Have you heard of Hatsune Miku?"

"Of course I have..." Hatsune Miku was such a big singer these days that not knowing her was impossible. Not only that, but Ia had made several mashups of her songs before. Not that she was going to tell Yukari that at the moment. "What about her?"

"I'm like, _addicted_ to her new single," said Yukari. "It's called _Romeo and Cinderella_. Her first hit was _Melt_ but I didn't really get into her music until now."

Right... _Romeo and Cinderella_. Ia remembered seeing a ten-foot billboard advertising it before. It was a more mature song at odds with Miku's previously cute bubblegum image. "It's a good song," said Ia.

"I know right? It's great! She's really versatile...or maybe she's just growing up," Yukari laughed. "There's a rumor that her next single is going to be something with Megurine Luka, but since Miku usually does stuff with Kaito I don't know if it's true or not."

Ia shrugged. " _Romeo and Cinderella_ had a really pink color scheme in its advertising. It's possible."

There was a pause, Yukari's eyes growing wide. "Whoa...I didn't even think about that! True, usually they would've just gone with making her wear blue, right? But this time, she's wearing _pink,"_ Yukari snapped her fingers. "More fuel for the shipping fire."

"Shipping fire?" Ia had no idea what those words meant.

"Oh, uh," said Yukari, suddenly looking mildly flustered. "It's not important. Umm, hey, wanna watch a movie?"

"A movie? Which one?"

Yukari smiled excitedly. "Well," she began, "I've heard there's this new movie out called _Ai to Makoto_. Want to watch that?"

Ia swallowed the lump in her throat. Yukari looked so excited about it...even though Ia had only just met the girl, she was already forming an attachment to her. This was dangerous, Ia recognized. What if Yukari didn't want to hang out with her after today? What if, next week, Yukari ignored her like everyone else? It was safer to stay away, Ia told herself. Right. She didn't need anyone else. Don't get attached. Therefore, Ia should say no. Say that she was busy, that she had to do homework back home even though it was Friday.

"Um, okay," said Ia instead, "I'll watch it."

Yukari's smile grew even wider. "Then we better get popcorn and tickets."

-o-o-o-

Blinking at the darkness of the outside at night, Ia smiled as Yukari laughed next to her, the two of them walking to the train station. It had been a good movie, all considered, a normal romantic shoujo, but it was a sweet, fun watch.

"Tsumabuki Satoshi is such a good actor!" Yukari exclaimed. "I really liked him in _Waterboys_."

" _Waterboys_?"

"Wait," Yukari stopped and stared at Ia, "you haven't heard of _Waterboys_? It was so big! It came out in 2001. It's a really funny comedy about synchronized swimming."

Synchronized swimming? No wonder Ia had never heard about it. "Uh, right..."

"It's a great movie!" Yukari enthused. "But anyways, you should definitely watch more of Tsumabuki's movies. They're so good. I think you'll like _Spring Snow_. It's based off a book, so that sounds like that's right up your alley. Oh," Yukari perked up, "I have a copy of it that I can lend you."

"Ah, no," Ia said quickly, "you don't have to lend me a copy-"

"I want to!"

Ia glanced away, unsure of how to react to this. Yukari was so nice that to someone like Ia, who never really had any friends, her actions bordered on strange. What kind of girl was this generous? Maybe it really _was_ all some kind of big set-up, and at the end of today Piko and the rest would step out from nowhere and reveal that it was a prank.

Yukari cocked her head, a confused expression passing over her face. "Are you okay, Ia?"

"Oh..." Ia snapped herself out of it. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" Yukari looked concerned. "You don't want to sit down or anything?"

Ia shook her head. "No, uh, that's...that's okay. I'm fine."

"If you say so," Yukari said with a slight frown. "Um, so...did you have fun today?"

Yukari looked so curious and serious that Ia had to give her a straight answer.

"I had fun," she said, trying to smile. Her muscles weren't used to it. Ia immediately felt foolish for even making the attempt, and quickly dropped it.

Yukari, on the other hand, seemed to be completely fascinated by Ia's poor attempt at a smile. "That...that was the first time I've ever seen you smile, Ia!" She grinned, a natural, carefree one that made Ia's heart skip a beat for some reason. "Did you really have fun with me? That's great! I was worried that I might be annoying you, you know."

"You're not annoying," said Ia, hesitantly, also unused to saying such open words. "I had fun today."

Yukari clapped her hands together. "Great!"

There was a pause as the two walked on. Ia felt like she had to say something.

"Um," she said. "Did you have fun too?" Inwardly, she cursed herself. She sounded so juvenile, so immature.

"Yeah," Yukari nodded. "I had a lot of fun...oh, we're here already." Indeed they were - the train station loomed before them.

"I see..." said Ia, feeling a brief, faint stab of disappointment. "I guess I'll see you next week, then, after the weekend."

"Yup," said Yukari with a grin, before she did something that astonished Ia: namely, she bounded forward and wrapped her arms around her in a hug.

At once, Ia froze up. She had absolutely no idea what to do, where to put her hands, and so she simply stood there, at loss, eyes wide. Yukari was soft and warm, her hair smelling faintly of flowers and shampoo, and Ia's breath stuck in her throat.

Then, Yukari pulled back with a cheery grin and clasped Ia's hands between her own. Ia had to fight the instinctive urge to recoil - she hadn't been touched so much in such a short span of time in a while. "I'll lend you the DVD on Monday," Yukari promised, before letting go and walking over towards the station, hand raised in farewell. "Bye, Ia!"

"Bye," said Ia quietly, raising her hand in turn. She watched Yukari's back for a few moments before sighing, turning around, and heading back to her own home. Her head was a mess, and Ia waited for her heartbeat to calm itself on the way back.

-o-o-o-

"You're home late," Mayu remarked as Ia pushed open the door and kicked off her shoes. Mayu was sitting at the TV, a bowl of popcorn on her lap as she watched some drama. "What's up? Oh," Mayu turned around, eyes bright with interest, "were you on a _date?"_

"Ha ha," said Ia, dryly. "No, I wasn't out on a date." She walked over past Mayu to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water.

"Well," Mayu said, "judging from those bags you're carrying, apparently you really expanded your wardrobe. And I mean," she grinned at Ia, "why would you upgrade your wardrobe unless you're trying to impress a cute guy?"

"I didn't get _that_ many clothes," Ia said, taking out a glass and filling it with water. "And I didn't get it because of a guy." Ia hesitated. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Mayu about Yukari yet. She had no idea how her sister would react, and she had no idea if Yukari's friendship with her would carry on to Monday. It was better not to get her hopes up. Most likely Yukari would forget all about Ia over the weekend. Though the thought of it was a stab in Ia's chest, it was something she was already expecting. After all, Yukari had other friends. There was no reason for her to want to keep hanging out with Ia."I just thought maybe I should...switch it up a little or something."

"Whoa," Mayu's eyes went wide. "What happened to you? You're going outside? You're trying new things?"

"Don't get _that_ excited," Ia said.

"I can't help it! Every day when I come home you're in your room," said Mayu. "This is all brand new."

Ia sighed. "Okay. What'd you do tonight?"

Mayu shrugged. "Not much. I just watched some movies. Hey, Ia," Mayu leaned over the couch, "now that you're out and about, let's go to the tea shop sometime!"

"No thanks," Ia turned around to hoist her bags to her room.

"Ahhh, you're so cold, Ia! So cold," Mayu whined behind her.

-o-o-o-

The weekend passed, slow and boring. To Ia's surprise, she actually found herself both anticipating and dreading Monday, so that she could see Yukari again, but Ia still had that lingering insecurity inside her. Somehow Ia had gotten quite attached to the new transfer student, and on the day school started Ia almost flew out of bed, haphazardly put on her uniform, ate a quick breakfast, and with a hurried 'bye' at Mayu, who had just sat down to breakfast, Ia ran out of her house. It was only when she reached the gates when she realized that she had arrived at school too early - the campus was almost completely empty.

Oh well. At least she'd be able to read her book...

Some time later, students slowly filed into the classroom, all of them completely ignoring Ia. Yukari ran in and took her seat, greeting all of her friends, who were already beginning to surround her, and then got back up, as if she had just remembered something, and walked over to Ia.

"Good morning," said Yukari, her smile bright and radiant.

"G-good morning," Ia stammered. Yukari seemed to remember something, for she grabbed her backpack, rooted through it, and gave a slightly worn DVD to Ia - _Spring Snow_.

"Oh..." Ia said, her eyes wide. For some reason, she was surprised Yukari even remembered.

"Here's _Spring Snow_ , the movie I was telling you about," Yukari said. "It's really good, so when you're done with it, tell me what you think."

"I will," Ia said. "Thank you."

Yukari grinned at her. "It's no problem, Ia."

It seemed as though Yukari's greeting also brought her friends over - Piko, Oliver, Sonika, Gumi, all of whom never paid attention to Ia before. Ia stared goggle-eyed at all of them, her hands clutching the DVD, heart beating fearfully, as they all greeted her as if they did so every morning.

Ia didn't know what to think. This was all so new, this amount of attention. She glanced up at the clock - fifteen minutes before class started.

"So..." said Sonika, slowly. Ia turned towards her, stunned. Sonika had never spoke to her before. Ever. "Want to...play chess sometime?"

-o-o-o-

That was how it all began, at least. Urged on by an ever-supportive Yukari, who kept bringing her friends over to Ia's desk every morning and lunch break, Ia slowly became acclimatized to spending her time with people, though not completely; she had become so used to being lonely that spending time with people was still something that made her nervous, and sometimes she would search the eyes of Yukari's friends and wonder if she was being set up to be the butt of someone's joke.

Ia still spent the majority of her time with Yukari, and this was where the trouble started. It was, after all, no big secret that Ia wasn't very good about being touched, but Yukari was something else. That enthusiastic hug in front of the train station was only the beginning - Yukari was all about friendly hugs and playful jabs. In short, Yukari seemed to have no conception of boundaries.

She was like that with _everyone -_ Ia wasn't deluded enough to think that Yukari would only hug her (and there was no reason why Ia would think that, anyways, because that thought was perfectly ridiculous) - and it was, in Ia's mind, just plain _unfair_. Ia had spent most of her life being lonely, constructing her defenses, and Yukari just waltzed into her life as though Ia's boundaries weren't even there. Don't get too attached, Ia would tell herself, but it was so hard when Yukari was so friendly and her friends so welcoming. Oftentimes Ia found herself caught between letting go, giving in, or clinging to the hard walls she constructed around herself. It was a constant war, one that Ia never had to deal with until now.

It really shouldn't be this hard, and for Yukari, it wasn't. She was so relaxed and free. Obviously, she never worried like Ia did about how people would react if she hugged them, or if she touched them. And for Ia, it really hadn't been a problem until Yukari swept into her life.

"You're spending a lot more time outside these days," Mayu had commented one night when Ia returned home laden with a bag full of brownies that Oliver had baked. "Are those brownies?"

"Yes."

"Oh!" Mayu's eyes lit up. "Are those from a _secret admirer_?"

Ia shook her head. "Hardly. Oliver just baked way too many...he's a stress baker, apparently."

"Oliver bakes?" Mayu gaped at her. "I didn't know that!"

"It's supposed to be a secret," Ia said. "Want one?"

Life went on like that for the next few weeks. It was only when Ia mentioned off-handedly to Yukari that Mayu would be out at her friends' place for a sleepover when her troubles came to a head. The moment Ia told her that, Yukari invited herself over. Ia had tried to protest, but Yukari had given her puppy dog eyes and, well, there was no way anyone could resist those.

The next thing Ia knew, they were sitting on the couch, Yukari flipping through the DVDs she brought over. Upon learning that Ia hadn't really watched many movies before, Yukari seemed to have taken it upon herself to properly educate her.

"Okay, so," said Yukari, "I have like, a bunch of movies from a bunch of different genres. All of these are _great_." She tapped the cover of one of them. "This is _3-Iron._ Back in Artech, I had a friend named SeeU and she introduced me to all sorts of movies like this. Though if that's too heavy for you right now," Yukari took out another DVD, "I have _Toy Story_ and _The Truman Show_ and-"

"Wait," said Ia, holding up a hand. "Just choose anything. I don't know what to pick."

Yukari sighed. "But it's so hard to _choose_..."

Eventually, the two of them, through a series of coin flips, managed to narrow it down to a single movie. After putting it into the player, after preparing the popcorn, after flicking off the lights, Ia found herself trapped in her own personal hell.

Yukari had apparently decided that Ia would be her cuddle buddy during the movie or something, because the purple haired girl had an arm around Ia's shoulders, her weight palpable, one hand alternating between playing with Ia's fingers and grabbing popcorn, the other idly sifting through Ia's hair. Ia, for her part, was wedged against the edge of the sofa, trying to put as much distance between her and Yukari as possible, but that wasn't really working because Yukari was taller and the weight of her arm was pressing on Ia's shoulders in such a way that Ia was practically falling onto Yukari's body. It didn't help that Yukari _smelled_ good too, like lavender, and Ia was rapidly discovering that she just couldn't deal with the situation.

She tried to fight it, of course, and concentrate on the movie. She was socially savvy enough to know that some girls were just really physically affectionate with their friends, and Yukari just happened to be one of those girls. She hugged and cuddled her friends at school enough already, back before she even started talking to Ia, so Ia was certain that this sort of behavior was just par for the course for someone like Yukari. The problem was, though, that oft-reiterated phrase - Ia hated being touched, and Yukari's closeness was causing all sorts of short-circuits in Ia's brain.

As Ia tried to deal with her anxiety, Yukari stiffened in excitement and pointed at the screen. "Oh! This is _such_ a good scene. Look at that cinematography."

Ia 'oofed' at the sudden shift in balance and dragged her attention back to the television. There was the main character in a boat. "Huh? He's just in a boat."

"Ia! Haven't you been paying attention?" Yukari scolded. "Truman's rebelling! He's trying to get back out to the real world. Look," she pointed at the screen. "This is the part where the _artificiality_ of his world is shoved in your face."

Ia swallowed. She didn't exactly want to tell Yukari that she had spent most of the movie anxiously trying not to pay attention to how close Yukari was. "Oh...yeah, that's great."

Thankfully, Yukari didn't seem to notice. "Isn't it? I watched this movie for the first time when I was a kid, and, well," she laughed, "that scene's still stuck in my mind now." She let out a small sigh against Ia's skin, making goosebumps appear, and Ia shivered and tried to tear her attention back to the movie.

Thankfully, Ia managed to watch the rest of the movie without incident, and as the credit rolled, Yukari turned towards Ia, her face a bit too close for Ia's comfort.

"So what do you want to watch next?" she asked, her breath tickling Ia's ear.

Ia swallowed, hard. "I don't care," she said.

"Right..." Yukari laughed. "Want to coin flip this again?"

Yukari was way too close, and Ia defaulted to her normal response in uncomfortable social situations. "Whatever," she mumbled.

"Well," said Yukari, "we don't have to watch anything if you don't want." She rested her head on Ia's shoulder. "What do _you_ want to do?"

Ia mumbled something incoherent to even herself, mainly because she was suddenly acutely aware of the situation she was in now - sitting with some overly affectionate girl in a dark room with a blanket over them on her couch after watching a movie - and the fact that Yukari sounded so...so...seductive, even though Ia was certain she wasn't.

 _Shit._ Ia's mind just _had_ to go there, didn't it? Ia tried to ignore the heat in her cheeks and push the thought away, but once it was thought, it was over. It was all Ia could think about. Her heart was beating like a panicked rabbit's and Ia prayed that Yukari wouldn't do anything to set her off.

But of course, Yukari had to do just that. On the surface, it was all rather innocent. Yukari merely squeezed herself closer to Ia, pressing her chest against Ia's arm, but even that was enough to push Ia over the edge. She practically flung herself out of the couch, leaving Yukari staring at her, eyes wide with confusion. Of course Yukari wouldn't get what just happened. Of course.

"Ia," Yukari said, eyes wide, "what's wrong?"

Ia put a hand to her forehead, tried to calm down her rapidly beating heart. "I don't...feel well."

"Huh? Really?" At once Yukari's voice transitioned to concern, and she reached out her arms. "What happened?"

Ia shook her head. "Nothing."

"No, Ia, tell me. You were fine before..."

Ia felt a burst of irritation in her mind. Why was Yukari being so difficult about this? "Well, now I'm not, okay?"

Ia had snapped the words, and Yukari flinched. At the stricken look on Yukari's face, Ia felt a stab of guilt, but that wasn't enough to stop her resolve. This...touching thing had to stop. "It's just..." Ia dropped her hands, "you're invading my personal space. All these hugs and cuddles and tickles, I can't do it, okay? I..." Ia looked away, "I don't like...being touched."

Ia looked back at Yukari, whose eyes were like saucers. "Oh...oh," she said, drawing back. "I'm...I'm sorry, Ia, I didn't know..."

"Well, now you do."

"I'm so sorry," Yukari repeated, looking more and more upset by the moment, her voice trembling in a way that clawed at Ia's heart. She looked so much like a hurt, kicked puppy that Ia couldn't stand it - she had to look away. "I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Ia took a breath. Her anxiety earlier was ebbing away now, leaving only the guilt. She felt numb all over, and she couldn't quite bring herself to look at Yukari again. "Right...that's good."

There was a silence in the room. Ia kept her eyes trained on the wall as she heard the sounds of Yukari getting up from the couch and putting her DVDs back into her bag.

"I guess I should, um, go now," Yukari mumbled, sounding as though she was about to cry.

 _No, wait,_ was what Ia should say, but she couldn't bring herself to. The guilt was eating her alive. It wasn't Yukari's fault Ia was like this, but what was Ia supposed to do? Sit there with Yukari constantly _touching_ her? Ia couldn't deal with that. Not yet. She couldn't deal with the fact that her body reacted like a teenage boy's earlier either. Ia didn't know if it was because barely anyone touched her before that she reacted that way, or if it was something else that she didn't want to think too much about, but either way, Ia had to be strong.

"Yeah," said Ia, keeping her eyes away. "I guess you should."

For the first time since they became friends, Yukari didn't hug Ia goodbye.

Instead, Ia got the sound of her door closing shut behind her.

Ia stood there for a long while, her eyes closed, before she fell back on the couch. Yukari's scent surrounded her, and Ia felt so bad she wanted to throw up.

Perfect. Just perfect. She got what she wanted and she felt like shit.


	3. Chapter 3

"Huh?" Mayu said over her cup of royal milk tea. "I don't get it. What's the problem?"

The two of them, Ia and Mayu, were sitting in a tea shop after Mayu had sensed that Ia was feeling even more down than usual, and had taken advantage of Ia's state to drag her over to the tea shop. It was a rather Rococo-looking establishment, all ruffled and poofy and pink, and Ia was feeling horribly out of place. Every single one of the shop's customers were dressed in lolita fashion like Mayu, and Ia, dressed in her punky-looking clothes, stood out. She could almost feel the eyes of everyone on her, her self-consciousness overwhelming.

But there were bigger issues than that at the moment. Namely, Yukari. Ia looked down at her untouched cup of royal milk tea and sighed. "It just feels _weird_ when Yukari touches me...it's hard to explain."

"Weird?" Mayu asked. "Weird how?"

"I don't know," Ia mumbled. "Just weird. She always gets too close and she's all up in my personal space..." Ia rubbed her arm with her hand. "I can't deal with that. Like I said, there's no other word for it...it's just weird."

Mayu took a delicate sip of tea and ate a pink macaron from the plate on the table. "Well, maybe if you consulted a thesaurus, you would have more words."

"Haha," said Ia, dryly. "You're the best little sister ever."

"Aren't I? Here, try a macaron," Mayu gestured at the plate before sitting back in her seat. "Anyways! Do you get like this when anyone else hugs you?"

"That's the _point,_ no one else hugs me." Ia winced as the words came out - it sounded so incredibly pathetic. "I mean...you know I didn't really have any friends before Yukari, so...um..." Ia trailed off. "No basis for comparison."

Mayu frowned. "I _guess,_ but you should apologize to Yukari properly. She seems nice, so what's the problem with putting up with a few hugs? I've never seen you get this worked up about anyone before."

Ia sighed. "You don't get it. It's more complicated than that. I just don't like being touched. That's all."

Looking entirely unconvinced, Mayu reached out a hand and touched Ia on her arm. "How's this for you?"

Ia looked at it. "You know, now that I know you're trying to prove a point, I don't think I'm going to react in any way."

Mayu drew her hand back and groaned. "Fine. But still!" She pointed at Ia. "You should apologize. I don't get how it's a big deal."

 _Of course you wouldn't,_ Ia thought. No one did. Everyone else was normal, it was only Ia who had this weird problem with being touched. Ia looked down at her hands.

"Maybe," she said, and that was all.

-o-o-o-

The rest of the weekend passed in silence. Ia checked her cellphone a lot, but she never got any texts from Yukari, and as Monday approached, Ia found herself dreading it. After what happened at Ia's place the last time they saw each other, Ia had no idea what Yukari would be like. Not only that, but Ia wasn't especially eager to see Yukari again either.

Because, if, theoretically, Ia _did_ have those sorts of feelings towards Yukari, well, there was no guarantee that Yukari felt the same way. In fact, it was probably more likely that Yukari felt the complete opposite. Hell, the first time they hung out together, Yukari was gushing about some handsome actor. And if Yukari knew that her innocent touches were being taken _that way_ by Ia, then, well...

Ia didn't want to think about it. It would mean another load of guilt added on her shoulders, which was really something she didn't need right now. She pushed the thoughts out of her mind and survived the weekend until Monday morning.

That day, Ia walked to class alone and sat at her desk. She came early, so there was no one else in yet. She read a book as the classroom filled up, though Ia couldn't concentrate - her eyes kept flicking over towards the door to see if Yukari had come in yet.

"Morning, Yukari!" said Oliver with a wave, dropping his bag at his desk next to Ia's. "How was your weekend?"

Apparently Yukari hadn't told her friends about what happened if Oliver was being so friendly. Ia shrugged. "It was boring. I just did homework."

Oliver pulled a frown. "Ouch. That's awful. I was at choir practice most of the weekend. We have a big performance coming up soon, so," Oliver sighed, "I ended up baking a bunch of muffins. Want one?" he took out a bag full of muffins from his backpack.

"Sure." Ia took one.

"Hey Oliver, hey Ia!" shouted Gumi as she practically dragged Sonika in behind her. "How're you two today? Hey, is that a muffin? I'll have one, thanks!" Before Oliver could reply, Gumi plucked a muffin from the bag and ate it before looking around. "Hmmm, not many people up this morning, huh?"

"Yeah...it's because the weather is so cloudy," said Oliver.

Gumi shrugged. "I don't mind it. People are just too sensitive."

As time passed, the classroom filled up. Yukari came in near the end, looking rather tired, though she smiled once she saw her friends. Her eyes glided over Ia's as though Ia wasn't there.

"Hey everyone," she said as she came over. "What's up?"

"Geez," Piko leaned in, "you look really tired, Yukari. Have you been like, not sleeping? Bad dreams again?"

Yukari laughed. "No, no, I was just up late finishing the homework."

The teacher came in and the class hushed. Ia found herself struggling to pay attention, most of it diverted to Yukari. Yukari was acting perfectly normal, so maybe she was okay? Then again...Ia frowned. Yukari also paid absolutely no attention to Ia. The weight of her inattention was palpable, and also, just as awkward as Ia feared. Even Yukari's friends picked up on something off during lunch break, because Yukari did not interact with Ia at all.

"Uh," said Oliver, glancing between Yukari and Ia, "did...something happen between you two?"

"Oliver! Don't be so blunt," Sonika admonished, but Yukari laughed.

"No, no," she said. "Everything is fine." She made as if to put her arm around Ia's shoulders, though abruptly, she stopped the movement and put her arm away. The hesitation evident in each of Yukari's actions was both painfully obvious and just plain painful to Ia. The guilt stirred in her gut again and she looked down.

Oliver, as expected, looked completely unconvinced. "Well, if there's anything wrong-"

"Oliver," Ia interrupted, "stop. It's fine." She glanced over at Yukari from the corner of her eyes. Yukari was looking at her, though at eye contact Yukari looked away.

"Y-yeah," Yukari said, voice subdued. "Things are okay."

-o-o-o-

After school, on the way back home, Ia's cellphone started to ring. She checked it. Unknown number. Shrugging, Ia answered it.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hello," said an unfamiliar female voice, "would this happen to be, by any chance, Akasaka Ia's number?"

"Yes, that's right," said Ia. Before she could ask if the girl was selling something, the girl started to speak, her tone abruptly shifting from polite to angry.

"What did you do to Yukari?" the girl demanded.

"What?" Ia stopped walking. Who was this person? How did she know? "Wait, who...who even _are_ you?"

"I'm SeeU. You know, Yukari's best friend before she moved?"

Oh, right. Ia vaguely remembered Yukari bringing up SeeU the night when... _that_ happened. "How did you get my number?"

"I have my sources. Stop stalling. What did you do to Yukari?"

Did _Yukari_ give SeeU Ia's number? Why would she do that? Because she wanted her friend to yell at Ia? Ia felt a burst of hot irritation in her mind. What gave Yukari the right to give Ia's phone number out to random people? "I don't know what you mean."

"You know exactly what I mean. Yukari's been acting weird and I'm one hundred percent certain it's completely your fault."

Ia clenched her hand into a fist and kept walking. "Yukari's _always_ weird, doesn't mean it's my fault."

"Don't make the situation worse by insulting my best friend," SeeU warned. "Listen up, three days ago was when she started acting odd. You know, back when you had your movie night? She was crying on the phone and you know what? She wouldn't even tell me _why._ Until I got the truth out from her on Sunday, and apparently it turns out that some grumpy antisocial loner yelled at her for being who she was."

"Okay, correction," Ia held up a finger even though SeeU wasn't there, "I didn't _yell_ at her. I have a problem with being touched and Yukari just _wouldn't stop,_ okay? How is it my fault? She's the one with the boundary problem. If Yukari was a boy, we wouldn't even be talking about this."

There was a slight pause.

"Yeah, probably not," SeeU admitted, "but Yukari isn't a boy. So it's not like she's trying to get into your pants or anything. Her intentions are different."

Ia sighed. Funny how SeeU's words only made Ia feel worse. After all, her intentions may be different, but Ia wasn't even sure what her _own_ intentions were. Though she hated to admit it, her discomfort that night wasn't purely because of not liking to be touched.

But there was no way in hell that Ia was going to tell SeeU _that._ "Yeah. Okay.

"I want you to apologize to her," said SeeU. "Now she's second-guessing all the time about things she used to do naturally, because _you_ made her feel creepy and weird. She's just being affectionate. You should've been honest to her about that from the beginning instead of letting it all build up. All she wanted was to be friends with you, but," SeeU scoffed, "I can't imagine why. And right now, I bet she can't either."

That said, SeeU hung up, leaving nothing but the dial tone behind. Ia gritted her teeth. That last comment was completely unnecessary, said only to hurt Ia, and it did its job. Groaning, Ia ran a hand through her hair and texted Mayu.

_Did I mess up with Yukari?_

Mayu instantly responded.

_sort of! you should apologize. this is getting to you a lot ia, do you really like her? if you do we can talk about it! so do you~?_

At that, Ia texted back a firm no and shoved her phone back into her pocket.

-o-o-o-

The next day, before class, Yukari was in the classroom before Ia.

"I want to talk to you," said Yukari, catching hold of Ia's arm.

Ia stared at Yukari's hand on her arm until Yukari realized her mistake and quickly let go, mumbling an apology. Ia sighed, feeling a flicker of anger. She didn't forget SeeU's call yesterday.

"Well, you set your bulldog on me, so we have nothing to talk about," Ia said.

Yukari blinked. "Bulldog? What?"

"Don't play dumb. SeeU called me up yesterday and yelled at me. I don't even know how she would've gotten my number, other than you."

Yukari's eyes widened. "Wait...what? No, I didn't give her your number!"

"Well, how else would she yell at me?" Ia snapped.

Yukari swallowed. "Well, I mean...I _did_ tell her what happened, but...I never asked for her to do anything." Yukari looked down. "I would never ask someone else to confront someone like that. And I promise, I didn't give her your phone number."

Ia opened her mouth to say something, but Yukari beat her to it.

"And, Ia, I'm so, _so_ sorry that I ever made you so uncomfortable. And I'm not mad at you, no matter what SeeU said, and I really, really hope you're not mad at me either, but if you are then I totally understand and maybe we can work this out? I really do want to be friends with you, Ia, I...I want us to go back to the way we were before. You mean so much to me even though we haven't known each other that long and I don't want to ruin what we have because I was being a total dumbass, so...so..." Yukari trailed off. "If you don't want to be friends with me anymore, you can just say it and I promise I'll leave you alone forever, but I'm sorry...I just want us to...to maybe start over, maybe."

Ia drew in a breath to reply, but then Yukari froze, her eyes growing wide and anxious. "Oh," Yukari blurted out, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that much! I'll...um," Yukari ran over to her desk and started to pick up her bag, "I'll get going now, it was great talking to you Ia-"

"Hold it!" Ia shouted, and Yukari froze like a startled rabbit. "Where are you running off to? Class hasn't started yet.

"O-oh," Yukari blushed and put her bag back down. "Um, I'm sorry."

"No," said Ia. "I'm the one who should be sorry."

Yukari's eyes widened. She obviously had not been expecting an apology. "What?"

"Your friend...SeeU was right. I should have told you from the start that I had a problem with that kind of stuff. And I shouldn't have made my problems into your problems."

Yukari shook her head. "No, I should've been more considerate. And I'm sorry SeeU went off on you like that...I'll go talk to her. She's really protective. Usually she's pretty cheerful but when she gets mad, she's scary. "

Ia looked down. "Right...and things were so awkward yesterday, I didn't really know what to do. You didn't greet me, and after school you didn't say good-bye. You would've ignored me all day if Oliver didn't say anything."

Yukari looked guilty. "I didn't think you wanted to talk with me, after that. I wanted to give you some space."

Ia shook her head. "No. When I told you that, I didn't want it to become this big...thing you have to tiptoe around. Since then you've just been so weird about it, and I don't want that."

Yukari considered this. "...okay. I'm sorry," she said finally, looking at Ia. "Are we, um...good now?" She put on a smile.

Ia smiled back. "We're good."

"Really? Yay! That's great!" Yukari bounded over to Ia and made as if to hug her before she abruptly froze and drew back, hand over mouth. "Oh! I'm sorry, um, is it...is it okay if I hug you?" She practically blurted out the last sentence. "You can say no if you want!"

Ia shook her head. "It's fine. But no funny business." She added the last in a lighter-hearted tone of voice.

Yukari laughed. "Alright, I'll try." That said, she hugged Ia. Her arms were a little looser than before, and she seemed a little more on edge. Ia savored the hug anyways - she hadn't realized how much she missed Yukari's hugs until now.

"Morning guys!" said Oliver as he walked in, before he froze. "Oh, sorry! Am I, uh..." He made motions to leave.

Yukari let go of Ia. "No, no, it's fine! Ia and I just made up, that's all."

"Ah," said Oliver. "So there _was_ something wrong."

"Yeah...but it's okay now!" Yukari turned towards Ia. "Right, Ia?"

Ia hesitated only for the slightest of moments before nodding and smiling. "Right."

-o-o-o-

It took another week for Ia to work up the courage to ask Yukari to hang out again. After 'The Incident', Yukari had been true to her word, not asking Ia to hang out unless Ia asked her first. While Ia liked that Yukari respected her boundaries, at the same time, there was something she missed about the spontaneity of it all, how sometimes out of the blue she would receive a text from Yukari inviting her to eat ice cream or something of that sort.

Besides, Ia wasn't really good with the initiating meet-ups thing, mainly because she had never done anything like that before. Even though it had been Yukari's idea - "I'll back off, so you let me know when you want to hang out!" - actually texting her a date was difficult. Ia spent many a night staring at her phone, frustrated with herself at not being able to text her a simple _time_ to hang out at.

Ia managed to put it off until a hot Saturday afternoon when she sat down on her couch, glared at her phone, and decisively typed out a text.

_Hey, want to grab coffee tomorrow when you're free?_

Ia scrutinized it. It kind of...sounded like she was asking Yukari out on a date. Quickly Ia deleted it and tried again.

_Sorry about how late I am but_

No, that sounded a bit too apologetic.

"Whatever you're trying to text, just text it," Mayu's voice floated over from the kitchen.

"Mind your own business," Ia said back.

Mayu appeared from the kitchen, holding a knife. Ia instinctively stiffened. Even though it was a perfectly ordinary kitchen knife, Ia didn't entirely trust her stepsister around sharp implements. Scowling, Mayu pointed the knife at Ia. It was bloodstained with whatever she was chopping up for dinner, something that did not help Ia's screaming fight or flight instincts. "Is this about Yukari? Just text her! You've been sighing and flopping around on the couch for the past five minutes, you know."

Ia sighed, flopped back on the couch once more for good measure, and in the end sent a single, one-word text.

_Tea?_

Yukari's reply was instant.

_I thought you'd never ask!_


	4. Chapter 4

"I've never been here," Yukari said, eyes wide as she looked around the tea shop. "How'd you know about this place?"

Ia shrugged. "Mayu goes here a lot."

"Oh, I see," Yukari said. "I'd like to meet her sometime! She sounds nice. Anyways, I'm so glad you decided to meet up with me! I was worried that you weren't going to."

"No...I just had some texting problems."

Yukari frowned. "Oh. Is it like, a hardware issue?"

"Um," Ia wasn't sure how to put this without sounding like a total social retard, "no, I just...get weird about organizing things, I'm really bad at texting people. It's, uh, easy for me to forget."

"Oh," Yukari nodded and gave Ia a reassuring smile. "Okay! Then, if that's fine with you, I'll do the organizing? I thought that it'd be better this time if you did it, considering, you know, what happened."

"Yeah..." Ia didn't want to get into a heavy talk about what just happened, so instead she stared intently at her milk tea and hoped that Yukari would change the subject.

"Is something wrong?" There was a concerned tone in Yukari's voice now. Crap, Ia thought. That backfired.

"N-nothing's wrong," Ia said quickly. "I'm just tired, that's all. Uhh," she searched her mind for conversational gambits, "h-how's school?"

Yukari laughed. "As good as it can be. I'm not that good at school, to be honest. Moved around a bit too much..." For a moment, a strangely solemn expression passed over her face before she quickly replaced it with a cheerful smile. "But whatever, right? That's not important. I'm _way_ more interested in what's going on with you!" Yukari leaned forward. "We haven't talked in _forever!_ What books have you been reading? For the past few days you've been buried in them."

Ia paused. A part of her wanted to pursue the cause of that strange expression of melancholy that passed over Yukari's face seconds earlier, but the event had already passed, and it would be awkward to bring it up now - especially for the not very socially well-versed Ia. "I've been reading this book about a lighthouse keeper...it's supposed to be sad, but I don't think it's that sad."

"A lighthouse keeper?" Yukari probed. "Why isn't it sad?"

"Well...it's supposed to be sad because he's so lonely," Ia took a sip of her milk tea. "It's just him, the ocean, the lighthouse, and the island, all the way out in the middle of nowhere. There's no one else for miles around, and he's an exile. But I don't think it's that sad."

"Really?" Yukari looked rather horrified. "But that's so depressing! Think about it, you're all by yourself in the middle of nowhere. You don't have any friends to hang out with."

Ia shrugged. "Being alone can be nice. You don't have to deal with people that much. Are you going to drink your tea?"

Yukari, jolted, gave a small start and stared down at her cup of tea as though it had materialized from nowhere. "O-oh...yeah. Yeah." She quickly raised it up to her lips and took a small sip. "What's wrong with dealing with people?"

Ia shifted in her seat, trying to think of a way to properly organize her thoughts. "People are...it's safer being alone."

"That's _so_ not true," Yukari protested. "People are born to be social."

The words buried themselves in Ia's mind. People were born to be social, sure. But Ia wasn't social at all. And it wasn't as though she was the only one like this either. Ia took a gulp of her tea, hoping to swallow some of her irritation with it. "Maybe you were, but not everyone's like that. _I'm_ not like that."

Yukari shook her head. "That's not true. If you were really set on being alone, then we wouldn't be sitting here now, right?"

"This is different! This is...this is..." Ia bit her lip and tried to think of a coherent argument. "You're just different from other people."

Yukari laughed and shook her head. "I'm not that special."

"Yes you are!" Ia said, a bit too hotly before she realized her disproportionate response and shrank back, cheeks slightly heated. "Um, I mean...you're different from the people here. No one really tried to talk to me before."

Yukari frowned. "I have no idea why they wouldn't. You're awesome. Anyways, I've decided. I'm going to drag you out into the world."

"What?" Ia stared at Yukari.

"You should go out more often," continued Yukari. "When I first met you, I couldn't believe you've never even been to the mall! There's a lot of stuff out there that I bet you haven't even _seen,_ so I've decided that I'm going to take you around. It'll be a blast! Oh," Yukari stopped herself and glanced over at Ia, "that is...if you're okay with it?"

Going outside more often? Ia wasn't especially opposed to it - it wasn't like she was agoraphobic or anything like that - but there was a nagging feeling in her that prevented her from saying 'yes' wholeheartedly. Besides, going outside meant people, and a lot of people meant crowds, which was something Ia was never very good at dealing with. "Um..."

"Please?" Yukari put her hands together. "I promise it'll be fun. I swear, I won't make you do anything you're uncomfortable with. It's not like we'll be going bungee jumping...unless you want to? Because I'm actually down for that if you are. I've never gone bungee jumping before!" Yukari looked more excited with each word she spoke. "Wow, that'd be so cool-"

"Hold it," Ia said, "I'm not going to go bungee jumping."

"Aw...well, it was worth a shot," Yukari laughed. "So are you okay with it?"

Ia took a breath, held it, and exhaled, a long sigh. "Sure. If you really want to."

"Really? Yay!" Yukari reached out and grabbed Ia's hand in excitement. She's warm, her skin soft against Ia's. "That's great! I'm so excited!"

When Ia didn't answer, Yukari seemed to realize that Ia was not looking at her face, but rather, at their joined hands on the table, and quickly Yukari pulled away. "O-oh, I'm sorry. I didn't even realize I was doing it..."

"Um," said Ia, still staring at her hand, which now felt very cold, "no...i-it's fine."

"Really?" Yukari slowly reached out and took hold of Ia's hand again, her thumb rubbing lightly on her skin. "This is fine?"

Ia looked up to see worried purple eyes. Even though her hand was warm again from Yukari's, her arms felt like they had goosebumps. "Yeah, this is okay...um," Ia hesitated, "it might not always be, though."

Yukari grinned. "That's fine. I'll just remember to ask."

-o-o-o-

The moment Ia got back home, her cellphone buzzed with a new text.

_Wanna go to the fair tomorrow? :D_

Fair? What fair? Ia stared at her phone, perplexed, racking her mind. It was at that moment when Mayu poked her head out from the kitchen.

"How was your thing-thing with Yukari?" she asked.

"Um, good," said Ia. "Hey, is there some kind of thing happening tomorrow?"

Mayu looked up at the ceiling. "Something...happening tomorrow? Well, there's a small arts fair going on. Why?"

Ia blinked. Right. Yamaha had a lot of those small art fairs, considering how it was out in the middle of scenic nowhere. "Oh...Yukari asked me if I wanted to go."

Mayu laughed. "Oh, I guess those boring old things would be new and exciting to her, since she just moved in. _Anyways_ ," Mayu practically pranced over, "you should say yes. Going outside is good for you!"

Ia frowned. "Yeah, I will."

"And I want to come too," Mayu continued. "I want to finally meet this famous 'Yuzuki Yukari' in the flesh. Unless..." A sly look came over her eyes. "You want Yukari's company all to yourself?"

"I-it's not like that..."

"I know! I'm just kidding," Mayu laughed. "That means I can come too, right?"

-o-o-o-

And so, the day of the fair, Ia showed up with Mayu in tow. Ia's heart felt heavy; she was beginning to fear, in a way, that Mayu would monopolize all of Yukari's attention and leave Ia in the lurch, again. After all, she was far more popular than Ia was, and was much better at keeping people's attention. Part of Ia debated turning around and going back home. It wasn't too late to think of an excuse. Furthermore, the streets were getting more and more crowded. Why were there so many people outside? It's hardly as though this was Yamaha's first arts festival; they had one practically every month. Ia kept her head down and stared at her feet as she walked with Mayu, ignoring the white tents and crowds.

"Ah, Ia!" Yukari's voice. Ia looked up and saw her, dressed in that same black rabbit hoodie she wore the day she transferred in. Before Ia could reply, Yukari ran over towards her, her expression bright. "And...this is Mayu, right?" Yukari looked over at Mayu. "Nice to meet you! I'm Yukari."

Mayu smiled. "Nice to finally meet you too! Ia's been talking about you nonstop."

"No, I haven't..."

"Wow, really?" Yukari laughed. "But there's not much to tell about me. I guess I'll be hanging out with the two of you today?"

Ia searched Yukari's expression for any hint of disappointment that Mayu was tagging along, but she found nothing but cheery happiness. But then again, what had she been expecting? Of course Yukari wouldn't have a problem with hanging out with more people.

"Yup," said Mayu, sticking her hands in her pockets and glancing around. "It's your first time going to one of these, right? I've been to tons," she authoritatively slapped a hand to her chest, "so I'll show you and Ia around!"

-o-o-o-

Mayu kept an eye on Ia and Yukari as the three of them made their way through the fair. It was so unusual to see her stepsister actually outside that Mayu couldn't help it - she _had_ to meet this Yukari person who dragged Ia out of her cave. From what she saw so far, Yukari was nice enough. Mayu didn't really get Ia's strange infatuation with the girl, but the two of them got along well, which was something that was rare for Ia. Ever since Mayu met her, Ia had been a recluse. Now, however, walking with Yukari, she looked normal.

But there was a problem. Ia looked more content with Yukari than anyone else - so much that Mayu felt a little uneasy. Something nagged at her - what if Yukari wasn't really as nice as she made herself out to be? What exactly made her approach and make friends with someone as reclusive as Ia? A transfer student typically knew who to stay away from, and Ia sent out all the signals - sitting by herself every lunch, reading during class, going straight home once school ended. Her actions combined with her body language practically screamed 'stay away from me'.

Except, Yukari didn't, and Ia was getting more and more attached to her. Not that there was anything wrong with that; it was fun teasing Ia about liking Yukari. But at the same time, what if Yukari couldn't be trusted? In a town as small as this, it was easy to ruin someone's reputation forever. Of course, Yukari is too new here to actually hold any malicious intent towards Ia, but there was always the possibility that her friendship with Ia wasn't made out of pure motives. Thinking about it in a certain way, Ia could be an attractive friend to have. Being a recluse, she would probably latch on and be loyal to the first friend she made. Beyond that, Yamaha was a relatively well-off town, and Ia and Mayu were accordingly relatively well-off. In addition, Ia was pretty smart, and she seemed like the type of person who would let people she liked walk all over her. All sorts of horrible possibilities presented themselves in Mayu's mind, even as she herself rambled on about the fair. She had been to enough that she could give a tour on autopilot.

"This is the Clock Garden," said Mayu. "Normally this area is just a road, but today they laid grass and plants over it and stuff."

"Why do they do that?" Yukari asked, carefully stepping around the clock in the center.

Mayu laughed. "Well, it's an arts festival! The gardeners want to show off too."

"This is a lot of work to be done each month," Ia commented.

"That's why the cost of living here is so high," said Mayu, glancing back at Yukari. "We have to keep all the old people who live here happy."

Yukari laughed. "Oh, that explains a lot."

"What does it explain?" Ia looked confused.

Yukari blinked, looking momentarily taken off guard. "Oh...uh, nothing important. I mean, it explains why there's not much people in school...less than normal for a town this big."

"Do you move around a lot?" Mayu asked.

Yukari looked away. "Yeah...sort of."

A flash of alarm passed over Ia's face. "Does that mean you're going to leave soon?"

Yukari, jolted out of whatever mood she was in, looked over at Ia. "Oh...no, we're planning on staying here for a while longer." She laughed and reached a hand out to Ia's shoulder before quickly drawing it back without it making contact. Weird. Not to mention, kind of awkward. _Guess Ia still has those touch issues,_ Mayu thought.

"Anyways!" Mayu clapped her hands together and grinned at the two of them. "Let's get something to eat. We're getting close to the area where they sell food. You can smell it, right?" Mayu closed her eyes and waved her hand under her nose.

Ia's eyes were fixed on Yukari's hand. "Oh...right. Are you hungry?"

Yukari stuck her hands back into her pockets and Ia's eyes flicked up to meet her's. "Yeah, I'm hungry," said Yukari cheerily. Apparently she had decided to ignore the awkwardness until it went away. Mayu frowned inwardly, though she pasted on a smile outside.

"Great!" Mayu enthused. "I'm down for yakisoba first. Let's go!"

-o-o-o-

"This is _so_ bad for you, but it's good," Mayu rambled as she slurped up her noodles. "So tell me more about yourself, Yukari! I feel like I've been talking all day."

Yukari laughed and shook her head. "There's not a lot that's interesting about me."

Mayu shook her head. "That's not true. You seem pretty interesting, Yukari. Hey," Mayu glanced up at her, "do you want to hang out sometime? We should get to know each other! I want to know Ia's friends too."

Next to Yukari, Ia went rigid as she stared at her yakisoba.

Yukari grinned. "I'm always okay with hanging out. Where do you want to go?"

Mayu put a finger to her lips. "Well, I always have to drag Ia there, but there's a nice tea shop I go to a lot."

"Oh," Yukari snapped her fingers, "I've been there! Ia took me. It's pretty good!"

"Ahh, is that so?" Mayu looked over at Ia. "Your friend has good taste!"

Ia stared at her yakisoba, concentrating on breathing in and out. For some reason, she didn't especially want Mayu and Yukari to hang out together, but there was no way she could just outright say that. Not when Yukari looked so happy at the prospect of making a new friend. "Yeah, she does."

"Well, it's a date then!" Mayu clapped her hands together. "I'm so excited."

At the word 'date', a cold chill ran down Ia's spine, but she forced herself to calm down. Mayu didn't mean an _actual_ date, of course. That was how people normally talked when they set up times to meet up, right? Ia numbly ate some of her food. It was tasteless in her mouth.

"We can go and watch a movie too," Mayu continued. "Ia told me that you liked movies. I love movies!"

"Really?" Yukari asked. "Which ones?"

And with that, Yukari and Mayu launched into a deep and detailed discussion of movies, a subject that Ia knew very little about. They talked about actors, actresses, and awards. Names like Spielberg, Fincher, and Nolan dropped out of their mouths - names that Ia was too unfamiliar with to add anything new to the conversation.

Ia poked at her food with a chopstick, her appetite entirely gone. It was happening, she realized dully. What she had feared was happening. It made a lot more sense that Yukari would have more fun talking with Mayu than with someone as boring as Ia. And besides, right now, the two of them didn't even _need_ Ia here to have a good time - they had their movies, a million in-jokes at their fingertips without even having to really know each other. They could just reference a movie and have hours of conversation about just that. Not only that, but Mayu had absolutely no problems about being touched like Ia did. And she definitely wouldn't be feeling anything like what Ia felt whenever Yukari touched her.

The more Ia thought about it, the blacker her mood got, until she couldn't stand it anymore. She had to get up. She had to leave. Staying here wasn't doing her any favors, and seeing her stepsister and Yukari get along so well, far from making Ia feel good, made her feel awful.

It was at that moment when Yukari turned towards Ia, seeming to realize that she hadn't spoken in a while. "You okay?"

Ia said nothing. Yukari leaned in and Ia almost flinched when she felt her breath brush her ear.

"I'm glad we came," said Yukari. "I had fun today."

Ia couldn't help it. She scoffed. At that, Yukari's face scrunched up in confusion. "Are you alright?"

"I'm great," said Ia, getting up from her seat. "I'm going to go dump my food, be back in a bit." That said, Ia hurried off from the table and melted into the crowd, not sure where she was going, but willing to go anywhere if it meant not hearing another second of how much Yukari was enjoying spending her time with Mayu.

"Ia, wait!" Yukari's voice. Ia lowered her head and walked faster, but Yukari's hand on her arm stopped her from moving. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Ia muttered. "I'm just dumping my food."

"If you're just dumping your food," said Yukari, "why did you leave it at the table? Ia, come on," Yukari gently turned Ia around so that she was facing her, hesitating slightly before placing her fingers under Ia's downturned chin and making her look up at her. Ia fought the urge to push her away - she had the feeling that doing that would only reset all the progress they made. So instead, Ia tried to ignore the sudden hammering of her heart. "Did I do something wrong? Was it something I did?"

"No," Ia said, edging away from Yukari's fingertips. Yukari sighed and let her hands drop down to her sides.

"Whatever I did, I'm sorry," said Yukari. "I didn't mean to make you upset. What's wrong? Are you leaving? If you can wait here, I'll go back and get my stuff. We can leave together."

Before Ia could stop it, she spoke. "Why? Don't you want to talk about movies more with Mayu?" Even as the words left her mouth, Ia couldn't help but to cringe inwardly. She sounded so obviously resentful.

Yukari laughed. "So I _was_ right." She took a step closer to Ia. "When I sent you that text, I meant that I wanted to go to the fair today with you. Not with Mayu."

For a moment, Ia was certain that she had misheard. But Yukari was smiling at her again - that clear, sweet, simple smile that sent tingles up and down her spine. No one had ever smiled at Ia that way before, so fondly even though they had only known each other for barely a month, even though Ia had all her issues. Ia swallowed and looked down at the ground, unsure of what to say.

"How about next time," Yukari added, "it'll be just you and me?"

Ia, not trusting herself to speak, nodded.

"Great!" Yukari clapped her hands together. "Want to go back, get our stuff, and properly dump your food?" She held out a hand to Ia.

Ia stared at it for a few moments before looking back up at Yukari. "Why are you so nice to me? Even though I'm like this?"

"Because I'm your friend," Yukari answered with a grin. "Come on, let's go back. Don't want to leave all the clean up to Mayu, right?"


	5. Chapter 5

Mayu tapped her foot, counting the ticks of her watch as she leaned against a post and waited for Yukari in front of the tea shop. It was a school holiday, but as of now, the girl was five minutes late and counting. Mayu frowned. That was a strike against, in her book. Ia was always perfectly punctual. Sure, that might be attributed to her lack of a social life, but Mayu herself liked punctuality...especially when the weather was this hot. She fanned herself with her hand, a useless gesture against the solidness of the heat. Then, she spotted a wavy silhouette walking towards her - Yukari.

"Ah, hello!" said Mayu, quickly sliding on a smile to hide her impatience. "You're late! I was beginning to worry that you'll never come."

Yukari smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Sorry, my train got delayed. I tried to come as soon as possible."

Oh. Well, if that was the case, Mayu couldn't really hold anything against her. Unless Yukari was lying, but there was no point in lying about something so small. "It's okay. So, there's the teashop," Mayu pointed at it. "Why don't we talk there?"

-o-o-o-

Once seated at the tea shop, Mayu ordered for the two of them, promising Yukari that she knew the place well and that what they were about to drink was undoubtedly the very best the place had to offer. True enough, all the workers there seemed to know Mayu by name, so Yukari figured that she might as well take her word for it.

"So," Mayu leaned forward on the table, smiling, "you're close with Ia, I take it?"

There was something about the way Mayu said those words that put Yukari on guard. Even though outwardly she was all smiles, and even though they had a nice conversation the other day about movies, there was a subtle undercurrent of _something_ under those words. Plus, Mayu was Ia's younger stepsister. Yukari shifted in her seat slightly before answering. "Yeah, we're close! We're pretty good friends."

"That's great," said Mayu, her smile growing wider. "Especially since Ia never really had any friends. All she does is stay in her room all day, so she never really got to do the stuff that most girls would do...you know, like hang out with friends or get crushes."

Yukari laughed. "Oh, getting crushes is overrated. Ia is a good person."

Mayu blinked, interest seemingly piqued. "Overrated? Why, do you speak from personal experience?"

"Uh...sort of, I guess," Yukari quickly pushed the topic away. "A-anyways, at the fair you told me you were going to see _Oblivion_ , right? How was it?"

"It was okay, a lot better than I expected," said Mayu. "The set designs were really impressive."

Yukari breathed an inward sigh of relief at the seemingly successful dodge. "Yeah, the trailers made it look really high-budget. Everything's so sleek. I heard there's a lot of plot twists too, right?"

Mayu nodded. "Right. One of them's really obvious since the trailers gave it away, but there are a few others that are pretty out there, though, it was kind of similar to this other sci-fi movie I watched...anyways!" Mayu clapped her hands together as cups of tea were placed before them, "our tea is here. This is my absolute favorite - royal milk tea."

Yukari looked at it. "It looks like normal milk tea."

"It's different! Royal milk tea tastes more sophisticated."

Yukari wasn't sure if sophistication was something one could actually taste, but she decided to take Mayu's word for it. "Ahh...I see." Yukari took a sip. It did taste different from milk tea, to be sure - at very least, it tasted creamier.

"See? Can't you tell once you taste it? You should taste it before you make judgments about what it looks like, you know. It's actually quite dangerous if you don't," Mayu said. "For example, what if I gave you a glass of orange juice, and another glass of orange juice mixed with vodka? They look exactly the same, but one of them has vodka in it! Milk tea and royal milk tea is like that, except royal milk tea isn't mixed with vodka or anything."

Yukari blinked. "It can be dangerous if you do, too. What if I gave you a glass of orange juice, and another glass of orange juice mixed with poison? If you taste it, you're dead."

Mayu raised her eyebrows. "Wow, that's unexpectedly dark of you, Yukari." A small smile spread on her face. "Ah, don't tell me, there's a secret 'dark Yukari' waiting to come out?" Mayu giggled, seemingly tickled by this turn of events. "No one can be as upbeat and as cheery as you seem to be all the time. People aren't robots. They don't have their mood set on happy 24/7."

Yukari furrowed her eyebrows. These conclusions Mayu were jumping to were way too far off. "I'm not happy _all_ the time, I was just happy at the fair because Ia and I had made up and were hanging out."

"Oh, minor details," Mayu waved a hand before looking at Yukari and pointing a finger at her. "I'm onto you, Yuzuki Yukari. Why are you friends with Ia?"

"Why?" Yukari gaped at her. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

"You're a transfer student, so naturally you want to make friends with the people who seem the coolest, right? So why Ia? No one ever talks to her at school, so it's weird. I've been wondering that for a while, honestly."

Why Ia? Yukari looked down and stared at her hands. She had just seemed so bored and lonely, sitting by herself, reading books during class. Everyone else was ignoring her, as though she didn't even exist. And being treated like you didn't exist was painful. Everyone wants to fit in, have friends, and have fun. Being an outsider could leave scars - anxiety, fear, no confidence. All Yukari wanted was to push Ia out into the world. She was too lonely for Yukari to merely watch for long. And besides...

Yukari shook her head, getting herself out of that mental space. "I'm friends with Ia because I like her," said Yukari, simply. "I started talking to her because she looked like she would be a good friend."

Mayu raised her eyebrows. "Oh really?"

Yukari nodded. "Yes."

"Even with all her issues?"

Yukari shook her head. "We can handle them."

Mayu's lips quirked. "You're a bit too nice for your own good. Try not to get worn out, okay?"

"Worn out?"

Mayu shrugged. "People can get tired of constantly helping. I don't know why you're friends with Ia, but dealing with her can be hard sometimes. I'm her stepsister, so I would know. I would hate to see her put her trust in someone only for them to get tired of her."

Yukari stared at Mayu, the words taking a moment to fully process in her brain. Once they did, Yukari paused a little more to gather her thoughts. "Wait...you think I'd get tired of her?"

"It's possible."

"There's no way that'll happen!" Yukari shouted, before realizing that she was in a teashop. She lowered her voice accordingly. "I'm not that kind of person."

"No one thinks they're that kind of person, that's the point of me telling you to not get worn out," Mayu said. "Ia's older than me, but I've been watching over her since we were kids."

Yukari shook her head. "Why haven't you tried to get her out in the world more often, then?"

"I did try," said Mayu. "Ia was happy where she was back then. She didn't need people."

Yukari wanted to throw up her hands. "That's not true. Everyone needs people. Humans are social."

Mayu sighed. "Yukari, you've only known Ia for a month. I've known her for years, and I'm telling you that she was happy back then. I tried to get her to go out, but she always said no, so I kind of stopped trying as much. She only started going outside once you came in."

"But isn't that a good thing?"

"Maybe," said Mayu. "I don't know. She's a lot moodier these days. Like it or not, Yukari, you're responsible for this. So you need to pay attention to her. You can't just walk into her life, shake it up, and then leave."

"I wasn't planning on doing that in the first place," Yukari snapped, irritation sparking inside her. "Who do you think I am? Of _course_ I'll help her. Ia's my friend. There's no way I'm going to leave her alone. Sure, we haven't known each other too long, but I really like her, okay?"

Then, to Yukari's surprise, Mayu started laughing. Yukari stared as Mayu's shoulders shook for several long moments. Irritation faded, rapidly replaced with concern. Maybe Mayu was crying? It was hard to tell, since her face was down. Yukari hesitantly reached out a hand.

"Hey, are you...okay?" Yukari asked.

Mayu looked up, still giggling a little. "Me? I'm perfect. You're a nice person, Yukari. I can see why Ia likes you so much." There was a little extra emphasis on the word 'likes'.

"Oh...um, thanks?"

Mayu nodded. "No problem. So, I'm going to ask you a random question. I promise that it has nothing to do with Ia's social issues."

"Sure," said Yukari, relieved to get away from the topic. "What is it?" She took a sip of her tea, now cold.

"Well, earlier, you brought up crushes being overrated, so I was just wondering" said Mayu as she idly swirled her tea, spoon clinking against the edges of the cup, "do you like girls?"

Yukari choked on her tea.

-o-o-o-

Today had not been a good day for Ia, though it started out relatively normally. Ia woke up early, as usual. Her dad and stepmother were out, as usual, so Ia shuffled over to the kitchen and made herself and Mayu breakfast. The two of them ate in relative silence, Ia's mind still too much of a sleepy fuzz for her to really think of anything to say, and Mayu's mouth was occupied with her eggs. Then, Mayu looked at the clock.

"Oh," she exclaimed, "I have to meet with Yukari at the teashop today."

At the mention of the name Yukari, Ia looked up. "Huh? Today? But the fair was yesterday!"

"What's wrong with meeting people two days in a row?" Mayu asked with a grin. "Besides, this time, it'll be just Yukari and me."

Ia scowled at that and continued eating her food. "I was just saying..."

"Aw, poor Ia," Mayu patted her on the head. "Don't worry! I'll tell you everything about how it went."

"Whatever," Ia mumbled. "Stop patting my head."

After Mayu left, Ia lounged around the house, not sure what to do. She listened to some new songs she got, idly toyed with the idea of making mixes from those songs, and watched television. Despite doing all that, each song seemed to take eternity, and every television program she looked at was boring. Not even the internet helped. Her every thought was focused, laser-like, on what Mayu and Yukari were doing. Visions of Yukari spontaneously realizing how much better company Mayu was than Ia danced through Ia's mind. Maybe after this, Yukari wouldn't even _want_ to hang out with Ia anymore. Sure, the day before, Yukari had reassured her that she came to the fair to see her, but now that Mayu and Yukari were meeting up together without Ia, Ia wasn't sure what to think.

It was horrible. Her mood got blacker and blacker as the day went on. By the time Mayu came home, Ia was sitting on the couch blankly staring at a TV interview.

"Oh, hey," said Mayu as she glanced at the television, "I didn't know Hatsune Miku was going to release a new single!"

"How was your 'thing-thing' with Yukari?" Ia asked, dryly.

Mayu looked at Ia for a moment before hopping on the couch, gold eyes inquisitive and mischievous. "Oh, repeating my words now? Ah," Mayu's hands flew to her mouth in mock-surprise, "it can't be...are you _jealous?"_

Ia looked away. "No..."

"When you lie, you should at least _try_ to make an effort," Mayu sighed and leaned back against the couch. "Honestly, Ia."

"Why did you go to the teashop with her in the first place?" Ia asked, still looking away.

"Why? I told you! I want to get to know your friends too."

Ia clenched her hands into fists. "Then why don't you get to know Oliver or something? Or Piko? Or Sonika? Why does it have to be Yukari?"

Mayu blinked at her. "Yukari is the person you bring up the most. You barely talk about anyone else. Isn't it natural to want to know the friends of your friends?"

Ia examined her toes and said nothing.

"I didn't think you'd be _this_ upset," Mayu sighed. "Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not mad," said Ia. "I'm just..." _scared_ , she didn't say. "I don't know."

"Right..." Mayu leaned forward and peered into Ia's face. "Say, Ia, do you _like_ Yukari?"

Ia stiffened and stared at Mayu. "Wh-what?"

"Yeah, you know, do you like Yukari?"

Ia looked away. "She's my friend, so of course I like her."

Mayu rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant. You're a bit too into her. It's kind of obvious, though I don't think she picked up on it yet."

Ia's eyes widened and she whirled around to face Mayu. "Y-you didn't tell her, right?"

"Of course not. I wasn't sure."

"Mayu," Ia gripped Mayu by the shoulders, "you _can't_ tell her."

"Why not?" Mayu winced at Ia's grip.

"Why not?" Ia repeated in disbelief. "Because we're friends! I can't tell her this...it'll ruin everything. Yukari'll never want to talk to me again."

Mayu rolled her eyes. "I think you're going to need some more statements to back up that assumption."

Ia let go of Mayu's shoulders in disgust and turned away. She didn't understand. How could Ia explain? For Mayu life was easy, but it wasn't like that for Ia. Even just _talking_ to new people was a feat, so what made Mayu think that Ia could just easily get over her issues and cheerfully confess to Yukari? Besides, Yukari probably didn't even feel the same way, so all it would accomplish was make both parties uncomfortable. There was absolutely no point. All Ia could do was bury her feelings. "Whatever. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Mayu heaved a sigh. "Fine, fine," she held up her hands, "I'm backing off." She turned back towards to the television, where the interview was still going on. Ia dully looked at it.

"Working with Luka had been an amazing experience," said Miku on the television, a happy idol's smile on her face. "She's new, but she's incredibly talented! We're both really looking forward to releasing our single."

Ia sighed and flopped back on the couch. She bet Miku didn't have these problems.

-o-o-o-

"So...how was drinking tea with Mayu?" Ia asked Yukari before school.

Yukari frowned and thought. It wasn't so much drinking tea as it was an interrogation. It was one of the more exhausting outings Yukari had been on so far. That random question Mayu asked at the very end didn't help either. Had her comment about crushes really been _that_ suspicious?

"It went okay," Yukari answered. "The tea was good. I didn't know royal milk tea existed until then."

Ia nodded. "Apparently it's a thing. I thought it was just a fancy brand name, but I guess it's an actual thing."

Yukari looked at Ia and smiled at her. "I suppose so. Though, I like hanging out with you a lot more."

Ia's eyes widened as a small blush spread on her cheeks. She looked rather becoming, and Yukari was aware of a blush spreading on her own cheeks at the sight. Swallowing Yukari quickly looked away, wondering why she was blushing. Maybe because it was so cold.

"Th-thanks, Yukari," Ia stammered. "I like hanging out with you too."

"Whoa! You guys are up here early," Piko said as he opened the door, something in the room leaving the moment he came in. "Catching up on homework?"

For the first time, Yukari felt irritated at Piko. That atmosphere of calm privacy was completely gone. Though, it wasn't his fault, so Yukari pushed her irritation away. There was no point in getting angry at her friend.

"Morning Piko," said Ia.

"Morning," Yukari echoed.

With a loud grunt the boy put his backpack on the table. "It's pretty boring going to school so early," he yawned. "No one around, nothing to do..."

"Why are you here so early then?" Yukari asked.

Piko winced. "Well, I haven't finished my homework yet, so I came here to get it done early...hey, did any of you get the fifth problem for math? I'm having so much trouble with it it's not even funny...seriously, why do we have to learn this discrete math stuff?"

Yukari winced. She herself hadn't finished her homework. "Uh...sorry...I can't help you there."

Ia looked puzzled. "That one's not hard."

"Says you," mumbled Piko. "Us normal people can't quite keep up with you geniuses..."

Yukari felt a brief flare of anger at Piko for saying that - it sounded so resentful and after everything Mayu said, Yukari didn't want Ia to get hurt - but she swallowed it. Piko was sort of joking and Ia didn't even look offended so it's pointless if Yukari chewed Piko out over it anyways.

Ia shrugged. "Well, I'll help you out on it. Take out your paper."

"Ah, thanks Ia," Piko said, taking out the paper and pointing at the problem in question. "This one..."

Ia, in a smooth, elegant movement, brushed her hair back behind her ear as she bent over to look over the assignment. Yukari found herself staring at Ia, who was bending over with some strands of pale hair falling down over her ear, her intelligent blue eyes concentrated, her pink lips moving as she quietly explained something to Piko, and suddenly Yukari found her throat dry. The room seemed strangely hot. Shaking her head Yukari got up from her chair and walked around the classroom, stuck her head out the window to stare out at the school campus.

Soon she heard the sound of the door opening again as more students shuffled into the room, slowly and lethargically, lazy from the sleep.

"Good morning," said an enthusiastic voice right next to Yukari's ear, and gasping Yukari shot her head up and stared right into the eyes of Nakajima Gumi.

"M-morning Gumi," Yukari stammered. "You startled me."

Gumi laughed a little. "That's what I do! You looked a little spaced out."

"Oh...it's just that, it was pretty hot in the classroom earlier so I had to stick my head out the window a little," Yukari said.

Gumi frowned a little. "Hm, really? That's unusual, it's usually pretty well air-conditioned in the room."

Yukari shrugged. "I don't know. I was just saying."

"Eh, Piko, you're still doing your homework?" Sonika's voice floated over to the two of them, obviously disapproving. "And you roped in Ia to help too."

"Hey, Ia's the one who offered to help," Piko protested. "Right, Ia?"

"Right, but..." Ia heaved a sigh, "you're spending way too much time on problem number five."

"Wow, really?" said Sonika. "It is a simple problem. You need to study more."

"St-stop making me feel bad, guys," Piko mumbled. "Okay, okay, everyone, clear out. I gotta concentrate on doing my homework before class starts."

Yukari checked her watch. "Good luck with that...class starts in three minutes."

"Oh man," Piko put his head on his desk, "it's over...it's all over..." His pencil moved desultorily on the page. "Why is set theory so hard...why do we even need to study it? This is so lame."

"It's about to get lamer for you," Gumi laughed as she sat down on her chair. "Apparently we have a pop quiz today on the homework."

"What? Seriously? That's horrible!" Piko waved his arms around. "Stuff like that just shouldn't be allowed!"

"Well, it is the day after a holiday, so you should have seen this coming," said Sonika. "Holidays don't come without consequence. Anyways, shouldn't be spending your time on finishing your homework?"

"Right," said Ia, looking rather confused. "You're almost there. I'll give you a hint, it's a proof by contradiction and the answer is 'true'."

Sonika groaned. "It's not a hint if you just give him the answer..."

"Well, he still needs to do the proof, but the proof is easy," said Ia.

"Uh..." Piko stared at his paper. "Easy for you, maybe..."

It was at that moment when the teacher entered the room. Piko gasped and quickly scribbled something down on his paper before passing it up, heaving a sigh of relief once he got it in.

Yukari glanced over at him, and then she looked down at her own incomplete homework. There was a time when she tried like that. But now, Yukari thought as she passed her homework up, whatever. She was too far behind to catch up, anyways. Too much moving from town to town, all those different curricula. She took out her notebook anyways. Better to keep appearances.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm so _bored_ ," SeeU whined over the phone.

"Don't you have homework to do?" Yukari asked as she half-heartedly started on her homework. The questions on it might as well be an impenetrable wall. Still, Yukari managed to get a few of the easier ones up top, but the more involved ones...she had nothing.

SeeU huffed out a breath. "I already finished it!"

"Good for you, then," Yukari mumbled as she doodled circles in the margins. SeeU was smart, and Yukari liked her a lot, but sometimes she wished that she wasn't so...no. Yukari stopped that train of thought. Yukari's current dismal academic performance had nothing to do with SeeU, and she shouldn't blame her friend for anything, least of all being responsible and getting her homework done.

"Hm? Did you say something?"

Oops. Yukari hadn't meant for SeeU to hear that. "Oh...it's nothing!" Yukari quickly forced a laugh. "It's just that this new curriculum is really confusing. They're learning set theory. We did combinatorics, right?"

"That's right," SeeU confirmed. "We did set theory before you transferred here."

"Oh! So if you put it that way, I'm ahead."

SeeU snorted. "You copied like, all of my homework to pass. That's not really 'ahead'."

Yukari winced. That was true, but Yukari had been doing homework by herself since then. Especially since her teachers at Artech became suspicious of Yukari's perfect homework grades compared to her horrible exam grades. "Uh, yeah, I guess not. Well...moving on! If you already did set theory, can you help me with my homework since you're done with your's?"

"Let me see..." Yukari could practically sense SeeU grinning over the phone, her tone becoming teasing. "I don't know...are you a good enough friend to deserve my help?"

Time to turn up the charm. Or rather, as much charm Yukari could manage over the phone. "SeeU, you're the _best_ ," she said. "Since you're such a wonderful person, of course you'll help your poor, struggling friend out with her homework so that she won't fail...right?"

"Hmm," SeeU mused, "watching the next episode of _Running Man_ , or doing set theory...this is a tough decision."

Yukari pushed a little harder. "Please?"

"Well," said SeeU. "When you put it that way, okay. What's the problem?"

"Oh my god, thank you so much," Yukari said, flipping to her questions. There were so many problems, Yukari wasn't sure where to start, but after some examination, she figured that the first question was as good as any. "Okay, so the first one asks that, for any set A, B, C, and D, if A is a subset of B and C is a subset of D, is A-cross-C a subset of B-cross-D?"

"Well," said SeeU, "A-cross-C has to be a subset of B-cross-D, because both of the sets involved are subsets of B and D. I mean, you knew enough to figure that out, right?"

"I knew that," Yukari protested, even though she didn't really, but it sounded obvious once SeeU put it that way with that tone of voice. "I just don't know how to prove it's correct."

There was the sound of rustling over the phone, as if SeeU was unwrapping something. "Right, I remember you having trouble with those at Artech too. Okay, I'll walk you through part of it, and you can do the rest on your own. Sound good?" Without waiting for Yukari to answer, SeeU launched into her explanation. Yukari tried to scribble down as much as it as she could. "...so after you get any number x and any number y, what do you do?"

Yukari thought about it as she stared down at her myriad notes. Then, it struck her. "Oh! Oh, I get it!" She hurriedly scrambled to write it down. "It was so _obvious_ , I don't know how I didn't..."

"Yup," said SeeU as she munched on something. "It's always obvious after you get it."

"SeeU," said Yukari, awed, "could you help me with _all_ my homework?"

"As appealing as doing twice the amount of homework sounds, I'll have to pass."

"Well...it was worth a try," said Yukari with a laugh as she started writing down her answers to the rest of the questions. Hopefully she could muddle her way through them without taking too big of a grade hit. "What are you eating, anyways?"

"Shrimp chips."

"Ohh," Yukari stopped writing, "those are good!"

"Yeah, I remember bribing you to do your homework with these," said SeeU. "I'd give you some as a reward for finishing that problem, but you're kind of far."

"Not _that_ far! You could totally come and visit," said Yukari.

SeeU laughed. "Yes, because I'd take the train all the way to Yamaha just to give you shrimp chips."

"Why not?" said Yukari as she continued doing the rest of her homework. There was a silence for a few minutes, interspersed by SeeU eating her chips.

"So," said SeeU, "how are things going with Ia?"

Yukari paused. "Ia? Ia's fine. I think her stepsister dislikes me, though. She like, interrogated me at the tea shop the other day. Like, she asked some really weird questions."

"Oh really? What'd she ask?"

"She asked me why I wanted to be friends with Ia. It's a strange question, don't you think? You don't normally ask why people become friends with others."

"Well," said SeeU, "I don't see why you want to be friends with her either. She made you upset for _days_ that one time."

Yukari shook her head. "That wasn't her fault. It was my fault for not knowing that she was uncomfortable. I was the one who overstepped my boundaries."

"Geez," SeeU's voice became irritated, "you're such a pushover! I mean, what's so great about Ia in the first place? From what you told me, she sounds like a, no offense, total loser. Does she even do anything, you know, _fun?_ She's never been to the mall, she doesn't watch movies, she's completely antisocial to the point where she hates being touched. Like, seriously? Why do you want to be friends with her?"

Yukari winced. SeeU painted a pretty damning picture of Ia, but how could Yukari express that there was more to her than that? "I-"

"Like, do you feel bad for her? I mean, I understand that you're a bleeding heart kind of girl," SeeU continued, "but you can't really be friends with someone if you just pity them."

"I don't just pity her," Yukari said. "Look, you...it's hard to understand if you haven't met her."

"How about you give it a shot," said SeeU. "From what you told me so far, I'm not impressed."

Yukari took a breath and imagined Ia in her mind. How could she possibly distill her down to a simple description? Ia was complicated. Yukari usually considered herself a relatively good read of people, but she didn't really understand Ia that well, even after all this time. Ia was quiet, intelligent, hard-working, musical, a little childish sometimes, but that was cute. Actually, Ia on the whole was really cute in general - she had a delicate, glass-spun appearance, fragile and beautif-

"Yukari?" SeeU said. "Kind of quiet over there."

"Oh. Oh!" Yukari felt the blood rush to her face. Did she just go off on a reverie about her friend? Yukari swallowed. There was that thing during class too, when Ia was helping Piko out with his homework. Shit. Better not think too much about that. "S-sorry, I uh, I was thinking."

"You had to think _that_ long to think of something good about her?"

Yukari's cheeks heated up even more. Quite the opposite. But she couldn't wait any longer, so she just started rambling. "Okay. Ia might be quiet, but she's a good person. I don't know why she doesn't do that much, maybe something happened, I'm not sure, maybe she was born that way, but right now the quietness is just part of her personality, and that's _completely_ okay. She is who she is and I don't want to change that. She's really smart too, and she does do things. She reads a lot, more than anyone else I know, and she's really into music! Like, she makes a ton of music mixes and I think she plays instruments, though I think she's shy about it, so she doesn't talk about it much. She's really sweet once you get to know her!"

"So?" said SeeU. "I read a lot, I'm into music, and I'm smart too, but I don't remember you trying this hard to be friends with me."

Yukari laughed. "Wow, you're modest. Anyways, it's because you're outgoing! You're not like Ia at all, she's...a lot shyer. So I have to try harder, right?"

"Geez," SeeU muttered. "Well, whatever. I'm going to watch _Running Man_ now, so I'll talk to you later or something."

"SeeU!" Yukari said, appalled. "You're abandoning me?"

"Well, you seem like you have the homework in the bag," said SeeU, her tone flat. "And besides, from what you said yourself, Ia's smart too. You could just ask _her_ for help, right?"

Yukari winced. SeeU sounded vaguely annoyed, though Yukari had no idea why. "Wait. Are you okay? You're not mad or anything, right?"

"I'm not mad at all," said SeeU. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Are you sure? Wait-"

"Go do your homework, Yukari." And with that, SeeU hung up.

Yukari put her phone down with another sigh. What was _up_ with SeeU, anyways? Maybe Yukari had asked her for homework help too many times. She wouldn't be surprised, honestly. But still, if Yukari had overstepped her boundaries, all SeeU had to do was tell her. Yukari felt a jolt of self-loathing shoot down her spine. It seemed like the only thing she could do these days was ignore people's boundaries. First Ia, now SeeU. This burgeoning... _thing_ that Yukari was beginning to feel towards Ia didn't help either, and thanks to that, Yukari wasn't too eager to take SeeU's advice and call up Ia. Yukari sighed and, in an effort to take her mind off her own failings, glanced at her math problems. She had ten more to go. She then looked at her as of yet unexamined English homework. The way her patchwork education was now, there was no way she'd be able to do both.

"Shit," Yukari mumbled.

-o-o-o-

Ia couldn't concentrate on her homework. The problems, normally trivially easy, blurred together in her mind. Ia put her head on the table. Ever since, well, _everything_ , Ia's mind was preoccupied with Yukari. Mayu blatantly putting Ia's crush on her in words the other day didn't help either, and after how jealous Ia got of Mayu and Yukari, not just once, but _twice_ , there was really no point in even denying the fact that Ia had a definite crush on her friend.

Now that it was out there, it was as though her mind interpreted it as a free license to constantly have Yukari in the mind at all times. It was completely ridiculous and unproductive. Ia sighed and settled for doing one of the easier problems about Cartesian products of sets so that she wouldn't feel like she just wasted the past few moments.

"Ah, Ia," said Mayu as she walked in with two bowls of rice, "what a surprise to see you here."

"Uh...really? I was here since this afternoon."

"There are these things in life called 'jokes', Ia," said Mayu, setting Ia's bowl in front of her.

Ia glanced at it. "Wait, it's my turn to make dinner today."

Mayu shrugged. "You looked distracted."

"O-oh, I'm sorry-"

Mayu waved a hand. "It's fine." She went back to get the main dish - grilled mackerel, as it turned out - and sat at the table.

Ia cleared her papers from the table and started deboning her fish with her chopsticks. "I'll, um, make dinner for the next two nights."

"Yeah, sure," said Mayu. "But if you answer this question, I'll let you off the hook!" There was a mischievous grin on her face, one that promised trouble and meddling. Ia felt her heart sink.

"Don't tell me...you made dinner today so that I would answer whatever question you asked me?"

Mayu put on a wounded expression. "Ia, that's cold, accusing me of being so...so manipulative! Anyways, I just wanted to ask. Why don't you just cut all this moping about your supposedly unreturned crush on Yukari and ask her out?"

Ia gave Mayu a very dour look. "I thought you told me that you were going to back off."

"I changed my mind," said Mayu, unruffled.

"Like I said. You don't get it," mumbled Ia, feeling a wave of irritation wash over her. Didn't they just have this conversation the other night? When would Mayu stop?

"Don't get it? Of course I get it! You're talking to an expert on these things."

Ia rolled her eyes. "The last time you liked someone, you cornered his girlfriend after class and threatened her with craft scissors."

Mayu blinked. "Right, so I don't understand why you aren't listening to me."

"He _moved away."_

Mayu scowled. "That has absolutely nothing to do with the current situation, also known as you and Yukari. A lot of trouble would be saved if you simply communicated with each other."

Communicated with each other? What was there to communicate? How could Ia possibly communicate to Yukari that she had a crush on her without freaking her out? Besides, it was too early in Ia's estimation of things. She had only just started coming out of her shell, and Yukari was so popular, she could probably date anyone she wanted. It's not like Ia's blind - Yukari's pretty, beautiful even, and Ia wasn't going to kid herself about her own status. She liked Yukari too much to want to risk losing her, but at the same time, she liked Yukari too much to want to stay friends. But Ia wasn't selfish enough to push their friendship, and Ia's _only_ friendship, into awkward horribleness because of some stupid hormones and some stupid feelings. Ia decided that it was better to stay silent and focus on eating her dinner.

Mayu heaved another sigh. "Oh, so we're doing _this_ again."

Ia put a hand to her forehead and tried to calm down. What was Mayu's problem? Why was it so difficult for her to just leave Ia alone? Sure, Ia was trying to get out there more, trying to be more social, but that didn't give Mayu a free license to jump in her life and try to push her to do things faster. "Mayu, look, this is my problem, so I'll deal with it on my own."

"Ia, I know you," said Mayu. "You won't be dealing with anything. The only reason you're becoming more social in the first place is because this Yukari person walked in your life. If I left you up to your own severely undeveloped devices, you'd probably just have a sad crush on Yukari that you'll never act on."

It was like communicating with someone from another planet. As Ia thought, Mayu wouldn't understand. "Don't you ever think you're a little too interested in my love life?"

Mayu laughed. "Ia, you don't even _have_ a love life. But with my help, you just might be able to have one. You see where I'm going here, right?"

Ia shook her head and resisted the urge to shake Mayu. Trying to reason with her was like trying to reason with a determined deaf gorilla. "Don't pick on my words, Mayu, you know what I mean. Get off my back about Yukari."

"Great, so not only am I not allowed to talk with her, I'm also not allowed to help you spend more time with her?" said Mayu. "Don't you ever think you're acting a little bit, I don't know, insane?"

Ia's patience snapped. "Why are you even _interested?_ Before all this happened, you left me alone like everyone else!" Too driven by anger to think about what she was saying, Ia continued talking, ignoring Mayu's stunned expression. "It's only once Yukari started talking to me that you, that _any_ of you, started taking an actual interest in my life."

There was a silence. Ia breathed out, slowly feeling the anger recede and transform into regret. Shit. She did it again. Why did she always fuck up like this? What was wrong with her? Ia put a hand to her head and opened her mouth to speak, to apologize, but Mayu beat her to it.

"Wow, Ia," said Mayu. "Your memory is a bit too selective. I love how you conveniently forgot about all the times I invited you out to do things only for you to say no and stay inside doing whatever the hell you do."

"I...I know," said Ia. "I'm...um...I'm sorry."

Mayu shook her head. "I'm trying to help you here. Is this how you act around others?"

Ia's heart sunk to her stomach. She stared at her cold food. She could think of absolutely nothing to say. She hadn't meant to be so harsh to Mayu, but at the same time, she wished she would give her some space. Mayu was acting as though all this would be easy, like a game, but it wasn't a game. It was Ia's life. Surely there was a happy medium here. Ia closed her eyes and thought out her next words before speaking. "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. But...it's just that I would appreciate it if you let me figure things out on my own, for a bit. It's just that right now, you're being..." Ia paused to think of a word, "overbearing."

Mayu let out a huff. "Well...fine. Apology accepted. But still, it's just..." Mayu shrugged. "I tried to get you to go out more often, but no matter what I tried, you always said no. Then this...Yukari person waltzed in and all of a sudden you're coming back home humming along to Sonika's songs while eating Oliver's cupcakes. To be honest? I'm a little jealous."

Ia's eyes widened. "O-oh." Right...during all this, she hadn't even considered what Mayu might be feeling. Another sting of guilt. "I'm sorry. Um...next time, if you want, w-when we're both free, we can...do something?"

Mayu winced. "Ia, stop, you sound like you're asking me out on a date."

"What? Ew! No!" Horrified, Ia wished she could grab those words and stuff them back into her mouth. "I didn't mean it _that_ way, we're related! I like Yukari!"

"Well, half-related," Mayu corrected. "And yes, I know, that's obvious from how you got insanely jealous several times now. Why're you so afraid of me hanging out with Yukari in the first place?"

"Well..." said Ia. She didn't especially want to tell her sister that she was afraid that Yukari would stop being friends with her. It sounded so childish and stupid and immature. But if they were going to be more honest with each other, Ia figured, she had to tell Mayu the truth. Ia owed her that much, at least. "I was scared that Yukari would like hanging out with you more, and stop being friends with me."

"Oh," said Mayu. "Oh, I see." She laughed. "Well, I do admit, I _am_ a lot better than you, that's for sure."

Ia half-smiled. "So you understand why I was afraid, right?"

"I understand, but I don't think you have anything to worry about, really," said Mayu. "Between you and me, you have a bigger chance with Yukari than you think."

Ia sighed. "Mayu-"

"No, but really," Mayu interrupted. "I don't know what kind of justifications you have going on in your head right now, but I'm pretty sure about this. Anyways, you don't have to tell her right away, I'm just putting it out there."

"Well, uh...okay," said Ia, unsure of how to interpret Mayu's words. What does 'bigger chance' even mean? And what made Mayu think that in the first place? "Thanks?"

Mayu examined her. "Well, it looks like you have absolutely no idea what I just said. Don't worry about it, Ia," Mayu got up from the table. "Take it easy."

"Right...okay," said Ia. She stared down at her untouched but meticulously deboned fish and with a sigh began to eat it.

She was almost done with her food when her cellphone rang. Ia answered it without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Um...hey, Ia," said Yukari, her voice sheepish. Ia immediately swallowed her food and sat straight up, even though Yukari couldn't see her. "Are you busy?"

"N-no, I'm just...I just finished eating," said Ia. "Why, um, is something wrong?"

"Uh...no, it's just..." Yukari sighed. "Nevermind. I need to figure this out on my own."

What? What was Yukari talking about? Did something horrible happen? Ia pressed the phone against her ear harder, as though by doing so she could summon Yukari into the room. "What's wrong? Tell me."

"It's really no big deal," said Yukari with a quick albeit forced laugh. "Ia, you sound so worried."

Ia frowned. "W-well, you don't sound okay."

"Oh, hm," Yukari mumbled. "Really?"

"I promise I'll help," said Ia, even though she had no idea what the problem was. The idea that she might not be capable of helping didn't occur to her. "What's wrong, Yukari?"

Yukari took a deep breath. "It's just...I'm having trouble with the homework...could you please help me?"

Ia blinked. "What?"

-o-o-o-

"Mayu!" Ia ran into the living room. "Yukari's coming over to study!"

"What?" said Mayu, looking over at the clock. "Now? It's like, ten. The new episode of _Yakou Kanransha_ is about to come on."

"You can watch it later," Ia said. "I need the living room."

Mayu rolled her eyes. "It's too comfy here. Can't you use your room? It's big enough."

Ia's room was currently a mess of cables, earphones, and CD albums. In other words, completely unacceptable. "No, it's too messy."

Mayu heaved a sigh. "Oh, very well." She gracefully rose to her feet, unnecessarily dusting off her clothes. "I see now that I must acquiesce to my older sibling in all things. Such is the nature of this cruel world."

"Um..." Ia remembered the talk they had earlier and promptly regretted her words for what seemed like the millionth time that day. "No, I'm sorry. You can stay if you want."

Mayu laughed. "No, I was kidding. I have a TV in my room. But if you insist, I suppose I can stay." With that, Mayu sat herself down on the couch and turned on the television, shifting and overall making herself very comfortable. Ia rolled her eyes and plopped herself down too, though she couldn't concentrate on the screen very well, her thoughts preoccupied with what to do when Yukari arrives. Yukari had sounded so upset over the phone. How could Ia help her? She wasn't the most emotionally savvy person in the world - Mayu was far better at that. But there was definitely something deeper going on than just homework. Ia didn't peg Yukari as the kind of person who would be horribly upset and nervous about asking someone for help with something as benign as that. What if there was something _really_ wrong? What if Yukari showed up at their doorstep crying? Ia's heart hurt at the thought of it.

"That new Rin single came out today," Mayu commented.

"Oh," said Ia, too distracted by her thoughts and worries to pay any attention to what Mayu was saying.

"Yeah, it's pretty good."

"Oh."

"Its release is sort of getting lost in all the recent drama with Luka and Miku, but it's a nice song. _Cinderella Syndrome_ , you've heard of it, right?"

"Oh."

"You're the best conversationalist ever, I can see why Yukari hangs off your every word."

"Oh."

"Right, exactly."

The doorbell rang and Ia immediately jumped to her feet. "I'll get it!"

"Yes," said Mayu. "That's what I assumed."

Ia ran over to the door and practically threw it open. Standing on the doorstep was a very confused-looking Yukari, dressed in the same rabbit hoodie she wore the day she transferred in with a black and purple backpack slung over one shoulder. Ia examined her closely. She didn't _look_ sad...but what if she was just holding herself back?

"You answered really fast, huh," said Yukari with a laugh.

"Yukari," said Ia, "are you...okay?"

Yukari raised an eyebrow. "What? I'm fine. Sorry about that phone call, I guess I sounded really bad there."

Ia shook her head. "It's fine, you don't need to apologize...so you brought your homework?"

Yukari tugged on the strap of her backpack. "Yup, all here."

"Oh, that's...good," said Ia.

"Yeah, I wouldn't be so dumb as to forget my homework," Yukari grinned. Ia swallowed, hard. Yukari's smile was making her heart do acrobatics. How could she possibly invite someone as perfect as Yukari into her house?

"Y-yeah," Ia managed.

There was a silence as they stood there, Ia's heartbeat roaring in her ears, Yukari tapping her foot.

After some time, Yukari spoke. "Um...so are we going to do the homework at your doorstep, or..."

"Oh!" Shit, Ia could hit herself for being so stupid. "I'm sorry, yes, I mean, no, I mean..." Ia stopped herself and took a deep breath to regain her composure. "Yes, please come in." She stood back and opened the door wider, her face burning as she stared down at her feet. Yukari probably thought that Ia was a complete idiot right now. Ugh. Ia wanted to sink into the floor.

"Ah, thank you," said Yukari as she took off her shoes. Ia glanced up at her. Thankfully, Yukari didn't look annoyed or anything, more curious as she looked around and took in Ia's home, which Ia was now self-conscious of.

"Um, we'll be doing it in the living room, and Mayu's there. My room's a little messy, I'm sorry." Ugh. Why did she even apologize? In fact, why did she even bring up her room in the first place? All she had to say was that they would be doing homework in the living room.

"That's fine," said Yukari with a smile. "My room's a total mess too. So, homework?"


	7. Chapter 7

After getting her own homework, Ia led Yukari over to the living room, where Mayu was still watching the television. Once Ia and Yukari walked in, however, Mayu raised her head and smiled.

"Hey, Yukari!" said Mayu. "Doing homework with Ia, huh?"

Yukari laughed. "Yeah, sorry about the inconvenience. I know it's late."

"It's no problem," Mayu got up to her feet. "I'll go make some tea."

"I can make the tea," Ia said, dropping her things on the table.

Mayu rolled her eyes. "Ia, you're going to be doing homework. It's more time efficient if I make the tea. Also, it's a commercial break right now, so why not?"

Ia glanced over at the television, which was currently advertising some kind of dress line endorsed by Rin. "But...you made dinner today, and-"

"If you're so upset about it, you can make dinner _and_ tea for the next two days."

"Well, I don't really need anything to drink..." Yukari began. "If it's too much trouble, then-"

"No, Yukari, it's fine," said Mayu. "I always make tea at this time of day anyways. Nothing like sitting at home and drinking tea while watching dramas, right?" She waved a hand at Ia and Yukari. "You kids run along now and do your homework." That said, Mayu walked over to the kitchen, disappearing from view. Ia sighed and sat herself down at the table. Yukari did the same, sitting on the side adjacent to Ia, though she was careful to leave space between them. Always considerate, Ia thought.

"Are you done with all your homework?" Yukari asked.

Ia shook her head. "I was working on math, but I'm not done yet. I've finished everything else, though."

"Oh, cool," Yukari said, smiling. "I haven't finished math and I haven't even _started_ English. Do you want to begin with math, since we both have to do it?"

"Sure," said Ia. "The math problems today are easy, so we should be done with them fast."

"Easy, huh..." Yukari sighed. "Well, if you say so."

Ia frowned at Yukari's tone. All her worries about Yukari having some kind of problem flooded back into her mind. But was it appropriate to ask her right now? With how Yukari acted on the phone, and how she acted fine upon getting here, Ia felt that Yukari didn't especially want to talk about it. But at the same time, Ia wanted to help, if only to make Yukari happier.

But instead of saying something, Ia took out her homework. She didn't want to be pushy or annoying by making Yukari say more than she wanted to say. That was something Mayu would do. So Ia focused on her homework, letting the proofs and numbers flow into her brain so as to take her mind off the worries.

"Tea's ready!" said Mayu cheerily as she placed two mugs on the table. Ia, startled, looked up. Mayu was peering at the homework. "Oh, that looks hard. Ia, pay more attention to Yukari."

"Huh?" Ia said, baffled. "What do you mean?"

Mayu glanced at Ia's almost completed paper, then at Yukari's. "Yukari's only done five of the problems, and you're almost done with the entire thing."

"Oh!" Ia's eyes widened as she looked over at Yukari's paper. "I'm sorry. Yukari, do you need help?"

"Didn't she come over because she needed help?" Mayu sat herself down at the table.

Ia's heart sank. She was doing everything wrong today. She had never worked on homework with anyone before, so she wasn't sure how it was supposed to be done. She had assumed that once Yukari encountered a problem she didn't understand, she would ask for help. But was Ia supposed to help her with every problem? "What do you need help with, Yukari?"

"Um," said Yukari, staring down at her paper. "I'm not sure where to start with all this."

"Oh," said Ia. That wasn't very specific. She leaned over to look at Yukari's paper, breathing in the floral smell of Yukari's shampoo in the process. Ia tried to turn her mind away from that so that she could focus on the homework. Yukari had gotten the problem with Cartesian products of sets, which meant that she should have a basic understanding of the material. "So, you know what a subset is, right?"

"Yeah, it's when all elements in one set are in another set."

"Correct," said Ia. "So for this problem, where you need to prove that set A is the same as set B, you need to show that they are both subsets of each other."

"I am not looking forward to doing this next year," Mayu said with a sigh.

Yukari laughed. "It's awful, right?" She returned her attention to the homework, spinning her pencil. "I'm sorry for imposing, by the way...I usually ask SeeU for homework help, but I think she got mad at me."

"SeeU?" Mayu furrowed her eyebrows. "Who's that? Haven't heard of her before."

"Oh, she's not from around here," said Yukari. "She's my friend from Artech."

"Weird name. Is she Chinese?"

"Um, she's Korean, actually."

"Why is she angry with you?" Ia asked.

Yukari sighed. "I don't know. I think I might have asked her for homework help too much, and she got annoyed at me for that."

"Wow," said Mayu. "How often did you ask her for homework help?"

"Um...a lot. I mean, I can't blame her," said Yukari. "SeeU's really smart, and now that we're at different schools, she pretty much has to do twice the amount of homework when she helps me."

Ia frowned. Why would Yukari ask SeeU, someone who goes to a different school in a different town with a different curriculum, to help her with her homework when she had Ia here to help her? Was SeeU _that_ good academically? Or was Yukari just _that_ close to SeeU? The last thought was a rock in Ia's gut. Though a part of her knew that SeeU was Yukari's close friend, and that she was really only just getting to know Yukari now, another part of her felt that same sting she felt when Mayu and Yukari were getting along during the fair. Still, Ia knew she shouldn't be angry about this. Yukari had other friends in her life. That was fine too. Even though Ia admittedly wasn't too fond of SeeU after that unfortunate phone call, Yukari's friend was her friend. Ia took a breath and spoke. "You could have asked me for help. We're in the same class."

Yukari looked sheepish. "Like I said, I didn't want to impose. I wasn't sure if you were okay with it or not."

Ia stared at Yukari. "Why wouldn't I be okay with it? I helped Piko out with his homework. Why wouldn't I help you with yours? If you ever need help, you can always ask me."

Yukari's lip quirked. "Well...you might not say that after you find out how much help I need." She sighed and looked down at her paper. "I'm really behind because of all the curriculum changes from when I was moving around. Or maybe I'm just..." Yukari trailed off. Ia opened her mouth to ask for more details, but before she could say anything Yukari shook her head and plastered a smile on her face. "Well, whatever! Let's just focus on the homework we have now. It's getting kind of late." Yukari grabbed the paper and picked her pencil back up, almost knocking over her tea cup with her elbow. "Right, so I need to prove that A and B are subsets of each other?"

The subject change was so fast, Ia was left blinking. The chance to ask about why she moved around so much, to reassure her, to ask her about what she learned at other schools exactly, even to tell her that she could ask Ia for homework help no matter when it was or how often it was...Yukari had switched modes so quickly, the chances for those were all gone. "U-um..." Ia looked down at her homework. "Yeah. You kind of use the same method you use in problem one."

"Where you take a random variable x and y?"

"Well, since you're proving it one way first, and then the other, you only take one random variable x..." said Ia, her eyes fixed on Yukari. Her face was turned down, focused on the homework, bangs covering her eyes, expression unreadable. A complete mystery. What her family was like, what she wanted to do in the future, her hopes and dreams - it wasn't until now when Ia realized that she didn't know anything about any of those. Stupid. How could she confess to Yukari when their relationship was really like this? Ia stared at her hand. Wasn't the most basic form of human connection touch? If Ia was normal like everyone else, she could do something simple like reach out and place her hand on Yukari's.

But Ia wasn't normal. Even though she liked Yukari, her mind was freezing up at the thought of something as simple as reaching out to hold Yukari's hand. Stupid, Ia told herself. It wasn't as though they had never held hands before, but Yukari had always been the one to initiate it. Something exactly like this had happened at the tea shop that time too, and Yukari had done the exact same thing - brought up something that hinted towards something deeper, and then changed the subject before anyone could ask about it. But why? And how could Ia break past that barrier? She had to ask Yukari about it, confront her about it somehow, but...how could she voice it in a way that wasn't too confrontational?

"...Ia? Hey, Earth to Ia," Mayu's voice floated over. Ia looked up. Both Mayu and Yukari were staring at her. "You're really zoning out."

"O-oh," Ia put her hand down. "Sorry...um, do you have a question, Yukari?"

"Yeah," said Yukari, pushing her paper forward. "For problem number ten..."

-o-o-o-

It was eleven when they finished off the last of the math homework. Throughout it all, Yukari had carefully kept all conversation focused on homework problems. Though Yukari was skilled at not making any more ripples like she did earlier, Ia couldn't help but to feel uneasy. Every time she looked at Yukari's face, she wondered what Yukari was thinking underneath that perfectly practiced smile.

"Wow, that took a while," said Yukari, putting the math paper back into her bag and taking out the English paper. "But I think I get it a little better now. Thanks, Ia! I'll try not to bother you too much with homework problems."

"N-no," said Ia, quickly. "You can ask me any questions you want. I'll do my best to help."

"We still have English to do too," Yukari said. "How long is it?"

"It's not too bad," said Ia.

Yukari smiled. "Your definition of 'not too bad' is probably a lot different from mine."

"Argh," said Mayu. Ia and Yukari both turned to look at her. Ia had been so absorbed in the homework that she forgot Mayu was still there. "Can we take a break from all this homework junk? Seriously, have some consideration for me here."

"You're the one who wanted to stay," said Ia. "Weren't you watching that drama?"

"Yes, _Yakou Kanransha_ , and yes, until it ended. Come on," Mayu straightened up, "let's do something fun!"

Ia looked at the clock. "It's kind of late. Yukari still needs to do English and get home."

"Come on, it'll be quick, promise. Besides," Mayu raised a finger, "you two need a break to properly refresh your minds, right?"

"Are you okay with it, Yukari?" Ia asked.

Yukari laughed. "I could use a break, definitely."

"Well, looks like it's decided then!" Mayu clapped her hands together. "What can we play..." Mayu looked around the room. "Truth or Dare?"

Yukari raised her eyebrows. "Don't we need a lot more people for that?"

"I don't want to play that," said Ia. "It'll take up too much time."

"Fine," said Mayu with a sigh. "I guess you two can be not fun, then." She got up to her feet. "I'm going to go get some cake from the fridge."

"Sounds good," said Yukari, smiling. After Mayu left the room, Yukari turned towards Ia. "Hey, I was thinking. Last time..." Yukari's voice became more unsure, but she continued talking. "Last time, when we watched movies, that...didn't end up so well. But I still want to introduce you to them. We never got to watch _3-Iron!_ Are you...still willing to watch movies with me?"

Ia blinked. After how badly last time ended, she was surprised Yukari was even giving her a second chance. But the way things are now, Ia was willing to jump at anything Yukari offered. "I...sure. When?"

"Whenever you're free," said Yukari. "And really? You're okay with it?"

"Um...yeah," said Ia. "I mean..." she fidgeted. "We talked about this before."

"I know! I promise I won't overstep your boundaries. Just...let me know what's okay."

Ia bit her lip as she thought back to the last time they watched movies. Yukari had been awfully close that time. She wondered if she would react any differently now to Yukari's presence...but considering her crush, probably not. If anything, it'd all be worse considering how Ia now knew what she felt. "Yeah. Of course."

"That's great!" Yukari jumped up to her feet. "Ia, you're the best! Can I hug you?"

Ia remembered how she couldn't even bring herself to hold Yukari's hand earlier. She really had to get over this aversion. Otherwise, how could she be there for Yukari? "Y-yeah, that's fine."

"Alright," Yukari laughed as she bounded over and wrapped her arms around Ia in a tight hug. Ia swallowed as she breathed in the scent of Yukari's floral shampoo, her hands growing clammy as her heart beat faster. Yukari was so warm...it was only for an instant though, Yukari pulling back quickly, her face lit with a bright smile. "Thanks."

Ia felt her face heat up and she looked away. The warmth of Yukari's body was fading away, ephemeral. "You don't need to thank me for that."

"Of course I do," said Yukari. "I know how hard it is for you, so it makes it even more special."

"Anyone want some cake?" said Mayu as she walked in, carrying a rollcake. She glanced at Yukari and Ia. "Wow, looks like you two got closer since I left..."

Ia felt her face heat up harder and Yukari quickly moved back to her seat. Shit. She hoped Mayu didn't tip Yukari off to anything. "Mayu!"

"Hmm, what is it, Ia?" Mayu sat herself down at her place at the table. "Both of your faces are red. I suppose that's understandable when a stunning beauty like myself walks in the room offering you all cake, though."

Ia cleared her throat. "A-anyways. Let's get back to English homework."

"Oh...but I want some cake too," said Yukari.

"English homework and cake," said Mayu. "The perfect combination."

-o-o-o-

The cake was finished at 11:45. The homework followed at midnight. Mayu had excused herself once the cake was finished to wash the dishes, and the sound of water running and dishes clanking could be heard from the kitchen.

"I know I already said this a lot, but...thanks for the cake and the homework help!" said Yukari as she packed her things away. "I guess I should get going now."

Ia frowned as she looked up at the clock. "It's late...you can stay over if you want."

"Wow, thanks," Yukari laughed. "But I don't have any of my things, and I have school tomorrow. My parents would be suspicious, you know?"

Ia had no idea why Yukari's parents would be suspicious of her staying over at Ia's house, but Yukari didn't sound like she was about to take Ia up on her offer. "Oh...uh, then I could walk you back home-"

"Really, it's fine," said Yukari. "I inconvenienced you enough for one night."

"It's not an inconvenience at all," Ia said. "I'm..." Ia looked down. "I'm your friend. I'm here to help you with your problems." She hoped Yukari would pick up on the subtext of that statement.

"It's good to have people to rely on when you're stuck on homework," said Yukari with an oblivious smile. "We're still down for watching _3-Iron_ , right?"

"Yeah."

"Great!" Yukari clapped her hands together. "It's an interesting movie, kind of weird. I really hope you like it." She walked over to the kitchen and poked her head in. "I'm gonna go now, Mayu. Thanks for the cake!"

Mayu said something unintelligible back. Ia walked Yukari over to the front door, her mind spinning. Even though she spent more time with Yukari today, Ia felt as though all that happened was that she ran into a wall in her relationship with the girl. How could she get Yukari to open up to her? Every time Yukari mentioned something that she seemed troubled by, she would always change the subject. But Ia didn't want that. She wanted to help her, get to know her...but how? Yukari was so bright. She always seemed to try to keep herself in a good mood. The only time she didn't was the time when they watched movies together. They were nearing the front door now. Did Yukari subconsciously not trust Ia because of that movie incident? But she told her it was okay. The fact that they were going to watch a movie again soon should be proof of that. How did Yukari act with the others after the movie incident anyways? Ia tried to remember, but they were already at the front door, and Yukari was already turning towards her...and here Ia was, alone despite being with Yukari, remote despite Yukari physically being _right here_. Ia had to do something, and she could only think of one thing. She clenched her hands into fists. She had to get over this aversion to touch. Touch was connection.

"Well," said Yukari, "thanks for everything again. I had fun, even though it's just homework. We should do this again sometime!"

"Yeah," said Ia, forcing a smile on her face. "Definitely." Shit. What could she do? Yukari was already leaving. It was too late to do anything right now. Ia's mouth felt dry. What was _wrong_ with her? This came so easily to everyone else.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then," said Yukari, turning the doorknob, fast, too fast. "Bye!"

And then, she was gone. Ia groaned, leaning against the wall, hand against her head.. There went her chance. Gone. Stupid, Ia's mind mocked. How could she expect to get close to Yukari if she couldn't even do something so simple as hugging her goodbye? Maybe it's hopeless. Why would Yukari ever want to confide in Ia when she had other friends, better friends, _normal_ friends? Now that Ia thought about it, Yukari had told SeeU about what happened during the movie night. That was it then. Ia's hand dropped from her face. Why would Yukari ever confide in Ia when she already had SeeU there to tell everything to? The one thing Ia had was that SeeU was far away, in another town. But knowing Yukari, she'd probably try to get SeeU down to visit her. And then where would Ia be?

It would be just like the fair with Mayu, but a hundred times worse. Ia sunk down to the floor and buried her head in her hands. Every beat of her heart hurt. She wasn't even good friends with Yukari. Her crush now seemed all the more pathetic when viewed in that light. Yukari was Ia's only friend. But then...what was Ia to Yukari?

Ia didn't want to think about it. All she could do was wish that SeeU never visited.

-o-o-o-

Yukari breathed in the crisp country air as she stepped out of Ia's house. The streets were completely deserted, the moon a fingernail clipping hung in the sky. The only sounds she could hear were the chirping of crickets and the crunch of her shoes against the ground. It was a far cry from the bustle of brightly lit Artech, and a farther cry from the bustling city of Crypton. Her parents had told Yukari that their final move would be here, but there wasn't very much to do in the country compared to the cities Yukari was used to.

Yukari stretched and checked her phone, which she had turned off upon her arrival at Ia's house to prevent distractions when doing her homework. No texts. No missed calls, either. Yukari sighed. She had hoped that maybe SeeU would try to contact her after abruptly hanging up earlier, but maybe she was just too angry to. Yukari bit her lip. Maybe if she told SeeU that she would be easing up on asking her for homework help, she would feel better, or at least be reassured that Yukari wouldn't be bothering her all the time.

Still, Yukari didn't want to lean on Ia for homework help too much. If she did...Ia might think she was stupid for not understanding the homework. At the same time, SeeU got so annoyed earlier that Yukari wasn't sure if she was still willing to help her with her homework. In other words, Yukari had absolutely no idea what to do. She sighed. Who knew that something as simple as asking for homework help would be so hard? If only there was a cheat code for life so that she wouldn't have to deal with this.

At least there was the upcoming movie night with Ia to look forward to. Yukari brightened up a little at the thought of it. Despite the mistakes she made last time, Yukari hoped that she was more mindful of Ia's boundaries now. Still, Ia was so cute that it was hard to resist hugging the girl at every available opportunity. In retrospect, Yukari thought she did a good job reining her impulses in.

At any rate, Yukari decided to call SeeU to apologize about overstepping her boundaries. Being preoccupied with Ia was no excuse to treat her friend badly. The phone rang twice before SeeU answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Yukari, uh..." Yukari paused. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No, no. What is it?"

"Well...I wanted to call because, um, you sounded upset and you hung up really fast last time...I'm really sorry if I annoyed you by asking you for homework help too much! I didn't realize that it was bothering you, you could have said anything at any time and-"

"What?" said SeeU, her voice baffled. "What are you talking about?"

"Huh?" Did SeeU forget? "You remember us talking earlier, right?"

"Of course I remember," said SeeU. "It's just...what are you talking about? I told you I wasn't mad."

Yukari was beginning to feel discomfited. "Um, but you hung up pretty quick, and you sounded annoyed, so I was worried."

"That had nothing to do with homework! Honestly. I told you I had to watch the next episode of _Running Man_ , right? But," SeeU's voice shifted from annoyed to teasing, "were you really worried enough about this to call me about this so late? Wow...I'm touched. I didn't know you cared that much."

Yukari heaved a sigh. "Geez, SeeU, of _course_ I care. So it's really okay if I ask you for homework help? I know it's more work for you."

"Of course it's okay!" said SeeU. "Did you forget how I got placed first in every exam? Seriously, your little country school is nothing compared to Artech's. Anyways, I can't believe you're worried about this now after all the help you asked from me before. If I wasn't okay with it, I would have told you."

Yukari shook her head. All that worrying for absolutely nothing. Great. "I thought that's what you meant when you told me to ask Ia for help!"

"What? No, I didn't mean anything like that."

"Really? It definitely sounded like it. Well, whatever," Yukari sighed again. "Ia helped me with my homework, so I have it done now."

There was a pause before SeeU spoke again. "Wait...are you outside?"

"Yeah," said Yukari. "I'm walking back home from Ia's place. You know," Yukari glanced around the empty street, "Yamaha is _really_ different from Artech. It's really...country. Like, I told you that before, but it's so _empty_ right now."

"You're walking back from Ia's house?"

"Yeah, I told you she helped me with my homework, right?"

There was another long pause. Yukari furrowed her eyebrows and checked her phone signal. Four bars. She placed the phone back to her ear. "You there, SeeU?"

"Um...yeah," SeeU said. "Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, I was, um, distracted with a thing. So you're walking back from Ia's house?"

Yukari laughed. "SeeU, I told you that like, three times. Yes, I'm walking back from her house."

"So...you two talked a lot?"

"I guess," said Yukari. "We talked about school and movies and stuff. Oh," Yukari brightened up, "Ia even let me hug her! She was so cute!"

There was another long silence. "Is that so."

"Yeah!" Yukari nodded, smiling at the thought of it. "I think that means we're making good progress, right? I was so afraid I scared her off forever. And remember that movie you showed me? _3-Iron?"_

"Of course I remember," said SeeU. " _3-Iron_ is one of my favorite movies."

"I finally got Ia to agree to watch it with me," said Yukari. "It's going to be great, I'm really excited-"

"Really," said SeeU. "I don't remember watching movies with Ia working out so well last time."

Yukari winced. "Yeah...but we've talked about this before. We've moved past that. I think it'll be fine this time, I just need to make sure that I'm, well, keeping distance, I guess."

"Keeping your distance from Ia sounds like a good idea to me."

Yukari sighed. "I told you that Ia's really not that bad of a person. I know the movie thing was...pretty bad, but...still. Besides, it's not like you've been a saint either. What was with searching up her phone number and randomly harassing her?"

"Well...she made you cry! I don't know why you still want to hang out with her," SeeU scoffed. "She didn't sound like some sensitive, shy, artistic soul when I called her, either."

"Well, look at it from her perspective, an unknown number called her from out of the blue and-"

"No, listen to me. She called you weird, and she said you have a boundary problem when in reality _she's_ the one with the boundary problem."

Yukari rubbed her eyes. She had reached her house, but she couldn't very well go in with the conversation like this unless she wanted to wake up her parents. "SeeU, you don't understand."

"You're right," said SeeU. "I really don't."

"Okay," said Yukari, thinking. How could she get SeeU to understand that Ia really wasn't as bad as she thought she was? "How about you come down and visit sometime? I can introduce you to Ia-"

"Uh, no," said SeeU, quickly. "Well, I guess I _might_ be able to find the time to come down and visit you, but I _don't_ want to meet Ia."

"Maybe if you meet her, you'll see that she's really a nice person," said Yukari. The more she thought about it, the better of an idea it seemed. It was understandable that SeeU would have a bad impression of Ia, because her first impression of her was Yukari crying after the unfortunate movie night. SeeU's timing and attitude when calling Ia hadn't been the best either. But if SeeU managed to meet Ia in real life, if they all spent a day together, then SeeU would be able to see that Ia really wasn't as bad as a person as she thought she was. "Yeah. Yeah! That's it!"

"Yukari," said SeeU, "are you serious?"

"Yes! I mean, a train ride down from Artech is...how long is it?"

"It's seven and a half hours. And then I have to transfer to a bus, which is another hour."

"Oh." That was pretty long...not exactly the sort of trip one could make on a weekend whim. "Wait, how did you know the schedule so well? Yamaha's not that well known of a town."

"Um...we had a uh, train study project on small towns recently," SeeU mumbled. "Anyways, I don't want to meet Ia."

"You're only saying that because you don't know her that well," said Yukari, "which is _exactly_ why you should come down and visit. Also, you get to see me! When's your first break?"

SeeU sighed. "In like, a month. And I don't know...are you worth the eight and a half hour trip? I could be spending time with my friends in Artech instead."

Time to turn up the charm. Or at least, as much charm as Yukari could manage over the phone. "But SeeU...imagine the country! Wouldn't it be a nice break from the hustle and bustle of modern city life? Also," Yukari held up a finger even though SeeU couldn't see, "the food here is great because it's close to so many local farms. And there's a monthly arts fair! I went to it with Ia and Mayu once and it was really cool, they had like, a clock garden and everything. You'd love it, I promise! Also, _I'm_ here, and I'm definitely worth the trip, right?"

There was a long silence. "Maybe," SeeU said. "I won't promise anything."

"I know break is a while from now," said Yukari. "I just want you to get to know her. She's really a great person. I'm sure you'll see it once you actually meet her."

"Um, yeah, whatever," said SeeU. "Hey, I don't know about you, but I have school tomorrow, and it's late."

"Oh," Yukari blinked. "Oh! Right, I do too," she laughed. "Wow, time goes fast. What time is it?"

"It's like, half past one in the morning." SeeU yawned. "I'm going to go to bed now. Night."

"Oh, night! Hey, think about the visit, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," said SeeU, and she hung up.


	8. Chapter 8

"You're really cleaning the place up," said Mayu, leaning against the wall and watching as Ia scrubbed the sink. It was a crisp Saturday morning and the air was full with the smell of detergent and soap. Mayu yawned, hand over her mouth, and sipped the morning cup of tea Ia brewed. "What's the occasion?"

"Yukari's coming over to watch a movie," Ia replied, her eyes fixed on getting a particularly stubborn stain out of the sink. "And we haven't cleaned the house in forever. It's a complete mess."

Mayu looked around. "It's not _that_ messy. Anyways, if she's coming over, I'm guessing I'm not invited."

Ia paused her scrubbing. She didn't especially want Mayu to hang around with them during the movie, but how could she possibly say that to Mayu? "I...I mean, well, if you want to watch, you can..."

Mayu laughed. "Why would I want to stick around and third wheel your awkward movie date?"

"What?" Ia felt the blood rush to her cheeks. "It's not a date!"

"Right, sure," said Mayu. She took a last sip of her tea before placing it on the counter and taking out her phone. "So when's Yukari coming? Is she going to sleep over?"

"She said she'll be coming over at seven," said Ia. "I don't think she's sleeping over."

"I guess your relationship still has a way to go before that stage," Mayu said with a smirk. "Will she have eaten dinner by seven?"

Ia blinked. "Um...I don't know..."

"Ia, this is basic," said Mayu. "You have to know these things. What if she shows up hungry and you have absolutely nothing? Or what if you make a big dinner and it turns out that she already ate? Honestly. What would you do without me...go text Yukari now and see what your dinner plans are going to be."

"R-right," Ia took out her phone and texted Yukari. In retrospect, she should have thought of that earlier. Why was she so bad at these things? "Thanks..."

"By the way," said Mayu, "if you cook dinner for her, you'll definitely get points. The fastest way to win someone's heart is through their stomach."

"All I did was ask her what her plans for dinner were," said Ia. After saying that, her cellphone buzzed with a text.

_um idk! what do you think?_

Mayu peered at the text. "You should tell her to come hungry."

Ia frowned. "Really?"

"Of course. You can show off your cookery skills, you know, really impress her. What does she like to eat?"

Ia thought, but to her dismay she realized that she had no idea what kind of food Yukari liked to eat. "Uh..."

Mayu stared at her. "Wait, you don't know?"

"It just never came up before," said Ia, flustered. "All we've ate together was fast food and yakisoba."

Mayu put a hand to her chin. "See, if it was me sending these texts, I would ask them what their favorite food was. Something like, 'Don't worry about dinner, I'll make some for you! What do you like to eat?' But that might be a bit too forward for you, huh?"

Ia stared at her phone. Mayu's suggestion made sense. Ia ignored the taunt and tapped out a text. _We can have dinner at my house. What kind of food do you like?_

_:O! are you cooking? im sure anything ia makes will be delicious~!_

Mayu laughed once she saw the text. "Damn. Looks like you better impress. It's too bad Yukari's not a big celebrity like Miku or Luka so that you'll know what her favorite food is."

Ia gulped and went through her mental index of recipes. "W-what do you think I should make?"

Mayu shrugged. "How should I know? Just don't go overboard and creep her out."

"Overboard?"

"Yeah, like making an entire _kaiseki_ meal. That'd be creepy."

"I know _that_ much."

Mayu grinned. "Just making sure."

-o-o-o-

When the doorbell rang, Ia practically jumped out of the couch. She almost ran towards the door too, but she forced herself to calm down and take slow, measured steps instead. She didn't want to open the door red-faced and panting like a total weirdo. Ia exhaled and pulled the door open. Yukari was there on her front step and as usual Ia's mind temporarily went blank, but thankfully she managed to say some sort of greeting.

"Hey," said Yukari with a smile, stepping inside and carefully taking off her shoes. "Ready for a night of movies?"

"Uh," said Ia, words disappearing from her head. "Yeah."

Yukari bit her lip. "I promise, it won't be like last time."

Ia wanted to hit herself for not sounding more enthusiastic. "N-no, I mean, I know, it's just...nevermind," she turned towards the living room, deciding that change of topic would be best to save her from making an idiot of herself, "what do you want to eat?"

"Anything is fine," said Yukari. "Whatever you have."

Ia had fully stocked the fridge earlier today. "Er, could you be more specific?"

Yukari raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, it's not a big deal. Whatever you want to eat is okay. I'm sure whatever you make'll be good, anyways!"

Ia wasn't entirely sure what to say. She herself had no particular craving for any kind of food either, so Yukari's undoubtedly well-intentioned accommodation was proving to be less than accommodating. In lieu of saying anything, Ia led Yukari over towards the living room. "Well, uh, how about we pick a movie first?"

"Sure," said Yukari, opening her bag. "We _definitely_ have to watch _3-Iron_ because it's SeeU's favorite." She took out the DVD, thin fingers tapping its cover. "I really hope she can come over during winter break or something. That'd be fun."

At the sound of that, Ia's heart immediately dropped to her stomach. She just barely managed to squeak out, "Uh...what?"

Yukari winced. "I know she called you up and was horrible to you, but I promise that she's not like that normally. She's just kind of...blunt and protective, but she's not a bad person. You'll see if you meet her!"

 _Please let that stay an if,_ Ia thought.

"If you say so," Ia said. "What other movies did you bring?"

"I have _The Thing._ We should watch it after _3-Iron._ "

Ia didn't know much about movies, but she did know that _The Thing_ was apparently horror. "You're fine with walking back after watching something like that?"

"I've watched it before, so I'm sure it won't be as bad the second time around," said Yukari with a laugh. "Besides, it's not like we're in the arctic or anything."

"Okay then..." Ia glanced over towards the kitchen. "You really don't care what you eat? It'd be easier for me to choose something to make if you...have a preference."

"Well," said Yukari, "let's make something simple and fast. How about...oyakodon? I know how to make it too so," she grinned, "I can be your sous chef! Wanna do that? It'd be fun! If you have enough room, maybe we could even swap, like, I make oyakodon for you and you make oyakodon for me. Oh," Yukari's eyes lit up, "we should totally do that if there's space! Wanna try?"

At that, Ia couldn't help but to smile. It _would_ be faster to have help in the kitchen, and Yukari seemed so eager that Ia couldn't turn her down. She glanced over at the kitchen. There was definitely enough space for two people, and Ia had enough of the requisite ingredients. It would be hard not to, considering how simple oyakodon was. "Sure. I'm curious to try your recipe for it."

Yukari puffed herself up. "It's an old Yuzuki secret, passed down from generation to generation. I'm not quite as good as my mom yet, but I think I can make something pretty close!"

Ia, for her part, wasn't sure how good a recipe for oyakodon can get - it's just oyakodon, right? - but nodded and got up from her seat. "Okay. Time to cook, then."

-o-o-o-

A half hour later, after Ia set the table and placed the oyakodon she worked so hard on on Yukari's place, Yukari triumphantly presented Ia with a rather classily presented bowl of oyakodon, the egg and chicken steaming over the rice. Ia took a chopstick-ful. The egg was slightly runny on the ends and firm in the middle. She took a bite. The sweetness of the mirin contrasted against the richness of the egg and dashi flavoring, the texture and flavor of the chicken perfectly matching with the eggs. The rice provided a pleasing sort of neutrality to the dish that prevented the flavors from becoming too overwhelming. In short, it was completely delicious.

"This is really good," Ia said, eyes wide. "How did you do it?"

Yukari smirked as she dug into her own bowl of oyakodon. "Can't say. It's a family secret."

Ia frowned and took several more bites, analyzing the food. It wasn't as though Yukari had used any arcane ingredients or anything - it was just that everything was done to near perfection. If this was Yukari's cooking, Ia could only imagine how good her mother's was. "You didn't use anything different, I think, so something in the timing..."

"Should've paid more attention while I was cooking it," Yukari teased.

"I was cooking my own! And you were on the other side of me."

"Your loss," said Yukari with a laugh. "Your oyakodon is pretty good, though. Do you usually cook for yourself?"

"Yeah, me or Mayu. Our parents aren't around that often, so we just have to cook for ourselves."

"Oh, I see. Now that you mention it," Yukari looked around, a slight frown on her lips, "you don't really bring up your parents or anything that often, huh?"

"They just travel a lot for work," said Ia. "Anyways, Mayu and I can take care of ourselves." That said, Ia proceeded to eat more. How did Yukari make it? Ia was going to have to try to replicate this. For one thing, the timing of the egg had to be perfect, and the proportions of chicken, mirin, dashi, everything had to be just right. Before she knew it, she had completely finished her bowl, without even a single stray grain of rice left.

Yukari smirked. "Looks like someone finished their food fast...I told you, didn't I? I'm pretty good at making oyakodon!"

Ia frowned. So much for winning Yukari over through her stomach - that plan wouldn't work at all if Yukari was a better cook than Ia. Silently she vowed to make a food that would really wow the girl. As someone who had been cooking since childhood, Ia's pride as a chef was at stake. "It was pretty good," Ia mumbled.

"Oh," Yukari's eyes widened, "but your oyakodon is delicious too!"

Ia glanced up at Yukari. "If you say so."

"I totally say so! You're a great cook!"

Ia raised an eyebrow. "You've only tried my oyakodon so far."

"Yeah, but I can tell from it that you're good," said Yukari. "Hey," she leaned forward, "maybe we can do something like this again, if you're down for it!"

Ia sighed. She couldn't turn down Yukari when she was smiling like that. "Okay," she said. "I won't lose next time, though."

Yukari laughed. "Alright, alright. Want to start the movie now?" She got up and carried her bowl and chopsticks over to the kitchen. Ia hurriedly followed her.

"Wait," Ia stammered, placing her dishes in the sink and reaching for Yukari's, "you don't have to wash, I'll do it."

"Hey, hey, I don't want you to do all the work," Yukari pulled her dishes out of reach. "Besides, it's faster with two people."

Ia frowned. That was true, but Yukari was her guest. Shouldn't Ia be a good host? "Yeah, but-"

"No buts," Yukari said. "I'm pretty good at doing the dishes, you know."

"I'm good at doing dishes too!" Ia blurted out. "So you can leave it to me."

Yukari grinned. "Okay, how about we have a competition? We can split the amount of dishes between us two, and see who finishes first."

A competition? Ia thought it over. Yukari would be doing the dishes, but maybe this was Ia's chance to impress Yukari. Who knows, maybe she could be wooed by Ia's impressive dish-washing skills. "Deal. I won't lose this time."

"I don't know," Yukari teased, "I wash the dishes a lot..."

"I said I won't lose!"

-o-o-o-

Ia had won the competition, to her great relief, but instead of an impressed Yukari, what she got was a highly amused one. It was a few minutes later, the two of them on the couch, the TV displaying the DVD menu for _3-Iron_ , and Yukari was still bursting out into random giggles. Ia couldn't understand it. Why did she find losing the competition so funny?

"Why are you laughing?" Ia sighed for what seemed like the fiftieth time.

"I...I'm sorry," Yukari said between snorts, "you were just so...so _into it,_ oh my god, you should've seen your face!"

"It was a competition..." Ia mumbled. "I don't get why you think it's so funny."

"There there," said Yukari with a grin, "it was cute seeing you get all worked up."

 _Cute?_ Ia's eyes widened and she quickly looked away so that Yukari wouldn't see her blush. Did Yukari really call her cute? No way. Ia had never really thought of herself as being especially cute...maybe Yukari meant something else. Though what else could she mean? Cute only had one meaning. But it might not mean anything at all, Ia told herself. Girls told other girls that they were cute all the time, so it really shouldn't matter. It was probably something Yukari said to everyone. Ia told her heart to stop beating so fast, her brain to stop leaping to ridiculous conclusions. She was supposed to be logical, wasn't she?

"Oh my gosh!" Yukari gasped. Ia jolted. She had been too lost in her thoughts to notice Yukari peering over to look at her face. "Ia, you're _blushing!"_

Ia covered her cheeks. "N-no, I'm...my cheeks are always like this..." the excuse limped out of her mouth as lamely as a one-legged ostrich.

"Ia, that is _such_ a lie, come on. You didn't honestly expect me to believe that, right?"

"A-anyways, aren't we going to watch a movie?"

"Trying to change the subject on me, huh?"

"Let's watch the movie," Ia hit the play button on the remote. "Uh, so...so tell me about it!"

Yukari rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. It's kind of an artsy Korean film made a few years ago. Before I met SeeU, I didn't really watch much of this kind of stuff. I think _3-Iron_ is pretty accessible for an artsier film though, and a lot of the film is silent, which makes the parts where there is speech stand out more, and...well...I think you should watch it and draw your own conclusions."

There was SeeU again. Couldn't Yukari talk about movies for once without bringing her up all the time? Ia frowned, a bit of her earlier joy dissipating in her chest, and looked at the television. A boy on a motorcycle rode around pasting fliers to doors, then broke into an apartment.

"What?" Ia said, furrowing her eyebrows. "Why is he-"

"Shhh, you'll see."

Ia, frowning, continued watching, and the movie unveiled, bit by bit, its story. The boy on the motorcycle never spoke, and somehow that lent him a sort of dignity. Though he breaks into people's houses, he never seemed to have any sort of ill intent. All he did was carry out the normal, everyday rhythms of life - cooking, cleaning, fixing broken things - in the owners' absence before leaving, as silently as a ghost. Though Ia tried her best to concentrate fully on the movie Yukari wanted her to watch so much, in the back of her mind, memories of the last movie night floated in her head. Ia snuck a peek at Yukari. Yukari's eyes were focused on the screen, and Yukari herself was seated at a respectable distance away from Ia.

That was...good, Ia thought. Yukari was respecting her boundaries. Still, a small part of her couldn't help but to miss Yukari's easy closeness, the warmth of her body, the weight of her head on Ia's shoulder, the sweet smell of her shampoo. Now, Yukari was seated a fair distance from Ia, almost on the other side of the couch. This distance and respect should be signified as Yukari being closer to Ia - after all, she knows about Ia's boundary problems and is respecting that now, right? Then why doesn't it feel that way? Ia breathed out a barely audible sigh and tried to refocus on the movie.

When the movie ended, Ia wasn't entirely sure what to say. The last line of the movie was cryptic, not to mention, the final shot. "Did he die?"

Yukari shrugged. "Maybe. So, what did you think?"

Ia thought. It was definitely a weird movie. It wasn't the sort of thing Ia would watch on her own, either. Not only that, but she wasn't exactly well-versed in cinema; so many things in the film flew over her head. Still, it wasn't by any means bad, just strange. "I don't think I really understand. It's a sweet love story, though. And it sort of gave off a fairy tale feeling."

"Yeah, I know what you mean!" Yukari laughed. "You don't really know what's real and what's not, right? It's hard to tell the difference between reality and a dream."

"It's just, the ending parts of the movie..." Ia shook her head. For her, that was when everything went off-rails. The plot, before so serene and calm, became bizarre.

Yukari scratched her hair. "Yeah, I don't really get it myself. If SeeU was here though, she'd totally be giving us some big lecture on it. She's really into this kind of stuff."

At the mention of SeeU, Ia froze. She hadn't really given it any thought before, but...SeeU was a huge movie buff, so Yukari had undoubtedly watched tons of movies with her before. And judging by how clingy Yukari was on her first movie night with Ia...she was definitely used to doing that kind of thing. Which meant that every single time SeeU and Yukari watched movies together, Yukari was most likely all over SeeU. Ia felt a chill descend on her. Yukari hugging SeeU, Yukari cuddling with her, resting her head on her shoulder, talking and laughing about the movie, these images all floated through Ia's mind, despite the fact that Ia had absolutely no idea what SeeU looked like. She was probably some amazing-looking, charismatic person, the total opposite of Ia since Yukari got along with her so well. Which meant...

"...a? Ia!"

"Huh?" Ia blinked. Yukari was looking at her, her eyebrows furrowed. Ia shook herself. "What?"

"You were zoning out. Are you alright? Do you need water or something?"

"Oh...uh, no, I'm fine," Ia shook her head. Still, Yukari pressed on.

"Are you sure? You looked really upset for a bit...oh," Yukari paled, "did I do something? Ah, I'm sor-"

"No, no," Ia interrupted, "you didn't do anything wrong. I was just thinking about stuff."

"What were you thinking about?" Yukari frowned. "Did something happen?"

Yukari looked so worried that Ia wanted to tell her, but something inside stopped her. What was the point of telling Yukari all this about SeeU? Ia herself was the one who told Yukari to back off, and if Ia was to complain about it now, it would look awfully strange. Furthermore, it wasn't like Yukari was honest about her problems either. There were so many times she looked troubled, only to cover it up with a cheerful face and act as though she said nothing strange at all _._ Ia looked down at her hands. "Nothing happened. I just felt a little tired."

"Are you sure? We can hold off on watching the second movie, then." Yukari got up. Ia heard the soft whir of the DVD drive, the clack of Yukari closing the DVD case. "We can just chill, unless you want me to go back home?"

"N-no," Ia mumbled. "You can stay. I want you to stay."

"Okay then," Yukari plopped herself back down on the couch, still a respectable distance away. Ia stared down at her feet. Even though she told Yukari to stay, Ia herself wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to do. She certainly didn't want to just sit here in complete silence for the rest of the night. She wanted to become closer to Yukari, but how? The few feet between them felt more like a few miles. However, the only way to close it was to get to know Yukari better. Ia was sure that Yukari had told SeeU all sorts of things about herself. Knowing Yukari the way she is now, there was no way she just randomly started talking about her personal affairs. SeeU must have tried, so Ia should try too. Ia searched her mind for a question, any question.

"Why did your parents decide to move here?" she asked. It was as good a question as any.

"Huh?" Yukari looked up. "That's so random."

Ia shrugged. "I just wanted to know. There's not a lot to do in Yamaha."

"Hmmm...well, my father works in the hotel business, so we're just here for work." Yukari shrugged. "Nothing special. It could have been any town, but his boss or something decided to send him, and by extension us, here. But I think it's a more permanent position than the last few, so we should be here for a while."

It was a pretty typical answer, but was that really it? Ia didn't see much of a reason for Yukari to lie about this, so she decided to just let it be. "Oh."

"Yeah, nothing exciting. Anyways, I'm here now. Yamaha is really different from most of the places I've lived at. It's really quiet."

Ia sensed a slight undercurrent of criticism in Yukari's words. "Do you think it's boring here?"

Yukari grinned. "Well, maybe a little. At Artech and Crypton and such there was always something to do. But here, what's there to see besides countryside and rice paddies, right?"

"Uh..." Ia thought. "There's the historical part..."

"True, but it's not too much for high schoolers like us."

Ia had little experience with what high schoolers normally did, so she stayed quiet.

"And there's a mall, but it's a little far, so it's kind of more inconvenient to get to. In cities, after classes you could just walk to wherever you wanted to go, but here you kind of have to spend money on a train ticket to get anywhere."

Ia winced. Put it like that and it sounds like Yamaha was terribly dull. Ia had never truly noticed it since she spent most of her time alone. She didn't require too much for entertainment - that was what the Internet was for. "Oh."

"Sorry, I don't mean to be all down on your hometown though," Yukari said. "It's just a little more difficult for me to get used to. It's very pretty here though. It kind of feels like I went back in time. Especially after Artech, that city is really on the cutting edge technologically."

"Well, the name does have 'tech' in it," Ia said dryly.

"Right, right, I guess that should be expected, huh?" Yukari laughed. "It's not like I don't have fun hanging out with you guys."

"But you have more fun hanging out with SeeU," Ia muttered.

Yukari blinked, her smile fading. "What? Well, I mean...you know, SeeU's one of my best friends, so I'd always have lots of fun hanging out with her. But that doesn't mean I don't have just as much fun hanging out with everyone here." For the first time, Yukari looked visibly annoyed. "Come on, Ia, friendships can't be compared like that."

It was the first time Ia had seen such an expression on Yukari's face, and it stabbed her to the core. She hadn't been thinking when she said that, the words just spilled out of her mouth, and now Yukari was angry with her. Ia swallowed and bit her lip. Yukari was right - friendships shouldn't be compared like that. Why was Ia so selfish? When she looked at Yukari, she felt so much - she wanted the girl all to herself. Though it was fun to hang out with Yukari and everyone in class, if asked point blank, Ia would have to admit that she would enjoy it more if it was just her and Yukari. Furthermore, it wasn't right for her to be so bitter about Yukari being so close to SeeU. It wasn't like Yukari was going out with SeeU or anything; she was just really good friends with her, right? Then why couldn't Ia get rid of this sick feeling in her heart? She didn't especially hold a large grudge for SeeU at yelling at her over the phone. At this point, she felt as though she could understand a little of SeeU's feelings. If someone had hurt Yukari so much that she cried about it, Ia would definitely be really angry at whoever did it. So it wasn't as though SeeU had really done anything wrong herself. The problem just laid in Ia. Memories of the art fair rushed back to her. Back then, Yukari had been getting along really well with Mayu, so well that Ia had felt terrible about herself. But a true friend would be happy that a friend of hers got along so well with her stepsister. It was all because of that sick crush Ia had on Yukari, those stupid feelings messing with her head and heart and everything. Why couldn't Ia just get rid of it? Mayu was supportive, but Mayu's views on love had always been a little bit twisted. And besides, Ia was sure that to Yukari, she was just another friend, the same as everyone else. Perhaps Yukari pitied her, or felt like she needed extra attention because she never really had friends before. Either way, the feelings Ia had for Yukari were hopeless. Yukari was far too good for someone like Ia.

"You're right," Ia said softly. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that."

"Uh...hey, don't make that face," Yukari leaned over to look at her, all traces of annoyance gone. There was nothing but concern now, something that only made Ia feel worse.

Ia took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. "Alright. I'm sorry."

"Okay?" Yukari cocked her head to the side. "You shouldn't compare yourself to others like that. I have fun hanging out with you too, you know?"

"Thanks..."

"Yeah," Yukari nodded and smiled. "I like you a lot."

Ia tried to push her fantasies of Yukari away, a difficult proposition with the sight of Yukari smiling so sincerely and saying those words right in front of her. She had to try to be a better friend to Yukari now, Ia told herself. Love was too far a goal. "Thank you. I...like you too." That phrase was more loaded with emotion than she would have liked to admit, and Ia felt her cheeks heat up.

Yukari didn't seem to pick up on it, to Ia's relief. Her eyes only widened as a wide smile spread on her face. "Oh! You're blushing again! You look really cute, Ia! Arghh," Yukari hugged herself, "I really want to hug you!"

"Uh...if you want to, you can," Ia mumbled, her face heating up even more.

Yukari brightened up. "Oh, really? Okay!" She practically launched herself at Ia, wrapping her arms around her and holding her tight. Ia's heartbeat immediately increased to a gallop. She was pretty sure her face was flaming red by now. Yukari was so close, her cheek just barely brushing Ia's, her breath warm and hot against Ia's ear. Shit. Shit, this was a bad idea. Ia swallowed, her throat suddenly dry, and squeezed her eyes shut, though that only made her more aware of the intensely physical sensation of Yukari's hug. The sound of Yukari breathing was so loud, the rise and fall of her chest against Ia's own, shit.

"Thanks for letting me hug you," Yukari said softly, each syllable a warm puff of air in Ia's ear. "I know it must be hard."

That did it. Yukari's warmth, closeness, softness, smell, everything, it was overwhelming, too much. Ia couldn't stay in that hug anymore. She snapped her eyes open and pulled back, jolting herself back to reality. To her surprise, Yukari looked a little red too, but it must have just been the lighting.

"Yeah, um," Ia babbled, "i-it's getting kind of late, isn't it? Thank you for the movie and the oyakodon and-"

Yukari held up a hand, laughing. "Hey, you don't need to thank me for all that. I had a lot of fun today too." She got up to her feet. "Plus, I got to see you being cute. _Totally_ worth it."

Ia wasn't sure what to say to that, so she just got up, picked up Yukari's backpack, and handed it to her. She glanced over at the clock. It wasn't too late, so it should be a safe walk home. Not that there was much crime to worry about in Yamaha, but still. "You're okay walking back home alone?"

"Definitely, no need to worry yourself over me," Yukari grinned. "We should do this again sometime! Watch _The Thing_ next, you know? We should have a list."

"Okay, but...um...finals are coming up," said Ia.

Yukari winced. "Please don't remind me...we can do it over winter break then."

Winter break? Ia furrowed her eyebrows. She felt as though she had been worried about something happening during winter break, but she couldn't remember it at the moment. Well, it must not have been important. Ia nodded. "Okay. I'll text you when I'm free."

"Sounds great," said Yukari. "Well, I'll see you later then!" With a wave, she left, leaving Ia standing by the doorway. She sighed and turned back, surveying her house, mind lost.

"Oh," Mayu popped her head out from upstairs, "you two are done already? So early..."

"Wait, you're here?" Ia stared at her. "I thought you left to your friend's place!"

Mayu rolled her eyes. "I came back while you two were watching the movie. I tried to be as quiet as possible, so you probably didn't hear. I didn't want to, you know...interrupt."

Ia scowled. "I told you, it's not like that. Yukari doesn't even like me that way. I'm sure of it."

"You know," said Mayu, placing her hands on her hips, "we could have this discussion and go around in circles about it all day. You should really, _really_ do something about it."

Ia looked down at the ground. "But all these feelings just cause trouble for Yukari. They're selfish."

"Well, it's okay to be selfish sometimes."

"Yukari got mad earlier today," Ia said, softly. "And after that, I felt like I caused a lot of trouble for her by being like this."

"Oh, hm...really?" Mayu frowned. "What happened, did you confess to her?"

"No, of course not!"

"Ah. Figured you wouldn't have the guts."

Ia sighed and explained everything. By the time she finished, the two of them were sitting on the staircase steps.

"Well," said Mayu, "I think the problem isn't that you have a crush on Yukari. It's just that you're too insecure, so you set yourself up to fail."

Ia sighed. "I guess, but i don't know how to fix it."

"Yeah, this is hard," Mayu said. "But you know, you have friends now, and this Yukari girl must like you so much for a reason, right? Why not trust the person you have a crush on?"

"She likes me as a friend."

"Maybe that's all there is to it for now, but I think you can make something develop if you try," said Mayu. "Or maybe you're just the type of person who needs something external to make you try harder." She laughed. "Maybe I can swoop in and become your rival!"

Ia gaped at Mayu. No way. If Mayu became her opponent, she would definitely lose. "No!"

"Calm down, Ia," Mayu chuckled, patting her on the back. "Man, you would just crumple up without me. Looks like I can't leave my hopeless older sister alone."

Ia scowled. "Whatever. Anyways," she looked away, "I can't help but to be jealous of SeeU too. I can't stop comparing myself to her."

Mayu blinked. "Why? SeeU's far away, and _you're_ right here. They might be best friends, but it's not like SeeU's her girlfriend or anything."

Ia put a hand to her chin. "Yeah, but Yukari tells her everything. She hasn't really opened up that much to me, either."

"Have you tried? Have you asked her questions about herself?"

"Well...uh..."

Mayu groaned and put a hand to her face. "Geez, Ia, you really suck at this! You know, you should try before you get yourself down in the dumps about this kind of shit, oh my god."

"I tried today!" Ia protested. "I asked her why she moved here."

"Did she answer?"

"Yeah, she told me her family works in the hotel business and-"

"So why are you so upset? She _told_ you! Why not ask her more questions about herself? Oh my god..." Mayu shook her head. "You get good grades, but you can be really dumb sometimes, holy shit. If you ask, I'm sure Yukari will tell you. By being interested in her and learning more about her, you become closer to her and why am I even telling you this, this is blindingly obvious." Mayu flicked Ia on the forehead. "Hello, anyone there?"

"Oww!" Ia put her hands over her forehead. "Don't do that! We're not kids anymore!"

" _I'm_ not a kid anymore," Mayu corrected. "You, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about."

"I'm older than you!"

"Physically, sure. Mentally? I'd say I take on the big sister role in this, don't you?"

Ia scowled. She couldn't exactly refute Mayu's words. "But Yukari already has SeeU. Why would she ever confide in me?"

"People can have more than one person they talk about their problems with," said Mayu.

"Yukari never brought up her problems with me before."

"Well, you never gave her an opening to," said Mayu. "She probably just doesn't want to bother you. Which is why, if you're worried, you _ask_. Who knows, maybe she's hoping that _you_ would say something."

"Ugh," Ia put her hands on her head. "Why is this so hard?"

"Inexperience, lack of confidence, first crush..." Mayu counted off on her fingers. "Pretty deadly combination you got there."

"Definitely..."

"Well," Mayu got up to her feet, "I hope this talk helped you out a little."

"Yeah, it did," said Ia, glancing up at Mayu. "Thanks."

"Hey, no problem," Mayu smirked. "You're talking to a love expert here."

Ia rolled her eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

SeeU had always been good at academics. Ever since she was a kid, her parents had emphasized the value of hard work and privation, and especially stressed that academic success was the key to success in life. In SeeU's childhood, when she was less prone to doing work, her parents would bribe her with a trip to the movies as a reward for doing her homework well, and soon enough SeeU got into the habit of doing work on her own. There was something almost relaxing about it, in her opinion. Class assignments were never too difficult due to the fact that she endeavored to keep several chapters ahead of what they were currently covering, and she was free to let her mind wander while she did work.

As a result of her intelligence and good looks, classmates flocked to her for advice on homework, work, and their own lives. SeeU could hardly go a lunch without being swarmed by people. It had been like this ever since middle school. Thus, SeeU never really had to go out of her way to make friends. People were just naturally drawn towards her. She didn't question it. After so long a time of living like this, she accepted it as the natural way of things.

"SeeU! Could you help me out with math during lunch?" A boy leaned over towards SeeU's desk, his smile sheepish.

SeeU sighed. "I'll try to fit you into my schedule."

The student blushed. "Thanks. I really can't figure this stuff out, I don't know how you do it."

"Uh...by studying? There aren't many other ways of doing it, you know."

"You're so dedicated, SeeU! I wish I could be like that. Anyways," the boy's smile became less sheepish, "what do you think of the new transfer student?"

"Who?" SeeU asked absentmindedly.

"You know! The girl who sits next to you! Suzuki...Yukari? Something like that."

"Yuzuki Yukari, actually," supplied a new voice, and the student gave a small jump and looked over to see the girl in question, who was smiling in a blandly polite way. "What were you two talking about?"

"Oh, uh...I was just asking SeeU here if she could help me out with my homework," said the student.

"I see," said Yukari cheerily before turning to fix SeeU with a smile. "You know, I usually make an impression on people when I transfer in. I'm kind of hurt that you don't seem to remember me at all," she grinned and placed a hand over her heart.

SeeU stared at her, not entirely sure of what to say. "Well, sorry," she said after a silence.

"Hey, no need to apologize," Yukari's smile was as friendly as ever. "But how about we hang out after school? I'm new to Artech, so it'd be pretty cool if someone could show me around. Why not my seatmate, right?"

"I don't have time today," said SeeU, turning away.

Yukari blinked. "Oh, uh-"

The student intervened. "You don't just _ask_ SeeU out. She's really busy helping everyone out."

Yukari glanced over at the student and smiled again, though it wasn't quite as friendly this time. "Oh, I see. Sorry, I didn't realize that you were apparently class property."

"What?" said SeeU.

Yukari shrugged. "Yeah, you know. Class property, since you're so busy helping everyone."

"What's wrong with me helping everyone?"

"I mean, nothing's wrong with it," said Yukari. "It's very nice and altruistic of you!" Another sunny smile. SeeU had to admit, she was getting a little sick of those. She couldn't figure out if Yukari was making fun of her, or if Yukari was merely being irritating. "Anyways, if you can't hang out, that's fine." Yukari shrugged. "I'll ask someone else. Have fun with helping everyone out, alright?"

SeeU rolled her eyes. "You know, everyone has trouble in this class. You'll probably asking for my help sooner or later."

To SeeU's surprise, Yukari laughed. "My academics _are_ terrible. But you know, I think I might pass on this one."

SeeU blinked. "What?"

"Forget about it," Yukari waved a hand in the air, and with that, she was gone, leaving SeeU behind with the plant and the student.

"Um," said the student, "so, my homework..."

"Oh," SeeU said, following the path of Yukari's disappearance, "yeah. No problem. See you during lunch."

-o-o-o-

Yukari didn't seem to pay much attention to SeeU after that. Even though they sat together, SeeU would notice with disdain that Yukari seemed to spend most of her time in class doodling or even sleeping. For someone as hard-working as SeeU, Yukari's actions bordered on heretical. SeeU tried to ignore it the best she could, but it gnawed at her. How could someone be so... _easy-going?_ Even though SeeU had always placed academics as her top priority, she knew that others didn't feel the same way. However, people at least made some sort of effort to pay attention...unlike Yukari. And from their brief conversation, SeeU felt that Yukari was a lot smarter than she was letting on. So...why? Why let her intelligence go to waste?

It got so annoying that once SeeU discovered that she had a block of free time during lunch for once, the first thing she did was walk up to Yukari's desk and slam her notes on it. Yukari glanced up in surprise before her eyes focused on the large stack of notes. Her eyebrows furrowed. "What's this?"

SeeU sniffed. "I suppose _you_ wouldn't know what these are. _These_ ," SeeU thumped the stack, feeling a swell of pride at the heavy-sounding, academic noise, "happen to be my notes."

Yukari raised her eyebrows. "Impressive. Are you like, showing off your note-peen or something?"

Note-peen? SeeU had absolutely no idea what that meant. "Yes," she said.

Yukari laughed, a bubbly, musical sound that caught SeeU's ears. "Wow, you _actually_ admit to it!"

SeeU scowled. She got the distinct feeling that she was being made fun of. "Well, if you don't want it," she huffed, making to take her notes back, but Yukari stopped her.

"No, no, I'm sorry," Yukari giggled, shooting SeeU a wide smile. "What's with this? What's up? Do you usually go about giving your notes to students like me?"

"I just felt bad for you, that's all," SeeU said airily. "It's annoying seeing you sleep in class and slack off."

Yukari raised an eyebrow. "Didn't realize that was so offensive to you. Ever consider letting people live their own lives?"

"By helping you, I'm _improving_ yours, so don't whine."

For some reason, Yukari laughed again. "You're pretty confident, huh?"

SeeU shrugged. "I'm smart and I'm pretty. Everyone says so."

"Definitely confident..."

"Anyways, I've decided that I'm going to help you with your homework."

Yukari frowned. "You do that with _everyone._ Doesn't it ever get a bit tiring? I'll tell you what. Let's become friends first. Then you can help me with my homework as much as you want. Though," Yukari grinned, "I can't promise that I won't become dependent on your help if that happens, honestly. I really am bad at academics."

SeeU sighed. "Very well. I'll try to slot you into my busy schedule."

"In any case, I'm honored that the great SeeU paid me a visit today," Yukari said. "I never thought that I, Yuzuki Yukari, would be so lucky."

SeeU frowned. She had never met someone who poked fun at her this much. Most of the kids at her school, having grown up with her from elementary to high school, absolutely idolized her as the smartest and prettiest girl in class. "Whatever! Geez," SeeU turned away, "what if I don't want to be friends with you? I have tons of friends already. What if all I felt was pity for someone clearly worse off than me?"

"Maybe that's true," Yukari shrugged. "I guess since you have so many friends, I understand if you don't need one more. I'm sure they all idolize your presence and are really good friends who pat you on the back all the time! I could only wish I had such good friends..."

SeeU wasn't sure if Yukari was making fun of her or not. Something was, she felt, rather frustrating about the girl. "Well...well...whatever! When do you want to hang out, then? I'm warning you though, I'm not free that often."

"We'll plan around your schedule," said Yukari. "How about it?"

-o-o-o-

SeeU snapped out of her sleep when the bus rattled to a stop. She rubbed her head and looked around. The bus was totally empty of any other passengers save herself.

"Excuse me miss," the bus driver called, "this is the last stop."

"Oh," said SeeU. "Right." She got up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. It had been a long journey. Honestly, if it had been anyone _other_ than Yukari, SeeU wouldn't have even bothered coming all this way. But since it was Yukari...SeeU sighed. She didn't really have much of a choice but to follow, didn't she? She got her luggage and got off the bus, squinting her eyes against the light.

The sky was a blank white, snow stretching out in all directions with only the occasional dead tree to break up the monotony. The bus stop itself was a sad-looking wooden bench underneath an overhang, the bus stop's sign faded. Immediately after SeeU got off, the bus drove off, as if eager to be anywhere other than here. This was the absolute last stop on the route, so there was no way to miss it. This had to be it - this had to be Yamaha. And there was no other word to describe it; this place was totally dead.

SeeU was appalled.

"SeeU!" someone cried, and SeeU looked up. In the distance she could see Yukari running towards her, waving enthusiastically. SeeU's eyes widened and she ran towards Yukari, who immediately enveloped her in a hug the moment her arms got far enough to reach. "Oh my god, it's been _forever!_ How have you been?" Yukari pulled back to look at her, her purple eyes as bright and as lively as SeeU remembered them. "I'm so glad you came!"

SeeU grinned. "Missed me?"

"Of course!" Yukari laughed. She glanced over at SeeU's luggage - two small rolling suitcases. "You didn't bring much, huh?"

"I was thinking I would buy some stuff here, but..." SeeU surveyed the dismal area around the bus stop, "there doesn't seem to be _anything_ here. How do you survive?"

"You get used to it," said Yukari. "Here, I'll help you with your luggage." Before SeeU could say anything, Yukari grabbed the handle of one of the suitcases. "Plus, there _is_ a mall, but you can only get there by a car or public transportation."

"Geez," SeeU shook her head. "I'm starting to regret coming here already."

"SeeU!" Yukari stared at her, eyes wide with feigned hurt. "How could you say something so cruel..."

"I'm just kidding," SeeU said, even though she knew that Yukari wasn't actually hurt. The girl was way too good at acting. "Which way's your house?"

"Oh, don't worry, it's pretty close," Yukari said with a laugh. "Just follow this road and make a few turns and we'll be there in no time." That said, she started walking, SeeU following her. Along the way, Yukari had started talking about her day, and SeeU found that she couldn't stop staring. It had been so long since SeeU had last seen Yukari in person that she wanted to drink up every part of her. Yukari walked with wide, relaxed strides, and occasionally she would raise an arm to point out certain things about the landscape, though to SeeU, every tree looked the same as the one before. Yukari seemed to have lost a little weight since she moved to the country as well, her figure slender and athletic. Her voice was as clear and as musical as it had been the day she transferred in to SeeU's class.

"...and finals were so _hard,"_ Yukari groaned. "If Ia hadn't helped me out, I would have been sunk for sure."

SeeU blinked. "Ia? Ia helped you out?"

"Yeah! She's really smart. I told you about all this already! Anyways," Yukari whirled around so that she was facing SeeU as she pulled the luggage, "I have decided that this...weird _thing_ between you and Ia is the absolute worst. I don't want my friends to hate each other, you know? You two haven't even met each other yet, and for some reason you two get all down the moment I even _mention_ the other person."

SeeU scowled. "Look Yukari, that's because-"

"I _told_ you that the movie thing is dinosaur bones now," Yukari huffed, putting one hand on her hip as she walked backwards, occasionally glancing behind. SeeU wondered if maybe they should stop walking so that Yukari wouldn't trip on something, but Yukari was still talking. "And Ia has this bad impression of you because you randomly called her up!...probably. I'm not all that sure, to be honest."

SeeU had a pretty good idea as to why Ia would be upset whenever Yukari brought her up, and she had absolutely no desire to enlighten Yukari about it. "So what're you gonna do about it?"

"I told you the first time I asked you to come down, remember? I'm going to introduce you two to each other, and then you guys will understand that the other person isn't all that bad after all," Yukari grinned. "Who knows, you might even become friends!"

"That's impossible," SeeU rolled her eyes.

"Why? You guys are both smart, and Ia's really cool!"

"She sounds like the complete _opposite_ of cool."

Yukari groaned. "There's no reasoning with you." She turned back around. "Well, like it or not, I'm going to have the two of you meet up today. I've decided. No ifs and buts about it."

SeeU huffed. What is this? She didn't come all the way down to Yamaha to hang out with Ia, and she couldn't believe how ridiculously, incredibly _dense_ Yukari was. How could someone so socially versed otherwise be so oblivious? Though perhaps SeeU should be a little happy about it, because if Yukari wasn't so dense she would have picked up on Ia's crush on her. Even from her vantage point all the way in Artech SeeU could tell that this Ia kid had a crush on Yukari the size of a meteor. It was blindingly obvious in everything Yukari said about the girl. The mere thought of it was enough to make SeeU's gut churn. And Yukari wanted her to _meet_ Ia? The idea was so dumb SeeU was pretty sure that she would lose brain cells if she thought about it too much. Though, it wasn't as though Yukari had ever picked up on SeeU's feelings for her. Not that SeeU had ever really done anything other than pine from afar, but _still._ As someone who was pretty popular back in her school at Artech, SeeU wasn't exactly used to expressing affection; rather, she had so many admirers that they expressed all the affection for her.

"If that's what you really want in life," SeeU said, trying to inject all the disdain she possibly could into that sentence.

"It is indeed," Yukari said. "So, after we drop off your stuff at my place, we'll be meeting up with Ia and taking a walk around, maybe watch a movie or eat, who knows. Sounds good?"

Sounds horrible, SeeU wanted to say, but she swallowed her words and sighed. "Yeah, that sounds okay."

"Be optimistic," Yukari chided. "Seriously, it'd be great."

-o-o-o-

The streets were rather full. Not surprising, considering how it was the start of winter break and also a Friday night. Ia sat on a bench, watching her breath dissipate in the air and kicking her feet. Her heart felt heavy. Today was the day she would meet SeeU. She looked down and repeated Mayu's words to herself in her head - SeeU's just a friend, there's nothing to worry about, who knows, Yukari might be right and SeeU could be a nice person after all. But there was no dispelling the cloud in her heart, despite all her mental reassurances.

"Ah, Ia!" Yukari called out. For the first time, Ia felt reluctant to raise her head when Yukari called her name. If she did, she would have to see SeeU. But look up she did, and there Yukari was, face faintly flushed from the cold. Next to her was a girl with long, billowing blonde hair, her blue eyes stern as she stared at Ia. She was rather pretty, despite her obvious displeasure at being there. Ia's heart sank. It didn't look like SeeU was very intent on getting to know her at all.

"Hey Yukari," said Ia, getting up to her feet.

"This is SeeU, my friend from Artech," Yukari chirped, seemingly oblivious to the tension. "And SeeU, this is Ia, my friend from, well, here!"

"Nice to meet you," Ia offered.

"Charmed," SeeU said before looking at Yukari. "So what is there to eat around here? I'm hungry."

"Did you already eat?" Yukari asked Ia.

"Uh...no..."

"Great," Yukari brightened up, "so we can all eat together! Ia, how about you recommend a place?"

"M-me?" Ia barely went outside, so she had no idea what was good in the first place. She felt the weight of SeeU's stare on her, heavy and disdainful, and swallowed hard. She better impress, otherwise SeeU would probably have an even worse opinion of her. Mayu had told her that, if SeeU was Yukari's best friend, getting her approval would be important if Ia ever wanted to actually date Yukari someday. "Uh...but I don't really eat in this area a lot..."

SeeU rolled her eyes. "Are you serious? You live here!"

"SeeU, come on, be nice," Yukari admonished. "We can just walk around and eat at wherever sounds good, then." That said, the three of them started walking down the street, Yukari in the middle, in silence. Ia wasn't sure what to say, so she focused on the store windows. She hadn't realized how many stores there were in the area until now. There was a place that sold craft beer, not that Ia could drink legally yet, a hula instruction studio, a cheese shop, a sprawling general store...

"Ah, how about here?" Yukari stopped walking in front of a reasonably bustling pasta place. "The prices seem alright, and it's pretty popular from the looks of it, so it should be good...are you two down for it?"

"Y-yeah!" Ia said quickly.

SeeU shrugged. "Sure."

And so, the three of them wound up sitting together at a table in the center of the restaurant in complete silence after ordering their food. Yukari kept glancing between Ia and SeeU, as if waiting for one of them to say something. SeeU was tapping her fingers on the table, her expression blank and bored. As for Ia, the weight of the silence was palpable, but she wasn't quite brave enough to break it.

In the end, Yukari lightly elbowed SeeU. "Why are you being so quiet?"

SeeU sighed. "There's not much to talk about right now."

Yukari frowned. "Come on, you have to at least _try_ before giving up. You barely said anything since we got here!"

"Okay, okay...so, Ia," said SeeU.

Ia gave a small jolt. "Yes?"

"Yukari told me you watched _3-Iron,"_ SeeU inclined her head over towards Yukari.

"Ah, y-yeah!" Ia sat straight up. For some reason, she felt as though she was in some kind of job interview. "It was...good. I, uh, I liked it?"

"Did you really?"

One look at SeeU's penetrating gaze and Ia decided that the best course of action would be to tell the truth. "It wasn't bad or anything. I thought it got confusing near the end, like...when he started disappearing, it's not realistic and the rest of the movie was, so..."

"What?" SeeU stared at Ia as though Ia had said something completely bizarre. "Did you not read the ending quote? 'It's difficult to tell the difference between reality and a dream.' Did you pay attention at all?"

"I _did_ pay attention and I _did_ read it, but I don't get what it has to do with the rest of the movie," said Ia, feeling rather put off. She hadn't exactly expected SeeU to be friendly, but she didn't expect her to be so openly rude in front of Yukari either.

"From the very beginning the protagonist existed in a different world from other people, as evidenced by his transient existence, his lack of speech, _everything,"_ SeeU said. "Everyone else lived perfectly normal lives except for him, and since he leaves no trace of himself behind in the houses he breaks into, the viewer can interpret him as a ghost or a dream. Him disappearing from view in the camera is just the next step. Furthermore," SeeU seemed to be hitting her stride, "even when he was being beaten in jail, he never had any lasting bruises. See, things in our world don't affect him. One can interpret that as him having 'died' in jail, but I think-"

"Our food's here!" Yukari interrupted. Ia blinked and saw that indeed she had a plate of steaming gnocchi in front of her.

"Great," said SeeU, a smile spreading on her face for the first time. "I haven't eaten anything all day." That said, she immediately dug in, _3-Iron_ forgotten, to Ia's great relief. Ia ate some of her food, but her appetite wasn't all there, so she wound up taking only a few bites, too preoccupied with SeeU to eat more. Right off the bat, the girl had been straight-up unfriendly. Was she really _that_ upset by the first movie night incident? That was so long ago...Ia frowned at her plate, studied the gnocchi as though the secret to SeeU's behavior was hidden in there, but she found nothing other than food.

After a while, Yukari took a sip of water and got up. "I'm gonna go use the restroom, so...you two, talk!"

"Wait, what," Ia began, but Yukari had already scurried off. Faced with the prospect of having to talk to SeeU alone, Ia gulped and prepared herself for another long _3-Iron_ lecture. However, SeeU was silent, poking half-heartedly at her pappardelle. The silence was so thick and awkward Ia felt like she was drowning. Yukari had told them to talk though, so Ia felt like she should break it. "So..." Ia said, cringing at the sound of her voice. It sounded so pathetic and unsure. SeeU glanced up.

"What?" she said.

First things first, Ia figured she should apologize. Maybe SeeU really did have some sort of long grudge against her for hurting Yukari so badly that one time. "I'm sorry about the way I acted during the movie incident..I definitely could have handled it a lot better." She bit back her urge to criticize SeeU's random call. "I don't have any intention of hurting Yukari more than I already have." Why does it feel like she's asking SeeU for her blessing? Ia's face burned and she looked down. "So uh..."

SeeU looked up at the ceiling. "You want me to forgive you?"

"Well...yes," said Ia.

SeeU seemed to be thinking.

"I think," Ia added, tentatively, "that Yukari might be happier if we, um, got along."

"How do _you_ know what Yukari thinks?" SeeU snapped, and Ia shrank back into her seat. SeeU sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Anyways, well, I _guess_ she'd be happier. I still think she'd be happier if she stopped hanging around with you entirely though."

Ia took a deep breath. Why was SeeU so blatantly aggressive? She was the total opposite of Yukari. "Like I said, I've been trying to get used to things and I've been trying to be a better friend. I would hate it if I ever made Yukari unhappy."

Before SeeU could reply, however, Ia saw Yukari approaching the table. She immediately sat up straighter. SeeU glanced back and promptly started stuffing herself with pappardelle.

"Sup guys," Yukari said as she slid into her seat. "Had a nice talk?"

"Yeah," said SeeU, to Ia's surprise. "It was...okay."

"Ah," said Yukari, a glimmer of triumph in her eyes. "I hate to say I told you so, but I told you-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," SeeU rolled her eyes.

"So what'd you guys talk about?"

Ia and SeeU were both silent. Ia, on her part, was unsure of whether or not SeeU wanted her to say the truth or not, and didn't want to mess up the progress she seemingly made with her. Ia wasn't sure why SeeU told Yukari that they had a nice talk, but maybe SeeU really did have a better impression of her now. Ia felt a bit happier at the thought of it. She knew she still had a ways to go before she could fully make up for that time, but if she had SeeU's approval, Ia was sure that things would be a lot better. Maybe they could even be friends.

"We just talked about movies," said SeeU.

Yukari frowned. "Don't tell me you just lectured Ia about movies the entire time."

"N-no she didn't," Ia said. "And it was fine. SeeU, uh, knows a lot about movies."

"See?" said SeeU. "Ia says so."

Yukari looked at Ia, her eyes particularly piercing, as if trying to gauge whether or not Ia was telling the truth. Ia held her gaze and, seemingly satisfied, Yukari looked away.

"Well, just as long as you're not bullying Ia or anything, I'm happy," said Yukari with a laugh. "She's too cute to be bullied."

At that, Ia felt her face heat up. "Wh-what?"

A flash of displeasure on SeeU's face. "Whatever."

"Come on, SeeU," Yukari whined, "don't you think she looks cute?"

SeeU didn't answer. She only scowled and continued eating.

"Oh right, I forgot you're the beauty queen at your school," Yukari laughed and patted SeeU on the back. "Don't worry! I think you're cute too."

Ia wilted. Right - Yukari was the type of girl who just says these sorts of things without being embarrassed and without it meaning anything at all. If Yukari was a boy, she'd definitely have a reputation as one of those flirty players or something like that. SeeU looked a little happier, though not by much.

"I already know I'm pretty," SeeU scoffed. "You don't need to say the obvious."

"Alright, alright," Yukari held her hands up, grinning. "Well, in case you needed the pick-me-up or something."

-o-o-o-

The rest of the night passed as uneventfully as it could. For Yukari's benefit, SeeU tried to be as okay with hanging out with Ia as she could. It was a pity. Ia was earnest, SeeU would give her that. And she followed Yukari around like a puppy and its master. Her love was so innocent it hurt. Yukari seemed to be pretty taken with Ia too, but SeeU couldn't quite figure out Yukari's feelings about her. Sure, it seemed platonic enough...but what if it wasn't? Yukari did try awfully hard to be Ia's friend, in sharp contrast to SeeU. At least, Yukari never really sought out SeeU's company until later on in their friendship, but from day one it seemed like Yukari had been pursuing Ia. It was...strange, SeeU had to admit. At any rate, if only Ia wasn't her rival. They might have gotten along. Shame, really. On the occasions when Yukari would leave the two alone, SeeU could tell that Ia was trying her best to make conversation. It was kind of, well, pathetic, but at the same time SeeU could see how Yukari would be charmed by that.

"So, um, you're pretty popular at your school?" Ia asked awkwardly when Yukari excused herself to go to the bathroom again at a furniture store. She had done that so often SeeU was beginning to suspect that she was only doing that so that SeeU and Ia would have the chance to talk alone.

"Yeah," said SeeU as she picked up a scented candle and smelled it.

"That's cool," said Ia. "Yukari's really popular here too."

 _No shit. "_ Well, it's not a competition or anything," said SeeU.

"Oh, uh," Ia's face flushed red and she stared down at her feet. "Y-yeah."

SeeU sighed. "You should be more confident when you talk. If you're too unsure, it's annoying."

"Sorry..." Ia mumbled, looking even more ashamed than she did before.

Even SeeU felt a bit bad after seeing Ia's miserable expression. "Just...I don't know, just be more confident or something," said SeeU, picking up another candle and smelling it.

"It's not that easy," Ia said. "I'm not like you and Yukari."

"Well, if you're happy with being alone and quiet all the time, then that's your choice," said SeeU. Seriously, what does Yukari see in this kid?

Ia frowned. "I'm _trying_ to be more social. It's harder than you think...I can't just flip a switch that makes it easier."

"Right, right," said SeeU offhandedly. "So...you have a huge crush on Yukari, right?"

Ia's frown disappeared in an instant, replaced by shock and an accompanying blush. "Wh-what? How'd you know? Is it that obvious?"

SeeU rolled her eyes. "I'd have to be totally blind to not be able to tell."

Ia bit her lip. "Is that, uh...okay?"

That question was so stupid SeeU couldn't help but to laugh. "Really? You're asking _me_ if it's okay?"

"Uh..." Ia twisted a lock of her silver hair, clearly off-balance, "you're Yukari's best friend, so I thought-"

"I have news for you," said SeeU. "I like Yukari too."

If Ia was surprised before, she was completely stunned now. "You...you..you..." she could hardly get her words out. "Really?"

SeeU nodded. "I thought I would let you know. So that we can have a fair competition when it comes to this."

"Competition?"

"This isn't rocket science," said SeeU, "I'm assuming that you care enough about Yukari to want to fight for her. Otherwise, you really don't deserve her."

"F-fight?" Ia squeaked. "P-people still do that? That's so violent-"

"I don't mean physically!" SeeU put her hand to her face. "I meant that you care enough about her that you don't want to just give her up."

"Of course I don't," Ia mumbled, "but you're her best friend. I can't compete against you." Ia looked incredibly deflated, all the wind knocked out of her sails. "You're popular and outgoing, there's no way..."

"In the end, it's up to Yukari."

Ia slumped forward. "I...I guess so."

"Oh my god," said SeeU. "Don't just roll over and take this. It's really annoying. Why don't you stand up for yourself?"

Ia was silent, her eyes fixed on the floor.

"Well...whatever," said SeeU with a wave of her hand. "It's not my job to raise your self-esteem. Anyways, I'm telling you that I like Yukari because I want things to be aboveboard with us. Being sneaky isn't my style."

"Thanks, I guess," Ia mumbled.

"Ah," said SeeU, noticing Yukari walking over. "Incoming Yukari. Look happy."

Ia straightened her posture, but that was the sum of it.

"Hey guys!" Yukari chirped once she was there, completely oblivious as usual. "There's a sale on cooking supplies over there! I got sort of caught up looking at things, sorry. Do you think I should get this spatula?" She held up the aforementioned spatula.

"Looks...okay," said SeeU, slowly. She had never cooked, and thus knew little of these arcane things called 'spatulas'.

Ia examined it. "Interesting...it has a two sided blade?"

"Yeah, one is for curving around bowls and the other is for flat pans," said Yukari. "You can take it off pretty easily, too. Ready for oyakodon making part two?" She faked a stab with the spatula towards Ia, who, to her credit, didn't flinch.

Ia mustered a weak smile. "Y-yeah. Sure."

Yukari lowered the spatula, concern creeping into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"O-oh, yeah, I'm fine!" Ia quickly put a wider smile on her face.

Yukari frowned, unconvinced, and turned towards SeeU, a suspicious cast in her eyes. "SeeU...were you bullying Ia again?"

"No, she wasn't," Ia interrupted. "I just feel a little tired, that's all."

Yukari glanced at Ia. "But why all of a sudden?"

Ia shrugged. "I didn't get much sleep last night, I guess."

"Oh," Yukari turned fully away from SeeU now, "I understand! Want to go back home then? I'm probably going to buy this. We can have another cooking contest, sound good?"

Ia smiled and nodded. "Yeah. That sounds good."

"Great," said Yukari. "I'm just going to go buy this, and then we'll be on our way back!" That said, Yukari turned away and started walking over to the cash registers. The moment her back was turned, Ia's smile dropped. SeeU sighed and rubbed the back of her head. Even though Ia was so unsure of her chances, the amount of attentiveness that Yukari was showing her was impressive, to say the least. SeeU frowned. She was going to have to make Yukari see her as something other than 'my friend who makes my other friend sad' somehow.

"We should probably follow her," said SeeU to Ia, who was standing still, her eyes distant.

"Oh," said Ia. "Yeah. Let's go."


	10. Chapter 10

Mayu didn't spend most of her life living with Ia for nothing. The moment Ia came home, Mayu knew that something was wrong. The girl was downcast, her eyes fixed on the floor, her gait sluggish as she shuffled into the house like a walking corpse. Yup. That meetup with Yukari and SeeU definitely did not go well at all.

Inwardly, Mayu sighed, It looked like it was up to her to give Ia yet another pep talk. As she walked over, she turned over several possibilities in her mind as to what could have gone wrong this time. Naturally, the only reason for Ia's dejected mood has to be Yukari, since it seems that Yukari was the sole motivator for many of Ia's moods, and Mayu could hazard a guess that it had something to do with SeeU as well.

"What's up?" asked Mayu once she got to Ia, who was shuffling out of her snow-encrusted shoes.

Ia stared up at Mayu, her eyes blank. "It's hopeless, Mayu. I have no chance."

"What's wrong this time? What, did SeeU not like you or something?" That was definitely possible. If Yukari really held SeeU's opinion in such high esteem, that could be a problem. Still, no need to bring that up now, not when Ia's already so down. "Well...even if she doesn't, that has nothing to do with you and Yukari!"

Ia heaved a huge sigh, her frame seeming to shrink as she exhaled. She slumped against the door she had just come in from. "SeeU hates me, but that's not the problem."

Mayu frowned. She didn't like where this was going. In fact, if her instinct was right, this could turn out to be a major headache.

Without any need for further prompting, Ia continued. "SeeU...SeeU likes Yukari too." With that, whatever force that held her against the door disappeared and she slowly slid to the ground, back against the door until she hit the ground with a soft thump. To Mayu's alarm, Ia's eyes were starting to look red, her voice growing quieter and quieter with each successive word. "And if SeeU likes Yukari, then...then I have no chance. She's known Yukari for so much longer and Yukari tells her _everything_ , it's hopeless, Mayu, hopeless!" Ia buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. "I wish none of this had ever happened! I wish...I wish Yukari had never moved in...then I wouldn't have to feel like this!"

Shit. Mayu quickly decided to abandon any wisecracks she had in mind in favor of sitting next to Ia and putting her arm around her shoulder. "Hey, come on, Ia, you don't really wish for that. Even though it hurts, you had a lot of fun times with Yukari, right? And it's too early to give up, you know," Mayu gave Ia a hopefully reassuring squeeze. "Just because SeeU likes Yukari doesn't mean that Yukari likes SeeU. It's not like it's totally hopeless. Besides," Mayu added, "what's so great about SeeU? I bet that you're a thousand times better."

Ia choked out a half-laugh. "She's really pretty, Mayu, and she's really smart, and she knows a lot about movies, and...and she and Yukari have a lot in common, they're both outgoing and popular. I have to try so hard, but SeeU doesn't look like she's trying at all."

It really seemed like SeeU was putting a huge toll on Ia. Mayu inwardly frowned. She didn't take kindly to people hurting the ones she loved, but she had to manage her protectiveness and possessiveness. Mayu closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and calmed herself. It wasn't as though SeeU had outright _done_ anything to hurt Ia other than, well, existing...right? "Ia, please. None of that matters. So what if she's pretty and smart? You're pretty and smart too. And maybe she and Yukari have a lot in common, but haven't you heard the saying, 'opposites attract'?"

Ia sniffled and glanced up. Her eyes were red, tear tracks standing out clear on her face. "That's a dumb saying," she said, "and it's not even _true_ , there are lots of psychologists and professors who dispute that."

Mayu groaned. "Okay, maybe it's not a tried and true rule, but the saying must have come about for a reason, right? And it's not like you and Yukari have nothing in common. You both like to cook and you both like to read. What does SeeU have in common with Yukari other than movies and being outgoing? How is that better than what you have in common?"

Ia frowned, resolute in her misery. "W-well, that doesn't change the fact that Yukari tells SeeU everything! Why would she need me if she has SeeU?"

"We've already gone over this, Ia!" Mayu didn't often seriously lose her patience with Ia, even if the girl sometimes had a tendency to go into circles, but fuck, Ia was quickly undoing all of the progress she made in building her self-esteem. "If you want Yukari to tell you more about herself, you have to _ask_. And so what if SeeU likes her too? Think about it this way," Mayu said, "and listen very carefully, okay? You listening?"

Ia sniffled, rubbed her nose, and nodded. "Y-yeah, I'm listening."

"SeeU liking Yukari doesn't change anything," said Mayu. "If Yukari likes her back, then they'd be dating by now. And they aren't, right?"

Ia stared at Mayu, dead silent, eyes wide as though Mayu had said something heretical. Mayu began to fear that perhaps she had made some kind of mistake. "Uh...they aren't, right?"

Ia bit her lip, suddenly looking very thoughtful. "No...no, they aren't."

"There you go," said Mayu with great relief. "If anything, that means your chance with Yukari is even better! Since SeeU's been liking Yukari for who knows how long, I assume, and Yukari hasn't done anything yet. You can do it, Ia. You just have to be more confident."

"More confident..." Ia said to herself, and sighed. "But it's hard, Mayu. I look at myself and I don't see anything."

"Maybe you haven't been looking long enough," said Mayu. "Maybe you're looking at the wrong places."

Ia sighed, again, and drew her knees up to her chest. "Maybe. Or maybe there's nothing there at all."

"Come on, that's not true. I'm sure that if you asked Yukari, she'd have a whole list. She has to be friends with you for a reason."

"I guess," said Ia, and she rubbed her eyes. "I hate feeling like this, Mayu. I don't _know_ anything, I don't know what she feels or how she feels."

"Well, as your knowledgeable stepsister, I have to inform you that if you want to know what she feels, you need to ask."

"I know _that_ much," said Ia, and she put a hand over her chest, her eyebrows furrowed. "This really hurts, Mayu...I think I might understand a bit why you threatened that girl with craft scissors. It hurts to even _think_ about SeeU staying over at Yukari's place right now. She could be doing _anything_ , they could be watching a movie together and cuddling as we speak and it really, really hurts."

Mayu winced at the mention of the craft scissor incident. That had gotten her in a heap of trouble with the school...and her parents...and most importantly, the person she had a crush on. Not that Mayu could help it. When she fell, she fell hard. If anyone got in the way of that, well...too bad for them. "Yeah, well, don't follow my example."

Ia managed a small laugh. "I know, you don't need to tell me." She rubbed her eyes again, exhaled, and looked up. "Thank you for all the help. I guess I'm a pretty hopeless older sister, huh?"

"Hey," said Mayu with a smile, pulling Ia towards her in a one-armed hug, "it's all just part of the job description. Anytime, Ia. But what's with the sudden gratitude?"

Ia shrugged. "I guess...I don't know," her gaze became distant, "I just feel like...no, I _know_...that I need to be more confident. And I need to tell Yukari what I feel...otherwise, I really might lose her to SeeU. And it hurts a lot, Mayu, it hurts a lot just _thinking_ about it, and I don't want to hurt anymore."

Mayu blinked. "Wow. I guess all you needed to get off your ass about this whole thing was a rival to shake up the status quo, huh?"

Ia sighed. "I...maybe it's just because that...well, now that SeeU's here, it's a lot easier to feel, or imagine, what it would be like if..." Ia trailed off and shook her head. "I can't word it very well, but I know that I need to do _something_ , and I know that I need to try. I mean, it's still scary, and I still don't want to lose Yukari as a friend, and I don't want her to think of me as a freak, and being touched...I'm...I'm still not used to that, and all of that is still there, but at the same time, I don't want to keep feeling this pain." Ia looked at Mayu, her eyes large and pleading and frightened. "You know what I mean, right? It's so much worse than being touched, Mayu. It's a million times worse."

Mayu nodded and pulled Ia towards her in a hug. "Don't worry," she said. "I know exactly what you mean."

-o-o-o-

"Are you sure you weren't bullying Ia today?" Yukari asked SeeU, her face set in a frown as the two of them sat in her room. They were about to play a round of Mario Kart on Yukari's Gamecube, but then Yukari asked this and, well, SeeU could tell just from that that they weren't about to fire up the television and play a few races anytime soon.

"I'm sure, I'm sure," said SeeU, her voice betraying her irritation. Why was Yukari so concerned about Ia all the time? "Come on, Yukari."

"Hmmm," said Yukari, her voice quite clearly full of doubt. "She was definitely acting strangely today, though. I know she's shy, but..." Yukari sighed, "I wanted you two to get along. I thought maybe if you two met up, you guys would see what's great about each other, but nothing like that happened at all."

"Like. I. Told. You," said SeeU, over-emphasizing each word, "it's impossible."

Yukari glared at SeeU. "Impossible, my ass! You were practically interrogating her about _3-Iron_ earlier. She probably just got scared and dejected. I told you that she's shy, you can't just force all of your opinions down her throat!"

At first, SeeU felt nothing but shock - Yukari had never yelled at her before. In fact, SeeU didn't even realize that Yukari was capable of it; the girl was always so calm and cheerful that somehow it never even crossed SeeU's mind that she would ever be angry, much less angry at her. SeeU's gut churned, and she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. It...it _hurt_ , being yelled at by Yukari. It was enough to make SeeU want to go back home, enough to make SeeU wish, even harder, that Yukari had never moved out of Artech, that Yukari had never met Ia. Because what about SeeU's feelings? Yukari just completely disregarded them, doing whatever she wanted, dragging SeeU along to meet Ia when SeeU didn't even _want_ to. All SeeU wanted was to hang out with Yukari, to _be_ with Yukari, like the old days, to hang out and shop and have fun and watch movies, but now it seemed like all Yukari cared about was Ia. SeeU bit back all of her emotions, and instead looked down at her hands. "I'm sorry."

There was a pause, and then SeeU felt Yukari scooch over to her and put a hand on her shoulder. SeeU looked up, and Yukari was biting her lip, purple eyes looking straight at SeeU's. "No...I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to yell at you. You're spending your break here, and it's my job as hostess to make sure you have fun. And, well," Yukari looked away, "being yelled at isn't exactly fun."

SeeU turned her attention back to her hands. She felt as though if she looked at anything else, the force of will that was currently binding her together would fall apart, and that was the last thing she wanted, especially in front of Yukari. So, SeeU wasn't looking at Yukari when she asked, "You care about Ia a lot, huh?"

There was a silence, and then SeeU felt Yukari pull her into a hug. SeeU squeezed her eyes shut so that she didn't have to see - so that she didn't have to subject herself to whatever expression Yukari was making, so that she didn't have to see Yukari's hair and arms and everything because if she did she would miss it, she would miss all of Yukari, too much to let go. "Hey, hey," said Yukari's voice, soft and soothing, her hand gently rubbing SeeU's head, "don't worry, okay? You'll always be my best friend."

For a moment, SeeU wondered if Yukari knew about how she felt. Why else would she dodge the question? But SeeU didn't want to believe it. If Yukari really knew, such a response would a rejection. Better to believe that Yukari was concerned about her, better to believe that Yukari thought that SeeU was asking out of a fear of being replaced as 'best friend', rather than fear of losing her chance of ever having Yukari love her back. SeeU sighed and opened her eyes, staring blankly at Yukari's room, collecting her thoughts and piecing together her composure. After a few moments, she plastered on a smile and pulled away from Yukari, who was looking at her with worried eyes.

"Well," said SeeU, her cheerful tone sounding high and forced to her own ears, "I knew _that_ already. Come on," she turned towards the television, "let's play Mario Kart."

"SeeU..."

SeeU didn't need to look back to know what kind of expression Yukari was making now - most likely sad, most likely regretful, maybe even guilty, and while SeeU knew that it was ungracious of her, she wanted Yukari to suffer, just a little bit, for what happened earlier. It was childish and immature of her, but SeeU wanted Yukari to feel just a little bit of what she was feeling now. In lieu of saying anything, SeeU turned on the Gamecube.

"Hey, SeeU," SeeU could hear Yukari scooching closer to her, "I'm sorry. I guess I...I lost my temper. It was hard to get Ia to open up when I was just getting to know her, and she just seems so skittish all the time, I wanted her to be comfortable..."

God, even in her apologies, all Yukari seemed to be able to talk about was Ia. SeeU tuned her out. She didn't want to hear anymore. The confidence she initially had when coming to Yamaha was practically all gone. How could she stand a chance against all this mounting evidence that Yukari cared for Ia, and cared for her a lot, too? Even though Ia was so sheepish and so timid earlier, Yukari was practically head over heels for her. Still, it galled SeeU to lose to her. After all, SeeU was friends with Yukari first, wasn't she? Even though the chances were low, so low...it wasn't as though it was completely hopeless, right?

"It's fine," said SeeU at last, her voice as calm as she could make it. "It's completely understandable. I mean," she turned back to smile at Yukari, "I get that Ia's your friend here. Look...let's just play some Mario Kart, okay? I wonder if you've gotten any better since moving to Yamaha."

Yukari examined SeeU, her purple eyes probing and worried. Still, she seemed to have picked up on SeeU's desire to change the subject, for she let the subject drop and put on a half-smile as she picked up a Gamecube controller. "I don't know...I haven't practiced a single bit."

"Me neither," SeeU said, turning back to the television screen. "Let's see who's the queen of the losers, then."

-o-o-o-

Next morning, a clear winter day. The snow was beginning to melt, and Ia was sitting at the kitchen table boredly polishing off her breakfast of toast and eggs. After last night, Mayu had treated Ia to a late night showing of some new action movie at the local movie theater, and it was enough to get her mind off of her troubles, at least for a little while. However, Mayu had plans with her friends today, and thus, Ia was home alone.

Normally, Ia wouldn't mind, because Yukari was almost always down to hang out or talk. But now, after last night, well...Ia found herself wishing that Mayu was here to walk her through everything. Even though Ia was determined to do something more concrete about her relationship with Yukari now, she still had no idea as to what, exactly, she wanted to do. SeeU was going to be staying for a whole week, and somehow Ia doubted that Yukari would be willing to leave her best friend at home while she went around town with Ia. Which wasn't fair, really...SeeU had nights to spend alone with Yukari, and Ia, well, she wouldn't be spending any time alone with Yukari until SeeU left.

Still, Ia couldn't just sit here and do nothing. The talk with Mayu last night had been cathartic, in a sense, and Ia knew that if she wanted anything to happen, she had to step up. Somehow, Yukari didn't seem like the kind of person who would spontaneously initiate anything on her own, despite her outgoing personality. If Ia wanted their relationship to move beyond friendship, it was going to have to be Ia who makes the first move.

But...how could she do that? Ia put her head in her hands. She had absolutely no experience in this. Furthermore, she still had that weird... _thing_ about being touched. How could she move her relationship with Yukari beyond friendship if it felt like she was about to get a heart attack every time Yukari touched her? Ia raked a hand through her already unruly hair and sighed. All of the resolution she felt last night was beginning to fade. She couldn't do it. How could she? She was just Ia, that lonely weirdo who sat by herself in class, who couldn't deal with being touched, who couldn't establish that human connection with people that everyone else could so very easily. She was just a fucking freak and why the hell would someone as great and as perfect as Yukari ever feel anything _close_ to what Ia feels, and...

No. Ia curled her fingers into her hair. She had to stop thinking that way, otherwise she would never move on, otherwise she would never get to tell Yukari how she felt. Ia had to push all those doubts and insecurities away, at least for the moment. It was a temporary fix, but it would have to do. Sighing, she grabbed her phone and hit the messenger button, hesitating as she tried to figure out what to say to Yukari so that they could meet up. After a few moments, Ia began to text.

_Hey, do you want to hang out today?_

After a few minutes, her phone pinged with a new message and Ia hurriedly opened it. Sure enough, it was from Yukari.

_ofc! what do u wanna do? where do u wanna meet? :DD_

Well, from that text alone it didn't seem like SeeU did anything last night to make Yukari hate Ia or anything, thankfully. Ia pondered. It would be reasonable to assume that whatever Ia suggested, Yukari would bring along SeeU.

Surprisingly, after meeting SeeU the other day, Ia didn't actually _dislike_ her or anything. Sure, SeeU was definitely rude, cold, and standoffish, but...she at least acknowledged Ia's feelings, and respected them enough to tell her what she felt for Yukari in turn as opposed to sneaking around and not telling her anything at all. Of course, SeeU wasn't suddenly Ia's favorite person or anything like that, but it was good to know that SeeU was...what...honorable? Ia wasn't sure if that was the right word, but whatever. It would have to do. After raking her head for ideas, Ia sighed. There really wasn't much to do in Yamaha. Might as well suggest the mall. Yukari definitely enjoyed going there, and Ia had a sneaking suspicion that SeeU was the mall type too. Even though SeeU was Ia's rival, it would be best for all involved if they had as much fun as possible.

_How about the mall?_

The reply was near instantaneous.

_gr8! seeu and i will meet u at ur place in half an hour!_

-o-o-o-

Sure enough, Yukari and SeeU rung the doorbell after half an hour and Ia answered it. Yukari looked bright and cheery, dressed in a thick-looking scarf with her hands stuffed in the pockets of her duffle coat. SeeU's expression was more complicated - she looked like she had either just woken up, or not gotten any sleep.

"Morning!" Yukari chirped. "Ready to go?"

Ia nodded and smiled, grabbing her coat from the hanger. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Yukari grinned and turned towards SeeU. "This mall's pretty small compared to the ones in Artech," she said, "but there's still all the basic brands and stuff."

SeeU yawned. "Don't worry, Yukari, I didn't expect too much from this place."

Ia stuffed her feet into her shoes. "I think the next train should be coming in soon...we should probably get going."

"We've _been_ ready," said SeeU. "We're just waiting on you right now."

"O-oh," Ia mumbled, feeling heat rush into her cheeks. "Yeah. Right. Sorry." She hurriedly stepped outside, the icy air filling up her nostrils. It was colder than she thought, and she shivered as she closed and locked the door behind her. Damn...she should have brought a scarf or a hat or something.

"Cold?" Yukari asked. "Do you want my scarf?"

Ia almost agreed, but then she caught a glance of SeeU's expression and thought better of it. "N-no, I'm fine! Besides, then _you'd_ be cold."

Yukari laughed, exhaling visible puffs of breath in the winter air. "Hey, it's just a bit of cold! It's no problem at all, I can handle it!"

"I don't want to get you sick or anything," Ia protested.

"You worry too much," said Yukari, and before Ia could say more she could feel Yukari wrapping her scarf around her neck. Despite herself, Ia couldn't help but to snuggle into it a little - it _was_ a very comfortable scarf, and it had Yukari's soft, floral scent on it too. "See? Much better, right?"

"Here," said SeeU abruptly, holding out her own scarf to Yukari, "take mine."

Yukari blinked at SeeU. "Huh? Why?"

SeeU scowled. "Because you'll be cold without one, that's why!"

"Didn't I just tell Ia that I'm fine?" Yukari laughed. "Seriously, SeeU, you worry too much. I'm a strong girl, I can take care of myself." Yukari mimed flexing her muscles. "Anyways, I seem to remember _you_ being the one who's more sensitive to cold, so you should keep your scarf. You're like, shivering."

It was true. SeeU definitely seemed a lot colder without her scarf than with, her shoulders slightly bent inwards to conserve warmth as her arm held out her scarf. Ia glanced between Yukari and SeeU.

"You can have your scarf back," Ia said. "I don't really need it."

"Wow, all these scarves," Yukari sighed. "I only have one neck, you know. Besides! You two need it more than I do. Here," she took SeeU's scarf and wrapped it back around SeeU's neck, "there you go, much warmer, right? Anyways, we won't be outside for long anyways, we're spending the day at the mall. Speaking of which, I think I see the train station! Let's go!" That said, Yukari immediately ran off, her shoes crunching the snow, leaving visible footprints behind. There was nothing for Ia and SeeU to do but follow her.

Thankfully, the train was just pulling in when the three of them reached the station, and after a hurried rush to buy tickets and a brief tangle over who sits where, SeeU, Ia, and Yukari managed to find seats on the train. Ia had snagged a window seat next to SeeU (Yukari cited 'bad ankles' as a reason to sprawl out on two seats, but Ia had a sneaking suspicion that Yukari just wanted to avoid a scuffle over who sits where), and looked outside. The landscape never seemed to change, the land outside blanketed in snow, the trees spindly and dead.

"What a depressing view," SeeU leaned forward on her seat to catch a glimpse of the world outside. "Winter is the worst."

"There isn't that much to see here," Yukari agreed. "You can definitely tell we're out in the country. Anyways, what made you decide to go to the mall, Ia?"

"Oh...well...SeeU hadn't gone yet, and we already looked at part of Yamaha's business district yesterday, so I thought it would be fun to go."

SeeU blinked at Ia, quite obviously surprised. "Really?"

Ia glanced back at SeeU and nodded. "Yeah. Oh, there's a movie theater at the mall too, so we could watch something if you want. Um...because you guys like movies, right?"

"Oh. Uh...yeah," said SeeU. "Yeah. I'm really picky, though."

Strange. SeeU was being much less confrontational today than yesterday. What happened? Did Yukari talk to SeeU about it or something? Ia sucked at her lips and examined SeeU. She definitely seemed less aloof and confident than yesterday. "Um..." said Ia, unsure of how to proceed, "maybe we'll uh, find something you like."

"Yeah, yeah," SeeU settled back in her seat, her scarf almost completely covering her mouth, "we'll see."

A silence.

"Thanks," SeeU mumbled, so quiet Ia almost couldn't hear.

Ia looked over at her. SeeU's eyes were resolutely looking away. Ia had no idea what to say other than an awkward, "no problem."

In the back, Yukari looked elated, her eyes wide and her smile one of the largest Ia's ever seen. "Wow! See, I told you that you guys could get along!" She fell back in her seat, eyes closed and arms crossed, looking awfully pleased. "If you all could just get over all that...grumpiness yesterday, it's really not bad, right?"

Wow. Were Ia and SeeU's interactions really so bad that that horribly awkward conversation was such an exciting event for Yukari?

"Anyways," said Yukari with a smile, leaning forward on the seat so that her head was in the space between's SeeU and Ia's seats, "I've decided. You two are going to hang out during this mall trip! I don't want my two best friends to hate each other, you know? We can meet up afterwards, catch a movie, and head back home, but you two are gonna be on your own for the rest of this trip."

Ia's face flamed red at how close Yukari's face was, barely catching her words. "O-okay," Ia said meekly, even though she had planned the trip to include all three of them. It seemed like Yukari would be happier this way, and Ia was quite willing to do whatever Yukari wanted her to do for her happiness.

SeeU, on the other hand, seemed more skeptical. "Really? Won't you be bored, wandering around the mall by yourself?"

"Oh, it's fine," said Yukari, a teasing note creeping into her voice. "I'm a big girl. I tie my own shoelaces and everything. I can handle being in a big scary mall by myself."

Ia expected SeeU to put up more of a fight, to protest having to spend the day with Ia as opposed to with her best friend and crush, but instead SeeU sighed and looked away. "If that's what you really want."

"Indeed it is," said Yukari cheerily, but then her smile became softer as she gave SeeU a pat on the head. "Thanks a lot, SeeU. I'm really happy you're trying."

SeeU ducked her head so that her face was no longer visible, hidden by her scarf. She said something, but it was muffled by the scarf, and Yukari grinned and turned her attention to Ia. "Take care of SeeU, okay? Make sure she doesn't get lost and that she gets a snack every half hou-"

"God, Yukari, I'm not a kid," SeeU interrupted. "Geez."

"I'm just kidding," Yukari laughed. "Well then, ladies, it seems like it's our stop. Shall we go?"


	11. Chapter 11

Ia stood inside the air-conditioned expanse of the mall and sighed. The moment she, SeeU, and Yukari stepped out of the train, Yukari had bid the two of them a swift goodbye, made hasty plans to meet up at the movie theater at three, and promptly dashed off, leaving SeeU and Ia staring awkwardly at her rapidly receding figure for a few seconds before they both made the decision to enter the mall.

After slinking inside in uncomfortable silence, Ia decided that she should try to talk with SeeU. After all, Yukari did want them to be friends, and SeeU was definitely a lot less prickly than before, even though her prickliness was replaced by sullen silence. Still, it was better than standing at the entrance of the mall doing nothing.

"So, um," said Ia, "is there anywhere you'd like to stop by first?"

SeeU dug her hands deeper in her coat pockets and flicked her eyes around the mall. "I don't know what's here."

"O-oh, right," said Ia, flustered. "Let's find a directory, then."

"That's fine. Let's just walk around."

"Okay…"

The two of them started walking, and Ia looked at the mall's checkered floors, the fake ferns, the myriad escalators and elevators, the clothes of people passing by. The mall was quiet and sleepy, and every now and then they would pass by a store that was just beginning to open for the day. Mellow, bland pop from the late 90's piped in from invisible speakers. Ia studiously looked at everything other than SeeU, who was so silent, it was almost a physical barrier. The two of them passed toy stands and perfume stands, brand store after brand store. After what felt like hours of walking at the same slow pace, Ia dared a glance at SeeU. Her eyes were vacant, as though sleepwalking.

Ia stared, though SeeU didn't seem to notice Ia's gaze at all. What happened last night? First SeeU's loss of confidence, now this…Ia frowned as she thought back to yesterday. SeeU was definitely a lot livelier. She even had enough confidence to tell Ia that she liked Yukari too. What could have happened last night to take all of that away? Did SeeU confess to Yukari? Did Yukari reject her? But there was no way SeeU would confess so quickly, right? Then what could possibly be wrong? The more they walked, the deeper SeeU seemed to slip into her depressiveness. It was too much – Ia had to say something.

"Um, SeeU," Ia tried.

"Yeah."

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

SeeU kept her gaze fixed towards nowhere. "Why do _you_ care?"

"Uh…" Ia wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. "Well…we're rivals. I'm worried about you."

"Rivals, huh," said SeeU softly.

"Yeah…" What happened to the SeeU who told Ia that she needed to fight for Yukari? The SeeU now, with her downcast expression and vacant eyes, looked like a zombie. "Like what you said. Anyways, I think we should still try to be friends, so that's why I'm– "

"Why do you want to be friends?" SeeU interrupted, turning towards Ia. Her voice was suddenly harsh, and Ia shrank back instinctively. "Do you want to, what….get brownie points with Yukari?" SeeU barked a bitter laugh. "Want to show Yukari how much _better_ you are than me?"

The flash of anger in SeeU's voice almost made Ia flinch. Where was this coming from? Plus, how could SeeU possibly think that someone like Ia would be 'better' than her, especially considering her words yesterday? After all, Ia was just some nerdy introvert who stayed in her room all day and had no friends until Yukari. SeeU, on the other hand, was that deadly high school trifecta of smart, pretty, and popular. "W-what? What makes you say that? What happened?"

SeeU sighed, and with that, all of her anger seemed to drain out of her again. Once again, that dull look returned to her eyes. "Nevermind."

Ia swallowed and looked around. There had to be something, _anything_ she could do about SeeU's mood. There were a bunch of shops around them, sure, but Ia felt that SeeU wasn't in the mood for shopping. Ia scanned signs, mind rapidly flipping through ideas for what to do, and then she hit upon it. The first time Yukari had taken her to the mall, they had…Ia checked the time, and turned towards SeeU. "SeeU!"

SeeU glanced back at Ia, clearly unused to hearing Ia raise her voice. "What? What do you want?"

"Let's go to the food court!"

SeeU stared. "The…what?"

-o-o-o-

"Yukari took me here the first time we went to the mall," said Ia as the two of them sat down at a table. "It's really good, isn't it?"

SeeU raised an eyebrow. "It's a McDonald's."

"Oh, so you know it too?" asked Ia, brightening as she picked up her Big Mac. "I really like their fries."

SeeU slowly shook her head. Apparently, the strangeness of the situation was bringing her out of her haze. "You've never been to a mall. You've never been to McDonald's. What were you _doing_ before you met Yukari?"

Ia lowered her burger and thought back to the hazy days of before. How long had she spent in stasis? How long had she ignored Mayu's repeated attempts to get her to go outside and meet new people? How long did she have her aversion to touch, how many days had she spent subsisting on nothing but the Internet and music for entertainment? For so long, Ia had been cocooned by music and sound, the passage of days marked by new album releases, new homework assignments, and long, empty stretches of vacation. And then, Yukari – Yukari opening Ia's self-built coffin, Yukari filling Ia's world with color and light and all sorts of new emotions that Ia had really only experienced dulled versions of before. Happiness, sadness, pain…could Ia really say she had experienced any of that before Yukari? What was her life before, other than aimless and monochrome?

"…Ia…Earth to Ia…" SeeU was saying, and Ia snapped back to attention. SeeU sighed and stuffed some fries in her mouth. "Zoning out in the middle of a conversation? Rude."

"Sorry. I was thinking," said Ia, drawing her eyes back down to her burger. "I don't think I was really doing anything before I met Yukari. I just sat in my room and did homework and music stuff…but nothing other than that. So…I'm really grateful to her. She helped me a lot. Without her, I'd still be sitting in my room."

SeeU said nothing, opting to instead look out the window and eat some more fries.

"Yukari probably helped you a lot too, right?" asked Ia.

SeeU shrugged. "I helped her with her homework a lot back then."

"Oh," Ia brightened, "me too. She came by one night asking for homework help, and-"

"I know," said SeeU. "She called me about it afterwards. Couldn't shut up about you."

Ia paused. She wasn't quite sure what to say about that, or even how to parse it. SeeU's tone was soft, despite her abrasive words. For a moment, the two of them said nothing, SeeU picking at her food. Ia quietly took a few more bites of her Big Mac. Even though the atmosphere was awkward, at least the food was good.

After what seemed like hours, SeeU sighed and put down her nibbled-at burger. "To continue from earlier, I know that Yukari really wants us to be friends. All this friend talk….she's been telling me the same shit for months. 'Come over to Yamaha', 'you should meet Ia', 'Ia's awesome, 'you two would be great friends'…" SeeU said each quote with dry, brittle sarcasm. "Month after month she's said this, talking about how hard she tried to become friends with you, and how now that she's finally succeeded, I should too. But I don't want to. How can I? Why would I ever want to be friends with someone who wants to take my best friend away from me?"

After that, there was silence. SeeU quietly ate more fries, and Ia awkwardly took another bite of her burger. What could she possibly say to that? It was such a frank admission. A wall that SeeU put up that she seemed to have no intention of breaking down. And it's not as though Ia could really say anything – after all, she knew exactly what SeeU was feeling. Didn't she feel the exact same way before? Ia had been just as opposed to SeeU coming to Yamaha as SeeU was. The two of them were in direct competition for Yukari's affections, and neither of them had any history of friendship together to ease the strain. All they had in common was Yukari. Thinking about it from that perspective, it did seem like the two of them were competing to take Yukari from the other.

However, Ia could see Yukari's side of things as well. It was only natural for one to want two of their friends to be friends. Yukari probably just didn't anticipate that both of her friends were in love with her. Furthermore, Ia still remembered what Yukari said the second movie night, that annoyed look in her eyes – "Friendships can't be compared like that". From Yukari's point of view, Ia and SeeU were probably both good friends to her in different ways.

"I think I understand how you feel," said Ia carefully, "And, well…" Ia dropped her gaze, "for me, it really hurt last night, thinking about you and Yukari. After all, you're staying at her house, and you two both love watching movies. And I know how physically affectionate Yukari gets. It hurt a lot, just thinking about you and Yukari yesterday. I think everyone who likes someone wants to have them to themselves at some level."

SeeU was staring at Ia blankly, and under her gaze Ia felt suddenly that all the words she said were stupid, dumb, the words of someone who clearly never had any friends before.

"A-anyways," Ia mumbled, "I guess I just wanted to say that I think I understand how you feel. I want Yukari all to myself too. I thought it was just me, that I was the only one who felt this way, that I was selfish, but…I think…you feel the same, right?"

SeeU laughed. "You really are new to all this."

"Am I wrong?"

"No," said SeeU, her eyes focused on Ia's for what seemed like the first time all day. "I'd say you're right on the money. I guess this is what it comes down to. We're both selfish and want Yukari to ourselves. It's completely incompatible. How can we possibly be friends?"

"Well," said Ia earnestly, emboldened by SeeU's more engaged demeanor, "that's what I was getting at. We don't have to think like this. We can think the _other_ way. We can try to, um, be friends. Yukari told me once that you can't compare friendships, so I think she'd hate to have to choose between us. I know that we both like Yukari as more than a friend, but I think if we just try to be friends with each other, we'd be more okay with it. I think this way, Yukari would be happy too. She wouldn't have to lose friends because of this. Because it's _our_ feelings that's causing all this trouble for Yukari, right? That's why I think it's best for us to try. I know that we've argued in the past about things…but I think Yukari would be happiest if we try to put them aside for her!"

Another dead silence. SeeU stared at Ia intently, her blue eyes seeming to want to reach into Ia's soul and claw out her thoughts. Ia did her best to meet her gaze, even as her discomfort grew. Sustained eye contact was never something Ia was good at, but somehow meeting SeeU's gaze seemed very important at this moment.

Then, SeeU sighed, shook her head, and picked up her burger. "Suit yourself."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. Let's try."

Wait, really? That's it? Ia spoke the following carefully, as though writing a contract with words, "You're going to try to be friends with me?"

"Well…" SeeU took a bite of her burger, "friends is a stretch. Let's try…'friendly', for now."

Ia stared at SeeU. "Really? Uh, not that I don't want to be friends or anything! I'm just surprised...you seemed so down earlier, I thought that you might not want to."

"Don't get me wrong," said SeeU, pointing a fry at Ia. "I'm not doing this for you or anything. I'm just doing this because I don't trust it if you and Yukari are alone together."

Ia blinked as she tried to parse that, though even after a few quick moments of thinking, she wasn't quite sure if she understood. Weren't Yukari and Ia going to hang out alone together after SeeU leaves anyway? Still, it sounded like a 'yes' to her, so Ia leaned forward and smiled. "Well, I don't really get it, but I'm glad you want to be friends!"

"Right, right," SeeU mumbled as she stuffed more of her burger into her mouth. "What do you want to do after this?"

"Me? Um…" Ia was at loss. Whenever she went to the mall, she usually had Yukari take the lead. Ia personally had no idea about where to shop, or what brands there were, or even what kinds of different styles individual brands had, though Yukari had tried to explain them to her at least once before. What else was there to do at malls? They were shopping destinations for a reason – mainly, all there really was to do was shop and maybe eat. Ia rested her chin on her hand and thought. "Maybe we can get some snacks?"

"We just ate burgers and fries for lunch. I don't think I'll need any more food until after the movie at least."

"That's true. How about we walk around and see if there's anything interesting?" Ia said, then it hit her. "Yeah! That way, we can get to know each other's interests better!" The more she thought about it, the better it sounded. Maybe they could even find some common ground, other than Yukari.

"Points for creativity," said SeeU dryly. "We might as well."

-o-o-o-

After a somewhat awkward beginning, Ia found that time began to pass rather quickly when wandering the mall with SeeU. While SeeU remained cool, she at least wasn't the half-dead shambling mess she was earlier in the day, nor was she quite the confident girl she was yesterday, either. She was cordial enough when Ia asked questions, and obligingly went into the shops Ia went into – which more often than not ended up being various computing and audio shops where Ia tried out new headphones.

"What kind of songs do you listen to?" asked SeeU on their third visit to such a shop, as Ia tried on a sample pair of Sennheiser Momentums.

At the question, Ia put down the headphones and thought. "I listen to a lot of stuff. It depends on my mood. But these days, I've been listening to more Miku because Yukari's really into her."

"Oh yeah, Miku," said SeeU. "What do you think about the whole 'Magnet' thing? It's getting a lot of buzz."

"Huh? The song's not out yet, right?"

"Dummy, I don't mean the song, I mean the controversy."

"Controversy?" Now that SeeU mentioned it, Ia did remember seeing a headline about it at…some point. Something about the two was definitely in the news, anyways. Still, Ia didn't really pay attention to pop star gossip, even though she kept up with the trends in the music itself. Everything other than the music was background noise, she felt. "What happened?"

"You don't know what happened? Didn't you hear about the photoshoot?"

"Ahh, I don't really pay attention to photoshoots and such…I just listen to the songs."

SeeU grumbled something about 'pop culture trends', but seemed to accept Ia's answer. Afterwards, the two of them went on to a variety of shops, with SeeU mostly going into seemingly random clothing stores. Ia soon learned that SeeU's tastes in clothes ran towards light, poppy colors as opposed to Ia's mostly-monochrome wardrobe, though SeeU seemed to have an expansive knowledge of fashion, quoting brands and even genres of clothes that Ia had never heard of before.

"Whoah," Ia said after a particularly long treatise on Comme des Garçons, her head dizzied, "how do you afford all these brands? They sound expensive…"

SeeU glanced at her, surprised. "I don't really _buy_ from these brands. I just know about them. They're goals for the future. The only CDG thing I have is a pair of Play lowtops."

"Oh, so you're saving up?"

"Something like that," said SeeU as she returned her attention to shifting through the rack. "I'm saving up by studying so that I can go to a good school, get a good job, and buy these things. Not that that's my _only_ goal, but it'd be nice to be able to buy stuff. My parents are strict about money, so."

"Oh…" Ia had the opposite problem. Her parents were quite free with their money – unfortunately, that came with the flip side of them also practically never being around. Not that Ia _really_ minded, but it was another reminder of her separation from others. "Are there any universities in particular that you're thinking of?"

"Whatever's in the top fifteen worldwide. Preferably one near the top. That's what my parents think, at least. Anyways, we should get going. It's about time for us to meet up with Yukari."

"Oh right!" Ia hurriedly checked the time, and sighed with relief – the two of them had enough time to walk over to the movie theater. "Wow, I really lost track of the time…"

"Makes sense," said SeeU as the two of them began to walk over to the movie theater. "You _are_ hanging out with me, after all."

-o-o-o-

SeeU and Ia arrived at the movie theater just as Yukari came in, sporting two bags of clothes. At the sight of them, Yukari's face broke into a wide smile and she ran over.

"Hey guys!" she chirped, her eyes looking eagerly from Ia to SeeU. "So? How was the mall trip? Did you two have fun?"

"It was…good," said SeeU slowly.

Yukari's eyes widened, as did her smile. "Oh _really?_ That's great! What'd you guys do?"

"We walked around for a little, and then we stopped by the food court to get something to eat," said Ia. "Then we walked around and went into stores that we liked. So that, um, we could get to know each other better. How about you?"

"Ah, the classic mall activity!" Yukari laughed, and held up her bags. "I just went shopping for clothes. I figured I needed some more winter wear, so I just got some sweaters and stuff. Also, as thanks for playing along with me today," she put the bags down and began rifling through them, "I got you two…uh, where did I put them…ah-ha!" Yukari stood up and triumphantly handed SeeU and Ia each a small, gift-wrapped box. "Presents!"

As SeeU accepted hers with a quiet thanks, Ia took a moment to silently stare at the present as her heart warmed. Her first physical gift from Yukari…the box in her hands suddenly seemed incredibly precious. "Wow…thank you."

Yukari scratched the back of her head, smiling. "Hey, you don't need to sound _that_ thankful. It's not like it's a huge gift or anything, and Christmas is coming up and all."

"That doesn't matter," said Ia quietly. "It's still a gift."

"Um…" Yukari suddenly ducked her head and spun around, busying herself with picking up the bags. "W-well, I'm super glad you like it! That's great! Right, SeeU?"

"Right what?" said SeeU. "It's a present. Of course she'll like it."

"Oh, uh, yeah," said Yukari. "Um….well, let's decide on the movie!" She swung around to look at the board. "Anyone have any preferences? SeeU?"

SeeU glanced at the board. "Not really."

"Right, right, you like those weird art movies. How about you, Ia?"

To Ia, the movie didn't really matter. Nothing mattered as much as the act of watching a movie with Yukari, anyways. Still, Ia made an effort and looked at the board, trying to remember what they were about, or if she had heard of them before. Unfortunately, none of them triggered her memory, and Ia floundered. "Er…I'm not sure. I don't know much about these."

"Alright," said Yukari with a laugh. "Let's just watch something random, then."

-o-o-o-

"That movie really got me pumped up," said Yukari, eyes wide as the three of them exited the movie theater. "I can't wait to go to college. It looks like such a blast!"

"It was okay," said SeeU slowly.

"Oh, I can tell already," said Yukari, putting a pained hand over her heart. "SeeU…you thought it was terrible, huh?"

"Okay, I don't think it was _terrible._ It was just," SeeU paused. "It was very much a 'teen movie'."

"SeeU, this might come as a bit of a shock to you, but I hope you'll understand…" Yukari closed her eyes, shook her head, and placed a trembling hand on SeeU's shoulder. "We…we _are_ teens…"

"Ugh, Yukari, _groan_ ," SeeU said, shrugging off Yukari's hand with a slight smile, "that's a terrible joke."

Yukari laughed and turned her attention to Ia, beaming. Ia felt herself caught by the stark silhouette of Yukari in the fading sunlight, the orange glow threading through Yukari's hair, highlighting her easy smile. Ia almost didn't hear her question, though thankfully she caught it before the words dissipated into the air. "What'd you think, Ia?"

"Wh-what'd I think?" Ia said dumbly, before her mind caught up with her ears. "Oh! Uh, I liked it. It was, um, funny. So…are you two heading back now?"

At that, Yukari's previously luminous smile dimmed. "Yeah…my father wants to take us out to eat at some place. I'd invite you, but he already made the reservations..." Yukari sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm really sorry for ditching right before dinner. I'll make it up to you next time, promise."

"Oh…it's fine," said Ia as the disappointment coiled around her insides, as the words clung static-like to her brain. SeeU was close enough to eat with Yukari's parents? Ia had never even _seen_ them. "Have fun."

"Trust me, it wouldn't be nearly as fun without you there," said Yukari. She turned towards SeeU. "Right?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah," said SeeU, sounding like a student called on for an unexpected question.

"Still, I'm _really_ sorry," Yukari said, biting her lip. "I really will make it up to you."

Yukari looked so anxious, Ia felt as though she had to make her feel better, so she smiled and tried to look as not-jealous as possible. "Thanks, Yukari. I really appreciate it."

"Yeah?" Yukari's shoulders sank in relief. "That's great. I promise I'll make it up to you in an awesome way!"

"Okay," said Ia with a quick smile, pushing her jealous thoughts away. She craned her head to look forward at the approaching train. "We should hurry up, though. I think I see the train coming."

"Crap, you're right! Come on, SeeU, let's get going!"

-o-o-o-

The home was empty and dark when Ia returned, and Ia sighed as she turned the lights on and shut the door behind her. While it was not uncommon for her house to be empty when she got back, somehow Ia was more bothered by it than before. Strange, that. She had been so used to solitude before, had even welcomed it. But now, instead of feeling relaxed and calm as she did before, Ia felt oppressed. Without Mayu around to spring her anxieties off of, Ia's mind immediately set to the task of imagining what Yukari and SeeU's dinner must be like with Yukari's dad. Did they get along well? Did Yukari's dad like SeeU a lot? Before Ia could stop it, the thoughts quickly spiraled her into that old anxious way of thinking, and Ia quickly shook her head. Thinking about such things was pointless. Ia had to take her mind off of it. She had to do something to drown out the sound of her head for a while. Ia walked over to the stereo, flipped through her CD collection, and eventually decided on one of Miku's collaboration albums, _Mikgazer Vol 1._ It had caused a large splash in the indie circuits when it came out due to Miku not really dabbling in the shoegaze scene before, though it was one of Ia's favorite Miku albums. Somehow, it always made her feel rather comfy. Ia sat on the couch, leaned back, and sank into the comforting cushion of the opening tracks of the album. The sound of distorted guitars and feedback led into and backed Miku's sometimes strong, sometimes distant voice. It was cleaner than most shoegaze, a little softer, probably due to Miku's influence, which somehow made it sound even more ethereal and lovesick. A pop-tinged, melancholy dream.

Or maybe it was just because of Ia's mood right now that made the music sound particularly vulnerable. Listening to music had always been an escape, but now Ia couldn't help but to connect the songs to her feelings. What was the song now? _Alchemy_? Miku's washed out vocals singing about depression and eternity, the abstract brokenheartedness of the lyrics, the vague melancholy of the guitar, all of it was a prism refracting light onto Ia's heart. Today, she had taken a big step and became friendly with SeeU, even though they were both competing for Yukari's heart. Today, she had watched a movie with SeeU and Yukari, even though afterwards they had to go to eat dinner with Yukari's dad. Would Yukari's parents ever do something like that for Ia?

Ia shook her head. She had to remain optimistic. Yukari said she would make it up to her. Plus, Ia decided that she had to be strong about this. There was no point wallowing in self-pity. After all, she wanted to _escape_ this pain, right? This uncertainty, this jealousy, all of it would be cleared if she simply told Yukari what she felt. Though, was it really time? The mention of Yukari's family was a sharp reminder that Ia didn't really know anything about Yukari's home life other than the fact that they moved around a lot due to her dad being in the hotel business.

"Argh…" Ia groaned. She really needed to stop waffling on this. If Mayu was here, Ia was sure that she'd flick her on the forehead and tell her to get some guts. Ia took a breath, got up from the chair, and wandered over to the kitchen, pondering. So, Ia thought to herself, for argument's sake, say she decided to confess to Yukari. When would she do it? After all, SeeU had a few days left in Yamaha, and the last thing Ia wanted to do was confess to Yukari in front of SeeU. Still, what if SeeU beat her to it while she was here? If SeeU confessed first…what if Yukari accepted?

No. Ia reminded herself of Mayu's words from last night. If Yukari liked SeeU, they would be dating by now. Unless they were both really shy about it, but it certainly didn't seem like SeeU was shy about her feelings. Plus, SeeU was so down today. _Something_ bad must have happened last night.

At any rate, there was no point thinking about this right now. With SeeU around, Ia was effectively stuck on when to confess to Yukari. Though, speaking of which…Ia turned towards her bag. She had almost forgotten about the gift Yukari had given her.

Just the thought of it, the fact that Yukari had cared enough during the day to stop at some place and purchase something for her, was enough to lift Ia's gloom. She approached her bag, opened it, and took out the box. Now that Ia thought about it, she had never really received a gift from anyone outside of her family before, and that knowledge was enough to make Ia want to keep the gift unopened as a memento. Unwrapping it would ruin the mystique, as well as, in some way, the hope. After all, in its unwrapped form, a gift could be anything, anything at all.

Still, Ia reminded herself, gifts were made to be opened, so she took a breath and peeled off the wrapping paper, taking care not to rip it so that she could save it in her room for a craft project or something later on. Then, she opened the box.

The first thing she saw was a small paper note that read: ' _Thanks for being a great friend and playing along with today! Maybe you'll let me hear some of your compositions with this?'_ A smiley face, then Yukari's squiggly signature _._ Underneath the note proper was a mechanical music box set. Ia blinked in curiosity as she took it out of the box, and smiled as she opened it and saw that it contained some blank paper song strips, a sample strip that she quickly ascertained as a pre-punched Happy Birthday strip, and the music box itself. It was the kind of practical, yet quirky, gift that seemed very Yukari, in its own way. She probably spent a good amount of time trying to think of a gift that would fit Ia and also not be completely obvious, though Ia was sure that she would be happy with something as simple as a cell phone charm from Yukari too. Still, the fact that Yukari put that extra bit of thought in the gift to try to make it special for Ia was enough to make Ia's heart ache, and she closed her eyes to savor the feeling, precarious and bashful, yet overwhelming.

 _Mikgazer Vol 1_ was still playing in the background, though it was in the final few songs now, and as the music ebbed and flowed around her Ia thought of Yukari. She had done so much for her, and yet, Ia knew so little of Yukari. What could she do for her in return? Perhaps she would make a song for her with this present, though Ia was shy of her compositions…but how did that matter? After all, Ia was beginning to realize, if she were to show her compositions to anyone, it would be to Yukari. And the knowledge of that, the knowledge of trusting Yukari so much that she would share her songs, her diaries written in musical form, shone a light into Ia's mind. Yukari would be the first person Ia would trust with these explorations of her soul.

Ia put her hand over her rapidly beating heart, feeling her certainty harden into a resolve. She can no longer deny her feelings. She must confess to Yukari. Ia looked at the music box. She had always been better with music than words…so, what better than a music box to express her feelings to Yukari?

Ia got up and picked up the present, her mind whirring in the familiar language of chords and scales. There were an infinite number of ways to compose her feelings to song…time to drill down and find the one that worked best.


	12. Chapter 12

In the days that followed, Ia spent almost every day hanging out with SeeU and Yukari between incrementally working on her music box composition, and while SeeU was never quite as friendly as Ia hoped, she at least was never as cold as she was on the first day either. It was good enough for Ia to consider the two of them friends, of a sort. Yukari seemed satisfied with the current state of their relationships as well – at least, she never really left them alone afterwards.

On SeeU's last day in Yamaha, however, Ia and SeeU found themselves alone together after Yukari volunteered to get some hot chocolate for them all from a nearby hot chocolate stand. They were waiting in line for a new soba restaurant that was located in the up-and-coming part of town. Mayu had recommended the place, and was in fact stopping by later on, having deemed it appropriately late enough for her to finally meet SeeU, but she wasn't here yet, and so, here they were.

After a brief silence, SeeU looked at Ia. "So."

"Yes?" asked Ia, snapping to attention

"So you're going to confess to Yukari, right?" asked SeeU. Her voice was so neutral, it may as well have been a comment on the weather.

Ia stared at SeeU for a few moments before looking away. "Well…"

"You don't have to be so bashful about it," said SeeU. "I mean, it's inevitable, right?"

"Um, well, how about you?" asked Ia. "It's going to be your last day here…are you going to confess?"

SeeU laughed, though Ia noted that it did not quite reach her eyes. "I don't think so."

The words entered Ia's mind slowly, and when Ia grasped it all her eyes widened. "Wh-what? But we're rivals, right? You aren't going to confess? Why not?"

SeeU shrugged and looked away. "Well, it's simple. I have no chance, and no time. If I could have, I would have confessed yesterday, but I didn't. So. There it is."

The words SeeU said had a terrible finality to them. She seemed so defeated, a far cry from the confident girl who yelled at Ia on the phone, the annoyed girl who told SeeU to get some self-esteem, the honorable girl who told Ia that she wanted to keep everything 'aboveboard'. It was strange, seeing SeeU like this. It was almost like how dead she was back in the mall, last week. But…she was happier afterwards. The next day SeeU had been cheerful again, laughing about movies with Yukari, being immaturely competitive with Ia, and displaying that blend of arrogance and confidence that had been SeeU's hallmark ever since Ia met her. But what happened to make SeeU like this again?

And all of a sudden, Ia looked into SeeU's desolate eyes and realized.

"You really care about Yukari a lot, huh?" said Ia, the words hanging in the air after spoken.

"So do you."

"Did something really bad happen on the first night?" asked Ia, the strange finality of the conversation compelling her. "You were so down afterwards. You got better, but…you were pretending, weren't you?"

"Look who's a detective. Well," SeeU stuck her hands in her pockets, "I _could_ tell you, but why would I want to give things away to my rival? I might as well do what I can to make things a little bit harder for you."

"Huh?"

"Ah, forget it," SeeU sighed and stretched. "You're way too innocent. Count yourself lucky you have a generous rival like me."

"That's what I tell her all the time!" said a cheery new voice, and at that both Ia and SeeU turned. There was Mayu, smiling innocuously, dressed in a ruffled black dress with red ribbons.

"O-oh, hey, Mayu," said Ia. "Um, SeeU...this is Mayu, my younger stepsister."

Mayu curtsied in SeeU's general direction. "Very nice to meet you at last, SeeU."

"Charmed," SeeU said warily.

"Ah, how cold," Mayu fake-winced and delicately fluttered a hand over her chest. "Well, I suppose it's only to be expected from you."

"What? _Expected_? Why expected?" SeeU almost immediately bristled.

Thankfully, before Ia had to do any sort of damage control, Yukari's light-hearted voice fluted over. "Hey everyone!" Yukari appeared next to them, holding a cup holder with three hot chocolates. "Got our…oh, Mayu!" Yukari smiled at her as she passed out the hot chocolates. "You came early! Sorry, I totally would have gotten you a cup of hot chocolate if I knew you'd be here."

"Oh, that's perfectly alright, Yukari," said Mayu brightly, all sunshine and sweetness now. "You really are considerate, aren't you? No wonder you have so many people who fall head over heels for you."

Behind her, both Ia and SeeU choked on their hot chocolates, though if Yukari noticed, she gave no indication of it, only laughing. "What? Come on, Mayu, that's not true."

"Oh? You think?" Mayu sipped Ia's hot chocolate. "How bitter. Poor Ia and SeeU."

"H-huh? What?" Ia stammered, quickly shooting glances at an equally panicked-looking SeeU. "What are you talking about, Mayu?"

"What are you so nervous about? I'm just talking about the chocolate," said Mayu.

"Hmmm, really?" Yukari tried a sip of her own hot chocolate and screwed her face up. "Ahh, you're right. This really is bitter."

"Unfortunate," Mayu mused, hand to her chin. "Rather _dense_ , isn't it?"

How was it possible for Yukari to be missing these plane-sized hints Mayu are throwing her? Not that Ia _wanted_ Mayu to keep this up, either. She was rapidly beginning to regret going to Mayu's favorite soba place. She should've known it came with caveats. Ia sighed and opened her mouth to tell Mayu to cut it out, but SeeU beat her to it.

"What are you doing, Mayu?" asked SeeU, who looked like a cornered animal poised to spring.

"Just talking about the hot chocolate," said Mayu. "What do you think, SeeU?"

SeeU glared. Ia could practically see her hair rising like an aggressive cat's. "It's _great._ I really like it."

Mayu laughed. "Oh, calm down, SeeU. I know how you like to rush to the defense of hot beverages, but rest assured – I was just kidding."

"Hmph," SeeU huffed. "Didn't sound like kidding. And don't 'oh calm down' me."

"Um," said Yukari, slowly, eyes furrowed in clear confusion, "we're just talking about hot chocolate, right? Why's everyone so emotional all of a sudden?"

-o-o-o-

When they entered the soba restaurant, Ia felt relief spread through her. After SeeU's interjection, Mayu seemed to have decided to point the rest of her comments in SeeU's direction, nimbly dodging both Ia and Yukari's efforts to get her to talk about other things. Maybe now that they were finally here, they could talk about what kind of food to order, how the restaurant décor was, anything other than whatever Mayu was doing.

Unfortunately, it seemed as though Mayu had other plans.

"So, tell me more about yourself, SeeU," said Mayu, beaming. "What's a young city girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"I'm just here to visit Yukari," SeeU said, blue eyes watching Mayu warily.

"Oh, that's great! Though I must admit that it's unusual to see old friends willing to take the trek out to boring old Yamaha. You must be dedicated to Yukari, huh?"

SeeU glowered at Mayu for a few seconds before turning towards Yukari. "I'm going to go to the bathroom for a bit." With that, she got up and walked off, leaving Ia and Yukari gaping after her.

"Ah," said Mayu brightly. "What a coincidence. Me too!" With that, Mayu got up as well, weaving through waiters as she walked towards the restroom.

Ia furrowed her eyebrows. That was a weird exchange. SeeU definitely seemed more emotional compared to earlier in the day, though Ia wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. And what was with Mayu, anyways? Though she had often expressed impatience with the pace at which Ia was taking things, it was… _weird_ to just have her show up, drop hints everywhere, and antagonize SeeU. What was the point of it? From the looks of it, Yukari was just as concerned, periodically glancing backwards as though expecting Mayu and SeeU to return soon, though after some time it became obvious they weren't.

"So…" said Yukari, slowly, "anything catch your eye on the menu?"

-o-o-o-

When Mayu came into the bathroom, SeeU groaned. She had left the table in hopes of getting some alone time, but it seemed like Ia's little sister insisted on annoying her wherever she went. Wasn't SeeU feeling shitty enough? She was on the cusp of leaving Yamaha, and she knew damn well that the moment she did, Ia was going to trot over to Yukari and immediately confess. After that first night, and the second day, it was clear, _so_ clear, that SeeU had lost. And she had lost before it had really even begun.

She had tried to hide her knowledge, of course – had tried to be as normal as possible. Had tried to be friendlier with Ia too, because no matter what SeeU said about her own selfishness, she still wanted to make Yukari happy, and Ia didn't deserve all the coldness SeeU heaped on her. Ia's words back then at McDonald's made sense, and even SeeU had to see that with her stubbornness, she was accomplishing nothing but making everyone, including herself, unhappy. Besides, why would Yukari ever want to date some immature city kid who freaks out at the slightest sight of competition?

It was pathetic, SeeU knew. And she wanted to stew, alone, in it. Too bad there was Mayu here.

"Love really is a drug, huh? After your supply's all used up, no dealer can help you."

SeeU glared at Mayu. "What?"

"You _do_ like Yukari, right?"

SeeU sighed and turned away, deciding to play along with whatever game Mayu was playing for now. She was too tired at this point to fight back, after this long week of pretending to be okay. "Of course I do."

"Are you still going to be friends with her?"

Would she? Somehow, SeeU doubted that she would quite be able to return to how she was in the beginning, before this trip. She still wanted to be friends with Yukari, but…it would be different from now on. Maybe SeeU could pretend and feel better with time, but who knows if that'd work? It was hard enough pretending during the week, and SeeU's energy was so low, all she wanted was to take a break from this whole situation. "I'll try to. After all, I'm the only one who has these feelings. And Yukari is a great friend. I don't want to lose her, and I don't want to punish her for what I'm feeling. She hasn't even done anything on her part. She doesn't even know how I feel…"

"Hmmm," said Mayu, putting a finger to her lips in mock-thought. "Well, between you and me, I think it'd be healthy for you to take some time off to sort out what you feel. Don't want to force anything, you know? Besides, I don't think Yukari's as oblivious as she makes herself seem."

"What?"

Mayu rolled her eyes. "Please, SeeU, you can't really be so generous so as to think that someone like _Yukari,_ popular girl extraordinaire, is _that_ oblivious."

SeeU opened her mouth to defend her friend, but at once she remembered the first night – the awkward conversation before firing up Mario Kart, the hesitation after SeeU all but confessed her feelings, the guilty softness of Yukari saying, "You'll always be my best friend."

"Ah, looks like I got you," said Mayu with a small smile. "You think so too, don't you? It's pure avoidance on Yukari's part, right? Of course, the easiest explanation is that she really _is_ that oblivious, but personally, I don't think the behavior matches up with the facts, especially after what I saw in line today. Though," Mayu shrugged and focused on herself in the mirror, brushing away some errant strands of hair, "I'm not saying it's malicious or anything. She might not even be fully aware of it herself. Maybe she had a bad experience in the past. We had a conversation once, Yukari and I. She thinks crushes are overrated. I, on the other hand, live on the stuff, so we have a disagreement there, but to each their own, unless they get in my way."

Now that was something SeeU hadn't heard before. Come to think of it, the two of them rarely discussed matters such as love and crushes. Yukari had never brought it up before, and at the time SeeU was none too eager to reveal her rapidly developing feelings for the girl. "She thinks crushes are overrated?"

"Yup. Chalked it up to personal experience, which is rather interesting, isn't it? I have to admit that after that, I started wondering. It's rare for someone as cheerful as Yukari to be so cynical about this kind of thing. She clammed up quick after saying that too, which only makes her look more suspicious. But, I also think she likes Ia, so who knows what kind of things are running through her head right now."

SeeU sighed. At the mention of Ia, all of a sudden all of these things, all of this about Yukari's feelings about love, felt completely irrelevant. SeeU had unequivocally lost. Talking about this more was only digging the knife further into the wound. She didn't want to hear another word about how great Ia is, and how Yukari fell heads over heels for her despite her words about crushes being overrated. "Good for Ia. I guess that's why Yukari couldn't shut up about her, huh. Every time she talks to me lately, it's about Ia. Well, that's just _great._ Can you please leave me alone now?"

Mayu checked her watch. "I suppose it _is_ time for me to get going. Anyways, I just wanted to drop by and give you some words of encouragement. Hate for you to leave Yamaha feeling bad. Plus, you may have treated Ia terribly from the outset, but you don't seem to be doing so hot now. I know Ia is worried about you too."

Great. Ia's _pity._ Just the thing SeeU needed. "If you wanted to _encourage_ me, I think you're doing an awful job."

"Well," Mayu laughed, "it's a two-pronged sort of deal. I want to _discourage_ you from Yukari, but _encourage_ you as a person. Anyways, don't get too down about Yukari. As she is now, she seems like the kind of person who'd be better as a friend than as a lover. The kind of person who'd probably date someone for a bit, but eventually start ditching them to hang out with friends."

"If that's the case, why are you encouraging Ia about it?"

"Well…" For the first time, Mayu looked genuinely thoughtful, placing a hand to her chin, "it's because I think that Yukari feels more for Ia than she would like to admit to herself. If Yukari had shown even a little less genuineness in my interactions with her, I'd discourage Ia from pursuing her too. But, well," Mayu shrugged, "it's not like I've known Yukari for _that_ long, or even talked to her one-on-one that much. It's just a gut feeling of mine that Ia might be the one to change something in Yukari. But like I said – if I didn't feel this way, I would've discouraged Ia a long time ago."

"Hah," SeeU snorted, though she found it hard to deny Mayu's words herself. After all, Yukari had put so much effort into trying to befriend Ia, and she talked about Ia almost all the time. It was definitely different than how Yukari had befriended SeeU – SeeU had to go to Yukari, instead of Yukari coming to her.

"Anyways," said Mayu, checking her watch again, "we should get going. We've been gone for quite a while. I'm sure Ia and Yukari are worried. We don't want them to get the wrong idea, right?"

SeeU rolled her eyes. "As _if._ "

"And," Mayu patted SeeU on the back as she headed out, "don't worry. I know you're down about Yukari right now, but there's plenty of fish in the sea. All you have to do is clean up your haughty act a little and who knows? You might catch one."

"Whatever," SeeU grumbled, and Mayu laughed and left the room.

-o-o-o-

When Mayu and SeeU returned to the table, Ia looked up, eyes wide. "Y-you're back! That took a while…is everything okay?" After all, Mayu had a penchant for meddling, and while SeeU was poker-faced, Ia had a sneaking suspicion that Mayu had followed her to the bathroom for a reason. The two of them were gone far too long for it to be a normal bathroom trip. "Mayu, you didn't do anything, right?"

"Doubting your little sister?" Mayu mock-winced. "How cold."

What a dodge. "Mayu! It's SeeU's last day here."

"Calm down, Ia," said SeeU. "Nothing happened."

Ia blinked and stared at SeeU. "Oh…what? Really?"

"Yeah," said SeeU as she propped up the menu to read. "There was just a long wait for the stalls, that's all. Have you two ordered?"

"Not yet," said Yukari. "Do you know what you want to get?"

"Hmm. Probably the yuba soba."

"Healthy as always," Yukari laughed. "How about you, Mayu? Any recommendations?"

As the three of them talked about lunchtime irrelevancies, Ia stayed quiet, looking at Mayu and SeeU. Even though SeeU said that nothing happened, it simply didn't fit with Mayu's earlier behavior. Besides, SeeU seems to have a tendency to downplay these sorts of conversations. She had lied back in the Italian restaurant about her conversation with Ia too. Ia was almost certain that SeeU was lying now, but it would be too awkward to bring it up at the moment…

Ia sighed and sipped her tea. She'd get the answers out of Mayu later.

-o-o-o-

Yamaha's bus stop was just as desolate as it was when SeeU arrived. The same aged wooden bench, the same ragged-looking overhang, the same faded bus stop sign. The next bus was slated to arrive soon, but looking at the scenery, SeeU found it easy to imagine it as the apocalyptic backdrop for a future where humans no longer existed. The road wound down and faded into distant mountains, merged with the white blankness of snow. There was nothing but desolation here, and SeeU couldn't help but to feel as though that same winter barrenness was imprinted in her heart.

"Wow," said Ia softly behind her. "This bus stop looks really…"

"Depressing?" asked Mayu.

"It's not that bad," Yukari chided lightly. "I think it's pretty contemplative myself."

SeeU had a hard time imagining people contemplating anything positive here. "Thanks for letting me stay over, Yukari."

"It's no problem!" said Yukari brightly, bounding forward and giving SeeU a tight hug. "I hope you had fun."

SeeU forced a smile and nodded, made her voice light and happy. She had no desire to leave with Yukari sad. Still, somehow, when she spoke, the words came out all wrong and flat, not at all the happy farewell she wished Yukari to have. "Yeah, thanks. It was great seeing you. Maybe I'll come back to hang next break."

"Oh, that'd be _awesome_!" Yukari enthused as she pulled back from the hug, hands still on SeeU's shoulders, smiling at her fondly. "I'm really glad you came. Though," Yukari lowered her voice and leaned in closer to SeeU as though telling a secret, "are you sure you're okay?"

Well, shit. SeeU redoubled her efforts. "Yeah! Just tired. We stayed up pretty late last night watching _Chungking Express,_ so," SeeU faked a yawn and tried to inject some of her lost spunk into her words, "can't wait to get some sleep on the bus and get back to the city. After this week, I learned, I'm _definitely_ not a country girl."

Yukari examined SeeU intently. "If you say so. But yeah, I miss Artech too. It's a lot denser than Yamaha, that's for sure."

"Yeah," said SeeU, and she pulled back to look at Mayu and Ia. Mayu was busying herself on her phone, whereas Ia was looking at Yukari. As expected. "Thanks for seeing me off, you two."

"Of course!" said Ia. "Thank you for coming here. I had fun, and, um," Ia took a breath and spoke, looking more and more unsure with each word, "I'm glad we became friends."

Ia really was a sweet kid, SeeU thought. In that moment, the reason why Yukari was so enamored with the girl became photograph-clear, though the clarity came in only an instant, and before SeeU could grasp it, the insight receded into mist. "Thanks, Ia."

"Have a nice trip," said Mayu with a cheery grin. "Come back soon, eh?"

"Oh!" said Yukari brightly, clapping her hands together. "You all should exchange phone numbers!"

No reason not to, though SeeU doubted that either Ia or Mayu would contact her with any regularity. Still, they exchanged numbers, and by the time SeeU finished inputting her number on Mayu's phone, she could see the bus making its way down the winding road. Her way home, back to normalcy, back to her usual friends. She remembered, faintly, Mayu's words in the bathroom about taking a break, and seeing the bus now SeeU wanted nothing more than to be on it, to go home and let time ease the dull pain she felt now.

"Well," said SeeU, grabbing her luggage as the bus pulled up. "Here I go."

-o-o-o-

The walk back home was short, and partway through Yukari peeled off, saying that she had to run some errands, and with a smile bid Mayu and Ia farewell. So, Mayu and Ia walked the rest of the way back, shoes crunching snow underneath, Ia lost in thought about SeeU's despairing expression, SeeU's clear, forced cheerfulness. Though, one thing rose to the top of her mind – what exactly happened with Mayu and SeeU this morning? Ia glanced at her stepsister, though Mayu's face was set in a mask of concentration, and Ia decided that it might be better to ask once they got back home.

So, after returning home, Ia did.

"SeeU was really down today," said Ia by way of clumsy preamble, sitting down on the couch. "When you two went to the bathroom…did you say something?"

"Yeah," said Mayu offhandedly as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Did you say anything to make her feel bad?"

"Don't think so. Though," Mayu laughed, "wow, you sure are concerned about SeeU, huh? Aren't you two rivals? You should be glad she's so down. It's better for you, right?"

Ia scowled at Mayu's back. "There's no way I'd be like that! She was mean at first, but…I don't want her to be _sad_. I just…I wish she left happy. We're friends now, so…"

"Don't worry too much about it," said Mayu as she washed the rice. "Focus on your own problems before you get involved with anyone else's. And _don't_ let your guilt over this whole SeeU thing be an excuse to _not_ confess to Yukari."

How did Mayu know that that was what Ia was thinking? Ia sighed and tried to calm herself down. She did feel bad about SeeU, but it's true that that in and of itself shouldn't be a deterrent to her pursuing Yukari. Still, Ia couldn't quite forget SeeU's desolate expression this morning and the forced happiness of her departure. She wondered if Yukari knew as well – if Yukari, at this moment, was sending a flurry of texts SeeU's way. There was no way Yukari _didn't_ notice SeeU's mood, though it seemed like SeeU didn't want Yukari to be sad either. So would Yukari honor that, or would she try to do her best to reassure her? Still, Ia wasn't sure how Yukari could even go about making SeeU feel better, as Yukari was the subject of SeeU's melancholy.

Ia sighed and turned on the TV, flicking through channels in search of something interesting. Nothing caught her eye, and eventually Ia left it on some random news channel and turned back towards Mayu, who was chopping some daikon radish. "You sure you weren't mean to SeeU in the bathroom? You were really weird today. You dropped so many hints to Yukari!"

"Ah, that? I just wanted to test out a theory of mine. And I'm sure I wasn't mean to SeeU."

Ia huffed. "Well, you were saying mean stuff to SeeU earlier today, too."

Mayu laughed. "Oh, don't worry about _that._ I just wanted to rile her up a little so that I could get her alone."

"For what? What'd you two talk about?"

"Nothing for sensitive little kiddies like you."

"Mayu!"

"Sorry Ia, some things have to stay private."

"Ugh," Ia puffed out her cheeks and flopped back down on the couch. It was rare for Mayu to be so secretive about things. The curiosity about what exactly happened between SeeU and Mayu burned in Ia's chest, and she immediately set about guessing. Clearly they had some sort of conversation, but about what? What did the two of them even have in common? They both liked movies, but there was no way that Mayu went to such lengths to get SeeU alone just to have a chat about film. It had to be about Yukari, right? That was the only topic in which the two of them could have a conversation about that would have any reason to be kept secret.

"Anyways," said Mayu, breaking Ia out of her thoughts, "when are you planning on confessing to Yukari? It's winter break, SeeU's gone, so, you know."

"I know," Ia sighed, watching the images on the TV screen flash by.

"There's no point in putting it off any longer. You said so yourself, right? On the first night SeeU was here? Ahh, don't tell me," Mayu glanced up with a frown, "now that your rival is gone, you're going to go back to normal and keep putting it off?"

Ia winced. Truth be told, it _was_ rather tempting.

"Ugh, Ia! You really can't keep doing this. What if another rival shows up? If you put it off long enough, you'll _definitely_ lose your chance. This," Mayu pointed her knife dramatically at Ia, "is just a break before the next Yukari suitor comes along. And don't 'what if she rejects me' me – right now, that's just a 'maybe'. Put it off long enough, and it'll become a 'definitely'."

Ia cringed. Mayu's words were harsh, but Ia couldn't deny the sting of truth in them. "Y-yeah, I know."

Mayu returned her knife to cutting the vegetables. "Not saying you have to do it tomorrow or anything, but I think you should try to aim for before the start of school."

"That soon?" Ia squeaked.

"Yes, that soon. Why not, right? You have a lot of time. You can even use a few days to just hang out with Yukari. Even ask her about the whole SeeU situation. But I think it's best to get everything out of the way before school. Dusting out everything before the New Year."

"Argh…what happened to winter breaks being relaxing?"

Mayu laughed. "I'm sure you'd take Yukari's company over just another 'relaxing' winter break."

-o-o-o-

Mayu's words hung over Ia's head for the rest of the week. Whenever Ia met up with Yukari, which was quite often, she soon found herself beset with nerves due to the knowledge of her impending confession. The only things Ia really grasped upon as conversation topics were the weather, books, and SeeU, and when Ia and Yukari met up again for the first time after SeeU's departure, Ia made sure to ask about how SeeU was doing.

"Aw, Ia!" Yukari had responded, her smile bright. "Looks like you two _did_ end up getting closer! Anyways, SeeU's doing fine. You noticed that she was down when she left too, huh? I'm glad she was happy during the week, but…yeah, she was pretty sad that day…"

Ia had agreed, but didn't quite want to fully give away SeeU's feelings (and in extension, her own) towards Yukari, so she didn't elaborate. The conversation soon drifted back to break-time topics and school, and the topic of SeeU slowly got dropped.

And so, days passed. One day, Ia went on a group outing with Yukari and her's school friend group, which was somehow nostalgic – it felt as though Ia hadn't seen them in forever. Another day, Ia went on a grocery shopping trip with Oliver and Piko. There was a weekend where Ia and Yukari spent time together at Ia's place while Ia tried to help Yukari catch up with her academics. While every slight touch by Yukari – a crossing of hands while reaching for snacks, the edge of Yukari's hand meeting Ia's as Yukari slid her paper over to ask for help – made Ia's heart beat in double-time, Ia couldn't bring herself to give it all up and confess right then. Night after night, Ia wrote frenzied new compositions, tested them out on her computer, yet they all came out sounding wrong. And while every night, Mayu would shake her head disapprovingly and tell Ia to hurry up, the block that was stuck in Ia's throat refused to move. The thought of confessing to Yukari, the words Ia would say…it was unthinkable, unimaginable, and the new acuteness and urgency of Ia's feelings, the close brush with heartbreak Ia had experienced with SeeU, only made the times when she hung out with Yukari one-on-one all the more intense. How many times had Ia lost herself in looking at Yukari's delicate hands, at Yukari's intently concentrated face?

"Ia! Why haven't you confessed yet! Argh!" Mayu fell back on the couch, arms flailing, after Ia sheepishly told her that all she did at the library with Yukari was study. "Ia, you're killing me!"

"I-I'm working up to it," Ia mumbled.

"This is _way_ too long of a working up time!"

In her heart of hearts, Ia knew that Mayu was right. After all, Ia's feelings for Yukari were only growing stronger. And so, the weekend before the start of school, Ia yawned, stretched, and tiredly fed the paper strip through the mechanical music box, laying her head on the desk as the tune she composed through the night filled the air. It was the final draft, synthesized from the rejected compositions before, resulting in the song Ia thought best encapsulated her feelings. Each strike of the music box rang crystalline. It was simple, but Ia hoped it would be enough.

Now that the music is done, Ia should probably get around to figuring out exactly how she would confess. Or should she even plan it at all? What if by planning _too_ much, the confession ends up being all weird and awkward? Would it be better to play it by ear? But in that case, Ia was sure that she would be overtaken by nerves. She heaved another sigh and stared morosely at the now-silent music box. It would be easy, _so_ easy, to keep putting it off…but Ia knew she couldn't. She looked at her texts with Yukari. She _could_ confess today. Yukari was coming over to Ia's place to get some cramming done before school started. While Yukari's academics were still relatively lacking, Ia was proud of Yukari for being committed enough to spend so much time studying. Plus, Yukari had improved a lot in terms of understanding the material; from what Ia could tell, her earlier apathy was due to the discouragement of constantly changing curriculums, but now that it seemed like she was here in Yamaha to stay, Yukari was beginning to show more interest in what was being taught.

Anyways, Ia was getting off-track. Right – she needed to get her mind back into the topic at hand, namely, her confession. If she was to do it _today_ …even the thought of it was enough to make Ia shudder with nervous dread as all sorts of threatening 'what-ifs' filled her mind. But those same 'what-ifs' would be there no matter how long she put it off.

Ugh. Ia was getting away from herself. All she needed to say to confess was simple, right? Just three words, really – 'I like you'. Although, there was a strong possibility that Yukari would misinterpret it, so maybe Ia should append another word – 'I really like you'. Though…Yukari could misinterpret that too. Ia groaned. Her face felt like a furnace just thinking about the bare minimum words of a confession. This won't do. She raised her head to look at her reflection. A tomato-red Ia, hair mussed as always, eyes wide and nervous, looked back.

Ia winced. Maybe she _should_ practice.

-o-o-o-

"Hey Ia!" Yukari said cheerily as Ia let her in, hefting her backpack. "Ready for another day of studying?"

Studying? After hours of practicing her confession, the fact that Yukari was just here for studying had completely slipped Ia's mind. "Y-yeah."

Yukari leaned in, purple eyes examining Ia's. "You okay? You look a little tired. Are you still down for studying today?"

"O-of course," Ia stammered. "Sorry, I just had a lot of stuff to do last night."

"Hey, hey, no need to apologize," said Yukari. "I should be thanking you, really, for being so patient with me." A bashful grin as she rubbed the back of her head. "I know you don't have to spend all this time helping me out, so…yeah, I'm really thankful for all your help."

Why did Yukari have to be so endearing? Ia felt herself smile, felt her cheeks heat up a little at the compliment. "It's no problem…I'm glad I can help."

"Still, thanks," said Yukari, her voice uncharacteristically soft before she swung back to her upbeat persona. "Um, so…where do you wanna study today? Living room? Your room? Ah, is Mayu in?"

"She's out today, so we can study wherever you want." As it turned out, Mayu was pretty much out every day at this point, citing a desire to get Ia to 'hurry up and confess to Yukari already'.

"Oh, again? Anyways, how about the living room? It's close to the kitchen, so we don't have to go down the stairs when it's lunch time."

Despite herself, Ia let out a brief chuckle. "You just want the TV and snacks, don't you?"

"Oof, was I that obvious?" Yukari grinned as she took off her sneakers. "Well, you know what they say – breaks are important, and thinking uses calories."

Hard to argue with that. After a quick rummage for snacks, the two of them settled down at the table in the living room. Ia watched as Yukari took out her things – it seemed that her backpack was stuffed full with notebooks and exercise books, and as she spread it all out on the table Ia felt herself smile at how hard-working Yukari was. The girl never complained about studying so much, nor did she ever express discontent at spending so much break time poring over books. It was sweet how willing Yukari was to take Ia up on her initial, hesitant suggestion to get some studying done before school started for real.

"Are you gonna get your stuff?" asked Yukari after a pause, and with a start Ia realized that she had just been zoning out watching Yukari take out her notes, and blushing she mumbled a 'yes' and got up to go to her room. She didn't really have a set idea of what to study, though she figured she might as well take the time to read some books and refresh herself on history. However, the moment Ia stepped in her room, she saw the music box sitting on her desk, and her throat went dry as all the memories of practicing her confession flooded back into her head. She _did_ plan on confessing today, but when? Right now would be weird – Yukari had only just sat down to start studying, after all. Still, now that Ia saw the music box, she doubted that she would be able to focus on studying…but wouldn't it be most considerate to Yukari if Ia saved her confession for the end of the day, after the studying was done?

Right…that made sense. That way, in case the confession went badly (and Ia cringed at the thought), the day of studying wouldn't be wasted. So, Ia took a breath and picked up some history books with her suddenly-trembling hands before heading back downstairs.

Yukari's head was already bent, her eyes focused on her notes, and at the sight of her Ia's nerves nearly got the best of her. How could she possibly confess to someone as great as Yukari? Still…Ia swallowed and hefted her books, told herself not to let her fears get the best of her. What was the worst case anyways, other than Yukari hating her and never talking to her again and oh god there were _so many ways_ this could go horribly wrong-

"Oh, Ia! Why are you just standing there?" Yukari asked, and Ia jolted like a startled rabbit. A pause, and Yukari laughed softly. "Man, you really _are_ out of it today, huh? Want some coffee or something?"

"N-no, I'm good!" Ia said quickly. "Just trying to, um, think of what to have for lunch, that's all."

"Well, no need to stress about it," said Yukari. "We can always order out if we're too busy."

Ia mumbled some vague agreement as she settled herself down at the table across from Yukari and put her books on the table. "Um, let me know if you need any help."

"Will do! Thanks, Ia."

"Yeah," said Ia softly, and without further ado, buried herself in her books and tried to do what she was so good at doing before – shut out the world around her in favor of the text.

And so, the day passed. The two of them eventually did end up ordering pizza for lunch, and they took a quick break watching some random variety show on TV before returning to the books. Occasionally Yukari would ask for help on a certain subject, and Ia would oblige. All the while, Ia kept an anxious eye on the clock. Yukari had to leave around dinnertime, and the afternoon was passing by too quickly for Ia's liking. Ia wiped sweating hands on her lap as her knee jiggled. All the nervous energy pent up inside her, the knowledge of her impending confession, weighed in her stomach. Her heart was beating so quickly, even though she wasn't doing anything other than sitting, and the more time passed, the worse it got.

"Ahh, I think that's all the studying I can do for today," Yukari said with a yawn and a stretch.

Oh god, _this_ soon? Ia darted nervous eyes over at the clock. "Y-yeah?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Yukari. "I finished doing all the practice problems I planned to do today, at least. We have some time to kill, though…what do you wanna do? Oh," Yukari brightened, "did you get around to playing around with the present I gave you yet?"

 _Shit._ Ia couldn't lie to Yukari's face, but the music box was a pretty big part of her confession plan. Ia swallowed. Looks like she would be confessing sooner than she thought.

"Y-yeah," Ia stammered, forcing watery knees to stand. "I, um, composed something with it."

Yukari's eyes widened. "Whoah! Really? I can listen to it?"

"Yeah," Ia said, and she forced herself to walk to her room. Her heart felt like a prisoner trying to break out of her cell, and Ia put a hand over it as she made the trek up to her room, but shit, _shit,_ her hands were trembling so much. Ia rubbed her arms to keep them occupied, and when she got to the room and picked up the music box she nearly dropped it thanks to how badly her hands were shaking. So many ways for this to go wrong, Ia thought miserably, so many. What made her think that Yukari would even _accept_ her feelings? Ia stared at the music box, at her hole-punched composition, and squeezed her eyes shut. She took a deep breath, tried to calm, but it was impossible. How could she be calm at a time like this?

Still, it was too late to turn back now. Ia had sealed her fate the moment she told Yukari that she would fetch the music box. So, Ia gently picked up the music box and her composition and headed downstairs. When she entered the living room, Yukari immediately smiled at the sight of the box, her face alight with excitement.

"Wow, you really composed something!" Yukari said, clapping her hands together. "I'm super excited! This is like, the first time you showed me something you made!"

Ia took a steadying breath as she set the music box on the table, lest she drop it. "Yeah…" she fed the strip into the music box and placed her hand on the crank. "I hope you like it."

"If you made it," said Yukari as she rested her elbows on the table, "I'm sure I'll love it."

Ia swallowed, her mouth dry, and took a breath. Then, she turned the crank to play her song. As the first notes rang in the room, Ia kept her gaze on the table. She didn't want to see Yukari's face as she listened, in case she hated it. Due to Ia's nerves, she played the song at a pace that was somewhat slower than normal, though thankfully it didn't _ruin_ the song or anything – just made it a little more melancholy. The notes rang high and ephemeral in the room, and in Yukari's presence, the composition felt sweeter than Ia could bear. She suddenly felt as though all of her feelings were writ clear in this melody, as though the words Ia were forming in her throat would only serve as a redundant paraphrase of all the feelings in the song.

As the last notes faded, Ia dared to look up at Yukari. Yukari's eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted, as though in a trance, and Ia held her breath. Without the music, the silence of the room was obvious, a clear, oppressive weight. It took a little time for clarity to return to Yukari's eyes, and she quickly shook herself.

"W-wow," said Yukari, her voice soft in the hushed afternoon quiet. "Ia, that was…that was amazing. You're really talented."

"Thanks," said Ia, and she swallowed hard. The atmosphere felt strangely intimate, and Ia let go of the crank she wasn't aware she was still holding and looked down at her hands as the heat in her cheeks increased. "I…I wrote it for you."

There was a silence, and Ia dared to look at Yukari's expression. There was surprise, that was clear enough, though Ia wasn't quite sure of what was behind that. Still, she forged on. It was far too late to turn back now. "Um…I wrote it to thank you. For everything. Thank you for talking to me. Thank you for being there for me. You really…you changed my life, and I just wanted to thank you for…for being my best friend."

Ia paused for a moment, let her words fill the room as she tried to think of what to say next. Yukari opened her mouth to respond, but Ia continued before she could speak. "But, um…my feelings are different now."

Yukari's eyes widened, and Ia took one last steadying breath before fixing her eyes on Yukari's. When the words came out, Ia was surprised by how clearly they did, by how calm her voice sounded, despite the rabbiting rush of her heart, her trembling hands, the dizzying rush of vertigo she felt in her body. When the words came out, they were almost anticlimactic in their simplicity.

"Yukari, I really like you. As more than…a friend."


	13. Chapter 13

For Yukari, early childhood was something she barely remembered. She had vague memories of a tiny, faded apartment with linoleum flooring and a perpetually broken heater, of lying on the floor staring up at the minute holes in the ceiling as her parents, in the cold, calm voices of the deeply angry, discussed matters that Yukari had been too young to understand. This memory in particular had the peculiar air of a faded photograph, and seemed to shift every time Yukari thought of it. Had she really been lying on the floor? Did the ceiling really have holes? One thing, however, that stayed constant was the background argument of her parents; it followed her around, no matter how much the memory changed.

And after that apartment…then what? Ah, yes – the seemingly endless series of moves as her father got in the hotel business. It started out small – neighborhood to neighborhood – then rapidly accelerated, suburb to city, city to city, city to country and all the way back again.

The first time they moved, Yukari cried her eyes out. She had clung to the door, sobbing as her parents hauled out luggage after luggage, as the apartment slowly emptied out and became a husk of what it once was. The sight of it had so terrified Yukari that she remembered her grip on the door growing slack. How could this empty place possibly be the same place she grew up in? What had frightened her back then, Yukari recalled, was the sheer _emptiness_ of it, the realization of the insignificance of her existence, how little her life touched the apartment. To her, it had been her home and world, but emptied out, it looked just like any other apartment in the building. It might as well have been the home of a stranger.

Stupid, in retrospect. Silly, really. What was a home but a place to sleep? No, the second move had been worse. Yukari was old enough then to go to kindergarten, old enough to make some friends. Now _that_ move had been a tragedy for sure. Tears all around. Promises of writing letters. Even a small party to celebrate Yukari's departure – if such a thing was something to be celebrated. And, once again, Yukari sitting near the front door, crying and refusing to leave, on the day she had no choice but to.

The next move, Yukari cried, but no longer clung.

The move after that, Yukari shed only a few tears.

The move after the move after, Yukari stopped crying.

And after that? Yukari supposed she stopped caring at all. What else could explain the dull lacquer she grew over her heart? The slow cynicism she felt sprouting within her like a tumor? She soon found herself mentally scoffing at farewell parties and tearful promises to 'keep in touch' – as if they ever _really_ did, as if all contact attempts didn't peter out to a trickle then stop, finally and unceremoniously. How many letters had Yukari written that were unreturned? How many emails? How many texts? It was enough to make her stop writing them at all.

Still, she had to stay happy, had to make friends no matter where she went. Yukari's father was a talkative man who considered social climbing his true profession, and impressed upon Yukari the importance of extroversion, charm, and connections. He was also, Yukari later learned, a relentless womanizer whose ways had been the cause of more than a few arguments, though her mother always stayed with him, shackled by the bonds of money.

And so, the more Yukari grew older, the more she grew to distrust that strange emotion people called 'love'. From what she could see, it was something that inevitably faded. Her father, after all, flitted from affair to affair like an over-pollinating butterfly, and her mother seemed to reserve all of her affection for her direct family and Yukari. In social situations, her father and mother could put on a show like no one's business, but the moment they got home, it would be back to status quo. With displays like that, how could Yukari possibly believe in such a thing? Love seemed so predictable, so easy to fake, so easy to find, so easy to manipulate. It was little more than a sugar-rush high, good for a quick fix _maybe,_ but certainly nothing to tie one's life to.

Still, love eventually found its way to Yukari's life by way of a middle-school boy whose face she barely remembered stammering a confession to her behind the school. Yukari had accepted out of a sense of curiosity. She had expected to at least feel the dopamine rush of love, but what she felt was nothing. There was no jolt when she held hands with him, no heart-thumping when he pressed nervous lips to her's, and she was glad when she had to move to be done with the whole experiment. And while variations of the theme happened again and again (sometimes a girl, sometimes an upperclassman), Yukari always kept a part of herself distant. After all, these hastily professed love confessions were predicated only on Yukari's surface cheeriness.

It was an old persona Yukari would use, and never quite grew out of using. A brief profile: Yuzuki Yukari was a cheerful girl who was quick to smile and quicker to laugh, likable, normal, and remarkably well-adjusted for being a kid who moved around all the time. Sure, Yukari wasn't _that_ great at academics, but imperfection can be a charm in its own way, right? In short, Yukari was a charming girl who wouldn't stick around in people's minds, but would get by skating on surface and artifice. The perfect temporary friend.

Thus, when Yukari moved to Artech, she had expected only a repeat of her previous moves. Make friends, leave them, rinse and repeat. She was placed next to a studious girl named SeeU, and quickly made friends with everyone _other_ than SeeU. All that changed, however, when SeeU placed a heavy stack of notes on Yukari's desk and haughtily declared that she was going to be helping her with her homework.

Such behavior was abnormal. People never cared about Yukari's abysmal grades before, and Yukari had barely even talked to SeeU. She was intrigued enough to start hanging out with SeeU at least, and soon became impressed by the girl's determination, loyalty, and ambition, as well as SeeU's surprising curiosity about facets of Yukari's life that she never really thought would be interesting to other people. And thus, to Yukari's slow astonishment, she began opening up to SeeU, though she steered clear of talking about her problems with her parents and her cynical views on love. She had no desire to ruin SeeU's optimistic views on such things.

And so, after a series of after-school hangouts, of movie nights where SeeU encouraged Yukari to pick apart small details of films and to give detailed opinions on themes, using those to springboard into intense debates about life and all its various problems, Yukari found herself addicted to the feeling of a deeper friendship. It was such a novelty, after spending such a long time keeping herself floating on only the surface level. SeeU was the first person Yukari could remember sharing her problems with, her sadness over her constant relocations, her disappointments at the dropping of friendships. When Yukari inevitably had to move, she felt unhappier than she had in a long, long time, and when SeeU promised to keep in touch, Yukari eagerly grabbed on to the connection like a drowning person grabbing on to a buoy.

And perhaps because of that, Yukari had approached Ia. Something about Ia's distant demeanor, how soft and intelligent her voice was when called upon to answer questions in class, the delicate way she moved, and her reticent manner – all of that tickled Yukari's sense of curiosity. It wasn't as though she never saw a shy person in class before, but something about Ia was different. Perhaps it was the loneliness of her silhouette. Possibly it was because Yukari was still recovering from the high of making her first real friend. Maybe Yukari merely wanted to share this sense of friendship with someone else. However, she suspected that there was something more than the above. Something about Ia herself, at least, compelled Yukari to try.

And try she did, though after the disastrous first movie night, Yukari quickly realized that Ia wasn't really the type of person that Yukari could simply cuddle her way to friendship. Still, Yukari kept trying. What she wanted, she couldn't really say, but being close to Ia had somehow become of utmost importance to her. So, as Ia slowly became more and more comfortable around her, Yukari felt herself happy and charmed by, well, how cute Ia could be.

There was only one problem – that first movie night had been disastrous in more than one way. Beyond Yukari crossing Ia's boundaries, there was also SeeU. While SeeU's staunch loyalty was a trait of hers that Yukari liked, she definitely went way too far with the call, and, well, the very last thing Yukari wanted was to have her two best friends hate each other. The two of them had a strange antipathy between them that Yukari wanted to nip in the bud as soon as possible. Thus, the trip, but even _that_ turned out poorly.

Indeed, it was precisely SeeU's arrival at Yamaha that tipped the scales in Yukari's friendship with SeeU. She had never noticed before – too caught up was she in the happy thrall of friendships and stability in a new town – but with both SeeU and Ia present Yukari had uncomfortably realized that SeeU had feelings for her that were more than just friendly – a realization that manifested itself the very first night when SeeU, desolation on her face, asked the quiet words: "You care about Ia a lot, huh?"

Yukari was at loss for words then. The sheer amount of despair SeeU had somehow managed to inject in those words hit her with all the force of a crumbling building. SeeU would have had no reason to be so sad if it was a simple matter of jealousy between friends. Yukari doubted that her voice would have been so uniquely trembling, that her face and posture would be arranged in such a defeated stance. The question wasn't even a question – it was a formality, a masquerade for that larger, more damning statement that neither of them were brave enough to voice – _you don't love me._ There was little Yukari could do then but to pull SeeU into a hug, and awkwardly say words that she knew wouldn't reassure her at all. Words that were a rejection, even as they affirmed. _You'll always be my best friend._

Facing reality, speaking plainly, all of that was far too difficult. So, what better to do than to hide and deny? To pretend innocence and feign ignorance, to smile and laugh until the problem went away? What was love but a brief high that faded all too soon to an unceremonious crash? The clear memories of apathy Yukari had in her previous relationships, the loveless desert of her parents' marriage, all were stuck in her mind. This was the right thing to do. The _good_ thing to do. Someone with Yukari's beliefs shouldn't be making other people miserable in relationships, and Yukari had no desire to subject SeeU to the potential trainwreck of a relationship with herself.

Still, the clear melancholy SeeU had on the day she left was not one that Yukari could easily pass off, and in the later days of the trip, there was a clear sense of awkwardness in their friendship that terrified her. She remembered all the broken-off friendships of before, all the half-hearted promises to keep in touch that never fulfilled themselves, and what if that happened with SeeU? What if their carefully cultivated friendship, the first real one Yukari could remember having, fell to pieces, because of this stupid thing called love? The day SeeU left, Yukari made her excuses to rush home so that she could call her, but just when she was about to press the 'call' button, a thought floated to her – SeeU wanted to be left alone. She was heartbroken. The last thing she needed was a call from the person who rejected her. So, Yukari sent a text instead – a short, simple one that she hoped would leave the door open for SeeU to respond, but wouldn't force her either. _Hey! Hope you have a nice trip, and get some shut-eye on the bus!_ A smiley face, send, and done.

There was no reply from SeeU after a few minutes, and no reply after a few hours. It was only at 1 AM, when Yukari was about to go to sleep, where her phone buzzed with a text. When she checked, it was a taciturn _Got home ok. Thx._ Yukari quickly texted back, _Great! Get some sleep, and ttyl!_ More smiley faces, and send again.

The next day, there was no reply, nor were there replies in the days after. The message didn't have a Read notification, though Yukari was certain that SeeU saw it. And though Yukari was tempted to blitz SeeU with calls and texts, though Yukari wanted to reach through the screen and apologize for everything in hopes that SeeU would respond, a part of her held back. While Yukari was scared of losing her friendship, Yukari was probably the last person SeeU wanted to hear from, and rushing things would only make it worse.

So, when Ia asked about how SeeU was doing, Yukari gave her trademark smile and told her what she didn't know, but hoped was true. Ia's serious face as she nodded and accepted the answer was almost too much to bear, and Yukari quickly changed the subject, hating herself as she did. She didn't want to reveal the pathetic truth of her current relationship with SeeU to Ia…because, well, Yukari's own feelings for Ia were buried in muck.

Indeed, while SeeU was here for the trip, Yukari found herself uncomfortably aware of the difference she felt when it came to SeeU and Ia. SeeU would often bring up the clear bias Yukari showed between the two, and Yukari would always dismiss it with laughing words about how SeeU was more extroverted. Still, that wasn't all there was to it, and both Yukari and SeeU knew it. All the times when Yukari caught herself thinking of Ia, all the times when Yukari found herself staring at Ia...what did it all mean? Yukari knew, but didn't know. There was a word, but no. Easier to dismiss it, to blame it all on surging teenage hormones, a temporary lust-induced infatuation. Even armed with that knowledge, Yukari couldn't stop the fluttering of her heart whenever she saw Ia, no more than she could stop the movement of the moon and stars. But _why?_ Why was it that Yukari would see Ia in such a different light? What was it about Ia that made Yukari awaken from her previous apathy? Was it because SeeU unlocked Yukari's heart for deeper relationships? Or was it something intrinsic to Ia herself? Even if Yukari had never met SeeU, would she still feel these unsettling new emotions for Ia? There were all questions that she would ponder, but never arrive at an answer to. And when Ia offered to help Yukari with her academics during break, Yukari had agreed for reasons that were more than simply bettering her academic abilities.

All this, then, set the stage for now. The main leads in their places – Yukari, elbows on table, looking at Ia as Ia slowly set a music box on the living room table. Yukari's heart was beating quick in anticipation for Ia's composition. It was a momentous occasion. Ia had always been so shy of her songs before that the mere fact that she was offering to show Yukari her music box song meant the world. And the look on Ia's face, too – her serious, downcast eyes as she fed the music strip into the box, the edge of white teeth as she bit her lip. The atmosphere of the room was hushed, sunlight threading gently through Ia's long, pale hair. She was practically glowing. Yukari sipped her water, suddenly aware of her parched throat.

Then, Ia played the song, her bangs half-hiding her eyes as she stared at the table. And well, whatever Yukari thought she felt before was thrown out the window. The song began slow, only a few notes placed here and there, before swelling to dizzying heights. Despite the simplicity of the melody, the song took up the whole space of the room. There was so much emotion packed into its progressions, so much sweetness that Yukari felt her eyes prick. She had never heard anything so… _heartfelt_ before.

And all at once, Yukari realized the core of the song, what propelled it, what inspired it. The passion of relationships that Yukari could barely comprehend…those feelings were clear in the song, high and exultantly so. She had always thought of love as a temporary high, but somehow she could begin to understand now. Love was fusion, love was blurring, and even love's fragile nature, which Yukari had been so quick to dismiss, made sense. What value would love have if it was taken for granted? It could only really be appreciated if there was that sense of possible loss. The fear of it was baked into the song's melody, but so was the acceptance of it. A free-fall into either heaven or hell.

And so…what exactly were Yukari's feelings for Ia? She had dismissed it as temporary lust that she wouldn't let get in the way of her friendship, but lust wouldn't cling so tightly. Lust was a hungry animal that retreats after it eats its fill. But what she felt was different. It was a locking in for a ride that had highs and lows, a ride that could stop abruptly at any time, a ride that could go on forever. The carriage of music that carried Yukari felt like it could be just that – forever.

And when the song ended, the carriage deposited Yukari so lightly and gently that for a moment she didn't realize the song had ended at all. It was only when she noticed that Ia was looking at her with large, inquiring eyes when she realized, and Yukari stammered praise that seemed wholly insufficient.

"Thanks," said Ia, looking down at her hands. "I…I wrote it for you. Um…I wrote it to thank you. For everything. Thank you for talking to me. Thank you for being there for me. You really…you changed my life, and I just wanted to thank you for…for being my best friend."

There was a silence large enough to engulf the world. Yukari was caught between saying something and staying silent, and she opened her mouth.

But Ia beat her to the punch. "But, um…my feelings are different now."

At that, Yukari felt fire rise into her cheeks. She knew what was coming next. She knew, and she had no idea what she was going to say in response.

"Yukari, I really like you. As more than…a friend."

And there it was. Ia sat silently after saying that, her clear blue eyes fixed on Yukari's. She had sounded calm while saying it, though the passion in her song had betrayed her feelings. Yukari pressed a hand over her accelerating heart. The feelings she had for Ia…after her confession, she could no longer deny them.

But…and there was always a but…was that enough? Assume she accepts Ia's feelings. Then what? Well, they would be happy. They would date, and kiss, and do more than that. They would go to school, Ia would help her with her homework, and maybe they would – assume the best case – end up at the same university. Then what? Well, high school relationships have a high chance of falling apart in this fraught danger zone. Too many new temptations. Over time, would Ia's little habits that Yukari found so endearing now – the perpetual messiness of her hair, her occasional stammering – begin to grate? Furthermore, there's also the question of exploring sexualities – would Ia be curious about the opposite sex? And even if that doesn't happen, what if Ia begins to think of greener pastures, new romances with new people? While Yukari had at least been around the block before, for Ia all of this would be new. Then what? The two of them either end their relationship, or continue, but each year brings new dangers, and their relationship, frayed like an old rope, would come closer and closer to snapping every year.

What of the other choice? Assume the rejection. Ia would undoubtedly be surprised. Yukari was certain that she had been quite obvious when it came to Ia for a while now. There may be tears, but Yukari doubted that Ia would cry in front of her. More likely, Ia would try to be nice. Put away the music box and her song. Yukari would make her excuses and leave. Then what? Ia probably wouldn't talk to her again. Why would she, after Yukari rejected her? Without SeeU, without Ia, Yukari supposed she had no other choice but to resign herself to her life as it was. Maybe she could try to get out again, try to make another close friend, but what if all this happens again? Yukari wasn't sure if she could take it.

Hopeful Yukari made the argument. Love was risk, but the payoff was huge. The rejection sealed the certainty of unhappiness, whereas the acceptance had hope. Proof? Exhibit A – the happiness Yukari felt in the past few months far surpassed how happy she was before. Exhibit B – the excitement of love, too, that Yukari had been feeling, the doggedness of her determination to become Ia's friend. Nothing had animated her so much before.

Cynical Yukari scoffed. The potential pain of the acceptance far outweighed the pain of the rejection. After all, hadn't Yukari been living a perfectly good life before meeting SeeU and Ia? She could fulfill all her basic needs with basic friendships and basic relationships. No need to dig deeper to pry at the more dangerous emotions. The highs may be higher, but the lows? They'll eviscerate all that happiness Yukari thought she had. Cut it off now, she advised, lest the pain be unbearable.

Yukari clenched her sweating hands under the table. Right, accepting would hurt both of them more in the end. Wouldn't it better this way? After all, Ia was so kind. Yukari, with all her hidden cynicism, would only ruin that. And the fading of love would be too sad to bear. Reject now, and there would be good memories for her to look back on. Her love would freeze exactly how it was now – full of potential and hope, as opposed to irreparably scarred and used up.

And so, Yukari dredged the words up from her gut, forcing them out like a landlord evicting tenants. "I…I'm sorry." She couldn't bring herself to look at Ia. "I…I can't accept your feelings."

If the room's atmosphere was heavy before, it was suffocating now. All Yukari could hear was Ia's soft breathing and the painful thudding of her own heart as she waited on the precipice for Ia to say something.

"…I see," Ia said, her voice quiet, and that was all. No questions, no tears. Yukari's rejection of her feelings had none of the hysterics Yukari normally associated with a rejection. No, in contrast, Ia was eerily calm. Yukari dared to look at Ia, and nearly flinched from the sight of Ia's steady gaze. For a moment, Yukari wondered if Ia saw through her. Ia's lips parted. A brief exhalation of air, a fluttering shut of the eyelids, and Ia got up, picking up the music box with her. "It's about time for you to leave, right?"

"Ia…" Yukari said miserably as regret filled her insides.

"Sorry," Ia said quietly. "But can you please go home?"


	14. Chapter 14

Ia wasn't sure how long she spent in her room after Yukari left, doing nothing but listening to music, letting it fill her mind and reverberate her insides, shutting out everything that had happened, shutting out everything she didn't want to think about. She turned the volume up so high, there was nothing in her ears but music, painful in its volume, though Ia endured the pain for the sake of drowning out the pain. She didn't hear the front door open and close when Mayu came back, didn't hear the sound of feet approaching her room, didn't hear the knocking on her door. It was only after Mayu yanked the headphones off of Ia's ears when Ia reluctantly returned to her non-musical reality.

"Ia! You should really turn down the music," Mayu said with a frown. "Anyways, I got dinner. Made too much lunch today at my friend's, so we got lots of leftovers."

"Oh," said Ia dully, swinging her legs out of bed. Even though Mayu was standing right next to her, she sounded swimmy and distant. "Yeah, I'll be right down."

Mayu paused and looked at Ia askance. "Is everything okay?"

Ia hesitated. Or at least, she thought she did, but she must have told Mayu something, because Mayu's eyes widened. "What?"

"Yukari," Ia whispered, hanging her head. "She…um," it was too hard to speak the next few words, but it seemed as though Mayu got the idea anyways, judging from her stricken expression.

"She _rejected_ you?" Mayu practically screamed.

Ia nodded numbly. All of her feelings seemed so far away. The moment Yukari spoke those fatal words, Ia felt as though she was thrown all the way back to the beginning. She didn't want to go outside. She didn't want to talk to people. All she wanted was to go back to her room and bury herself in music, bury herself so deep, she would never have to think of anything at all. That was exactly what she did, exactly what she wished she was still doing. Just thinking about Yukari's name was hard, thinking about school was hard, thinking about everything Yukari ever touched – movies, the mall, her friends at school – it was all too much. The pain was simply too great for her to want to comprehend.

Mayu took a deep breath and paced, running her fingers through her hair agitatedly. "She rejected you. She _rejected_ you. I can't believe it," Mayu scoffed. The more she paced, the more her hands tightened into fists in her hair. "I really can't! What is she thinking…ugh, forget it, I _know_ what she's thinking. And in that case, _wow._ What a _coward._ "

"She's not a coward," Ia said.

Mayu shot Ia an annoyed glance. "Not a…Ia, she rejected you, _why_ are you defending her? You know, I really can't believe her. Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised _,_ what with her oblivious act."

"Oblivious act?"

"Come on. You didn't know? Yukari knew about SeeU's feelings. I don't know if she knew about _yours,_ but she definitely knew that SeeU liked her. And what did she do? Reject her in the most cowardly way possible. For _real,"_ Mayu snorted, "I can't believe that, once again, Yukari is just going to _run away_."

Now this was getting to be too much. Even though Yukari didn't like her back, Ia didn't want to just sit here and have Mayu slander Yukari left and right. "Mayu, come on. Yukari's not a coward. She…she just," Ia squeezed her eyes shut as her heart compressed like a vise, "she…doesn't return my feelings. That doesn't make her scared."

"Doesn't return your…" Mayu laughed disbelievingly. "You are _so_ dense. Doesn't return your feelings? Is that what you really think? A little _wake up call_ for you, girls don't act all blushy-blushy and give cute little music box presents and rearrange their entire social lives to accommodate someone who's just a friend. Girls don't call their friends and talk nonstop to them about someone who's just another gal pal. And before you ask me how I know this…SeeU told me, okay? Yukari literally _could not shut up_ about you."

There was a short silence for a moment as the words sank themselves into Ia's head, one by one. There was too much in there for her to tackle all at once, and thinking about it was making her head dizzy. The pieces were coming together, but the picture they implied couldn't possibly be true. It just _couldn't._ Because why would Yukari…

"Ia, you idiot. Yukari likes you too. She's just too much of a coward to admit it."

Ia drew in a sharp breath at the words. Her heart felt strange and wobbly as hope entered, spreading through her veins like an injection. No way. Yukari…Yukari returned her feelings? "But…but why?"

"Hell if I know and hell if I care, and you shouldn't either. Seriously, you're _way_ too good for this girl. At least you got it done over break so you have some time to recover, I know it sucks you have to see her at school still but…" Mayu trailed off and stared at Ia. "Ia? What are you doing?"

Ia was already getting up, already putting on her coat. She barely heard what Mayu said, her every thought laser-focused on Yukari. Yukari liked her too. Now that Ia thought back on it, it made so much sense, considering everything that has happened, considering Yukari's recent behavior. SeeU's depression too was explained now...she must have known Yukari's feelings, otherwise, why would she have said those words on the last day she was here? And while Yukari rejected Ia, Ia was already rewinding back the rejection, playing it in her mind, noting Yukari's careful word usage. Not _I don't feel the same way._ Not _I don't like you back._ Only the vague _I can't accept your feelings._

Ia had assumed back then that it meant that Yukari simply did not feel the same way. It had made sense, after all, that someone as popular at Yukari wouldn't want to date a shy wallflower like Ia. The moment Yukari rejected her, it was as though a switch was flipped from life after Yukari to life before Yukari. The loss of confidence, the loss of friendship, the loss of all the colorful emotions Ia had experienced...it had been so sudden after the rejection, and yet, so expected. Perhaps that was why Ia was so calm afterwards. At the time, being with someone as perfect as Yukari had been a dream that was too good to be real, so why would Ia be surprised when she inevitably woke up?

But it was all rationalization now. Now that Ia knew Yukari's feelings, she was beginning to regain herself. And there was one clear path, one clear thing, for her to do.

"You're kidding me," said Mayu. "You are _not._ "

"I have to," Ia said, rushing down the stairs and stuffing her feet in sneakers. Mayu followed her down, saying things that Ia couldn't hear. All of Ia's thoughts were devoted to Yukari, all of her Mayu's words blocked out by the beating sound of her own heart. She opened the door and set out into the winter night, slamming it shut behind her. The cold air hit her like a blow, the icy wind stinging her face, but she ran anyways. She knew Yukari's neighborhood, though she didn't know her actual address. Yukari, however, had described the appearance of her house before (though it was vague – two stories, painted blue), and Ia held the description in her mind as she ran down dark sidewalks sporadically lit by streetlamps, rounded corners with quick glances at street signs for orientation. It wasn't far. It couldn't be far if Yukari walked back home

And sure enough, after a few minutes, Ia slowed, panting, in front of a house with two stories, painted blue. There were lights on, but what Ia noticed the most was a stuffed purple rabbit in front of one of the second floor windows. That, and she belatedly realized, the little sticker on the side of the mailbox that read 'YUZUKI'.

Ia clenched her hands into fists and took a deep breath of the wintry air, gathering up her resolve. Then, she walked forward, and pressed the doorbell. She heard shuffling, then the door opened. Standing before her was a man, tall and surprisingly young-looking for someone Ia assumed was Yukari's father. He was dressed in a shirt and sweats, and looked inquisitively at Ia, who said a greeting she barely remembered.

"Are you one of Yukari's friends?" he asked.

Ia nodded, breathless. "Yeah. Can I talk to her, please?"

He smiled amiably and nodded, turning back and shouting Yukari's name. Ia heard Yukari shout a "Coming!' back, and held her breath. She saw Yukari skidding down the stairs behind her father, dressed in a shirt and pajama-pants with her hoodie over it, and as she approached the door her eyes widened.

"Ia?" Yukari asked, dumbly.

Ia nodded and turned towards Yukari's father. "Can I talk to her alone, please?"

Yukari's father only laughed and nodded. "Of course. Don't forget your coat, Yukari."

Yukari looked as though she wasn't quite sure whether this was reality or a dream as she retrieved her coat and put it on, and her father, quietly chuckling, ushered her outside and closed the door behind him. Ia had to wonder what exactly about all this he found so amusing. Maybe because Ia was also dressed in her pajamas with a coat over it.

Yukari sighed and scratched the back of her head. She looked tired, and far less upbeat than Ia had ever seen her. Her eyes were slightly puffy, and her posture was slouched. She inclined her head towards the street. "Let's talk in the park."

-o-o-o-

The park was completely empty, and consisted only of a set of wooden benches around a small sandbox, a swingset, and a playset with tubes, stairs, and slides. It was bare and hushed, surrounded by quietly slumbering houses as the moon shone bright, reflecting off the metal links of the swings. Yukari, hands in pockets, walked over and took a seat on one. Ia sat next to her, and for a while, Yukari said nothing, her eyes focused on her sandal-clad feet as the swingset creaked. Moments that felt like hours passed, marked only by the rustle of trees and the murmuring of wind.

Then, Yukari spoke, her voice ringing in the icy air. "So…what is it?"

"I want to talk," said Ia, surprised by the strength of her voice. "About earlier."

"What is there to talk about?" Yukari asked. Her voice sounded so lifeless, Ia shuddered. Yukari had never sounded like this before. As she looked at Yukari's bleak profile silhouetted against the frosty park, Ia became acutely aware that she was dealing with a Yukari who was, up until now, hidden; a Yukari that _wanted_ to stay hidden. "I told you. I can't accept your feelings."

Yukari was still looking away. This won't do. Ia got up from the swings, prompting a surprised glance from Yukari, and walked over to her such that she was standing in front of her. It was strange to be looking down at Yukari, Ia thought absentmindedly. She had always been taller than her. Looking at her now, Yukari looked far more vulnerable than Ia had remembered seeing her. Had her shoulders always been this thin? Had her skin always been so pale?

"Why not?" Ia asked.

Yukari swallowed and looked down, opening her mouth to speak, but Ia put a hand on the swing's chain link and Yukari stopped.

"Look at me, please," Ia said, her voice soft. She wasn't about to let Yukari wriggle away from explaining. It was harder to do so, when looking straight into another's eyes.

Yukari nodded and did so, her gaze wide. "I…." the word escaped from Yukari's lips as puffs of white air appeared between her breaths, like vague speech bubbles. "I just…I can't."

"Please," said Ia, tightening her grip on the chain. She felt the beginnings of tears prick her eyes, and she wanted to look away from Yukari's, but she couldn't. Strange – it was hard to look, and it was hard to not. Ia was arrested, caught in suspension. Her heart was beating quick, and it felt like confessing all over again, but _worse,_ somehow. This felt final, in a way the confession hadn't been. If this went poorly, Ia knew in the back of her mind that she and Yukari would never talk again. It would simply be too awkward, too hard, to recover from this naked display of their feelings. It was too late to turn back, though perhaps in some ways it had always been too late, ever since Ia met Yukari, to have ever turned back. " _Please,_ Yukari."

Yukari bit her lip and hesitated a second too long, and Ia's impatience overwhelmed her.

"Yukari," said Ia. "I know you like me."

That did it. Yukari practically flung herself out of the swing, forcing Ia to take a step back. Her eyes were almost comically wide. "W-what?"

"You know what I said."

Yukari broke the link of their gaze again, forcing her eyes to look at the expanse of houses to her right as her lips pulled up in an agitated, pained smile. "C-come on, Ia. What makes you think that?"

There was a dead silence as Yukari's words wormed their way down Ia's ear canals to her stomach, where they sat and festered until Ia couldn't stand it anymore. Why was Yukari denying it, when to Ia it was suddenly all so clear? All of the memories of Yukari's actions flashed back in Ia's mind, and all of a sudden Yukari's deflection seemed ridiculous, obviously false, something that even a child could see through. Did Yukari really think that such an obvious lie would deter Ia, after everything she's told her about her feelings, after everything they've been through together as friends, after Ia promised her so many times that she would be there for her? Ia's hands had tightened into fists, and she couldn't control the irritation bubbling up in her chest, the hot exasperation that suddenly powered her arms and legs to stride forward and grab Yukari by her thin wrists. Ia didn't feel the slightest bit of anxiety doing so, and didn't even think about the contact; it barely registered amidst all the fury in her body. Anger fueled Ia's next words, which she practically spat. "Stop it! That's…that's _such_ a lie! How could you just stand there and say that? We're friends! Why are you looking away? Why are you lying to me? Why are you running away when…" Ia took a deep breath, and the next words came out in an agitated, impassioned rush, "why are you running away when _you like me too_?"

Throughout it all, Yukari had stared, eyes wide, even when Ia grabbed her. As the words went on, Yukari's expression shifted, her eyebrows knitting together, her eyes full of some conflict that Ia couldn't understand, and when Ia finished, when the last words were thick in the air, when there was nothing but Ia's ragged breathing and trembling hands, Yukari responded, her voice weak, repeating words like a broken toy. "Because I…because...because I…"

"Because?" Ia repeated, half in impatience, half in anger at Yukari's hesitation. "Because _what?_ "

"Because…Because I'm _scared!_ " Yukari shouted, taking a step forward against Ia's hands. "Because it'll hurt both of us!" Yukari was trembling under Ia's grip, her voice rapidly disintegrating in a premonition of tears. "Because love doesn't last, because I'm messed up, because you deserve someone better, because I don't want to wake up one day and feel anything less than what I feel for you now!"

Another silence, and Ia slowly eased herself out of anger as the words eased themselves into her. There it was, then – the confirmation of Yukari's feelings for her. Her grip on Yukari's wrists loosened, though she didn't let go of them yet. Tears were running down Yukari's face now, tracing the contours of her cheeks, and Ia held her breath and stared at her. Never before had Yukari seemed so fragile. The movie incident so long ago could barely even compare to this. That was…that was just some dumb thing about Ia's touch problem combined with her teenage hormones, but this? This was Yukari's soul laid bare.

"Why…" Ia said, barely aware of when she asked it. "Why do you think that?" Such thoughts hadn't touched Ia's mind at all. The possibility of the end of love? How could that be true when her love felt infinite right now? The pain? What was pain placed next to the happiness Ia felt when she was with Yukari?

"Because…" Yukari shoulders slumped. "Because of everything. Because this is just…this is just the kind of person I am."

"What do you mean? Tell me," Ia squeezed Yukari's wrists gently, a small gesture of reassurance. "Please."

Yukari bit her lip, took in a hiccupping breath. "I…my parents…we moved around a lot, and…well, their relationship…um," Yukari shook her head, as though to clear it, and began again. She started out slow, stammering occasionally, though the more she talked, the clearer her voice became. She began with her memory of her parents arguing in the apartment. Then, the moves, the steady losses of friendships that caused Yukari to seek out protection for herself by only keeping friendships at the most surface of surface levels. Then, the disintegration of her parents' marriage. Her father's many affairs, her mother's prison made of money. The halting relationships Yukari had where she felt nothing at all. SeeU's friendship, which opened Yukari's eyes to deeper relationships again. SeeU's crush, which Yukari didn't realize, and when she did, handled it in the most cowardly way. And now, SeeU's silence, for which Yukari blamed herself.

When Yukari finished, there was no sound other than the faint rustle of leaves, the occasional chirping of a cricket, the rushing of the wind. The two of them had sat on the ground sometime during the course of Yukari's story, though Ia still held on to Yukari's hands. When had it changed from wrists to hands? Must have been at some point, but to Ia's surprise she hadn't noticed at all.

Ia bit her lip and rolled Yukari's story around her mind. She never knew this part of Yukari. But of course she wouldn't. For all of Ia's worries about not knowing Yukari well enough, Ia was almost certain that Yukari would have never told her about these things had Ia not confessed and driven them both to this situation. But still, now that she knew, she was glad. It suddenly seemed that the Yukari with her now was no longer someone to be idolized, to be placed on the lofty pedestal Ia had her on before. Indeed, after tonight, Ia learned that Yukari was far from perfect. But that, in its own way, was better. Yukari was better. She was human. She was someone Ia could touch. Someone with fears, someone with insecurities…the Yukari of before had kept those out of sight, obfuscating them with smiles and deflections. The Yukari now didn't.

And for that, Ia felt a throbbing pain in her heart, felt tears prick her eyes and fall freely down her cheeks. For all Yukari said about her fears that Ia would be unhappy with someone like her, Ia felt the complete opposite. The story only made her love Yukari more, for it filled out the image Ia had of Yukari before with much needed shadow.

"Wow," Ia said at last, softly.

Yukari breathed out a sigh. "Y-yeah. I'm sorry." A bitter smile. "I'm sure you didn't expect me to be like this, right? I'm supposed to be happy. Optimistic. Fun. And, well, now I'm not any of those."

"That's fine," said Ia. "I…um, I like this more."

Yukari laughed dryly. "What? Really?"

"I mean it," said Ia earnestly, holding tight onto Yukari's hands and looking into her eyes. "I'm happy you told me about yourself. Really happy. I…I've always wanted to know more about you. To be there for you as someone you can tell your problems to. To understand you and support you. I mean," Ia hesitated, her cheeks heating, "that's what love is, right?"

Yukari looked at Ia for a moment, and her lips pulled up in a weary smile. "I heard it's one of the symptoms."

"I know you're scared of this not lasting," said Ia, "but…I think it's worth it. You just have to trust in it. It was scary being friends with you too, you know? I thought I was happy before, in my room, but you showed me that I wasn't. It was just…it was just fake happiness. What I feel now can't even _compare_ to what I felt back then, it was like I was feeling nothing at all. And I was thinking, when I was writing my song, that you can't really experience life without running into things that can end, that can really hurt you, because, um, I think…" Ia paused, "I think that you can only really feel happiness if you make yourself vulnerable. And…and I know that we're young, and that statistically speaking, high school relationships are unstable, and I know that you had some bad relationships, but I don't want to give up what I feel for you right now, and I'm sure…I'm sure you don't really want to too, right?" Ia's eyes sought Yukari's, who was staring back at her, her lips slightly parted. "And…and I know you're thinking, 'What if this doesn't last?', but I want to make it such that you _won't_ think that at all, because I'll make you feel so happy in every moment that you wouldn't even have the _time_ to think about it, and whenever we get close to that point when you're thinking about it, I'll try my hardest so that we'd bounce right back again, and I guess all this was just a really, really long way of saying, um," Ia's throat was getting dry, "I love you, Yukari."

A silence big enough, full enough to encapsulate the universe. It felt as though time had ceased to exist, had ceased to move, it felt as though all that existed in the world was what Ia was seeing reflected in Yukari's eyes right now.

And then, Yukari's face softened in a smile. "That's a pretty good argument."

Ia blushed. "I-it's just how I feel."

Yukari hesitantly covered Ia's hands with her own, looking at Ia with nervous eyes that, for once, didn't seem to hide anything at all. Everything was there on the table now, and when Yukari spoke the next words, it felt as though she was offering that same everything to Ia. "Then…your heart for mine?"

Ia swallowed. Her heart was pounding off the edge of Yukari's acceptance, and her fingers felt tingly and hot under Yukari's. Yukari was trusting her with something incredibly precious, and the fact that she was doing such a thing made Ia's heart swell, almost painfully, almost enough to bring tears to her cheeks. She felt as though she was brimming over with emotions of happiness that she could barely keep in check, she felt as though she could barely breathe.

"Of course," Ia said quietly, moving her hand to squeeze Yukari's. Yukari's eyes widened, and her lips broke out in a tremulous smile that was both smaller and yet more genuine than any smile Ia had seen before, and she leaned forward to rest her head on Ia's shoulder. However, Yukari's shoulders were slightly shaking, and it was only after Ia felt her her shoulder begin to damp when she realized that Yukari was crying.

"Are...are you okay?" Ia asked, bringing one arm up to hug Yukari while the other stayed squeezing her hand.

"Y-yeah," Yukari said into Ia's shoulder, her voice hiccupy. "Just...thank you, Ia."

"You don't need to thank me," said Ia as she stroked Yukari's back.

Yukari laughed, and brought her head back up to look at Ia. Ia felt her face heat up. Yukari's face was incredibly close, and Ia was becoming increasingly aware of the heat in her fingers, the soft puffs of Yukari's breaths, the way Yukari's eyes looked in the moonlight, the proximity of Yukari's lips. Ia bit her lip and tried not to look away, though she was certain that her face was beet-red by now.

"I want to," said Yukari.

"Oh," Ia said, her voice coming out all funny and choked. "O-okay."

Yukari tilted her head slightly to the side and looked at Ia for a few moments before turning her eyes away. "Um," said Yukari softly, her eyes occasionally glancing back at Ia's, "so...I wanted to ask...and it's totally okay if you refuse..."

Ia swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. "What is it?"

Yukari took a breath and looked back at Ia, her purple eyes full of uncertainty, her cheeks deep red. Ia noticed that Yukari's hand was trembling, and Ia squeezed it in an attempt at reassurance, though her own were shaking too. She felt as though her heart was pounding off a cliff. Even though they were outside, Ia hardly felt cold at all. Yukari's eyes glanced back down for a brief moment before looking up at Ia's. "Can I...kiss you?"

Ia felt as though her heart stopped at the question, and her eyes widened. It was such a simple question, yet it felt as though it contained everything inside it. While Ia thought she felt a little scared, it wasn't the bad kind of fear - not at all. Somehow it was...Ia couldn't quite put her finger on it, but it was the kind of fear that was worth it. Perhaps it wasn't fear at all, but desire cloaked in unfamiliarity, because what Ia knew now was that there was nothing she wanted more than Yukari right now.

So, Ia took a breath. "Of course."

At the sound of that, Yukari's lips broke out in a smile, and she brought her hand up to place it on the back of Ia's head. Ia's breath hitched at the feeling of Yukari's fingers threading through her hair as Yukari slowly pulled Ia's face to hers, as she gently pressed soft, tentative lips to Ia's.

And in that moment, the rest of the world may as well not exist.


	15. Chapter 15

When Ia returned home, she felt lighter than she ever did before. All of her worries, all of her insecurities…none of them mattered now. They all seemed so small and insignificant next to what she had just done. When she parted with Yukari, they already made plans to meet up the first thing tomorrow. Not that seeing her almost every day was anything unusual, but this time the promise was different – it wasn't just two friends hanging out anymore, it was that special, singular word, fraught with meaning – a _date._ Just the thought of it was enough to make Ia feel giddy. The two of them hadn't really talked about what to _do,_ really, but Ia was sure it would be special.

The lights were off when she came back, and as she stepped inside she quietly took off her sneakers. Mayu was probably asleep, so Ia didn't really want to turn all the lights on or anything. She took out her phone, turned on the phone flashlight, and carefully navigated her way up the stairs, where she saw that there was a thin strip of light shining out from the crack between Mayu's door and the ground. Ia blinked in surprise – it was rare for Mayu to stay up this late. Still, Ia should tell her the good news, so she went over to Mayu's door and gave it a gentle knock.

After a few moments of scuffling noises, the door swung open. Mayu was dressed in her usual elaborate pajamas, all done with lace and ribbons and ruffles, rubbing her eyes slightly.

"Mayu!" said Ia eagerly, practically bouncing on her heels, "Yukari and I, we're…"

"Dating?" Mayu interrupted.

"Yeah!"

"Hmm," said Mayu, and Ia felt a little of her high spirits dampen. Why wasn't Mayu excited too?

"Is something wrong?" asked Ia.

Mayu shook her head. "No, nothing's wrong."

"It's just that, um, you don't seem very excited…"

Mayu sighed, ran a hand through her hair, her yellow eyes filled with clear unease. "I don't know about this relationship. Yukari rejected you."

"That doesn't matter! Yukari was just scared."

"I know," said Mayu. "Well," she sighed, "I guess all this is new territory for me as well. But if Yukari ever does _anything_ to make you sad, well…" Mayu trailed off, and Ia shuddered. All of a sudden, the craft scissors incident flashed clear in her memory.

"Right, right," said Ia hastily. "Well, don't worry! Even if Yukari and I have problems, I'm sure we can work through them!"

Mayu managed a wry smile. "Well, it's your relationship. I hope, for your sake, that you do."

-o-o-o-

It was a sunny winter morning when Yukari stood waiting for Ia in front of a local coffee shop that was quite popular in Yamaha for both the quality of the drinks and the relaxed, wood aesthetic of the coffeeshop itself. While it usually had outdoor seating, it being winter the shop had all the chairs and tables folded up outside. However, from what Yukari could see, the inside of the café was as lively as ever, practically stuffed full of patrons sitting at counters and tables, typing busily away at laptops with a steaming cup of coffee and a pastry next to them.

"Do you want to go in?" a voice asked, and Yukari broke out of her reverie, turning to see Ia, who was dressed casually in a duffle coat and beanie, scarf wrapped round her neck, bright blue eyes examining Yukari's. All of a sudden, Yukari felt heat rise in her cheeks. Last night was flooding back to her all at once. Ia's tight grip on Yukari's wrists, Ia's earnestly stern expression as she told Yukari her feelings, and, most importantly, the feeling of Ia's lips…after that, it seemed as though all the feelings Yukari had tried to brush off for Ia returned with a vengeance. While she knew Ia was cute, and had definitely stared at her for way too long before, it was only now, after she finally admitted her feelings to herself, only now, after the dreamy daze of last night, only now, in the bright, clear winter daylight when Yukari fully realized how beautiful Ia was. All she wanted to do now was hug her, feel the heat of her body against her own, feel the soft press of Ia's lips, feel the warmth of her bare limbs and _shit_ did she really just think that? Calm down, Yukari ordered herself. Neither of them were ready for that yet.

And so, she swallowed hard and looked away from Ia, trying to calm her thoughts. "O-oh," Yukari stuffed her trembling hands into her pockets, "w-well, I'm good. Unless you want to go?" Yukari's heart was a beating mess. If the two of them remained merely friends, they would probably act the same as they always did, but today, Yukari was hyperconscious of Ia – Ia's steady breathing, Ia's faintly flushed cheeks, Ia's long, tangled hair…how could it be that this other human being, with thoughts that Yukari would probably never fully know, with a completely separate life until a few months ago, loves her? To have another human being _choose_ to love her, as opposed to her parents, who were, well, her parents…Yukari didn't quite realize the magnitude of it now. Even last night, Yukari wasn't fully aware of it, though perhaps that was because her mind was so dazzled that she could barely think of anything at all.

"Yeah," said Ia, once again bringing Yukari out of her thoughts. "Let's go. I can get you a coffee."

"I-it's okay," Yukari protested even as she followed Ia inside. "I can buy my own coffee."

Ia looked a little conflicted. "Well, we're dating," she said. "I should buy you coffee."

"There's nothing that says that you have to buy me coffee. How about I buy you coffee?"

Ia shook her head, her expression earnest as she looked up at Yukari. "I _want_ to buy you coffee today. I mean, you bought me the present and the hot chocolate. So…to make things fair, I should buy you coffee today, right?" Ia turned towards the menu. "What kind of coffee do you like?"

"O-oh. Um, I'll have the Ethipian pourover. Thanks." While a part of Yukari was touched by Ia's consideration, another part of her was uneasy. She had never had an experience quite like this before. Was this what it's like to be in a couple? While Yukari was generous with her friends, she had never really had the experience of someone _else_ buying things for her. Was dating this then – a series of _quid-pro-quo_ transactions? A coffee for a kiss, a kiss for a dinner, and so on? Yukari watched as Ia made the order, as the cashier got two pastries for her, as Ia paid, and as Ia walked back over to Yukari, bag of pastries in hand.

"Here," said Ia, holding out the bag, smiling. "I got us scones! The coffee should be out soon too."

As she looked at Ia's face, Yukari felt a tight constriction in her heart. Ah, she thought, as the picture slid clearly into view as though hitting the perfect setting on a microscope. These feelings she's feeling, this wave of tenderness that made her heart ache, this giddy sense of happiness combined with bittersweetness of the inevitable passing of the moment, this was love, then. How could it possibly end? These feelings stretch seconds into hours, yet compresses at the same time. "Thanks," Yukari said. It seemed as though that was all she could say. All of her old verbosity was gone, all of the usual words she would say, the usual smiles she would smile, all of it was gone in the wake of her new feelings. Everything was new. The rules were unfamiliar. The old relationships she had could not in any way, shape, or form compare to this.

As the two of them walked out of the coffeeshop, a new silence fell upon them. Ia sipped at her coffee, and Yukari could tell that she was waiting for her to say something, to give some sort of direction as to where they're going, to smile and laugh and point at some place and say, _Let's go,_ but everything was different now and Yukari wasn't sure how to act, what to do, what to say. Sure, she read books with romance in them and saw romantic movies before, but she had always dismissed them as the fictions they were. Now though, she was beginning to suspect that they were on to something.

"Are you okay?" asked Ia suddenly.

"A-ah," Yukari said, flustered, "I'm fine! Sorry, I was just thinking." She looked down at her shoes as she took a sip of her pourover. "All of this is really new to me, so," she laughed self-deprecatingly, "I guess…I don't really know what to do."

"Oh," said Ia, and she gave Yukari an earnest smile. "Well, don't worry! We'll figure it out. How's the scone?"

Yukari recognized the question for what it was – an easy roll up pitch to get conversation started. A flash of memory in her head – the Ia when Yukari first met her, nervous and unsure, distrustful of people, distrustful of touch. She really had changed; the Ia now was so much more mature. Something about her manner seemed more assured, too. The old Ia, for one, would probably have never ran to Yukari's house like she did last night. Another swell in Yukari's heart; Ia really was a sweet girl. Yukari resolved to be as good to her as possible, and she smiled at her. "The scone's great. Anyways, well, what do you want to do? It's our first date! Let's do something awesome."

Ia laughed softly, the sound sweet and musical in Yukari's ears. "I don't really know what I want to do. I'm just happy being here with you."

Yukari felt as though her heart was being aggressively punched by Cupid. "That's a pretty cheesy line," she managed to joke.

Ia blushed and she looked down at her scone, hurriedly taking another bite. "It's just how I feel."

Ia was being so endearing that Yukari couldn't help but to tease her a little. "Riiight. I bet you say that to _all_ the girls."

Ia's blush deepened, though she turned towards Yukari and frantically shook her head. "N-no! Of course I don't!"

Shit, Ia was way too cute. "Um, a-anyways," Yukari quickly turned away and scanned the street, lined with shops she's already been to before, "uh, so there's lots of stuff we can do, like…go into these shops! Or…or go to the park! Or, uh…" Yukari trailed off. Now that she thought about it, there didn't really seem to be anything that new to do around here. There were the usual coffee shops and movies, but all that seemed so pedestrian next to the magnitude of the first date.

"How about we take a walk?" Ia said. "I'm sure we'll find something fun to do along the way."

Yukari stared at Ia for a moment, amazed. "Ah…that's a good idea. Hey," Yukari mock-frowned and put her hands on her hips, "you _sure_ you haven't been taking people out on dates before?"

"I-I'm sure!"

-o-o-o-

The two of them whiled away the day walking down quiet streets, talking about whatever random topics came to mind. To Yukari's relief, it didn't feel as awkward as she feared it would be, and her feelings didn't really get in the way of a good conversation. After a few hours, they stopped by a small bakery and procured some food – simple egg salad and ham and cheese sandwiches cut into neat triangles. Yukari made sure to pay this time, and noted the simple pleasure it gave for her to do so. Back when she bought the music box gift, she had been all nerves – it was a big gift after all, and so suddenly too – but this one felt easy and nice. Not so much a _quid-pro-quo,_ then. Just…what…a mutual exchange of happiness? Though Yukari was beginning to suspect that she probably shouldn't overthink these small gestures.

Yukari took the sandwiches to Ia, who suggested that they eat indoors on account of the chill, and so the they sat themselves down at the only open table remaining. Ia excused herself to get drinks, and Yukari laced her fingers together and looked around. The bakery had a simple homestyle aesthetic, with blue walls, orderly pastries lined up on the right side, and a table piled high with miniature chocolate cornets, milk buns, and danishes in the center. While Yukari had often stopped by this particular bakery before, something about it was different; there was an optimistic glow to everything as sunlight showed through the windows, glancing off of plastic-wrapped loaves of bread, the pans and ovens in the back, the display case of cakes and strawberry cream sandwiches. Even the red and white checkered tablecloth seemed lively.

"Here," said Ia, setting before Yukari two cups of tea and a teapot. "I got us tea, because, um, it's cold."

"Thanks," said Yukari with a smile, and the two of them split the sandwiches. Yukari ate slowly, mostly because she was watching the way Ia ate. She was an unsurprisingly delicate eater, and while Yukari noticed this fact before, she never really felt conscious of her own eating habits until now. She slowed her own pace to match Ia's, and her eyes wandered to Ia's hands. Her fingers were thin and dexterous as they worked their way around the sandwich, and Yukari quickly became aware of the inappropriate way her thoughts were turning and just as quickly endeavored to think of something else, but it was no use. Yukari's eyes dragged Yukari along with them as they ran down Ia's arms, along Ia's shoulders, and finally focused on the last place Yukari wanted them to focus on – Ia's lips, and _why_ was Yukari focusing on Ia's lips? She wasn't even doing anything particularly sexy with them, she was just eating a sandwich, and Yukari badly needed to turn her thoughts away before...before, well, before they get too far. Sure, they kissed last night, and Ia seemed fine with it, but last night…last night was special, and Yukari still held the memory of the first movie night clear in her mind. Funny, that. Back then, she didn't give a second thought about cuddling Ia, but now, the memory of how bold she was made her want to bury herself in a hole. Sure, it had all been platonic at the time, but now that Yukari was faced with the reality of her own feelings, was it _really_ as platonic as she thought? At any rate, there was no way she would be able to do things as naturally as she did back then.

"Um, are you okay?" Ia asked. "You're not eating."

"Oh!" Yukari quickly took some more bites. "Sorry, I was just, um, zoning out." No way was she going to tell Ia what she had just been thinking.

"Ah, that happens to me a lot," said Ia. "Though I don't think I've ever seen you zone out before. What were you thinking about?"

Yukari briefly considered telling Ia the truth, but just as quickly discarded it. No matter how she spun it, there was no way she could save herself from not sounding creepy. "Oh, uh, school's about to start. I was just thinking about that."

"Oh," said Ia. Yukari couldn't quite tell what she was feeling from her tone, though for some reason, Ia sounded almost…disappointed. Yukari wanted to hit herself. Why did she lie and say that she was thinking about _school_ of all things on their first date? "Well, we've been studying a lot over break, so I think-"

"Actually, sorry, I lied," Yukari held up a hand. "I was thinking about…" she trailed off. What was she doing? There was no way she should tell Ia what she had been _really_ thinking about. Yukari lowered her hand. "Ahh...nevermind."

Ia furrowed her eyebrows, clearly trying to decide whether to pursue the topic further or let it drop. Yukari hoped for the latter, hoped, hoped—"Um, Yukari, what were you thinking about?"

Yukari sighed. It was too much to ask for Ia to change the topic. "It's embarrassing. And I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Ia looked worried now, her eyes wide. She barely seemed to be aware of how her egg salad was in the process of escaping between her slices of bread. "Yukari! Please, tell me! What's wrong?"

Crap, now she made Ia feel _guilty._ "Nothing's wrong! It's just, um," Yukari felt her face heat up at the words she was about to say, "I was just thinking about…I was just looking at…." So much for being good at words, "I was looking at you, and I thought that…" Yukari had never said anything like this before, and the knowledge was making her stumble all over the place, "I thought you looked beautiful." Ugh, what a lame thing to say. Yukari wanted to sink into the floor and hibernate until winter was over.

Ia stared at Yukari, and Yukari watched as a slow flush crept up her cheeks. Her blue eyes were wide, and her lips hung partly open. "Oh," she squeaked.

Ia's shell-shocked expression told Yukari all she needed. "S-sorry! That was a weird thing to say!"

"N-no!" Ia interrupted, her face bright red. "I, um, I think…I think you're…um…" Ia hesitated, clearly embarrassed.

"I-it's fine, you don't need to force yourself!"

"I'm not!" said Ia hotly, though she looked nervously around before leaning forward and lowering her voice. "I think you're beautiful too."

Yukari felt her face flood with fire and looked down at her sandwich. How strange. She had heard words like these before, but why was it that now they felt like they were wrapping around her heart, compressing it so tight each beat was more of a throb? It was so much, Yukari wanted to laugh. She had never felt so intensely buoyed by a compliment before. "Geez, you're a real sweet-talker."

Ia puffed out her cheeks. "It's true!"

Yukari laughed then, too charmed by Ia to do anything else. She wanted to reach across the table and take hold of Ia's hand, wanted to kiss her, but caution stayed her hand. Besides, she told herself, there was no rush. They were dating now, and could pretty much go on dates whenever they wanted, school allowing. That didn't stop her from _wanting_ it, but there were certainly reasons to not jump all over Ia like a hormonal teenager. Which she was, really, come to think of it. But still. Yukari decided that it was a better use of her energies to take a bite out of her sandwich and change the topic.

The two of them passed the rest of the time at the bakery at a relaxed pace, the conversation meandering to how their friends were doing. Amidst all the discussion of Oliver's newest baking concoctions and Sonika's endless cramming, Yukari noticed how careful Ia was to not mention SeeU's name and existence, side-stepping the vacation SeeU spent in Yamaha, solicitously keeping their discussion of their friends to the ones at school. It was…bittersweet, Yukari had to admit. SeeU was a big part of her life, having been her first real friend, and the complete absence of her name in conversation was strange, considering that.

Still, Yukari tried to shake the sadness off of her, and smiled at Ia. Seeing her sitting there and talking, obviously a little nervous but trying, was so endearing Yukari didn't even realize that she had taken hold of Ia's hand until Ia stopped abruptly mid-sentence and looked down at their joined hands.

When the realization hit, Yukari immediately flushed red and pulled her hand back, berating herself as memories of the first movie night flooded into her mind. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking," Yukari blurted out, as if that band-aid of a reassurance would fix anything.

"N-no, it's fine!" Ia stammered, hastily reaching out to grab back Yukari's hand, but in the process her elbow knocked over her teacup and she drew her hand and chair back, eyes wide. "Ah!"

"Are you okay?" Yukari quickly grabbed some napkins and haphazardly started to clean up the mess, only to knock over her own teacup, which promptly spilled on her lap. Yukari paused a moment as she considered her options, but decided to keep scrubbing the table in hopes that Ia wouldn't somehow notice that she just spilled tea all over herself.

"Um, yeah, it didn't get on me," Ia said, her eyes still wide as though she had just witnessed some terrible accident, "but are _you_ okay?" Ia carefully picked up the teapot and put it on the relatively safe location of the windowsill before taking a few napkins and cleaning up the tea that had spilled on Yukari's side of the table. "I-it spilled all over you."

Well there goes that. Yukari smiled what she hoped was a reassuring smile at Ia and nodded. "Yeah, it wasn't too hot! I just got a little wet."

"I'm sorry," said Ia, her eyebrows knitting together and lips curving in a worried frown, her body slumping as though she was sinking into quicksand. "And it's cold today too…"

"Hey, _I_ was the one who spilled it on myself," said Yukari with a laugh. "Besides, even if you spilled it on me, I wouldn't mind."

Ia nodded, though her eyes were clearly full of doubt as she picked up some more napkins and made as if to dab at Yukari's clothes, though she hesitated and put the napkins back down. "Um," she said awkwardly, "y-you should pat down your clothes. I can, um, take care of the table."

Ia looked as though she was going into a tailspin of worry, and Yukari hesitated only a moment before gently covering Ia's hands were her own, and at the contact Yukari felt her heart beat in double-time. Still, when she spoke, her voice managed to come out normal-sounding. "Hey, it's okay. It's not a big deal, just tea is all. It'll dry off soon."

"But it'll be cold," Ia protested.

"That's okay," said Yukari with a smile. "After all, we spent hours in the snow last night."

At the mention of last night, Ia's face immediately turned red. "Y-yeah…"

"Plus," Yukari continued, "you were really bold too."

The red in Ia's face deepened even more, and she fidgeted with the crust of her sandwich. "Th-th-that was…that was…I, er, I…"

Ia looked so put upon and shy that Yukari felt a little bad for her, and she squeezed Ia's hands, which really only made Ia jolt in surprise again. "Hey, don't be embarrassed! It was, um…" Yukari bit her lip, unused to saying such things. Strange, that. In the past, pedestrian phrases such as these came to her so easily, but it was only now when she experienced such difficulty saying them. It was as though she had to move a large block in her throat to even say such things, as though each word had to be dredged up from the muck of her troubled heart. While saying complimentary things and teasing at least weren't so bad, anything that skated near the feelings in her heart were still difficult.

Still, Ia's eyes were so kind in their worry that Yukari managed to complete the sentence despite herself, though when the words came out, her voice was softer than she intended. "It was really nice, seeing that you…cared about me so much."

"O-oh," said Ia, her eyes wide, before her expression softened into a wide smile. "I'm...I'm glad."

 _Wow_ , Yukari thought as she drank in the sight of Ia's smile, Ia's mussed hair, the way the sun lit off of Ia's cheek and arms and clothes, as she felt with vague bewilderment the unbearable sweetness in her heart. Love really is strange. How could it be that these clumsy fumblings at phrases that came nowhere near to the true magnitude of what Yukari was feeling make Ia smile so sweetly? 'Really nice'? What an understatement. It was more than 'really nice', far more, but how could Yukari express that?

"Well," said Ia, still smiling, seemingly oblivious to Yukari's tumultuous thoughts, "we should finish our tea. We still have the rest of the teapot to go."

"Right, here's hoping we don't spill it again," said Yukari as she righted the teacups and shook her thoughts out of her mind.

"It's okay," said Ia brightly. "Since you got tea on yourself, if I spill mine again, we'll match. We can both be cold!"

Yukari laughed as she poured out the tea. "Well...when you put it that way, that doesn't sound so bad after all."


	16. Chapter 16

The days passed, and inevitably, school resumed. While Ia and Yukari hadn't quite arrived on a decision on how to act when they got to school, they did agree on trying to keep a modicum of secrecy, though it seemed that their friends all knew on the first day anyways – a realization hastened by Oliver seeing the two of them on their date last weekend. While Yukari had intended on keeping their relationship secret in fear of what their friends might think, no one seemed to mind the fact that the two of them were in a relationship, and their casual reaction left her puzzled; this had been very unlike her previous experiences, when news of her relationships were usually met with shocked astonishment. When she hesitantly put the question to Sonika, Sonika laughed.

"Wow, really?" she said once she finally stopped snickering. "Did you seriously think we'd be surprised?"

"Well, from past experiences," Yukari began, and Sonika shrugged and waved a hand in the air.

"Trust me, it was so obvious last semester that you two had a thing for each other that we all had a long time to get used to it," she said. "If any of us are surprised now, it'd only be because it took so long for you two to realize it too."

Yukari stared at Sonika, mind momentarily blank. It was obvious? But how?

"Eh, don't think too much about it," said Sonika with a smirk, getting up from her seat and inclining her head towards the door. "Let's grab lunch with the others."

Yukari did, her head spinning, her heart lifting with disbelieving happiness, and from then on out, Ia and her abandoned the pretense of secrecy around their friends. However, while their friends at school were accepting of Yukari and Ia's budding relationship, Mayu was distant and cold. Even though Yukari and Mayu had never been close, or even interacted much, after getting together with Ia Yukari noticed a marked decrease in friendliness from her. Whenever Yukari would stop by Ia's place, Mayu would, instead of greeting her or making small talk as she did before, often just silently leave the room.

"Uh, hey Mayu," Yukari would say, forcing a smile to her face, whenever Mayu would be a bit slower in leaving.

"Hey," Mayu would reply, and before Yukari could formulate any sort of response or follow-up question, Mayu would retreat upstairs to her room, leaving Yukari staring after her.

After such events Ia would usually hasten to ask Yukari if she needed anything – water, tea, coffee, cake – in hopes of smoothing over the awkwardness and Yukari's creeping sense of being unwelcome. Usually, Ia's kindness succeeded, and Yukari would successfully shrug it off, but...while Yukari was no stranger to awkward encounters in relationships past, she had to admit that she never had someone flip from being cordial to cold before, and the sudden change left her uneasy. Doubly so because Mayu and Ia were so close; at times, Yukari feared that Mayu's sudden dislike would transfer over to Ia as well. However, whenever those thoughts, or really any thoughts that doubted Ia's feelings for Yukari, came into her head, she would quickly dispel it by remembering Ia's earnest words the winter night they started dating.

That memory, emblazoned so clear in Yukari's memory, never failed to reassure her. Just the knowledge that Ia, who was so shy and afraid of touch, had gone so far out on a limb to run out and confront Yukari about her feelings _after_ being rejected…well, that was definitely not an action that could be discounted so easily.

And so, helped along by the ebb and flow of school's daily rhythms, Yukari and Ia's relationship soon established a steady routine. The two of them occasionally had study sessions at Ia's house, and on weekends they usually arranged for at least a section of a day to dedicate to dates. As Yukari was on the stringent budget of her parents' allowance, their dates were usually comprised of simple things such as wandering around the neighborhood, watching old movies on discount Sundays, and going to Yamaha's various small art fairs. Sometimes, the two of them would meet up at Ia's place and never get around to leaving – distracted by a TV show, or a new recipe Ia wanted to try.

On rare occasions, Ia would shyly mumble that she had just finished working on a song, and Yukari always jumped at the chance to listen to Ia's compositions, knowing how close to Ia's heart they were. Ia would bring down her laptop, a pair of headphones hanging round her neck, and Yukari would try her best to stifle her curiosity about what Ia's room looked like, as well as the vague sense of disappointment that Ia hadn't yet invited her up. Not that she should care _too_ much about that, Yukari would chastise herself. After all, the two of them had only been dating for a few weeks. There was no reason for someone as shy as Ia to be comfortable with showing someone her room at this early stage…especially since Mayu seemed to hate Yukari at this point.

After bringing her things down, Ia would sit on the couch, hand Yukari the headphones, and watch intently as Yukari listened, always insisting that Yukari close her eyes and immerse herself fully in the song. Ia's compositions ran the gamut, from spaced out electronic beats to complex fingerpicked guitar to varied mixes. While Yukari liked some of the songs more than others, she couldn't deny the base skill underneath it all, the immense talent Ia had that Yukari was amazed she wasn't sharing with the world.

"You don't have a Soundcloud or a Bandcamp or anything?" Yukari asked once after listening to a particularly experimental mix in a genre that Ia referred to as 'plunderphonics'. "This is really good! I can't be the only one listening to these, right?"

Ia blushed. "I-it's not that great. I think I jump around too much."

"There you go again," Yukari said with a brief laugh. "Selling yourself short."

Ia looked back down at her laptop. "It's true. I still have a long way to go."

"How long have you been making music?"

"A while," said Ia as her fingers lightly swiped her laptop's touchpad. "My dad's a composer and conductor, so I think…I grew up with it."

From what Yukari could remember, Ia had never really opened up to her about her family before, and she seized the chance to learn more. While she knew the basics – Ia and Mayu were stepsisters, Ia and Mayu's parents were often out traveling – she didn't know much beyond that. "Oh really? That's really cool! I guess that's why he travels so much?"

"Yeah," said Ia softly, her eyes attaining that faraway look that Yukari realized early in their friendship was the mark of her beginning to zone out. Times like these, there wasn't much to do other than let Ia finish whatever thoughts she was formulating in her head, and so Yukari sat back on the couch and waited, her eyes quietly on Ia. From this angle, Ia looked so frail, with her messy hair and thin shoulders, that Yukari wanted nothing more than to hug her and protect her from whatever troubles come her way. Sitting here, with the sunset highlighting Ia's delicate features, Yukari felt faint amazement that someone like Ia could even _exist_ in this world; someone who's so sensitive and endearing, someone who's so creative, so caring, and yet, so distant. Looking at her now, Ia seemed like a roped off statue in an art museum, frozen in some long ago, classical time.

Perhaps it was this remote, dreamy aura Ia sometimes gave off that made Yukari go overboard with physical affection in the past. All those hugs and cuddles, all the squeezing close when watching movies, the frequent texts and requests to hang out, perhaps it was all because of that otherworldly feeling Ia gave off, that strange sense of distance Yukari craved to close. And at that thought, Yukari felt a tight squeeze in her heart. Ia was still silent, her eyes gazing out to nowhere, and that old sense of an unbridgeable distance was clawing up Yukari's throat. This deep compulsion to hold Ia tightly to herself, or even just to touch her, pressed against Yukari's fingers. She tried to swallow the feelings down, but she couldn't.

"Um, Ia?" Yukari said, unable to bear it.

"Huh? Oh," Ia turned back to look at Yukari, and all at once she was back down on earth, feet touching the ground, no longer an untouchable statue, and Yukari felt herself breathe a little easier. "Sorry…I was thinking."

"Yeah, I figured," said Yukari, mustering a smile. "What about?"

"Well," Ia shifted her body to face Yukari more completely, "I was just thinking about my dad. I really don't see him much because he travels all the time. So, I was thinking, maybe that's why I picked up on music so early. To be closer to my dad and have something to talk with him about. I guess when I was growing up I never really had anyone other than Mayu to talk to…"

At the mention of Mayu, Yukari winced. Yet another confirmation of how close the two were. Yukari really needed to figure out what was wrong with her own relationship with Mayu, otherwise…well…Yukari was certain that her relationship with Ia wouldn't last the long run. Despite herself, Yukari still held some of that old cynicism, and was of the opinion that close family members could influence relationships strongly. It was an old adage Yukari's father had drunkenly told her in the past, when reminiscing about past, dead relationships that failed for some reason or other.

Still, Yukari didn't really want to bring that up at this point of time; it would only distract from the conversation and make Ia sad. Whenever Yukari let slip one of her more cynical beliefs, Ia would always look so melancholy after, would always protest and say something cheerful like, 'Love is strong enough to beat anything!', but such platitudes were difficult for Yukari to buy fully. And so, Yukari smiled and asked the safest question she could think of: "You two definitely seem close. When did you meet Mayu?"

"When I was five," said Ia, seeming to brighten up at the memory. "She was really nice. Her mom was nice too. But we didn't really become a family until I was eight." Ia's expression grew soft. "Even when we were kids, Mayu took care of me. She would always try to get me outside to do things. Back then, it annoyed me a lot…and I guess, eventually, she stopped trying…" Ia trailed off, let the sentence hang for a few moments, before turning her eyes to Yukari and surprising her with a bright smile. "But then you moved in, and I started trying all sorts of new things."

Yukari's eyes widened, not expecting the sudden turn in conversation to herself, though warmth blossomed in her heart after hearing Ia's words. "Just because of me?"

Ia nodded. "Yeah."

Yukari had to ask. "But…why? If Mayu's been trying so long, why would a random stranger make you change your mind?"

Ia blinked and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling in thought. "Well…with Mayu, she's family, so…I guess maybe I just expect her to ask, because she's _supposed_ to care about me and want me to do things with her. But see, it's like you said," Ia drew her gaze back to Yukari, "you were a stranger. Strangers don't have any reason to care about me at all, right? So I think…I think I was really surprised, when you asked me to go to the mall with you. And…" Ia's voice grew quieter, "and I've never really had a friend other than Mayu before. I thought I didn't want to try it, back then. I thought I was just fine with my music and my room, but maybe I really did want to try being friends with someone too. Maybe I was just too scared to try on my own, otherwise I would've been, um…rejected."

The words hung in the air. Yukari looked at Ia, whose eyes were attaining that faraway look again. While it wasn't as though this was a completely surprising revelation – after all, Ia's disconnectedness from her peers was one of the first things Yukari noticed about the girl – the frankness of Ia's voice and the simplicity of her explanation gave Yukari pause. Despite having been more outgoing than Ia growing up, didn't Yukari also experience that sense of alienation from other people? Wasn't that why she sought out all those temporary friendships and allowed herself to be drawn into all those shallow relationships? Wasn't it better to have a simulacrum of a friendship, rather than nothing? Though, even with a bunch of people surrounding her and talking with her, sometimes those moments were when Yukari felt the loneliest of all.

But, Yukari quickly reminded herself, all of that was in the past. She was with Ia now, and with Ia by her side, Yukari was sure that she'd never feel so lonely again.

"Well," said Yukari, taking Ia's hand, "I'm happy you took a chance with me."

Ia smiled back. "Me too."

There was a meditative silence after that. The mood in the room was so serious, Yukari felt the sudden need to break it with a dumb joke. While she and SeeU had their fair share of deep talks in the past, Yukari still wasn't used to people being so open with their feelings. She glanced over at Ia from the corner of her eyes. Ia looked deep in thought as usual, though about what, Yukari had no clue. Sometimes, Ia could be a difficult read, even though other times she'd be endearingly obvious about her feelings.

While Yukari couldn't say for certain how long the silence went on, it was abruptly broken by the front door opening. Ia immediately jolted to attention.

"Hey," said Mayu as she entered, loaded down with two heavy-looking bags and a thick scarf. "Geez, it's super cold today. Looks like you guys haven't moved at all, though."

"Yeah, we stayed in," said Ia. "How was your day, Mayu?"

Mayu shrugged. "Status quo. Weekends seem so much shorter now that school's started, right? I just went shopping with some friends and got some new clothes. How about you?" Her gaze passed over Yukari as though she was a particularly boring piece of furniture.

Yukari sighed inwardly at the implicit dismissal, though such things had become normal in her relationship with Mayu now. Ia seemed to have noticed as well, and she glanced uneasily between Mayu and Yukari. "Umm, well, we've been good. We just, um, watched some TV and stuff like that."

"Nice," said Mayu, her voice flat with disinterest as she checked her phone. "Well, you kids have fun now."

"Uh…we were thinking of getting dinner," said Ia. "Do you maybe want to get something with us?"

"Nope," said Mayu, putting her phone back in her pocket. "Anyways, don't mind me, I'll be up in my room." With that, Mayu headed up the stairs, bags in tow, leaving the two in silence. After the heavy wooden sound of Mayu closing the door rang down the stairwell, Yukari winced. That awkward feeling of being unwelcome was creeping down her back again.

"Um," said Yukari, "maybe I should leave?"

"What?" Ia looked horrified at the mere suggestion. "Of course not! Why would you? What about dinner?"

"Well, it doesn't seem like Mayu is all that comfortable with having me here right now," said Yukari with a quick smile.

"W-well," Ia floundered, "Mayu's just weird these days! She's a little sarcastic sometimes, but she's not _mean_. But," Ia slumped a little, "you're right…lately she's been acting really strange. I'm gonna go talk to her." She made to get up, but Yukari took hold of her by the arm.

"Hey, it's okay," said Yukari. "You don't need to do that _._ "

Ia turned her gaze towards the stairwell and then back towards Yukari, her blue eyes determined. "Well, she made you feel unwelcome. And…and that's not right. She's been making you feel unwelcome for a while now too. It's…it's _weird,"_ Ia sighed. "She was so supportive before…"

Yukari rubbed the bridge of her nose and tried to think back to all of her previous interactions with Mayu. They had bonded over movies at the art fair. They had grabbed tea together at that Rococo tea parlor Mayu liked so much. Throughout their personal interactions, Mayu had run hot and cold; at the art fair, she had been open, friendly, and entertaining. At the tea place, however, she was a lot more interrogative, and while she had asked her questions with a friendly smile, it felt as though all of Yukari's words had to pass through a minefield before getting approved. Still, after that gauntlet, Mayu was definitely a lot friendlier; when Yukari came over to study, she was bustling about making tea and getting cake, even asking inquiring questions about SeeU.

After that, Yukari and Mayu had interacted during SeeU's visit to Yamaha, when Mayu joined them for lunch at the soba restaurant. Just the memory of that visit was enough to make Yukari cringe. She had been so _oblivious_ to everything back then, so intent on making peace between SeeU and Ia, on batting away all the evidence dangling in front of her eyes, on trying to trick herself into believing that there was nothing there…it was so _stupid,_ really, how Yukari was acting throughout that whole week. So stupid and transparent that she still found it hard to believe that SeeU and Ia never called her out on it, never seemed to even _notice_ anything strange about Yukari's over-obliviousness, though perhaps they were afraid too of making their suspicions into reality. From an outsider's perspective, though, Yukari must've seemed so callous, so scared, so cowardly…

And just like that, Yukari felt it click in her mind.

"Oh," said Yukari, hating herself. " _Oh._ "

"Huh?" said Ia, blinking up at her. "What is it?"

"Sorry," said Yukari, shooting Ia the biggest smile she could muster under the circumstances. "I know I kinda just stopped you from doing this, but…I think I'm going to have to go talk to Mayu."

Ia's eyes went wide. "R-really?"

"Yeah."

"A-are you sure? Mayu's _really_ scary when she's angry. There was this one time in grade school when-"

"It's okay, Ia," said Yukari, half-laughing. "Seriously, it'll just be to clear the air between us."

Ia looked as though Yukari had just told her that she was going to go into a serial killer's lair. "B-but-"

"Hey, what kind of girlfriend will I be if I can't even talk with my girlfriend's sister?" said Yukari with a smile. "Don't worry. I'll be right back down, promise."

Ia looked at Yukari, clearly unconvinced, but with a sigh she nodded. With that approval, Yukari headed for the stairwell. Upon taking the first step, she hesitated. Every time she went over to Ia's place, she had only stayed on the first floor, hanging out in the living room or kitchen. Never before had she ventured upstairs. The mere action felt like an intrusion, and Yukari momentarily entertained the idea of not going after all. But no – she had to go and talk to Mayu. The longer Yukari left it, the worse it will be, and now that she has an idea as to why Mayu's behavior would so abruptly change, Yukari had no intention of letting Mayu's dislike solidify into something more permanent.

At Mayu's door (which Yukari assumed was her's due to the thin ray of light shining from the gap between it and the floor), Yukari steadied herself with a breath and knocked gently on the door.

"Door's unlocked," said Mayu. Yukari went in.

Mayu's room was undoubtedly one of the largest bedrooms Yukari had seen – far larger than Yukari's, at least, though Yukari supposed that made sense given the fact that Mayu and Ia came from money. Apart from its size, the other noticeable thing about it was that it was done up in the Gothic Lolita style Mayu dressed herself in. There was a small black couch on the side of the room facing a black lacquered coffee table, upon which rested a vase full of red lycoris and several ceramic teacups. The bed itself looked like a queen size, piled with elaborate ruffled bedding and a sizable collection of plushies that ranged from cute to gruesome, located at the center of the room across from a small TV set. Sheer scarves dimmed the lamp shades. Hat boxes were carefully arranged in stacks next to the sizable black desk Mayu was working at, which had a similarly large collection of parasols leaning against it on the other side. It was a dark, meticulous room, carefully decorated with obsessive attention to detail. Despite herself, Yukari was faintly surprised – from what she had seen of Mayu, she seemed like a flighty girl, the type to not care too much about cleanliness, but the state of her room spoke differently. Mayu's back was facing Yukari's, though when Yukari quietly closed the door around her, Mayu turned around, her eyes closed, fingertips massaging her forehead as she breathed out a sigh.

"Ia, I _know_ you're coming up here to yell at me about being mean to Yukari again, but…" Mayu trailed off once she opened her eyes.

For a moment, neither of them said a word. Yukari thought she had something in mind, but when she ran through the words in her head, she realized she had nothing really other than a series of thoughts and possibilities – maybe tell Mayu about her past, maybe simply tell Mayu that she understands why she's so angry, maybe try to blend the two together, maybe test the waters first and see what Mayu had to say. With a sinking feeling, Yukari realized that she was as far from prepared as she could get, despite her confident words to Ia earlier.

Mayu spoke first, her yellow eyes narrowing. "What do you want?"

Yukari stalled. "I wanted to talk."

Mayu rolled her eyes. "I figured that much out myself. What do you want to talk about?"

"I think I know why you're being like this to me," Yukari said, "and I wanted to talk with you about it."

"Oh? Well, I suppose it _is_ rather obvious. But what I want to know is, why it took you so long to talk with me about it."

That hadn't been a response Yukari was expecting. "What?"

"I wasn't subtle with my behavior for the past few weeks," said Mayu, "and it's been a while before you came up to talk to me about it. For someone who's dating my stepsister, it doesn't seem like you care as much as you should."

"What?" Yukari could hardly believe her ears. Mayu was angry because Yukari took too long to confront her about her behavior? Was all this some kind of messed up test? It wasn't as though it had been _that_ long either; in Yukari's estimation, she first started noticing Mayu's change in behavior when she started dating Ia, and that was only three weeks ago. "What does that have to do with how much I care about Ia? And…and was all of that just a _test_?"

"Oh, God, no," said Mayu. "I started acting like that because I genuinely dislike the idea of you dating Ia."

Yukari frowned. "Why? You seemed supportive before we started dating."

"Well, let's see how this all looks from my perspective," Mayu sighed. "There's quite a lot of charges I have against you now. But I started changing my mind about you when you put on that ridiculous clueless act when SeeU was over. There's no way you were really so oblivious about Ia and SeeU's feelings. I refuse to believe that someone as socially savvy as you is _that_ stupid. Even when I tossed those incredibly obvious 'hot chocolate' hints, well," Mayu shook her head with a scoff, "you played along, hiding behind that convenient shield I set up, like a coward."

The more Mayu talked, the harsher her voice and words became. By the end of it, she practically spat out the word 'coward', and Yukari could do nothing but stare at her. That had been the reason she guessed for Mayu's behavior, but now, standing in front of Mayu, the host of explanations Yukari had – her fear of relationships, her family background – seemed inadequate and unconvincing. Mayu's eyes were icy and, uncannily, hollow; it seemed as though a part of Mayu wasn't fully present, though what part that was, Yukari wasn't sure.

"Not only that," Mayu continued, "but you really led Ia on. With the way you've been acting for the past semester, it really seemed like you felt something for her. Sure, I thought you were a little…strange, a little artificial _,_ maybe. That you'd be a better friend than lover, since you just seemed like the kind of person who would lose interest in relationships quickly. Still, from how genuine you acted when you were with Ia, I thought that you felt something real for her, that she could be the one to change you. Doesn't really explain your oblivious act, but maybe you didn't want to hurt your friend. Fine," Mayu shrugged, "that's human. I can accept that. But," and here another layer of cold anger, "what I _can't_ accept is you acting like you're completely heads over heels for Ia, _completely_ leading her on, and then outright _rejecting_ her when she musters up the strength to confess to you after _months_ of doubt. Do you know how hard it was for Ia to do that? Do you know how hard she worked? How many times she cried about not being _good enough_ for you?"

What? Yukari was certain that she had to have misheard – _Ia_ thought that she wasn't good enough for her? But how can that possibly be the case? If anything, it'd be more like the opposite. Yukari opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, Mayu stood up from her chair as more and more light left her eyes. There was something distinctly eerie about her gaze now – while her eyes were vacant, she spoke her words with barely controlled passion. The dichotomy was so uncanny that every one of Yukari's fight-or-flight instincts lit up. "Do you remember what I told you way back then? You can't just waltz into Ia's life, shake it up, and leave. And I can't _believe_ that someone as cowardly as you has the gall to come back into Ia's life the same day you rejected her, dating her as though nothing happened, as though you weren't the most noncommittal, cowardly little shit I've ever met. Frankly," Mayu took a step closer, "if I had my way, you wouldn't even be here. Your actions make absolutely no sense to me. You see, I'm the kind of person who clutches onto my love as tightly as possible. Which really makes me wonder what kind of person would reject someone they say they love, because, well, that's completely ridiculous. I thought about it a lot of times, and I tried to make all sorts of excuses for you, but often the simplest explanation is the right one. To me, this is what it seems like – you're just acting out some infatuation and leading Ia on, when you're really not so serious about her at all, aren't you?"

Yukari's eyes widened. Her heart felt like it was dropping down a pit, hammering hard against her ribs. Mayu was so wrong, but Yukari had to admit that what she's saying makes sense. From an outside perspective…that's probably exactly what it looks like. Still, Yukari had to protest. "That's not true! I—"

"Oh, it's _not?_ " Mayu feigned surprise. "Then why did you take so long to confront me about this? You know who's been bothering me about the way I've been acting towards you almost every night? _Ia._ You, on the other hand, barely lifted a finger, and you didn't even _try_ to change my mind about you until now. You're awfully good at getting people to fight your fights for you."

Yukari's breath hitched at that, eyes going wide. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach, and when Mayu said her next words, they rang with uncomfortable familiarity in Yukari's mind.

"First you get SeeU to call Ia up and yell at her for, quote-unquote, being _mean_ to you at the first movie night, when _you_ were the one who was completely disregarding everything about Ia's issues," Mayu's words were a slow, relentless drill going inside Yukari's ears, "and now, you have Ia pleading with me to not be so, quote-unquote, _mean_ to you whenever you come over, when in reality this is a problem between me and you, and you're just getting Ia to fight your battles for you."

"I didn't _want_ SeeU to do that," Yukari said, though her protest sounded weak to her ears. "I didn't know Ia was doing that either—"

"You didn't know? Come on, Yukari – it didn't occur to you that Ia would notice _?_ She's not as oblivious as you are, thank God. You think she'd let me get away with treating you like that without saying anything? _Please,_ " Mayu sneered, "she's in _love_ with you. Of _course_ she's going to defend you whenever she can."

Yukari rubbed the bridge of her nose and looked down at the floor, her mind dizzied by what Mayu was saying. While Yukari knew going up the stairs that Mayu had to be upset with her in part because of her oblivious actions while SeeU was here, she never knew that Mayu had such a long list of grievances against her. Still, it didn't feel fair that Mayu was holding Yukari being slow to approach her as a mark against her. Surely the situation of confronting one's girlfriend's sister would be scary for anyone, right?

But Yukari knew what Mayu's response to that would be – probably something along the lines of, 'oh, looks like you don't love Ia enough to get over your fear'. And while before Yukari thought that maybe she could explain her circumstances to Mayu, after everything Mayu said, Yukari had the sneaking suspicion that Mayu definitely wouldn't be all that sympathetic to her life story. There was no fancy speech Yukari had prepared, no impassioned words that came to mind to ease Mayu's heart. Still, Yukari had to change Mayu's mind about her somehow – the last thing she wanted was for her girlfriend's closest confidant to hate her. Plus, Mayu's doubts about their relationship would surely start to _really_ get to Ia eventually, and once that happens, well, they might as well kiss their relationship goodbye. Besides, since Yukari and Mayu both cared about Ia, surely they could get along; Yukari just had to convince Mayu that she really did care.

Yukari worried her lip as she thought, and after some time she took a steadying breath. It seemed that what she had to do first, at least, was convince Mayu that she wasn't a coward who would drop Ia at the slightest sign of conflict. This, Yukari knew, was a test in its own way.

"Looks like by saying all this, you're trying to scare me away," said Yukari, her voice soft.

Mayu laughed a harsh syllable. "Looks like by saying that _,_ you're saying I failed."

Yukari nodded, drawing her eyes back up so that they met Mayu's, steady and resolute. "You're right that I was a coward. I was oblivious, I lied to myself, I ran away from realizing everyone's feelings…and yes, I didn't come to you right away when you were rude to me. But, I'm not going to run away anymore. Even if you don't believe me, I'm just going to reiterate – I love Ia. And it's like you said – I can't just waltz into Ia's life, shake it up, and leave. I'm going to be here for the long haul. You can be rude to me all you like, but I'm not going anywhere."

Mayu arched a blonde eyebrow and tilted her head slightly. "Really?"

"Well," said Yukari, "it's like what I said back then. There's no way I'm leaving Ia alone."

Mayu smiled, but there was no warmth behind her flinty eyes. "Words are cheap. I prefer to judge by action."

"That's fine," Yukari retorted, betting on a flash of boldness – maybe there was a way of getting Mayu to be less abrasive too. "But you should practice what you preach."

Mayu blinked. "What?"

"You care about Ia, right? You want her to be happy?"

"Of course I do," said Mayu, warily.

"From my point of view, it looks like you're making Ia sad by acting like this whenever I'm over. She's so distressed about it that she's been asking you to stop, right? But you haven't. I know you don't like me, but acting like this is hurting Ia too." Yukari put on her most irritating smile. "It just doesn't square with what you were saying about wanting Ia to be happy—"

Mayu's eyes widened, and before Yukari knew it Mayu grabbed her by the arms, eyes narrowed and voice low. "Don't try to manipulate me."

Yukari winced as Mayu's surprisingly sharp fingernails dug into her arm. "Wouldn't dream of it."

"Good," said Mayu, letting Yukari go. "I think our conversation is over."

Yukari scowled. While she didn't want Mayu to suddenly lash out at her again, she didn't want Mayu to continue being so cold to her either. With the revelation that Ia had been trying to get Mayu to change her behavior for the past few weeks, the last thing Yukari wanted was to leave this room with that unresolved. So, she stood her ground. "No, it's not. I want to come to an agreement about the way we're going to behave to each other before I leave."

Mayu gave Yukari a dour look. "Agreements are so tiresome, don't you think?"

"I don't want Ia to feel bad, and I don't want Ia to feel like she has to choose between us two," said Yukari firmly. "I think we should be cordial to each other from here on out."

"Speaking from personal experience there? Anyways, fine," Mayu shrugged, "let's be cordial."

"Let's shake on it," said Yukari, holding out her hand.

Mayu eyed it as though it was some sort of particularly displeasing creature. " _Really_?"

"What's the matter?" asked Yukari, raising her eyebrows in a deliberate taunt. "Not confident enough in your words to make the agreement? I guess it's like you said," Yukari mock-sighed. "Words are cheap…even from you."

"My God," said Mayu, "you _are_ a manipulative little shit." Still, she shook Yukari's hand. "There. Happy?"

"Yeah," said Yukari, sliding on yet another one of her practiced smiles. "Now, if you'll excuse me, my girlfriend is waiting downstairs."

Mayu rolled her eyes with operatic exaggeration. "You know, Yukari, you are _really_ hard to like sometimes."

Yukari couldn't help it then. Something about the way Mayu said those words – perhaps the dramatic emphasis on the word 'really', perhaps the paradoxically over-the-top, yet deadpan, response to Yukari's intentionally irritating words…whatever it was, it tickled her, and almost without realizing it, she laughed. Mayu sighed, though a slight smile played along the edges of her lips.

After some time, when Yukari's laughter abated, Mayu waved her hand in the direction of the door. "Alright, seriously, you gotta go. Ia's probably worried sick."

"Worried sick? Why?"

Mayu shrugged. "I have a reputation for…freaking people out."

 _No kidding,_ Yukari wanted to say, but then she remembered the dead fury of Mayu's angry eyes and decided against it. "Ahh, gotcha. Well, I'll talk to you later. Remember our agreement?"

"Yup. Be total bitches towards each other, right?"

Yukari looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Ahh, fine, fine," Mayu sighed. "Be cordial, I got it."

"Thanks," said Yukari with a smile. "Just making sure."


	17. Chapter 17

When Yukari returned from upstairs, Ia jumped to her feet, worriedly scanning Yukari's expression and posture. Mayu had always been so stubborn whenever Ia talked to her about being nicer to Yukari that when Yukari went up to talk to Mayu alone, Ia found herself continuously fidgeting as she glanced from the stairs to the clock. The longer Yukari took, the more Ia's mind spun in circles, thinking of worst case scenarios. What if Mayu yelled at Yukari so much, she scared her out of the relationship? What if Mayu got into one of her crazier moods, and actually threatened Yukari? And…what if, horribly, the craft scissors incident repeated itself again? Except this time, it wasn't at school – it was in Mayu's room, and Ia knew for a fact that Mayu kept several sharp implements there for sewing.

The last thought so terrified Ia that she was of half a mind to go up there herself, but before she could finish her internal debate, Yukari had come down. As she did so, she looked a little tired, but her eyes were still bright, and she had a reassuring smile on her face that almost immediately made Ia feel a little better, though that didn't stop her from running over towards her.

"Are you okay?" Ia asked.

Yukari laughed. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think Mayu and I figured something out."

It took a little for that to sink in, and once it did Ia's eyes widened. "Wh-what? Really?"

"Surprised?" A slight teasing note crept into Yukari's voice. "Hey, don't go around underestimating your girlfriend."

"I-I'm not," Ia stammered, feeling her face flush a little. Even though she knew that she and Yukari were dating, it didn't stop her from feeling happy whenever Yukari referred to their relationship – it just adds that extra sense of confirmation. "I-it's just that Mayu can be really stubborn sometimes, so…"

"Ohh yeah, I saw. Well, I hope I got through to her…but if not, I'll just keep trying. Though," Yukari grinned a little sheepishly, "I _really_ don't think she likes me."

"That's fine," Ia said quickly. " _I_ like you. And…" Ia hesitated a split second, decided to hide the fact that she had already talked to Mayu about it, "and I can try to talk to Mayu too. She's just stubborn and hung up on dumb stuff that doesn't matter anymore-"

"Hey, hey," Yukari held up a hand, "it's okay. You don't need to talk with Mayu on my behalf. She has a problem with me, so I'm the one she should be talking to about that, right?"

Ia furrowed her eyebrows. "That doesn't make sense. We're dating, so we should be there to help with each other's problems. And…and Mayu's my stepsister, so her acting like this towards you definitely affects me! When you're unhappy, I'm unhappy."

After Ia said that, there was a silence, Yukari staring at Ia as though Ia had said something particularly strange. While Ia met her gaze for the first few moments, the intensity of Yukari's eyes soon got to her and Ia ducked her head, feeling an uncomfortable awkwardness grow in her chest.

"Um…" said Ia, her voice soft, "well…that's just what I think, anyways…"

Yukari sighed, and Ia glanced back up at her. Yukari's eyes were fixed on her hands, her cheeks faintly flushed, a deep crease between her brows. There was a tension in the way she held herself, as though at any moment she was poised for…for…well, Ia wasn't sure what, but Yukari certainly didn't look relaxed.

"Are you okay?" asked Ia.

A soft laugh escaped Yukari's lips. "I'm fine. It's just," Yukari shook her head, smiling ruefully, "geez, Ia, you're so… _thoughtful_. Arghh," Yukari hugged herself, "I really want to hug you!"

"I-if you want to, you can..."

Yukari blinked, visibly brightening up. "Really?"

Why was Ia getting a feeling of déjà vu? "Y-yeah. I mean, we, you know, um…" Try as she might, Ia couldn't quite bring herself to say the word 'kiss', her face flaming red at the memory. That had been her first, and only, kiss, and Ia was still half-amazed they kissed at all. It seemed as though Yukari was too, since afterwards they never really brought it up…or repeated it, for that matter. Though, after thinking about the kiss they had, Ia found to her horror that she couldn't really stop thinking about it. Yukari's lips had been so soft and warm against Ia's that cold winter night, even though their kiss had lasted only a moment.

And then, Ia felt Yukari's arms around her, pressing her body tight against Ia's, which immediately brought her out of her memories. Ia's breath hitched in surprise at the sudden contact, her heartbeat, already fast from the memory, speeding up like a spurred horse. Yukari's cheek brushed against Ia's as Yukari nestled her nose against Ia's ear, sending shivers down Ia's spine.

"Y-Yukari," Ia stammered as she hesitantly brought her arms around her.

"I'm sorry," Yukari said, and Ia could feel Yukari's face moving against her cheek, Yukari's soft breathing against her ear. "You were zoning out, weren't you?"

"U-um, yeah…" Ia had no desire to tell Yukari exactly what she was zoning out about, though, and hoped that Yukari wouldn't pursue it. What if Yukari thought Ia was some kind of pervert for thinking about kissing her? Ia wasn't exactly sure what appropriate timelines were for things, but since Yukari never really brought up the topic of kissing, what if she didn't want to? Surely for someone as physically affectionate and outgoing as Yukari, if she wanted to kiss, then she would've told Ia by now, right? Ia's face burned at her own boldness, and she found herself very thankful that Yukari couldn't read minds.

Thankfully, Yukari didn't inquire further about what Ia had been thinking about, only "hmm"ing softly and falling silent for a few moments before speaking up again. "I'm sorry for suddenly hugging you while you were thinking. I, um…I couldn't really resist."

"That's okay. I don't mind."

"Ah, you don't?" Yukari murmured absentmindedly, and Ia shivered. There was something odd in the timbre of Yukari's voice. What it was, Ia wasn't sure, but there was _something_ about the way Yukari said those words that was…

"Geez," came Mayu's voice, and almost immediately Yukari broke the hug and stepped back. The loss of Yukari's warmth was so sudden Ia was left dazed by the sudden absence, her heart instinctively missing the feeling of Yukari standing so close. "Weren't you two going to get dinner?"

"We were just about to," said Yukari. Her expression was perfectly composed in a smile, and Ia felt herself wishing that she could scrub the flaming heat off of her own cheeks. Next to Yukari, Ia must look like a blushing mess.

"Oh really? Didn't look like that to me," said Mayu as she began to descend the stairs. "I bet if I hadn't said anything, you two would've been stuck like that for hours."

"U-um," Ia stammered, "Mayu, do you want to get dinner with us?"

"I think I already refused the invitation, but…as appealing as third wheeling your dinner date sounds, I think I'll _just_ have to pass," Mayu checked her watch. "I'm going to be meeting up with some friends in a few, anyways."

"Oh, that's too bad," said Yukari, still smiling.

Mayu rolled her eyes. "Come off it, Yukari, you don't _really_ mean that."

Ia furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and looked at Mayu and Yukari. While the two of them hadn't really interacted that much before, they definitely never acted like _this._ What kind of conversation did the two of them have anyways? Ia wasn't even sure if this interaction was friendly or unfriendly. Mayu's words were a little more abrasive, but at least she wasn't apathetically cold anymore, and Yukari didn't seem as awkward as she did before either. But the words they were saying to each other didn't _seem_ friendly.

"Um…" said Ia, deciding that the best thing to do was change the subject, "Yukari, what do you want to eat for dinner?"

Yukari glanced over at Ia, her smile softening into something gentler. "I'm good with anything you want."

Ia paused as she ran over what she had in the fridge. There was some leftover rice for fried rice, and some meat and vegetables. "Would you like to eat in? I don't have anything fancy, but…"

"Ah!" Yukari clapped her hands together. "That'd be great! I'd love to eat some more of your cooking!"

"See, Ia?" said Mayu. "Didn't I tell you that the fastest way to a girl's heart is through her stomach?"

-o-o-o-

The clock ticked days into weeks. Early holidays came and went, and homework problems were an ever present load on weekdays and weekends. Still, Ia didn't mind – due to Yukari still needing to catch up with the curriculum, the daily rhythms of homework pretty much ensured Yukari's steady company and presence at her house. And while Mayu was never quite as friendly to Yukari as Ia had hoped she would be, she at least would not ignore her as she did before. Yukari didn't seem to mind Mayu's behavior either, so Ia resigned herself to it.

The months melted away with winter, and soon Ia's coats were hung up in the closet, abandoned for the light jackets of spring. Yamaha was a popular retirement spot due to the gentle mildness and beauty of its spring weather, with its numerous flora coming into bloom, its natural wildlife stirring from the cold winter, and its variety of birds re-habituating the trees, whose leaves were beginning to grow back once more. While it certainly made the weekends enjoyable, on weekdays, with the sun shining tauntingly through the windows, it seemed more a curse than a blessing – especially when the first major math exam, the dreaded midterm, was looming around the corner.

While Ia was unconcerned, having practiced the material so many times both on her own and with Yukari that she felt more than confident in her ability to handle it, Yukari was…not. Perhaps due to the fact that she had been spending so much time studying, Yukari seemed to be extremely stressed, often spending late nights at Ia's, slaving away on problem set after problem set until she ran out and Ia had to come up with some problems of her own for Yukari to solve.

Not that Ia minded, really. She loved seeing Yukari so focused and working so hard. Sometimes, when Yukari was so concentrated on her math problems that it seemed that the world around her was blocked out entirely, Ia liked to rest her head on her hand and watch her, eyes tracking how Yukari would occasionally nibble the end of her pencil in thought, how she would occasionally mouth words to herself as she puzzled over a particularly thorny problem. Ia had never seen Yukari work so hard, and thus did her best to reward her girlfriend's effort by cooking as many elaborate home-made meals as she could. Often, Ia had to fight the urge to kiss Yukari whenever Yukari finished with a difficult problem set after getting most of the questions right. After all, Yukari had never brought up the topic of kissing, or anything like that, ever again – the closest the two of them have ever been since then was hugging, and well, Ia certainly wasn't brave enough to voice that she wanted more than hugs sometimes.

Exam day was set on a day when the weather was exceptionally beautiful, and Yukari and Ia arrived to the classroom early, Yukari insisting on cramming from her review sheets before the exam started. The moment the two got to their desks, Yukari immediately took out her practice sheets and ensconced herself into the work. Soon, their other friends, filtered in through the other students, came in to take their seats.

Gumi groaned as she arrived. "Ughhh…it's such a nice day outside…why do we have to have that big math test today?"

"Yeah," Piko sighed heavily as he plopped himself down at his desk, "it seriously took all the willpower I had just to get myself out of bed." He looked at the clock. "Is it too late to call in sick?"

"The moment you stepped inside the classroom, it's been too late," Sonika said. "Face it, Piko – you're doomed."

Oliver grinned. "At least the test shouldn't be _too_ bad. We've been covering the same stuff in math for a while. Right, Ia?"

Ia blinked and glanced up from Yukari's review sheets, momentarily caught off guard by being called upon. "Y-yeah, it shouldn't be too bad."

Piko leaned over his seat to peer down at Yukari's sheets before recoiling. "What the…you guys have fancy _review sheets_? I want in on this!"

"Dummy," sighed Sonika. "You should be making your own review sheets."

"Man, that's a ton of work. Yukari, how are those going for you?"

"Pretty good, I think," said Yukari, glancing up and smiling quickly. "Though, I'm still terrible at math."

"That's not true," Ia protested. "You've been getting a lot better."

"Argh," Piko put a hand over his chest and winced. "Review sheets, pep talks...so that's what it's like having a girlfriend, huh?"

"If you just clean up your act a little, you can get one," Oliver sighed, before pausing and thinking over what he said. "…probably."

"You think?"

"Yeah, it's just that your personality _totally_ doesn't fit your appearance," Gumi snickered, her head still on her desk.

"What!? Come on, that makes no sense!"

After a few more moments of listening to the idle back and forth banter going on between her friends, Ia decided that her energies were likely to be better spent checking on Yukari, so she turned her eyes down to look at her once more. Yukari's eyes were fixed studiously on her notes, her fingers idly spinning her pencil. She seemed so absorbed that Ia almost felt as though she was intruding, and was about to turn her attention back to her friends when Yukari's eyes flicked up to meet Ia's, a slight smile on her lips.

"Thanks for helping me out so much," she said quietly.

Something about Yukari's smile, the shyness of her voice, the slight abashment in her eyes, made Ia's heart swell. Nothing, thought Ia, would be an inconvenience if Yukari asked her to do it. "You don't need to thank me."

Yukari's lips pulled back in a soundless laugh. "No, seriously. You've been helping me study pretty much every day. That's gotta be at least a little bit of a chore."

It never even occurred to Ia to think of Yukari coming over to study as a chore, and she opened her mouth to voice it, but the school bell was ringing, her friends were settling back down into their seats, and Yukari was drawing her eyes back up towards the board as she put her review sheets away. Ia quickly moved from sitting on her desk to sitting on her chair just as the teacher came in.

"Alrighty!" said Kiyoteru cheerfully as he put a heavy stack of papers on his desk. "Everyone ready for the test?"

-o-o-o-

The wait for the test results, Yukari would often tell Ia and their friends, was agony. Still, when Kiyoteru finally handed back the papers, Yukari refused to look at it until after all their friends had left, when it was just Ia and Yukari walking along a tree-lined street on their way back home.

"I'm sure you did fine," said Ia as she kept pace beside Yukari, whose hands were clutched tight on the still-folded test paper. "Even if you didn't, we still have other exams!"

Yukari laughed, a little high and unsteady. "That is not reassuring. Well," Yukari took a deep breath and abruptly stopped walking. "I guess this is the moment of truth, huh? Time to see if all those study sessions paid off."

"I'm sure they did," Ia told her, though a part of her was nervous. She had endeavored to try to actually teach Yukari the material, and had spent quite a lot of time and effort on trying to figure out and pinpoint what exactly were the knowledge gaps that Yukari had. While Ia wasn't sure how SeeU went about trying to teach Yukari the material back in Artech, it seemed that whatever SeeU taught hadn't exactly stuck for whatever reason. Far be it from Ia to criticize Yukari's best friend though, even if they were no longer talking.

Yukari licked her lips quickly and opened her test paper as carefully as an archeologist opening a sarcophagus. Ia swallowed and watched Yukari's expression intently as she did, her heart pounding nervously against her chest. The study methods she had recommended – taking notes, making sample questions for oneself, attempting the hardest problem in a problem set first, and so on – all worked for Ia, but what if Yukari learned differently?

For a while, Yukari was silent, staring blankly at her test sheet. Ia's heart fell, and consolations crowded themselves in her throat only to get stuck there, too many to voice, too many to decide on, too many to be adequate.

But Yukari then broke the silence with a small laugh, her eyes wide and incredulous, and before Ia knew it Yukari had enveloped her in a tight hug. Ia was momentarily baffled; the switch in Yukari's mood had been so sudden that Ia barely parsed it, not to mention, even after two months of dating Yukari Ia's heart still did calisthenics whenever Yukari touched her, but soon her mind returned to her and she could focus on Yukari's words.

"Holy shit, holy shit, _holy_ _shit_ ," Yukari was saying, "this has _got_ to be the best test score I've ever gotten," Yukari released Ia from the hug, though she kept one arm slung round Ia's shoulders, pressing her face close to Ia's as she looked at her test score, shaking her head, expression faintly dubious, as though she wasn't sure if she was in a dream. "I mean, it's not _perfect_ or anything, but, wow," Yukari laughed. "I never thought I'd ever get above a 70 for sure. Ia, you're the _best_."

The simple pleasure of seeing Yukari so happy spun round Ia's insides. "I-it's no problem."

Yukari shook her head, still laughing. "No problem? Ia, come on, this is a big deal! Oh my god, we should _totally_ do something to celebrate!" She stashed the test paper away in her bag and turned her face fully towards Ia's. The sight of Yukari's face so close was dizzying. "It's a Friday night, so we can do anything we want!"

"Y-yeah," said Ia, fighting down her blush. "What do you want to do?"

"Hmm," Yukari briefly touched a finger to her lips, "well, I kinda feel like treating ourselves to a chill 'do-nothing' night after all that studying. Do you want to watch a movie? I just gotta run back home and tell my parents about it."

"Sure," Ia said. The two of them hadn't had a proper movie night in quite a while, their time taken up by studying. "What movie?"

"I'll think of something," said Yukari with a wink, and Ia did her best to ignore how her heart fluttered. "I'll see you at your place at 8?"

-o-o-o-

When Ia got back home, the house was empty, though there was a note on the fridge written in Mayu's spidery handwriting about how she'll be at a sleepover that night, and so won't be back until the following morning. Thus, Ia took the opportunity to fill up the space between the end of the school day and her movie date by fine-tuning some of the in-progress compositions she had been working on.

At eight, Yukari arrived, hands stuck in the pockets of her hoodie, a messenger bag slung on her shoulder, a wide smile on her face as she embraced Ia before taking off her sneakers. The two of them entered the kitchen, and as Ia busied herself with taking out her cutting board, Yukari looked at the note. "So Mayu's out tonight?"

"I guess so," said Ia as she edged past Yukari to open the fridge.

Yukari 'hmm'ed before briskly changing the topic to what to have for dinner. After examining the contents of the fridge, they decided to make oyakodon again, and while Ia was determined to finally show up Yukari, it seemed that whatever the Yuzuki family secret was for oyakodon, it certainly beat out the random tips Ia studied online.

As Ia glumly ate the oyakodon Yukari prepared for her, Yukari couldn't stop giggling. "Geez, Ia, you really are competitive, huh?"

"No," said Ia into her rice, bemoaning how once again she had been too focused on preparing her own dish to take note of what Yukari was doing when making her's.

"Don't worry," said Yukari, patting her on the back. "Maybe I'll teach you someday. Besides, you're still the undisputed dishwashing queen in this relationship!"

Ia brightened up a little at that – it seemed like Yukari really had been impressed by her dish-washing skills. "Yeah! I can take care of the dishes tonight then."

At that, Yukari burst out once more in fresh peals of laughter, though why, Ia wasn't entirely sure, and feeling faintly confused, she finished off her oyakodon, though Yukari took a little while longer to finish up due to her occasional giggles.

After the dishes were washed, Ia turned off the lights (as Yukari always insisted that the best movies were watched in complete darkness), settled herself down on the couch, pulled the blanket over herself, and watched as Yukari, highlighted by the electronic light of the TV screen, dug around her bag. "So, um, what movie are we watching?"

"I decided to pick something a little chiller for tonight," Yukari informed her as she produced a slim DVD case. " _Moonrise Kingdom_. It's pretty good, so I hope you like it!" She popped the DVD into the player and quickly bounded over to the couch, ensconcing herself at a respectable distance away from Ia and snuggling herself into the blanket.

Now that they were both on the couch, the small amount of distance that Yukari put between them, while undoubtedly done in consideration of Ia's feelings, felt like an abyss. Ia watched Yukari out of the corner of her eyes as Yukari hummed some song to herself, fiddling with the TV remote. All at once, memories of the first movie night flooded back to Ia's mind – Yukari's palpable weight, Yukari's breaths intimately brushing her cheek, the smell of Yukari's lavender shampoo or lotion or whatever she was using that night – and Ia found herself feeling all squirmy and anxious again, heat rising in her cheeks. She wasn't sure if she wanted Yukari closer to her or not. Whatever Ia's feelings were, she had no idea how to deal with them.

"Ready to start the movie?" asked Yukari cheerily.

Ia was ready for anything that would take her mind off of how she was feeling right now. "Yeah."

Yukari hit play, and soon enough the movie began, opening with the sound of rain falling and a rather symmetrical shot of a painting of a red house hung on a yellow wall. The camera then panned to the right, precise and careful, to reveal more of the house. While the precision of the panning and attention to detail in the movie's sets was engaging, Ia soon found herself distracted by Yukari, her eyes darting over to her more often than not.

 _Yukari chose this movie to watch it with you!_ Ia scolded herself every time she caught herself paying more attention to Yukari than the screen. Not that she could help it – Yukari's face in profile, illuminated by the light of the screen, was far more fascinating to Ia than any movie. The girl seemed to be perfectly enraptured by the film too, her torso leaning slightly towards the screen, one knee drawn up so that she could rest her chin on it, so to Ia's great thankfulness it didn't seem like Yukari was noticing her intense stare at all. Thus, Ia, letting her guard down, fastened her eyes on Yukari, watched the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, how she would occasionally quirk her lips in a smile when seeing something that tickled her on the screen. Every movement Yukari made, no matter how slight, was captured by Ia's eyes, refracted and magnified by the tenderness in Ia's heart.

But then Yukari turned her head, and her eyes met Ia's.

Ia immediately tried to casually turn away and look as though she had been very busy paying attention to the movie all along, but for some reason her neck refused to save her, frozen in place as her eyes dumbly met Yukari's. As though the rest of her body decided to betray her at that moment, all the blood rushed into Ia's face.

Yukari blinked, the smile fading from her lips. "Um…Ia? Are you okay?"

Ia realized that her mouth was slightly ajar and closed it. "Y-yeah." Her heartbeat was roaring in her ears. Now that Yukari was looking at her with those concerned eyes, Ia found that she didn't want to look away, movie be damned – the world had narrowed to just the distance between her and Yukari.

But Yukari looked confused and worried instead of shy and desirous, so Ia's thoughts and feelings felt inappropriate and strange. Blushing she managed to, with a great deal of effort, wrest her eyes away from Yukari's, miserably berating herself. Yukari had just gotten the best score she ever had on a test and wanted to relax with a movie, and here Ia was, paying absolutely no attention to it. Some girlfriend she was.

Yukari hesitated and inched a little closer. Ia could feel how the weight of her body shifted the cushion underneath her. "You sure?"

"Yeah," Ia managed through her dry throat as her heart pounded from the knowledge that Yukari was a little closer now. While there was still distance between the two, just the fact that Yukari was under the same blanket as her on the couch was enough to lend a sense of intimacy to all this, and Ia could feel heat coil in her fingertips and belly. She wanted to sink into the couch in embarrassment, but she wanted to be closer to Yukari too, and caught between her two desires, she froze.

"Ia, can you look at me?" Yukari asked, her voice soft and low, scooting closer such that her hip bumped Ia's. At the contact, Ia gave a small 'eep', a shiver running down her spine, but, as though Yukari's words had pressed a switch, she turned her head and looked at Yukari anyways.

Except Yukari was so close, so much closer than Ia thought she was, so close that if Ia leaned over just a little bit, their noses would touch. So close that Ia could practically count Yukari's eyelashes even in the dark. So close Ia could feel, or at least imagine she felt, Yukari's breathing. Close enough to fall into Yukari's eyes, Ia thought absurdly to herself as her breath hitched from the proximity, as her heartbeat galloped like a wild horse. With all this stimuli, Ia squirmed, her mind feeling light and swimmy.

"Oh," Yukari breathed, her eyes full of some strange emotion Ia couldn't quite understand, her voice sounding thicker than normal. "Um." She worried her lower lip with her teeth, and Ia couldn't stop staring. She was _so close,_ and Ia felt like her chest was all tight and funny, like she couldn't really breathe. It wasn't _bad_ or anything, it just felt so…so _strange_. She was feeling all panicky again, but this was the most wonderful panic she's ever felt. Desire cloaked in unfamiliarity, Ia thought dazedly to herself as their first kiss rushed into her mind. "Is it okay if I…uh…can I…"

"Yes," Ia blurted out, too dazzled and lovesick to refuse anything Yukari asked of her. "Of course." Then, even bolder, she followed up, not even really thinking of what she was saying – "You don't need to ask."

Yukari's eyes widened slightly at that, and Ia's heart thudded heavy in her chest, surprised by her own boldness. What Ia was feeling right now, this heady mixture of heat and ache and pure unadulterated _want_ was so intense and weird and almost completely foreign to her, it was almost scary. And it wasn't as though Ia was completely used to touch or anything either – it's just that, at the moment, all of that seemed…like it was okay. Especially when taken into consideration with this cocktail of feelings exploding inside Ia's heart, spreading through her veins.

Yukari slowly laid her fingers on Ia's cheek, and Ia leaned in a little bit, her body moving before her mind, expecting to feel Yukari's lips afterwards, but instead Yukari drew her fingers up and down Ia's cheek in a slow caress. Each nerve ending felt extraordinarily sensitive, and looking into Yukari's eyes Ia wanted badly for…for…for what? What did this ache inside her want? It was so much, Ia felt dizzy.

"Um," said Ia, her limbs feeling weak and jelly-like, because Yukari was looking at her, her eyes hooded and speculative, and Ia simply wasn't sure how to deal with that gaze, not to mention this situation, with Yukari half-pressing her down with her body while her hand touched her cheek, her face incredibly and dangerously close. Ia's breaths were coming out short and fast. The distance between them was so small it could be easily covered if Yukari only leaned down, just a little.

Ia wanted that so badly. She was surprised by how much she did, really. It was more than anything she ever wanted in her life. All of a sudden, the months the two spent avoiding talking about their kiss, keeping their words chaste and actions even more so, seemed ridiculous. Unnatural, even. Why weren't they kissing every chance they got? Earlier Ia had been scared because she thought that perhaps she was being a pervert for wanting it, scared of her feelings and anxiety, but Yukari's expression now told her everything.

"C-can you," Ia fought out through her mounting blush, "can you…um…kiss me?"

Yukari didn't bother responding with words, her eyes only widening imperceptibly before she lowered her head and pressed her lips against Ia's. Even with that slight contact, Ia felt as though she might actually be going crazy as her senses became overwhelmed with Yukari. Yukari's lips were insistent, her hand somehow finding Ia's and pressing it down against the soft cushion – it was so much more stimulation than their first kiss, which Ia was rapidly realizing had been extremely chaste. Ia's breaths were coming hard and fast now against Yukari's, her heart thudding hard against her chest. She wanted more – more of Yukari's lips, more of Yukari's hands, more of Yukari's everything. Ia brought a hand up to run her fingers through Yukari's hair, and Yukari shivered in Ia's arms at the contact, her breath catching slightly as her lips departed from Ia's to press against Ia's jawline, traveling down to Ia's neck. At the feeling of Yukari's breaths against her neck, Ia couldn't help the soft gasp that escaped her lips, and at that Yukari quickly scrambled back up to kiss Ia on the lips again, pleading and insistent. She had caught Ia's mouth as it was slightly agape, and oh god, Ia thought, dizzied, she wanted more than just Yukari's lips, but that thought was so abstract she wasn't really sure what _more_ there could be, beyond this.

But Ia was almost certain that Yukari knew – while Ia had never kissed anyone other than Yukari, it certainly _seemed_ like Yukari knew what she was doing, and from what Yukari had told her about her past, she had definitely dated people before. While Yukari had told her that none of it had really meant anything to her, Ia couldn't help but to feel a little jealous, thinking of all the people in the past Yukari had done this with. Still, if she couldn't be the first, she wanted to be the best. Driven by this, she swept the tip of her tongue along the seam of Yukari's lips, placing her other hand on the back of Yukari's neck, bringing her closer.

Yukari made a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a groan, parting her lips slightly, but just enough for Ia to go in. Warmth was overtaking her body, seeping through her bones. It was everything Ia wanted, kissing Yukari like this, driven by her desire, by the heat of her body and Yukari's.

It was everything she wanted, and it was no longer enough. But just as that thought was sinking itself into Ia's head, all of a sudden Ia could feel Yukari's body stiffen, could feel Yukari bring her hands down and away to press insistently at Ia's shoulders.

"Ia," Yukari gasped against Ia's lips, "Ia, oh god, wait, wait."

"What?" asked Ia, dazed as she drew her head back, unable to think of anything other than Yukari's lips and kissing Yukari and how badly she wanted to continue doing that. "What is it?"

Yukari brought a hand up to tuck an escaped strand of hair behind her ear, her expression suddenly serious, although her face was still flushed. "I, um, I think we should slow down."

For a moment, Ia was certain she misheard. "Sl-slow down?"

"W-well, I mean," Yukari scratched the back of her head, eyebrows furrowed, "you've only _just_ gotten more used to touch…I don't want to do anything you're not ready for."

"Not ready for?" The words felt as though they were moving through molasses in order to reach her mind. "But…this is, um…good, right?"

"Y-yeah…it's really good. But you know, you probably don't want to…rush, right?"

Ia had a hard time understanding how this could possibly be happening. Yukari seemed more than enthusiastic while they were kissing. "But I want to."

Yukari gave her a look. "Do you know what it is that you want?"

At that question, Ia thought back, remembering the desire that had flooded her body, the sudden realization that kissing was everything she wanted, until she wanted more. But what, exactly, was the more? Was it that all-encompassing hunger she had earlier, that desire to both take everything from Yukari, as well as give everything to Yukari?

Ia wasn't sure how to phrase that heady mix of feelings, other than this: "I-it's you. I just, um, I just want…you."

Yukari sucked in a breath, her eyes going wide and dilated for a moment, before she quickly shook her head. "G-geez, Ia…"

"Y-you, um, you want me too, right?"

Yukari chewed her lip and paused only a moment before answering, very softly, "Of course I do."

"S-so…what's the problem?"

"You're making this pretty hard on me, huh?" said Yukari with a half-smile.

"Well…I don't get it."

Yukari laughed a little, though it was more resigned than anything else. "I mean, this is only our second kiss, right? Aren't you a little scared?"

At that question, Ia was forced to take herself out of her mental haze. Certainly, the Ia of a year ago would be nowhere near comfortable enough to kiss Yukari like this…let alone kiss at all, for that matter. What changed between then and now? Was it just Yukari, or was there something else? While Ia no longer felt that strange clawing sense of unpleasant panic she did in the past around Yukari, if other people went into her personal space, she would definitely still feel uncomfortable.

But this wasn't 'other people' – this was Yukari, and Ia at this point trusted Yukari more than anything, enough to feel that Yukari would never intentionally hurt her.

"I-I'm not scared of you," Ia said. "I mean, I know you wouldn't, um, do anything to…"

"I know you wouldn't either," said Yukari, "but…uh, hey," Yukari forced a grin, "let's just take it slow, okay?"

"Um," said Ia, not quite sure of what to make of all this, "yeah. Okay."

There was a brief silence as Yukari's grin faded, as her face became a little more contemplative, and Ia felt a sinking feeling in her gut. Did she say something wrong?

"W-whatever you're comfortable with," Ia said, the words stumbling in their haste to make it out of her mouth. "It's, um, it's not a big deal or anything."

Yukari's expression eased again, and she smiled at Ia, though her eyes still looked a little troubled. "Thanks. So!" Yukari almost immediately launched herself off of Ia, reinstating herself on the other end of the couch, picking up the remote so quickly it nearly slipped out of her hands, "we still got a movie to watch. I promise, it's really good and super chill, though I think we missed a lot of it…we should restart from the beginning. Are you okay with restarting from the beginning? What's the last thing you remember?"

Ia stared at Yukari. The girl was speaking so quickly, as though she wanted to fill up the space between them with words. This was exactly, Ia recognized, what Yukari did in the past whenever she had problems – cover them up with a smile and a quick subject change.

It was gut-churning, but Ia bit back the impulse to question her about it. Tonight was supposed to be _Yukari's_ night, Ia told herself. What would a good girlfriend do in this situation? She wouldn't want to make Yukari uncomfortable, right? If Yukari didn't want to talk about it, should Ia respect that? Or should she try to find out what's wrong and fix it? But what if Yukari didn't _want_ Ia to fix it right now? What if all she wanted was just to watch the movie and have a good time? This was a movie she wanted Ia to watch with her, after all…

It was enough to make Ia's head hurt. And it didn't help that Ia was beginning to feel that creeping sense of doubt and self-blame. After all, it was she who made Yukari so uncomfortable. But if she was the one who caused it, she should take responsibility and be the one to fix it. But what if…what if…

"Um, Ia?" said Yukari, and Ia was brought back to reality again. Yukari was smiling half-heartedly, her hand still holding up the remote.

"Oh, sorry," said Ia automatically. "I was just…thinking."

"Hey, well, if you think too much, it'll be too late," said Yukari with a quick, forced laugh.

"Too late? Too late for what?"

Yukari furrowed her eyebrows. "For, um, finishing the movie and going to sleep at a decent time. Seriously, I promise, it's great. Let's watch it, okay?" Yukari lowered the remote a little, her smile faltering even more. "Please?"

That fading smile hit Ia in the core, her heart aching as though she had been punched right in it. There was nothing she could do but agree. Nothing else she could do to make Yukari's smile more genuine. "Yeah. Of course."

Relief showed clearly in Yukari's eyes, and her smile grew as she turned towards the TV, her movements quick and jerky. "Great! Let's just restart from the beginning."

"Um," said Ia softly. "Yeah."


	18. Chapter 18

It was late when Yukari got home, and she kicked off her shoes violently when she entered. It was dark, as always, at this time. Her mother was probably sleeping in bed then, and her father, well, had a fifty-fifty chance of being in there with her. Or less than that, probably.

Yukari raked a hand through her hair, letting out a soft groan. She had _really_ screwed that up. But what was she supposed to do? It was only their second kiss, and they had _definitely_ gotten carried away. Except, Yukari hastened to remind herself, not really. It wasn't as though they had gotten to any sort of under-the-clothes touching or anything like that, but it certainly felt like if Yukari hadn't stopped, they would have.

With a sigh, Yukari leaned her back against the wall. Her mind was a confusing mess, her feelings conflicting with each other. There was one thought that did ring out amidst the chaotic din of Yukari's disorganized brain, however, and it was this: No matter how Yukari felt about their making out during the time, nothing excused the way she handled it. She had, for lack of a better word, panicked, shutting down and going back to her old pattern of behavior. She had avoided answering Ia's questions in full, instead giving only the bare minimum required, before promptly burying the conversation in the movie.

And of course, Ia had played along, being the considerate girlfriend she was. The memory of Ia's wide and worried eyes branded its image like a sear across Yukari's brain. God…Ia was probably worried sick. Yukari's stomach churned. All considered, Ia had been pretty forward – she was the one who requested the kiss, and she was the one who made it deeper, only for Yukari to throw all of Ia's feelings into her face and run away.

But what else could she have done? When Ia swept her tongue across Yukari's lips, Yukari had felt…well, okay, it felt good. But when Yukari felt the insistent press of Ia's hand against her back, when Yukari felt Ia eagerly deepen the kiss…that was when Yukari's consciousness returned, and that was when Yukari felt a swell of sharp panic mixed with a surge of heady arousal that, combined, equaled her freaking out.

Because it was at that moment when Yukari realized that they could, well, end up going all the way that night. She could feel it then, Ia's boldness, how pliant she was under Yukari's hands, how Yukari sensed that she could do anything, touch anywhere, and Ia wouldn't say a single thing to stop her. But…were they _really_ ready for that? After all, Yukari's mother had always bitterly told her, whenever Yukari found her deep in her cups, that sex was the absolute endgame – that was it, that was the end. That was the closest one could ever become to another person.

"After that," her mother would often conclude, "it's nothing but downhill."

Of course, logically, Yukari knew that her relationship with Ia was far different than whatever relationship her mother had with her father. But emotionally? No matter how hard Yukari tried to shake it, no matter how many shallow relationships she got in, she had never gone so far as to have sex with someone else. As a result, while she could be _laissez-faire_ about kissing, anything more than that had by now swelled to mythic proportions in her mind, fed by romance movies and her upbringing. To Yukari, sex was a huge locked gate that led only to the exit of the tunnel. Even though she knew from books and movies that people continued to have good relationships even afterwards, Yukari also knew that it was a huge step. It was a huge step that she and Ia had never even _talked_ about. Especially given how Ia had all those problems with touch, back in the past, and how it was only their second kiss. How could it just _happen_ without so much as a discussion beforehand?

Though, tonight, Yukari got a glimpse of how easily it could just happen _._ After all, the feelings she felt…Yukari had never felt that way before. The overpowering flood of hunger and tenderness, the deep desire to please, the sinuous energy that filled her veins as though injected…that was the stuff people talked about when they talked about how love could be all-consuming. At that time, Yukari wanted nothing more than to give herself to Ia completely, to lose herself to her, to lose herself in herself. Yet paradoxically, it was the fact that those feelings were so intense that spiked Yukari's anxiety. As usual, when she felt too strongly, she started backpedaling, hiding herself. She had thought that she had gotten over that tendency of hers, that jerk of panic that caused her to immediately withdraw…but apparently not.

And, unfortunately for Yukari, thinking about those feelings were bringing them back all over again. Her cheeks were hot, and every nerve ending of her skin felt alight. Even the act of licking her lips felt unbearable as Yukari's mind became laser-focused on the subject of Ia.

"Ugh…" Yukari covered her face with her hand. "Come on, Yukari, calm down."

But she didn't. It seemed that acknowledging it only made it worse. Yukari's mind gleefully dug through her memories, and all of a sudden it was as though she was back in that moment again, one hand tightly squeezing Ia's as she kissed Ia's pleading lips, the blanket sliding off as Yukari trailed kisses along Ia's delicate jawline, the room dark and _Moonrise Kingdom_ barely registering in Yukari's ears, because all she could hear and cared about hearing was the sound of Ia's quick breaths and small whimpers, and oh god oh _shit_ Yukari really _really_ needed to get her mind off of this otherwise she'd be _way_ too turned on. Her skin felt sensitive and hot, and Yukari's face burned as she briefly considered whether or not she should relieve herself, but it was only for an instant before she slammed the door shut on that particular thought. There was _no way_ she could _possibly_ masturbate to Ia. If Yukari did that, she was quite certain that she wouldn't be able to look Ia in the eyes again. Sure, they were dating, but it just felt _weird_ to do it, as though Yukari was violating Ia without her permission or something.

Miserably, Yukari resigned herself to trying to keep her lust at bay by thinking about math problems. She had no idea what she was going to do when she saw Ia again, but hopefully it wouldn't be _too_ awkward…

…as if, thought Yukari dryly. It was going to be awkward as hell.

-o-o-o-

Ia was having trouble sleeping. The rest of the movie night had been horribly awkward, even though the movie was good, and after it was over Yukari shuffled her feet, smiled weakly, and said something vague about having to get up early on Saturday. While Ia was almost certain that Yukari didn't _really_ have to get up early on Saturday, she let her go anyways. It definitely didn't seem like Yukari was up for anything else, and Ia was too busy being preoccupied with guilt anyways.

After all, it was all her fault. She had clearly pushed Yukari too far when they were kissing and made her uncomfortable. The moment Yukari asked her to stop, Ia should have, instead of protesting. But at the time, Ia really couldn't understand it; after all, from what it sounded like, they both wanted each other…but what, really, does that mean? While Ia took the requisite sex ed classes in freshman year, and had read some books that talked about it, the topic had been so foreign and strange to her that she never really thought that it could ever apply to herself. Sex seemed so… _base,_ so weird and strange and just plain odd, and until Yukari came into the picture Ia never felt anything like what she felt that first movie night. She had no idea how to deal with it at the time…

And, it seemed, she still didn't given how she freaked out Yukari, again. Ia sighed and turned to her side, staring blankly out the window at the moon. She really messed that up. It was really all Ia's fault that she had no idea how to deal with all these weird feelings welling up inside her. All these feelings she didn't know how to parse, didn't know she was capable of having – all these feelings that were still lingering in her body long after Yukari left. Ia breathed out a sigh as she closed her eyes, and the moment she did, she was back on the couch, Yukari's weight pressing her into the cushions, Yukari's lips tracing down her neck, and she was feeling that hot, squirmy feeling again that she had no idea how to digest, her skin awake and tingly.

Ia flipped her pillow around, buried her face in it so that she could cool her hot skin, and forced herself to take deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. She had never felt anything like this before. No wonder people go mad when they fall in love, if this is what it feels like – this unbearable craving, this liquid stream of desire coursing through her veins, as her mind showed images of Yukari that Ia couldn't stop looking at.

Ia tossed and turned, but nothing brought her relief. This was bad…would she feel like this when she sees Yukari again? God, what if she felt like this at _school?_ It was enough to make Ia's face burn even more as shame grew in her gut. She really needed to control herself. After all, Yukari was uncomfortable with this, right?

Ia breathed out a sigh and focused her eyes on the ceiling, resolutely ignoring the urges of her body. There was nothing for it but wait this out. She could only hope that when she sees Yukari again, she'll have more control over herself.

-o-o-o-

The next morning, Ia threw together some fruit, yogurt, and granola, feeling too lazy for anything else. As she perched on a dining room chair, she looked at her phone, trying to decide whether to text Yukari or not. The two of them usually hung out on weekends, but after last night…

Ia sighed. She had barely gotten any sleep, and just thinking about it was bringing back all those feelings again. She stuffed her mouth in an attempt to distract herself.

As Ia tried to drown her feelings in her breakfast, there was the familiar sound of the key unlocking the door, and soon enough Mayu stepped in, slipping her teddy bear-shaped backpack to the floor.

"Morning, Ia!" said Mayu, taking off her shoes. "How was your night?"

"Um," said Ia, none too eager to share these particular feelings with Mayu, "it was okay. Yukari and I watched a movie."

"You sure that's all you did?" asked Mayu with a grin, and Ia gave a start, eyes immediately going wide. How did Mayu know? Was Ia really that easy to read?

"W-what?" Ia stammered, face going red. "How did you…how…"

"…eh?" Mayu's eyes widened. "Wait…"

There was a silence as Ia and Mayu stared at each other, but Mayu was the first to break it, immediately grabbing Ia by the shoulders. "Wait, Ia, are you serious?"

"W-why are you _surprised?_ You asked!"

"That was a _joke!_ No way, did you and Yukari seriously…" Mayu trailed off, her golden eyes looking distinctly murderous. "Wait…why isn't she _here?_ Ugh," Mayu clenched her hands tightly onto Ia's shoulders, "don't tell me she slipped out this morning or something. Is she texting you, Ia? Has she messaged you yet?"

"U-um, no," Ia began, and at that Mayu's squeeze only increased in strength, "ow, um, Mayu, you're—"

"So you're telling me," said Mayu slowly, her eyes becoming empty and hollow, "that Yukari had sex with you, snuck out during the night, and _hasn't even texted you back_?"

"We didn't have sex!" Ia blurted out, and at that Mayu blinked, a little light returning to her eyes. Encouraged by this, Ia continued. "We just…we just kissed, that's all."

Mayu furrowed her brow in confusion. "…what? Haven't you two already been doing that?"

"O-of course not!"

"Wait," said Mayu, loosening her grip, to Ia's great relief, "so what you're _actually_ telling me is that you two have been dating for two months…and haven't kissed at all?"

"W-we've _kissed,_ " said Ia. "We kissed the night we started dating. It's just that…we had our second kiss last night."

Mayu stared blankly at Ia for a few long moments before she burst out into laughter, letting go of Ia's shoulders and stumbling backwards, leaning her back against the wall as she giggled. "H-holy shit," Mayu managed between her snickers, "you guys kissed once and waited _two months_ before doing it again?"

Ia scowled. "W-well, Yukari never brought it up again!"

At that, Mayu only laughed harder. "Wow, and I thought _you_ were the only hopeless one in your relationship."

Ia scowled and crossed her arms, watching disapprovingly as Mayu laughed herself out. Once she did, Ia sighed, brushed back her hair, and tried to sound as casual as she could when she broached her next question, though she ended up stumbling all over it anyways: "So…um…why were you so…mad earlier? Would you really be mad if…Yukari and I…uh…"

"Oh? Planning on doing it soon?"

Ia's face burned. "W-well, I mean…"

"I was just really surprised that you two would have done it so soon, given how hopeless you are. Plus, Yukari was nowhere to be seen when I thought that. I was thinking that maybe she had just taken advantage of you, and _that,"_ Mayu said, her eyes going a little hollow at the thought, "was what made me…perhaps a little upset."

"I told you lots of times," said Ia, frowning, "that Yukari isn't that kind of person."

"I tell it how I see it, Ia."

"Ugh," Ia scowled as she turned her attention back to her yogurt, but as she ate, her mind caught itself on that phrase Mayu said – 'so early'. That had been what Yukari was afraid of too – 'rushing', 'moving too fast'…Ia sighed inwardly. For all their disagreements, it seemed that Mayu and Yukari at least agreed on this one thing. Even though Mayu seemed to think that Yukari would be the one to take advantage of her, it was more the other way around that night. Was this really so strange? Were Ia's feelings and desires…dirtier than normal? Ia remembered the agony of last night, and felt sick with shame. It didn't seem like Yukari wanted anything as much as Ia did, and even Mayu said she would have been surprised…

A cold wave of loneliness blew over Ia, and she forced down her yogurt. When she looked back up, she saw that Mayu was sitting across from her at the table, looking rather concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Mayu asked, her brows furrowed, and after a bit of silence she sighed. "Alright, I promise, I'm not _actually_ mad at Yukari right now."

"Yukari's not…Yukari's _really_ not that kind of person."

Mayu ran her fingers through her hair, clearly unconvinced. "Look, Ia, Yukari's probably been around the block, and she might expect certain things from a relationship sooner than you're—"

"That doesn't matter!" Ia cut her off, and Mayu blinked, eyes wide, clearly surprised by the outburst. "She doesn't, and th-that doesn't matter, because _I'm_ the one that's like that!"

"Uh…" said Mayu, staring blankly at Ia, "what?"

Ia drew her gaze down to her yogurt, scraping her spoon around the bowl to get the last bits, "I…last night, Yukari and I were kissing, but then she got…I was…well, Yukari got uncomfortable, and _I'm_ the one who made her uncomfortable. It's my fault."

There was a long silence then. Mayu looked as though her eyes were about to pop out of her head. In all of Ia's life, she had never seen Mayu quite as lost for words, and Ia shrank back. Just like she thought, then. She was the one that was weird and abnormal.

"No way," said Mayu after some time. "Wait, so you're saying that you're the one who…uh," she cleared her throat, "wanted to go further?"

"It's weird, isn't it?" asked Ia. It was all she could do to get those words out. Her eyes were all hot, and Ia could feel the premonition of tears coming.

"Oh, God, no," said Mayu. "It's not weird at all."

"You were acting like it was," said Ia resentfully.

"No, look, I just…underestimated you, that's all," said Mayu carefully. "You were really shy and you hated being touched. I thought that out of you two it would naturally be Yukari who would try to push the boundaries of your relationship, since it seems that she's dated before. It's not like she _hasn't_ pushed you too far before."

"That was ages ago," said Ia. "Besides, now _I'm_ the one who pushed Yukari too far."

"Hmm. Do you know why?"

"She just said she didn't want to move too fast…"

"Well…it _is_ only your second kiss," said Mayu. "I can see where she's coming from, but you should talk to her about it. Seriously, Ia, for stuff like this, I'm just going to give you this time-honored piece of advice – talk to your girlfriend."

Ia rubbed her eyes. "I can't talk to you?"

"Of course you can! We're family, we gotta look out for each other. But when it comes to your relationship, for stuff like this, you should seriously talk to Yukari first. Man," said Mayu, smiling slightly, "you really are hopeless, huh?"

"I'm not _hopeless…"_

"Hmm," said Mayu, cocking her head to the side as she examined Ia, "maybe you're right about that. Ahh," Mayu clutched her heart, mock-wincing, "my big sister is…is finally growing up…"

Ia blushed, ducking her head. "Really?"

Mayu laughed and reached out to ruffle Ia's hair. "Well, you're _definitely_ growing up in at least _one_ way. The others, though…we'll have to wait and see."

-o-o-o-

When Yukari awoke, she did so reluctantly, groaning as she turned over in bed, pulling her sheets over her head in an attempt to block out the rays of light that shone into her room. Her consciousness felt like it had to be fished from the bottom of a deep, dark ocean, and there was nothing Yukari wanted more than to fall promptly back to the oblivion of sleep.

Unfortunately, she could hear her mother calling her from downstairs about how breakfast was ready, and it was with long sigh that Yukari got up, bedsheets clumping up around her as she sat upright in bed, rubbing her eyes. Thanks to what happened last night, Yukari had barely gotten any sleep – her heart was drowning in guilt, while her mind was drowning in a deluge of rather inappropriate mental images. No matter how many prime numbers Yukari tried to count, it was never enough to outrun her own lust. Even in the morning, Yukari could feel that ravenous hunger from last night stirring.

Ugh. While Yukari had experimented with herself before, she had never felt as turned on as she did last night. Before, her lust was like someone who had spent their life subsisting on dehydrated dog food, never knowing the flavor of real meat. And now, having gotten a slight taste of actual flesh, the yawning hunger in Yukari would not be so easily quenched by Yukari closing her eyes and telling it to starve. Even worse, now that Ia wasn't actually around, and the overwhelming feelings of last night was fainter, there wasn't as much anxiety to pull Yukari back from slaking her thirst.

Yukari gulped, her fingers tracing slow, uncertain circles on her thigh. The sense-dulling cloak of sleepiness had fallen away from her now, and Yukari's body was a trembling live wire. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she…

"Yukari!" her mother called again, and immediately Yukari snapped out of it, her face flushing bright red. "Your breakfast is getting cold!"

"C-coming!" Yukari yelled back, practically falling out of bed in her haste to get out of that horny mental state she was in earlier. She grabbed her phone as she stumbled out the door to the bathroom, checked it with one hand as she brushed her teeth with the other.

Then, she saw it – a text from Ia.

_Good morning; do you have time to talk today?_

Yukari froze. Time to talk? Wasn't that phrase the death knell of relationships? Or was that, 'we need to talk'? Either way, Yukari was sure that this was pretty much just another way of wording it. She swallowed, hard. In her mind's eye, she imagined Ia, her face as stern as it was the day she sought her out after the rejection, typing out this text with all the finality of an execution order. Hell, there was even a _semicolon._ If that wasn't a sign of serious trouble, what else could it be? Who uses semicolons in casual texts to their significant others?

Yukari numbly spat out her toothpaste as she tried to think of how to respond, rinsed, walked downstairs where her mother was waiting, said some semblance of a greeting to her as she sat down and ate her toast and eggs. By the time Yukari finished her breakfast, she had a response thought up.

_I'm free anytime today! What works for you?_

A grammatically correct response would be more appropriate, Yukari thought. Better to match Ia's tone and meet with her as soon as possible. Maybe, if Yukari was lucky, Ia would let her try to explain herself. God – even just thinking about the way she had acted last night when she freaked out was enough to make Yukari want to sink into the ground. Ia was probably so incredibly hurt, and all Yukari thought about this morning was…getting herself off. Some girlfriend she was.

Ia's response came as Yukari was washing the dishes: _I'm free all day. Whatever's convenient for you._

No matter how long Yukari squinted at the two texts, she couldn't make out Ia's tone from them. The uncertainty made Yukari's heart thud as anxiety spread through her veins. Her mind raced – she needed to talk to Ia _right now_ , but no, wait, what if Ia needed time? But no, that can't be because Ia explicitly said that she was free all day to talk, and the mere fact that she sent Yukari this series of texts means that Ia had come to some sort of conclusion about last night. But what could it be? Damn it, why did Ia's texting style have to be so hard to read? At any rate, Yukari needed to talk to Ia as soon as possible to apologize for her behavior last night. It now seemed to Yukari that her relationship with Ia hung by a thread, and already she could imagine Ia stoically snipping it off, her face as eerily calm as it was when Yukari had initially rejected her.

That can't happen. Yukari needed to head over to Ia's place _now._

"U-um, Mom, thanks for breakfast…I'm gonna head out," Yukari said, glancing back at her mother, who seemed to be deeply entrenched in some drama.

"How long will you be out?"

"Er…I'm not sure. I'll let you know."

There was a brief moment when Yukari's mother turned a studying gaze upon Yukari, and Yukari gulped and tried to seem as normal as possible. Whatever she read in Yukari's eyes however seemed to pass muster, for she only turned her attention back to the television and said something about how Yukari should notify her about it later.

Yukari didn't need to be told twice. She practically flew upstairs, hardly paying attention to the clothes she was putting on. On the way down, she nearly slipped down the stairs, barely catching herself on the banister. She stuffed her feet into sneakers, performed only the most perfunctory check for the trio of phone, wallet, and keys, and headed out.

Her feet pounded the pavement as she speed-walked, and when that seemed too slow, Yukari broke out into a run, propelled by panic as she imagined Ia dispassionately telling Mayu that it was over. There was _no way_ Yukari would let it end like this, all because of her stupid actions during the movie night. Geez - if she wasn't the one suffering from it, Yukari could almost laugh at how many catastrophic events occurred in her time knowing Ia during those movie nights.

It seemed like it took far too long for Yukari to reach Ia's place, and when she got there she hastily pressed the doorbell. She waited – one tick, two ticks, no response. Her stomach dropped to her feet; was she too late? Heart in throat, Yukari rang the doorbell again, and when that too prompted no response, in blind panic Yukari hammered on the doorbell.

Yukari had lost count of how many rings it was when the door at last opened, but instead of Ia, Yukari was greeted instead by the scowling face of Mayu.

"Wh-where's Ia?" Yukari said almost immediately.

Mayu rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Yukari, it's fucking eleven in the morning, it's a _little_ early to be murdering the doorbell like that."

"I know Ia isn't still sleeping, she sent me texts-"

"Yeah, yeah," Mayu interrupted, stepping aside. "Alright, you can come in. Geez, you look like a mess."

Yukari ignored the jab, stepping in and quickly shedding off her sneakers. "Where's Ia? Why didn't she answer the doorbell?"

Mayu nodded in the direction of the stairs. "She's in her room. Probably working on her music. When she gets those headphones on, she's pretty much deaf to the world. Weird that she wasn't listening for the doorbell though; whenever she knows you're coming she just hangs around the living room."

"Ah…" Yukari fumbled for her phone, the belated realization dawning on her. "Right…I forgot to text her that I was coming."

Mayu rolled her eyes again, but her voice was a little gentler when she spoke. "You should go up to her room. Surprise her or something."

Yukari stared at Mayu. "Really? Wouldn't that be rude?"

"Look who's talking. I remember a certain someone barging into my room out of nowhere not so long ago…"

"This is different!"

"Ia's your girlfriend," Mayu said. "You're going to have to see her room sometime. Anyways," she inclined her head towards the staircase, "go. Ia's room is on the right, by the way."

Yukari hesitated, but it was only for a moment before she hastily thanked Mayu and dashed up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. Per Mayu's directions, Yukari turned right. There were two doors, but one was open and revealed a bathroom, so Yukari made the executive decision of knocking on the other.

There was no response. Yukari's heart thudded loud in her ears, and she swallowed. What if Ia _knew_ Yukari was here, and was ignoring her, or…or…

Yukari glanced back down. Through the staircase railings she could see Mayu making a face and miming opening the door. With a sigh, she decided that it was probably safe to do so, even though a part of her still felt like she was horribly violating Ia's privacy.

"Um…Ia?" Yukari said to the door after giving it another few loud knocks. "I'm coming in."

There was no response, but Yukari had made her decision. Mustering her courage, she turned the doorknob. The door swung open, and Yukari stepped inside.

While she had never been in Ia's room before, Yukari was so resolute in her goal that she barely registered it. Her gaze immediately focused on Ia, whose back was turned to her. Just as Mayu had said, Ia had on large, black headphones that nearly dwarfed her head, and was staring at three computer monitors, each displaying some esoteric software that Yukari couldn't recognize.

Not that that mattered at the moment. While Yukari hated to break Ia out of her concentration, she didn't exactly want to just stand here and wait for Ia to notice her either. So, awkwardly clearing her throat, Yukari gently poked Ia's shoulder.

Ia gave a start, nearly jumping out of her chair, but instead took off her headphones and swiveled round in her seat. At the sight of Yukari, Ia's eyes immediately went wide.

"Y-Yukari!" Ia stuttered, her face turning a luminescent red. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I got your text," Yukari said, "and…I got pretty worried, so I got here as fast as I could. Um…I wanted to apologize about last night."

"Apologize?" said Ia dumbly. "You're…apologizing?"

Oh god. Was Ia really so shocked by the fact that Yukari was apologizing? What kind of impression of herself did Yukari give off? "Of course I'm apologizing…I treated you awfully last night. It was supposed to be a fun night, but I freaked out and ruined it. And…" Yukari took a deep breath, "and I wanted you to know how ashamed I was that it happened. Even though I had promised to myself that I wouldn't run away from our relationship, I was last night. I got so panicked, I just…slipped back into all the stuff I said I wouldn't do, like running away. I…" Yukari raked a hand through her hair, "I was such an asshole."

Ia's mouth was slightly open as she tried to think of a response, but Yukari wasn't done yet. "Anyways, last night, you asked me what the problem was. I never gave you a straight answer, but the truth is, um…well…" Yukari deflated a little. It sounded so stupid now that she thought about it, so stupid and embarrassing, but it was the truth, so she had to say it. "I got scared because it felt like we were going to have…uh, because it felt like we were going to…um, have…sex."

At the word 'sex', Yukari felt her face heat, and Ia didn't fare much better, her cheeks coloring even more. Still, Yukari tried to keep her eyes trained on Ia's, though every fiber of her being wanted to avoid her gaze. "I said it felt fast, and it _did_ feel fast, but that's not all it was. Growing up, for me, sex was always such a big deal…and," Yukari had to break away from Ia's gaze now, "well, my mom always talked about how it was the end and stuff. About how afterwards, there's nothing, how it's the limit of how close you can be to a person, and after that it's all downhill. And I _know_ that our relationship is different from that, and I know that logically that can't be right because _tons_ of people are in long relationships together and are happy and stuff afterwards but I still can't shake the feeling, you know? It's like…" Yukari trailed off, feeling the sharp prick of impending tears behind her eyes, and preemptively she wiped at them.

Throughout all this, Ia was looking at her with wide, worried eyes, which really only made Yukari feel even worse. Her apology seemed even more stuttering and inarticulate than before, and miserably Yukari wondered how she could possibly express the twisted up feelings within her. Because now that Yukari was talking about it, _really_ talking about it, she was realizing that she had all sorts of anxieties. It wasn't just the fact that her mom always talked about it being the end. After all, Yukari had already told herself that she would try to not let her parents' relationship affect her relationship with Ia too much. It was more than that – the sheer intensity of her feelings for Ia, the strength of her desire…Yukari was never used to feeling so much before. If she consummated her relationship with Ia, it would really be a point of no return. And…did someone as messed up as Yukari _really_ deserve Ia, anyways? Even now, Ia was looking at her with such worry in her eyes, as though Yukari was completely blameless. What did Yukari even do, to deserve someone as wonderful as Ia? And…something like sex…that was an act that really plumbed their deepest feelings, an act that would both physically and metaphorically strip everything away. What if…Ia didn't like what she saw? Currently, their relationship was in an asexual limbo. Yukari had told herself that it was because she wasn't sure if Ia was ready for more, but really…after last night…it was just Yukari, who wasn't ready for more. If they plumbed their deeper feelings, what if the perfection of what they had now slipped away? Even though intellectually, Yukari knew that Ia wouldn't ever give up, her heart, which was still fragile after losing her friendship with SeeU, was still wary.

It was so much to untangle that Yukari wasn't even sure how to put it all into words. But…she had to try, for Ia's sake. So, swallowing, Yukari wiped at her eyes and continued. "In…in my past relationships, I never went that far with anyone because I never felt like it. But last night, with you, I felt…for the first time, I guess…that I really, _really_ wanted it. And it was really…scary. How much I wanted it. And that, combined with all these weird thoughts I have about it, like it's the end and stuff…that really freaked me out. All this time, when we didn't do anything, when we didn't kiss, or anything like that, it wasn't because I _wasn't_ thinking about it, because I was, all the time. But I thought that we should take things slow, because of how shy you were before. But…that was just an excuse," Yukari sighed. "It's…it's because of me. You were never the one who was holding back…it was all me, who wanted to…stop our relationship from moving forward. Because I was scared. And last night, all of that came to a head. So I…" Yukari took a deep breath, "so I just started fading out. I just slipped back into hiding from the problem and being the old Yukari. And I _know_ that…that must have hurt you a lot. Because you were ready for it, and you were fine with it, and you even initiated it, only for me to …" Yukari's voice quieted; she could barely bring herself to finish her sentence, "throw all of that…throw all of your feelings…into your face just so I could run away..."

"Yukari," Ia said, her eyes wide, "i-it's okay. It's okay, really."

"No it's not!" Yukari said, only aware after the fact that she had raised her voice. At Ia's shocked expression, however, Yukari quickly lowered it, swallowing hard. Her throat felt all clogged up and funny for some reason, and it was with effort that she continued speaking. "How could it have been okay? The way I treated you was…it was pretty much a slap in the face, right? Last night, I went back on everything I promised to you and myself. That I would be more honest, that I wouldn't hide my feelings, that I wouldn't run away…and just because of some kissing, I freaked out and went back on everything."

Ia shook her head. "It's not just your fault. I should've stopped when you told me to stop, but I kept pushing for it. I mean…it's a little like what happened that first movie night, right? I got really uncomfortable too, and I yelled at you back then. I think when you're put in that kind of situation, when you're feeling uncomfortable, you just…well, you're uncomfortable, so of course you'll try to get out of it."

While the words Ia was saying made sense, Yukari was still reluctant to let go of her guilt. To her, Ia's reaction at the time was far more reasonable than Yukari's. Hell, that first movie night was so long ago; Ia and Yukari hadn't even known each other that long. But Yukari's reaction? In what world would that be considered as a reasonable response to one's girlfriend? "But the way you reacted made sense. For me, I was…"

"It's okay," Ia said, reaching out and putting her hand gently on Yukari's. "I'm not mad at you or anything."

There was a bit of a silence after that, Yukari staring at Ia's hand. She wanted to say something more; Ia's acceptance of her apology came so easily, _too_ easily. A part of Yukari felt as though she hadn't been punished enough for what she did last night, and Ia's forgiveness weighed uneasily on Yukari's mind, a gift that she did not deserve. "I…are you sure?"

"Of course," said Ia, her face serious. "I'm the one who should apologize. I pushed you too—"

"No, that's not it," Yukari interrupted. "You didn't push too hard or anything, the problem's with how _I_ handled it."

Ia's brow creased slightly. "Well…you were uncomfortable, that's why. I should apologize because I was the one who made you feel uncomfortable, right?"

Ia's words were logical, and her voice was serious. Still, Yukari hung her head. She still didn't feel all that great about how she acted, and a part of her was off-balance from Ia's easy acceptance. She had amped herself so much after last night that this felt almost anticlimactic. "But I…I was…" Yukari fumbled for words, and, childishly, all she could settle on was, "I was…mean."

Ia smiled at her with heartbreaking understanding. "It's okay. Really."

Yukari swallowed the lump in her throat. Her cheeks felt wet with tears, and she rubbed ineffectually at them. Dissatisfied, guilty, and yet, with nowhere for her guilt to go, all she could do was sit there as Ia stroked her hand. "But…I don't get it. Why aren't you more…why aren't you angry?"

Ia bit her lip, brow creasing again. "Would you be…happier, if I was angry?"

"I don't know..."

"Um," said Ia, looking as though she was trying to puzzle out a particularly thorny math problem. "Well…I'm really not mad. I know what it's like, to be uncomfortable and scared of stuff like that. So I can understand a little of what you feel. We can do things at whatever pace is most comfortable for you. I'm sure we can work this through, together." Ia gave Yukari a smile then, sweet and soft.

Perhaps it was that, the gentleness of her smile, the careful way Ia was holding Yukari's hand, as though it was some fragile antique. Perhaps it was the ache in Yukari's heart that told her that she needed to show Ia how much she cared about her, really, instead of just relying on chintzy words. Yukari had never been very good with words, after all – she had only pretended to be, and that was good enough to skate by when she was putting on her mask. But Ia deserved much more than the dollar-store words Yukari knew, which is why Yukari leaned in and kissed her.

Ia held still as Yukari pressed her lips to hers, as though by moving, she would scare her off. But Yukari squeezed Ia's hand, and moved her lips against Ia's, trying to tell her that it was okay – that she could respond. And while Ia had said that she had forgiven her, Ia's reticence while Yukari kissed her told her all she needed to know about how badly she had affected her last night. In stark contrast to the passionate fervor of last night, Ia was cautious now, her lips barely moving.

"It's okay," Yukari said, pulling back a little.

Ia took a deep breath, brows furrowed over her worried eyes. She brought a careful hand up to Yukari's cheek. "Are you sure? You're…crying."

"Yeah…I'm sure."

Ia didn't look entirely convinced, and Yukari felt a strange, desperate clawing feeling in her chest. She suddenly wanted, badly, to be close to Ia, to prove to her that her words were true, to prove to her that she loved her. She surged forward, claiming Ia's lips again. It was a little awkward at first, her nose bumping into Ia's roughly, but soon Yukari found her footing and layered kiss after kiss on Ia's stunned lips as she tightened her grip on her hand.

Hesitantly, after what felt like far too many moments, Ia responded, her eyes fluttering shut as she brought her other hand to curve around Yukari's neck. The kiss was gentle and chaste, and slowly, Yukari felt herself relax into the feeling of Ia's arms.

But the sense of relaxation was only for a moment. Soon, Yukari became acutely aware that she and Ia were alone, in Ia's room. The atmosphere was intimate and even somewhat charged, due to the conversation they just had. The topic hovered in Yukari's mind, and once she noticed it, it took over. She became incredibly, intensely, aware of the feeling of Ia's hand on her neck, Ia's breaths skating across her lips, and Yukari felt her body grow hot and taut, a wire stretched between two poles.

Ia seemed to have noticed something, for she pulled back, though she didn't say anything at first, only looking down at the ground awkwardly for a few moments before speaking. "U-um…do you wanna go to the living room?"

Yukari saw the question for what it was – an escape route. She probably became aware of the same intimate atmosphere that Yukari became aware of, and in her conscientiousness, had decided to offer Yukari an easy way out so as to ease whatever discomfort she thought she was feeling.

And all at once, Yukari felt a tight swell in her chest, her heart beating rapidly, painfully. How could she have possibly been so anxious, when it was just Ia? Ia, who obviously cared so much about her…who was considerate, and kind, and who would never intentionally hurt her. What was the definition of 'ready', anyways? There wasn't a finish line the two had to cross. It was…Yukari's mind grasped for the concept…it was a marker of trust, and Yukari already knew that she trusted Ia the most out of everyone in the world.

All the thoughts she had about sex being the end-all be-all, the scary intensity of her own feelings, the fear of losing Ia…they were still there, but at the same time, here was Ia, who had promised Yukari her heart, whose eyes and demeanor were so careful, as though by moving the wrong way, she would shatter Yukari into a million pieces…it was so strange, this; all this time, Ia seemed like she would be the fragile one, but in the end, it was Yukari. And if Yukari kept pushing Ia away, then what would be left but nothing?

There was no reason, Yukari realized, to be afraid. Not with Ia.

"I…no, it's fine," said Yukari. "If…if it's okay…I'd like to stay here."

Ia bit her lip, an edge of white teeth over the pink of her lips. "R-really?"

"Positive," said Yukari, her voice soft as she looked into Ia's eyes. In them she read surprise, concern, worry, but also, a vague hope, and even deeper than that…Yukari swallowed her suddenly dry throat. She had never really seen anyone look at her like that so acutely, with so much caring, desire, and love, as though she was the only one in the world.

Is this heaven, Yukari wondered, in her eyes? Ia didn't need to say anything further – her eyes said it all. And without another word, Yukari leaned in to kiss her again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated M for a reason - as opposed to the rest of the story, which is M for no reason lol.

"S-so," said Ia, and Yukari tried not to focus too much on the blush on Ia's cheeks, the desire in her eyes that was apparent even though she was clearly trying to push it away so that she could speak coherently, "how far do you…"

"Um…however far you want to go," said Yukari. Her heart was jackhammering against her ribs, and her cheeks felt as though they were permanently hot.

Ia bit her lip. "I don't want you to feel like you need to do whatever I want to do. We should be taking things at the pace you want to take them. I don't want it to just be at my pace…"

"No, no," Yukari said quickly, bringing a hand up to cup Ia's cheek. "I told you, I really do want you. And I won't run away again. I promise."

Clear doubt showed in Ia's eyes, not that Yukari could blame her. Given what happened last night, and Yukari's tear-filled confession earlier today, Ia was right to be considerate about this.

"Th-then," Ia stuttered, "I…I won't touch anywhere I'm not supposed to. You can do anything, I'll just…follow your lead."

Yukari nodded, even though she wasn't sure herself of what to do. Silently, she stroked Ia's cheek with her thumb, leaned in and kissed her gingerly on the lips. She took Ia's hand with her other, interlacing their fingers together, and slowly pulled her up from her chair. Ia gave herself up with no resistance, and Yukari marveled a little at that, at how completely Ia trusted her. The action squeezed her heart, even though it was really, a very simple little thing.

For someone who grew up rootless, with only her family being permanent in her life…how could it be that she could hold someone like Ia in her arms? All of the things that others took for granted – the understanding that came from friendships, the certainty that came from love – to Yukari, they were immeasurably valuable. She knew that she would do anything for Ia, if Ia only asked.

"Do you want to move over to your, um…" Yukari trailed off, that brief spurt of courage wearing out, but Ia caught her meaning.

"O-of course," Ia said, cheeks flushing with the words. "I'll clean it up first. S-sorry about the mess!" That said, she leapt to activity, putting away clothes that were scattered on the bedspread.

Yukari blinked; she hadn't even noticed. She had been, up until now, too caught up with Ia to really look at her room. "It's okay. I don't mind." She glanced around, taking it in. It wasn't exactly the neatest– there were cables and wires everywhere, headphones hanging two to a peg, a bookshelf with books mixed with CDs, clothes stuffed in overflowing drawers – but somehow, the messiness seemed to fit Ia's personality. Yukari couldn't help but to smile, looking at it. Every little detail seemed to scream 'Ia', from the various instrument cases in the corners to the eclectic collection of books and CDs.

"Y-you can sit on the bed now, if you want," Ia said, breaking Yukari out of her reverie, and at that, the enormity of the situation crashed down on her again. Yukari swallowed, trying to calm her rapid heart, and sat down next to Ia on the bed, their fingertips just barely touching. Even that slight brush was enough to send Yukari's heart pumping. She felt as though there was some great torrent of feeling within her, nerves and affection and curiosity and desire all mixing together in a big, confusing mess that left her paralyzed. She couldn't move, or speak, or even look at Ia. She felt as though if she did, her consciousness would be completely lost to her.

"Yukari…" Ia said softly, and Yukari felt Ia's weight shift, felt timid fingers on her cheek. "We don't have to do anything if you're not ready."

Yukari found her voice. "N-no…it's not that. I just feel so…" Yukari groped for the word, but couldn't find anything to describe what she was feeling inside. There was a deep tension knotted tight in her, and she had never been as aware of how alive she was in this moment. Every nerve ending felt sensitive – even the cloth of her own hoodie, which she never gave a second thought to, was restrictive against her skin. What would those fingers on her cheek now feel like, if they were anywhere else? Yukari could hardly imagine it. A part of her wanted to prolong this state of suspension, to capture this moment in some never-fading photograph of anticipation.

But she couldn't. She could only live it. Instead of using her words, Yukari brought her eyes up to look at Ia, and at the first brush of contact, Yukari felt the hesitation within her crumble. She put her hands on Ia's thin shoulders and kissed her, and the fever rushing through her veins prompted her to demand more. She deepened the kiss almost instantly, sweeping her tongue across Ia's lips in a beg for access, and Ia could do nothing other than allow it. At the first contact with Ia's tongue, Yukari felt a shiver run down her spine, felt her nerves sing, felt her blood rush, felt the tension within her twist. It felt so good, so incredibly good, to kiss Ia like this, to feel her panting breaths and her pleading lips. Even though Yukari was no stranger to making out, she had never felt anything close to how turned on she was feeling just from this.

Yukari's hands trembled on Ia's shoulders, and then, hesitantly, she drew her left hand slowly downward, ghosting it over the fabric of Ia's shirt. Ia drew in a soft breath, and the sound sent a thrum through Yukari's body. She wanted more – she wanted to touch more, wanted to see more. The layers of clothes they were wearing at once seemed unbearably confining, though a part of Yukari still hesitated, afraid of overwhelming her.

"Can I," Yukari began, but the look in Ia's eyes said it all. The rest of the sentence stuck in her throat, leaving the ones out in the air to flutter like torn paper. In the spring sunlight that filtered through the window, Yukari took hold of the hem of Ia's shirt and, holding her breath, tugged upwards. Her eyes were completely caught on the bare skin that was revealed, inch by inch. Even though every ounce of blood in her was urging her to hurry, because she wanted, badly, to see all of Ia right away, Yukari couldn't quite bring herself to just unceremoniously rip off all of Ia's clothes, and so, she proceeded with agonizing tenderness.

Then, Yukari stopped once the hem cleared the top of Ia's bra, leaving Ia staring wide-eyed at Yukari, cheeks flushed, arms half-outstretched in preemptive preparation of her shirt being taken off. On Yukari's part, she could do nothing but gape openly. Ia usually favored wearing shirts that were slightly oversized, effectively hiding the shape of her body. Now that Yukari could see all of it – the subtle curves, the unbroken milkiness of her skin, the petite swell of her breasts – she found herself utterly transfixed.

"Y-you're beautiful," Yukari stuttered. 'Beautiful' seemed insufficient and weak, but it was the only word she could think of, though in that moment Yukari wished deeply that she was more articulate, that she was better with her words, so that she could better describe the heady sense of awe she felt.

Ia blushed harder, ducking her head and hastily pulling off her shirt, fully revealing her delicate collarbone and slim shoulders. She sat there in silence for a few moments, fidgeting with her discarded shirt, before she spoke. When she did, her voice was quiet and uncertain. "Th-thank you. Um…c-can…well, if it's okay…can I see, um…" Ia's face became progressively redder as the words came out, and by the time she finished, she was staring down at her fingers, shoulders hunched, "you...too? Only if it's okay, of course…"

Yukari felt a tug in her heart then, and she nodded. The atmosphere was hushed; in the quiet of early noon, it felt as though Ia and Yukari were the only two people in the world. Yukari slid off her hoodie. The weight of it falling off her shoulders was heavily palpable, and Ia's eyes darted over to it when it hit the bed before returning to Yukari. Dazedly, her hands moving before her thoughts, Yukari took off her dress. If she paused too long, or lingered too long, she knew that all the embarrassment she felt would catch up to her again.

Afterwards, when her eyes met Ia's again, Yukari was surprised despite herself to see how large they were. Ia was pretty much gawping at her, and Yukari couldn't help but to feel a little self-conscious.

"Uh…" Yukari said, awkwardly, "so…what do you think?"

Ia's eyes raked themselves up and down Yukari's figure before going back up to meet Yukari's. Yukari felt a shiver run down her spine at that – Ia's gaze was so intense that words were superfluous. Silently Ia moved over to Yukari and put a hand on her cheek, signaling the lips that followed soon after. Ia kissed slowly, cautiously, but the mere touch of Ia's lips was enough to make the starving desire in Yukari flare again. Her breaths stuttered – even though they were still a little distance away from each other, Yukari could practically sense the heat of Ia's body, and knowing that they were both pretty much unclothed…it was too much for Yukari to hold back.

Yukari quickly deepened the kiss, her heartbeat racing and skittering as her arms encircled themselves on Ia's bare waist. The feeling of Ia's skin against her arms was electric, and she could feel Ia tremble underneath her hands. Amazed at the liberty she could take, amazed at the freedom Ia was offering her, Yukari hungrily ran her hands up Ia's sides, each inch of skin an uncharted marvel underneath her palms.

Ia gasped, a quiet inhalation, and Yukari thrilled to the sound. Her thoughts were no longer coherent, completely subsumed by the need singing through her veins. She could feel Ia's skin heating, could sense the rapid thumping of Ia's heart. The ache within her spiraled, and when Ia pressed herself against her body, Yukari couldn't stop the way her breath hitched, couldn't stop the heedless way her lips departed from Ia's to kiss along the line of her jaw, couldn't stop the way her body trembled as Ia's hands clutched tightly onto her back. Yukari buried her nose in the crook of Ia's neck. The sweet floral scent of her swirled around, sinking into Yukari's senses like a drug, making the world around her faded and indistinct, dulling everything other than Ia.

Yukari wasn't aware of when she had pushed Ia down onto the bed. It had all been done in a haze, her body no longer fully hers to control. Yukari's hands trembled on Ia's shoulders, wanting to travel down, wanting to remove the final barriers between them. Crossing that final boundary…it was unimaginable, to Yukari, how that would feel, when just this was enough to make every part of her body feel alive. She drew back, ran her eyes down the contours of Ia's body, drank in the way the sunlight and shadow played on her skin. Her fingers hesitated at Ia's shoulder, overly conscious of the bra strap, though she wasn't quite brave enough to say anything about it.

Ever perceptive, Ia picked up for her. "Do you want to…take it off?"

"Uh," said Yukari. "Yeah. That'd be, um…cool."

 _That'd be cool?_ Yukari wanted to hit herself for how stupid she sounded. Ia laughed quietly, a soft giggle, and a little of Yukari's embarrassment retreated, soothed by the gentleness of Ia's expression. Once again, Yukari was reminded that Ia would be the last person to judge her when it came to things like this. Yukari felt a bashful smile play along the edges of her lips, and she reached over to undo Ia's bra. Her fingers felt ten times clumsier than normal, hampered by nerves and excitement, though after some effort she finally unhooked the clasp.

"Can I take yours off too?" Ia asked, and it was only with the slightest of hesitation that Yukari agreed. At that, Ia's eyes lit up, and she reached up, unhooking the bra with what seemed like far less difficulty than Yukari did.

"Geez, you're better at this than me," Yukari said, laughing a little.

"Um…well, it's probably just because you're on top?" Ia offered. "Because, uh, gravity's on my side?"

"Right, right," Yukari said with a wry grin, and she tossed her bra aside before tugging at Ia's. "Help me get yours off?"

"Um," Ia said, the syllable coming out more choked than usual. Her eyes were wide, a faint blush on her cheeks as she stared. Yukari felt her face heat up at Ia's intense scrutiny, and to hide her embarrassment she glanced down at Ia's body again, tugging more insistently at Ia's bra, the straps trapped uselessly under Ia's arms.

"Er…Ia?" Yukari tried.

"Oh. Oh! Y-yeah," Ia stuttered, leaning up and taking off her bra. "Sorry, I was just…you look really pretty…"

Yukari wanted to say some sort of clever reply to that, but any words she could have said died, because all of Yukari's attention focused itself on Ia's breasts. Dazedly, Yukari stared openly at them – they were petit, round, firm, and seemed as though they were on the verge of awakening at the slightest touch, the slightest caress, even if it was by only the breeze. The words came into Yukari's mind like a fever dream, as though from a book she had read long ago. She wanted to touch them, badly, and before she knew it, she had raised a hesitant hand.

A part of Yukari knew, however, that if she did, there really was no turning back. This was it. Her eyes darted up and caught themselves on the startling blue of Ia's eyes.

"Is it okay if I touch?" Yukari asked quietly.

"O-of course…and can I touch—"

"Yeah," Yukari assured her, and with that, she hesitantly reached out. She hadn't really touched anyone's other than her own. However, the shock of actually touching Ia's breast (and just the thought was dizzying) was nothing compared to the tentative feel of Ia's hand. Yukari's heart nearly stopped at that, even though Ia's touch was feather-light.

"Wow…" said Ia, her eyes wide.

Yukari opened her mouth, almost said something stupid like, 'do they feel okay', but quickly decided that there was no way she was going to embarrass her breasts like that. She felt them enough times herself to verify that they were…decent. Not that Yukari knew anything about how good they ought to feel, in comparison to others. But she thought they felt okay. Normal. Probably. Crap, she really needed to stop worrying about it. If she let herself get too into her own head, she knew that there was no coming out.

"Um…" said Ia. "Are you okay?"

"Oh!" Yukari snapped back into it, her face flushing. "Yep. Yeah."

Ia's brow furrowed in clear skepticism. "You sure?"

"O-of course! It's just that…it's just that, uh…" Yukari trailed off. She was all too aware of the fact that they were both half-naked, so all the parts of her mind that would be normally coherent were drowning in embarrassment. "I…do they feel okay?"

Ia's face flushed, but she looked at Yukari's eyes steadily when she answered. "Th-they feel really good."

The obvious sincerity in Ia's voice was too much to bear – how could she say that so simply, so clearly? All the layers of irony that Yukari dealt with in everyday life was so thoroughly disarmed by this that Yukari found herself speechless. She leaned in, kissed Ia again, lost herself once more in the feeling of Ia's eager lips. Yukari's hand trailed down Ia's side, slowly, slowly, savoring the feeling of Ia's bare skin against her palm, and when Yukari reached the hem of Ia's skirt, she hesitated again.

But Ia was already speaking, her words a quiet murmur against Yukari's lips. "You don't need to ask."

Yukari's heart threatened to pound out of her chest. "I…"

"I…I told you," Ia said, drawing back slightly so as to keep her earnest eyes on Yukari, "you…you can do anything."

 _Anything_. The word spiraled in Yukari's mind, ignited the desire that had dimmed due to her earlier anxiety. The need in her body was now so painfully acute, so painfully sharp, she wanted Ia now, tomorrow, every day afterwards.

Yukari stopped hesitating. Her hands clumsy with desire, she took off Ia's skirt in a quick fumble, and as she did so trailed her hand down Ia's perfect thigh. She wanted to pause, wanted to check in, but instead of using her words Yukari flicked her eyes up to meet Ia's. But the other girl's eyes were dark, lidded yet surprised, as though in a dream, so sweet she didn't want to wake up. It must be a lot for her to process, considering how she had never done anything like this before. Even though Ia had told Yukari that anything was okay…she probably didn't really know what 'anything' exactly comprised of.

"Just let me know when…if you're uncomfortable," Yukari said at last, and after Ia's quick nod, Yukari took a deep breath. She had to prepare herself a little mentally before going forward. At the same time, she should not be too anxious, but Yukari was nervous anyways. After all, she had never done this with anyone other than herself, and she wanted, badly, to make this time a time to remember.

Her heart thumping away, Yukari placed a hand on Ia's arm, traced it down to her wrist, looked at the curves of her body, the delicate swell of her chest, the dip of her navel, the slight jut of her hips. She swallowed thickly and lowered her head, hyperaware of even the smallest movements – the way Ia shifted after the tips of Yukari's hair tickled her clavicle, the rabbiting pulse of blood through Ia's wrist, the way Ia's thighs moved against each other, the slightly erratic rhythm of her breathing.

Her movements were slow. This was not a moment that Yukari wanted to rush. Perhaps it was only due to the fact that by moving slowly, Yukari could control her movements more finely, so that she would not fumble and betray all her nerves, because in her heart, under her skin, she could feel it – that electric sense of tension, holding her taut. In contrast to her earlier fevered kisses, Yukari pressed her lips to Ia's in the lightest of touches, and when Ia hesitantly responded, pressing the tip of her tongue to Yukari's, it sent a jolt of heat down Yukari's spine, so strong she was astonished herself.

Yukari dragged her fingers down, lingered on the side of Ia's hips. The closer she drew to her destination, the more she felt that sense of control slip. The desire hot in her veins demanded more the more Yukari lost herself in Ia's mouth. She was barely aware of when her kisses transformed from languid to heated, when she felt so strong a need for Ia that she had to depart from Ia's lips, had to kiss down her neck, listening to Ia's soft gasps, feeling Ia's muscles contract under her lips. Dazedly Yukari raised her head to look at her, met eyes dark and feverish, almost incendiary.

At the sight of it, Yukari lost her train of thought. She never knew that Ia could look like that, could look at her like that – her normally clear eyes swirled with desire, rimmed by half-lidded, dark eyelashes. It was the kind of look that swallowed, the kind of look that burned. Yukari had never known what that word meant as a descriptor for eyes, reading it in books, until now.

She was barely aware of when her hand had made its way to the junction between Ia's legs, only knew that she was repetitively tracing circles on her inner thigh, not quite touching anything yet. Ia's eyes squeezed shut, a blink and you'll miss it moment, and her lips fell open in a near-silent gasp.

"How…how are you feeling?" Yukari managed to ask. Her voice sounded as though it came from a very long distance away.

"R-really good," Ia said, her voice slightly choked. Her body was tense under Yukari's, a thrumming live wire. She was squirming, the movements jostling Yukari's hand. She cracked her eyes open, looked at Yukari, her eyes wide and pleading in a silent beg, a beg that was really only enhanced by the fevered jerking of her hips.

Yukari hadn't quite yet acquired a skill for any sort of sexual denial, so at the sight of Ia so completely begging her for more, Yukari quickly gave in to her silent demand. She hesitated only slightly before stopping the slow circles of her fingers, moving them close, and once it hit the junction of Ia's legs, Yukari felt her breath leave her body, her eyes shooting wide. It was so incredibly hot, open, wet, yielding, the texture like, Yukari's mind grasped futilely, like roses, like camellias, like satin, like velvet, like…like…there were no descriptors, and at the way Ia's breath hitched, the way her hips undulated in time with Yukari's movements, Yukari could do nothing but claim Ia's lips in a fevered kiss. Ia gasped against Yukari's lips, a hot exhalation, and her hands clutched tightly onto Yukari's arms, so tightly it almost hurt.

"Yukari," Ia whimpered, and the way she said it, soft and tremulant, lit fires under Yukari's skin. Yukari had no thoughts other than to give Ia everything she could – all she could, all she can, whatever pleasure she could muster, whatever happiness, whatever parts of herself she wanted – she wanted to give and give, her heart throbbing painfully in her chest. At that moment, Yukari would give anything to hear Ia say her name like that again, soft yet hard on the edges with need. Yukari swallowed, buried her head in Ia's neck, kissed the salty skin there, held her tight as Ia's fingers dug into the skin of her arms. Ia was close, Yukari could feel, her every sense attuned – the frantic, unrestrained movements of her hips, the tight grip of her arms, the stutter of her breaths. All that was needed was a little more…

And then, she was tensing, quivering, becoming undone, bringing a hand from Yukari's arm to her mouth in an attempt to stifle her moans. Yukari drank in the sound, memorizing, savoring it as she held Ia tightly, riding out the waves, feeling Ia palpitate under her fingers.

Once it was over, but before Yukari could register if it was over or not, Ia was kissing her, her breaths still fast, though her body moved slightly more languidly than before. Yukari pulled back slightly, opening her mouth to ask Ia how it was, but Ia spoke before she did.

"Is it okay if I do you?" Ia asked. Her voice and breathing was still ragged from what happened, but she spoke quickly, and her eyes were earnest and eager, like those of an apt pupil.

Yukari blinked, her head still dazed. Her words came out slowly. "I…are you sure?"

Ia nodded. "I'd, um…I'd really like to."

Yukari hesitated only a moment. After all, desire was still circulating in her body, made even sharper in the immediate aftermath of what happened. She felt as though she would come undone with even the slightest touch, the slightest breath. "Okay."

At that, Ia's face brightened. She brushed back some of her perpetually mussed hair with a hand, a brisk, energetic movement, before moving in to claim Yukari's lips, quickly and eagerly. She swept her hand down Yukari's side, and at that movement Yukari shivered. She could feel Ia smile against her lips, and as though sensing the acuteness of Yukari's ache, didn't delay. The feeling of Ia carefully pushing her panties aside, the feeling of Ia's fingers brushing over her burning flesh, was enough to put Yukari right at the brink. And when Ia twined her tongue around hers, stroking her fingers against Yukari's slickness, the feeling was so unbearably sweet, Yukari could only clutch tightly onto Ia as she felt herself tense up, the coil of heat in her abdomen tight, tight, tight—

And it felt as though stars were bursting inside her, everything in her mind obliterated, gone in a white flash. Unaware of what she was doing, Yukari was only aware that she was clutching Ia tightly, drowning her moans into her mouth when it was fading, when Yukari was dazedly able to grasp hold of her consciousness. The moment she did so, however, a great exhaustion overcame her, and she practically fell back into bed. Her body felt slow and languid, her limbs heavy, suffused entirely with the sensuality of what had happened. It was beyond her how Ia was so energetic immediately afterwards.

All the worries Yukari had earlier, all the thoughts she had about sex being the end-all be-all…all of that seemed silly now, in the light of what had happened. Far from feeling as though she had entered a tunnel that led to the exit, now it felt as though things were really only beginning.

Yukari felt Ia settle next to her. "Um…how was it?"

"Um," said Yukari, and she laughed. "It was really good. Geez. How did you do that?"

Ia blushed, ducking her head slightly. "I…I just did what you did, that's all."

At that, Yukari felt a proud and undoubtedly stupid-looking grin spread on her face, and Ia laughed once she caught sight of her expression. At the sound of Ia's laugh, Yukari rolled over and hugged her, burying her nose into Ia's hair, breathing in her scent. Every inch of her felt relaxed and still, with Ia in her arms. It was unfamiliar, this steady sense of peace. For the first time in a long time, Yukari felt as though she was at last in tune with who she really was – Yuzuki Yukari, as opposed to the mask – and felt a swell of emotion in her chest. Her heart felt as though it was fluttering on gossamer wings, and every part of Ia seemed illuminated in the optimistic light that filtered through the windows.

"Ia," said Yukari, quietly. "I…I love you."

Even though Yukari couldn't see Ia's face, she could feel it in how Ia hugged her tighter, could hear the smile on Ia's lips when she replied, "I love you too."

Yukari nestled her head in Ia's mussed hair, sleepiness falling over her like a gentle cloak. Even though it was right before lunchtime, she felt her eyes droop. It was so comfortable like this, a gentle fuzzy sort of comfort, with Ia in her arms and the sun shining in through the window, filtering through clear skies and green leaves.

The feeling of spring hung in the air, and it seemed to Yukari that there was no better way to start a Saturday than this.


	20. Chapter 20

Time slipped through Ia's fingers like sand, and soon, a year had passed. A year since the time when she would lay in bed, staring up at the empty ceiling in castigation of herself. A year since the time when she would keep her head down on the way to school and on the way back home. A year since the time when she could hardly stand to be touched.

It was astonishing, to Ia, that all of these changes traced back to a single source, astonishing that one person could affect her life so much. After all, it was only a year since they met, a little more than half a year since they started dating, but Yuzuki Yukari had walked into Ia's life one day and changed her. Ia touched the edges of her new self, feeling out the parts that she never realized were part of her all along. But it felt right, to her, that she was who she was.

Nonetheless, there was the future ahead. As someone who changed so much in one year, Ia knew that more changes were sure to come. However, she looked forward to it; it only meant that she and Yukari would grow together.

Still, the story must end somewhere.

Let's end, then, on a sunny day in August. Let's end on a late summer afternoon, that time when the colors are vibrant yet the air languid. That time when the last days of summer inched forward, heavy with the burden of ticking down the days till vacation ended and winter came again. That time when the air was hazy with light, when the sky was brilliantly blue, when everyone tried to squeeze out the last drops of freedom that summer afforded them. Let's end on one of the streets of Yamaha, where shops nestled close to each other, where sunlight trembled on roof shingles, where families walked down its tree-lined length, where old men and women sat on steps, fanning themselves to ward off the heat.

Let's end with our focus on two girls, sitting on a wooden bench in the sun. Their names were Akasaka Ia and Yuzuki Yukari. They're talking about school, but they could be talking about anything. After all, any topic of conversation is fascinating, when in love.

-o-o-o-

"Man," Yukari said, digging her hands deeper into her pockets as she looked up. "I can't believe summer vacation's almost over."

"Did you get your homework done?"

Yukari winced. "N-not yet…I'm waiting for Piko to set up the study group."

When that will happen, Ia knew, would probably be the day before school started. "Well, we can get started on a little today, so you can teach Piko and everyone how to do things later."

Yukari screwed up her face, but seemed to accept the logic of Ia's statement, for she sighed and nodded, a rueful grin on her face. "You're so responsible. Let me guess – you finished all of yours already."

"Er…"

"Knew it. You keep that up and I'm going to start feeling like a bad influence."

"It's more like the other way around, isn't it?" Ia asked. "Your grades started going up ever since we became friends."

Yukari's cheeks reddened. "I…I guess so, yeah."

"And during the semester we study together a couple of times a week or more, too."

"Ouch. When you put it like that, it kinda makes us sound like a sad couple…"

"S-sad?"

"I-I mean," Yukari's cheeks grew even redder as she focused her eyes on the ground, "we do a little more than just _study_ together…"

It took a few ticks for the meaning to sink into Ia's mind. "O-oh."

"Though," Yukari said with a sheepish grin, "I guess it's a pretty good excuse for me to come over."

"You don't need excuses though," said Ia. "Mayu knows we're dating, and she knows that we've ha-"

"I-I meant my parents!" Yukari glanced around frantically.

Oh. Right. The parent problem. Since Ia lived on her own with Mayu most of the time, her parents visiting once in a blue moon, it wasn't something that she thought about often. Though she supposed that for Yukari, it would probably be a little hard for her to justify going out all the time and staying late at Ia's place.

A part of Ia wondered how much Yukari's parents knew already, just from Yukari's behavior. While Yukari hadn't told them yet, it wasn't as though Yukari coming over to Ia's so often to study was the subtlest thing, especially given how Yukari wasn't the most studious person in the world. And while Ia didn't go over to Yukari's place very often, whenever she did, it always felt as though Yukari's parents were particularly solicitous.

"I think they might suspect something," said Ia with a smile.

Yukari frowned, eyebrows creasing together in thought. "Really? Well, if they know, they're being way too subtle about it."

The two of them talked on a while, the topics meandering on and on. There were no points that either of them fixated on too deeply. Each topic of conversation was an interesting bauble, picked up, examined, noted upon, and moved on. They started out sitting, then Yukari suggested they start walking, amble down the block, and why not? The day stretched out before them.

As they walked, they stopped by the coffeeshop that played host to their first date, and as they stood in line, Ia cast her memories back to that day. Yukari had seemed so nervous then, but now, standing slightly ahead of Ia, Yukari looked at ease with herself, comfortable in her own skin. She stood relaxed, her hands loose at her sides, scanning the menu for a bit before turning her eyes towards Ia. She blinked once, surprised at Ia's intent gaze, and a smile spread on her face.

"What're you looking at?" Yukari asked.

Ia startled, and felt herself blush. But she was an honest person, and so, she answered honestly. "You."

Yukari's eyes went wide, and she ducked her head, face red. Ia felt her lips curve at the action. Yukari always looked embarrassed, yet pleased, whenever Ia said stuff like that. Her shyness made Ia bold, and so she continued. "You look really good."

"Flatterer," Yukari mumbled, though Ia could see that she was smiling.

"It's true."

"U-um," Yukari seemed to decide that the best way to escape was to change the subject, so face still red, she did so. "What…what do you want to drink? My treat."

Ia told Yukari her order, and soon enough the two of them were walking back down the street. Yamaha seemed sparse today, most people either staying home or travelling in other places. Ia sipped her iced tea and looked around. The sun fell gently on the close-knit buildings, and there was hardly a soul around, save for the occasional jogger. It was comfortable and quiet, a cozy afternoon. As someone who grew up in Yamaha, Ia was used to such sedateness, but walking with Yukari, it all felt new to her. Each detail seemed vivid, from the cheeping of the birds to the colors of the leaves. The sky, too, seemed an infinite, dazzling blue.

"This is a nice town," said Yukari suddenly, snapping Ia out of her reverie. Ia glanced up at her. Yukari was taking a sip of her cold brew, casting her eyes towards the distance.

"Yeah," said Ia.

Yukari's lips quirked. "I can't believe it's been a year since I moved here. A lot has happened, huh?"

Ia nodded, thinking back. A lot really has happened. The Ia at the beginning of the year and the Ia now were so different. She remembered how she was back then, in a picture-perfect glimpse. She was shy, painfully so. Afraid of touch, and afraid of people. Afraid, it could be said, of life.

But so much had happened this year to change that. It flashed by in her memory, snapshots of change. She remembered Yukari, standing in front of the class, grinning as she introduced herself. She remembered that first time they went to the mall, where Yukari had encouraged her to feast on fast food and try on all sorts of random clothes. She remembered that time they went to the fair, and the time she was, absurdly, jealous of Mayu of all people. She remembered, with a slight smile, all those disastrous movie nights. She remembered the first time Yukari studied at her place, and the time SeeU came over. She remembered her music box composition, the instrument of her confession. Remembered that night in the playground near Yukari's house when Yukari, in turn, confessed everything to her.

And there was so much more to remember too, so much that it was staggering that it all happened in only a year. So much had happened, and before she knew it, she had changed. And these changes were all tied to the girl standing next to her – Yuzuki Yukari.

"Yeah," said Ia softly. "I…." She ducked her head. "Thank you, for everything."

Yukari's eyes widened a fraction before she smiled and shook her head. "You don't need to thank me. You put up with all of my problems. It's not a one-way street here."

"I know, but…" Ia took Yukari's hand, interlaced their fingers. "Thank you anyways."

Yukari's cheeks reddened. "I-it's no problem. And…and thank you, too. I mean," Yukari laughed softly, "you're not the only one who changed. And even after finding out everything…you're still with me. That means a lot, to me, that you're, um. Here."

Ia's grip on Yukari's hand tightened. She said the next words without hesitation. "I'll always be here."

Yukari's eyes dipped to the ground, bashful, but it was for only a moment before she drew her gaze up to meet Ia's again. "Me…me too."

Both of their words hung sincere in the afternoon air, a quiet promise. Though both Ia and Yukari spoke softly, their conviction was clear enough from their tone. On Ia's part, there was no way she could have answered otherwise, nor did she want to. After all, Ia knew that nothing would change what she felt for Yukari. How could she ever stop loving the way Yukari smiled, the way Yukari walked, the way Yukari breathed?

Years from now, this conversation would fade in memory. Years from now, Ia might look back on this while doing something or another – taking down notes for her thesis, or working on an art installation for her final project; preparing presentations at her first job, or running calculations in Excel spreadsheets; putting the final touches on the mastering of her latest song, or scribbling compositions in the night. Any number of possible futures laid before her, but in each of them, Ia would look back, and while she may not remember the exact contents of the conversation, she would always remember the feeling of that summer day, the future infinite before her.

But perhaps it is simpler to distill the memory into this: The warmth of the sun on her limbs. The taste of an ice-cold tea in humid heat. The feeling of Yukari's hand, soft in hers. The look in Yukari's eyes, wide and wondering, astonished and hopeful. The smattering of red on Yukari's cheeks. The bashful smile on Yukari's lips. The ecstatic beating of Ia's heart. A summer afternoon.

.

_end_


End file.
